I frequently get asked questions like:
“What are your best tips for getting more done?”
“How can I be more productive?”
“How do you do it all?”
Before Nora was born, I would have answered (somewhat smugly): “Get up earlier, don’t let yourself get distracted, go to bed earlier, and get MORE sleep!”
And lately, I’ve seen a bunch of bloggers who agree with me. There has been lots of talk in “blog world” about getting more sleep, waking up earlier, etc. etc. These are GREAT goals and I totally agree that “getting more sleep” is an excellent way to have more energy and be more productive.
However…
Now that Nora is here, I’m a little less naive and realize that “more sleep” is not always possible. After 9 months of getting only 4 or 5 hours of broken sleep every night… it’s safe to say that Dave and I are both exhausted. We would love to get more sleep, but it’s just not an option right now since Nora doesn’t nap and is quite fussy at night.
And as you know, there are SO many other situations that also prevent people from getting more sleep:
- sleep apnea
- chronic illness or chronic pain
- older children who still don’t sleep through the night
- children with special needs
- being pregnant and uncomfortable
- arthritis
- restless legs
- working long hours or the night shift
- working two (or more) jobs
- caring for elderly parents
- depression or anxiety
- stress
- and the list could go on…
If you can relate to any of the items listed above, you know as well as I do that you would LOVE to get more sleep… you just can’t. And the suggestions to “take a nap” or “take it easy” or “sleep when your baby sleeps” don’t work either because you physically can’t take a nap, or your baby doesn’t take a nap, or you have 4 other kids who don’t all take naps at the same time, or you’re working 2 jobs and literally don’t have any extra time… or any other number of reasons.
Of course, I knew my beloved sleeping schedule would change significantly after Nora arrived… I just never imagined it would change as much as it did 🙂
So, if you are tired, exhausted, and unable to get more sleep, here are 6 tips that have helped me… hopefully they will help you too.
1. Stay hydrated.
I drink SO much more water now than I did before. I constantly carry a water bottle with me and am always drinking something while I sit at my desk or work around the house. We have 2 huge pitchers of lemonade and orange juice in our fridge at all times, and any time I start to feel my energy level dropping, I head to the fridge and get something to drink; non-alcoholic — although… 🙂
I have started to drink a bit more pop (soda) than I used to — but that’s only out of desperation and because I can’t get myself to drink coffee or tea.
2. Eat regularly throughout the day.
I’ve always been a frequent eater — probably because I played sports all through high school and college and just got used to eating smaller amounts several times throughout the day.
When I’m tired — or getting tired — my first instinct is to grab a cookie or candy bar. And while I definitely still eat my fair share of cookies, I also make it a point to keep several healthier snack options on hand for my many snacks throughout the day.
I always (ALWAYS) take food with me where ever I go, and not only has this helped me to keep my energy level up, it has also helped me to resist fast-food drive-throughs!
3. Take showers mid-day.
This might sound odd — and it will seem really weird if you’re used to taking a shower in the morning or at night… but it works!
There were many days last school year when I would hand Nora off to Dave as he walked in the door and then I’d go take a quick shower. Even now, I will often take a shower right after dinner to “wake up” and get a little extra energy so I can make it through the exhausting evening hours when we’re trying to get Nora to sleep.
4. Go outside.
Even if your health is bad or you can’t physically walk around or exercise, just simply sitting outside, breathing in fresh air, and soaking up a little sunshine should boost your energy. At least this almost always works for me!
Thankfully Nora loves being outside, so we go for LOTS of walks, play in the grass, etc. Even on a rainy day, sitting on the front porch or taking a quick jaunt to the mail box and back might be just what I need to make it through a couple more hours without crashing.
5. Give yourself something to look forward to.
If you have something to look forward to, your mind won’t focus on how tired you are… and this “something” could be as simple as a favorite TV show, taking a long hot shower, going out for a special dinner, inviting a friend over for the afternoon, having ice-cream sundaes for an evening snack, spending an hour on your favorite website or searching on Craigslist, working on a hobby, etc.
I know this sounds crazy, but it has worked really well for me. I constantly try to give myself something to look forward to and before I know it, I’m feeling less and less tired and the hours are going faster!
6. Give yourself grace.
I’ve gotten lots of somewhat negative/snotty comments and remarks from people if they hear us say something about being tired or if we’re talking about Nora’s lack of sleep. Some of them don’t believe us, some think we’re just trying to complain or make a big deal out of nothing, some think we’re “enabling” Nora, and some tell us it’s because we’re just too busy. But they don’t know the whole story — and honestly, the comments don’t really bother us any more.
I’ve also noticed that Dave and I are starting to say no a lot more. We’re just too tired to spend any energy on activities outside our family, our jobs, and our home… and we’re OK with that. We’ve given ourselves grace to say no to committees and volunteer work, we’ve given ourselves grace to turn down fun activities and family parties, and we’ve given ourselves grace not to worry what anyone else thinks of us right now.
This has helped us a lot!
Please note that I am honestly not trying to complain, I’m not looking for sympathy, and I’m definitely not looking for more advice to help Nora sleep.
I just know (based on the number of emails I’ve been getting) that there are lots of other people out there who are exhausted and don’t have the option of “getting more sleep”. I also know how frustrating it is when people tell me — “you need to sleep when your baby sleeps” or “just make sleep your #1 priority” or “this too will pass”. It’s all good advice, but it doesn’t work for everyone… and it doesn’t work for me!
Need-less-to-say, I no longer flippantly advise people to “get more sleep” as a magic solution to their productivity problems 🙂
So, for those of you who are tired but don’t have the luxury of getting more sleep, I hope some of these ideas will work for you.
Heather says
We went through this with our 3rd child and felt like zombies most of the time. My husband actually feel asleep while driving to work but by the grace of God he was okay. So warning to those who do know how you feel…be aware of how tired you really are!
Elizabeth says
Each child is different, each parent is different, each family is different. Heck, each child can be different practically every day requiring constant adjustments and adaptations. Just do what works for you and don’t worry about what anyone else says. If everyone just did the best they could and didn’t criticize others for doing the same thing the world would be a much better place.
Shelly says
Andrea,
I am appalled that someone would not believe you about Nora’s lack of sleeping!!!!
I HAVE BEEN THERE. To this day, (my son is 10 now) I still sometimes question my self when I hear other moms talk about all they do with a newborn around. I still feel the pain of a newborn that does not ever sleep. It is unimaginably exhausting. We barely went on to have our second child because we wer so traumatized by our first and lack of ability to sleep.
I SO wish you and your blog had been around 10 tears ago….it would have helped me beyond words….someone did tell me one thing that helped me get through it all and that was ” it gets better”. And it does;)
sarah says
Sleep deprivation whether it is baby related or connected to a physical illness is such a toughie and often at those extremes there is no quick an easy fix. Your suggestions are all great! but #6 grace is my favourite!
I hope everyday Nora starts to sleep a little more SOON!!!!
🙂
Champion's Mommy says
LOVE THIS!!!!! I am in the exhausted CANT get more sleep category due to the extra care my son with special needs requires. Super good suggestions for “making” it with a lack of sleep. Thanks for showing the other side of the sleep advice!
Nydia says
I litterally laughed loudly at your comment about you are definately not looking for more advice on helping Nora sleep. I am laughing because I can REALLY relate.
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says
Girl, I can totally sympathize! I had (have) 2 terrible sleepers….I can count on both hands the number of nights I’ve slept all through the night…in the past 5.5 YEARS! It’s definitely interesting at times.
Laundry Lady says
Thank you for this. If I had to read one more time about supermoms who get up at 5 AM with wonderfully behaved children that get so much accomplished on a daily basis, my laptop might have become airborne. There are days I’m lucky to get out of my pajamas, use the bathroom and eat. Then there is laundry, meal prep and other household tasks. Sometimes there just isn’t much opportunity for sleep.
Tara says
I always have to laugh when people say to just nap when the baby naps. That’s assuming you have a baby that naps for more than a few minutes at a time! I remember being pleasantly surprised by how refreshing a shower could be. And exercise! For some odd reason going for a little run first thing in the morning is almost as energizing as getting more sleep.
VeritySa says
These are great tips! I’m printing them to memorize!
We just had baby number three. (Our oldest child just turned 3!) And the very times that I desperately need to get something done, (Naptimes, the two hours after they go to bed and the hour before they are up) I’m useless!
I’m going to try these tips! Thanks!
Kristin says
My daughter was a great sleeper and still is, 9-12 hours at a time (she’s 5) but my 2 year old has only made it all the way through the night a handful of times. As a baby I imagine he was a lot like Nora is now. Barely slept unless being held and even then for short amounts of time. Turns out he’s just a light sleeper like me and functions on very little sleep. Once we moved him to a toddler bed it got better, he still gets up at least once in the night, but he comes in our room, snuggles with me for a minute then puts himself back to bed. However I think these tips are great and since I don’t sleep a solid 8 at a time I’m going to utilize these!
Karen says
I have seen throughout all these years (my oldest will be 25), that you will have seasons of good sleep, and season of being exhausted. It isn’t just when they are little…when your children start college, you will go through another season of exhaustion if you stay up to talk with them (whether they are at a local college or long distance)…they don’t get started talking until around 11:00 pm. I love my children, so I have stayed up (sometimes until 2:00) connecting with them. It has been worth it and so was the time that I was up nursing each one…it is all worth it! 🙂
Krista says
Thanks for these tips. I have 5 at home including a little one who isn’t great at sleeping, but is getting better. I have to remind myself too that this is a season of life. I’ll get tons of sleep when they’re all teens I’m sure! 🙂
Monica says
Andrea, you are a wonderful mom, doing just what you need to for your darling Nora!
Children #2 and #4 screamed during the night and they still have sleep issues. There really are some people that don’t sleep well. When I commented to my MIL about my son not sleeping through the night, she said that his father did the same thing!
Eddie - The Usual Mayhem says
You’re not alone! I haven’t slept a full night in 20 years. I feel for you…that “staggering tired” is hard to take sometimes and nothing prepares you for just how little sleep you get with a baby!
Lora says
Hi! I too, hate “well meant advice” and hope I don’t give it!! haha. My youngest is 2 and still not sleeping through the night. I haven’t had a nights sleep in over 2 years! It’s not that I want sympathy, it is that I want to be understood when I say “no” to someone or when I yawn at 3 in the afternoon. Or when people ask for me to head up one more thing! While I love to stay busy, homeschooling my 9 year old, taking care of this sweet 2 year old, managing the house and caring for my hubby as well as this lack of sleep just makes it nearly impossible right now. My favorite comment when I just had one child was “Just think if you had another child..” that was so amazingly hurtful, as we struggled with secondary infertility for years. Then, when I had 2, people would say things like “Well, just wait until they outnumber you, then you will have your hands full.” Or, “just wait till they’re teenagers…” Goodness! I felt as if I was always having to prove myself. Somehow I am not “really” a parent or haven’t arrived until I have 3 kids? Or teenagers??? I am sure after that it would be something else. It saddens me that women can’t just be supportive. I really try to do this. We are all women with our own personal struggles, weaknesses, hurts, baggage, talents, strengths etc… I, for one, don’t have any family for help/support/watching children. It can be tough, but it is OK. We are committed to our children and it has always been just us. Then I have friends who have more children and don’t home school that have family waiting in line to help them/watch the kids etc…I am SO thankful they have this support, but don’t judge me because I can’t keep up with them due to my situation. Things can appear so differently. Just reiterates that you can’t possibly decide for someone else what they shoud do in a certain situation. Offer validation, love and an ear….
Evie says
My best ever find for total exhaustion and no chance to really sleep is my LaFuma zero gravity chair. I can totally relax in my chair, and for me, at least, ten minutes in my chair is as re-invigorating as a long nap. My daughter is profoundly mentally retarded and requires pretty much total care at age 30, so believe me I’ve been where you are now for many years running! We’re all happy, healthy and active, and since I bought my chair I’m only half as exhausted despite being in my 60’s. I do not represent the LaFuma company in any way–just a very happy customer. The chair is great, and when after three years of frequent use I needed replacement lacing, I found it readily available online and easy to use..voila! Like new again!
MommieDaze says
It’s so true. More sleep sometimes is just not an option. I’m so busy during the day with the kids and household stuff I have to stay up late to work. I’ve tried getting up early to a have a quite hour or so before everyone else gets up, but as soon as my feet hit the floor my kids are up too. No matter how quiet I am. It’s like the have a sixth sense! Hang in there though. Someday she’ll sleep, and you’ll be able find a few more hours sleep.
Carrie says
I really enjoyed this post today. I remember when I only had three boys (I now have 5) within 4 years. I was working full-time, selling Avon part-time, and had a husband that wasn’t too helpful. One thing I did was child proof an area for the little ones with gates or used a playpen. When you are that tired, it is easy to drift off to sleep. I also drank pop…more than I wanted to, but I needed my sleep. One thing we did do was the person who got up with the babies on the weekends let the other person sleep in. Then when the sleeping in person got up, the first person took a nap.
When baby 4 came around, I completely babyproofed his room (I even got down on the floor to look for safety hazards. His room was safe and I could lie down for awhile.
Hang in there, Andrea, it does get easier!
Rochelle says
So… I know you specifically said no advice on sleep & I am NOT one to give it :). I have 5 boys all who we’ve struggled with their 1st year to get them to sleep. And I’m currently struggling with my 6 month old. But all of my kids have turned out to be tremendous nappers as toddlers. So I hope you don’t classify this as advice, but I am currently reading the book “The No Cry Sleep Solution.” There are a lot of different strategies in there, some I’m trying. I thought you might like it, because she has you chart & plan :). Our local library doesn’t have it but I got it through the inter library loan system.
Dena says
This was really good. I had no idea menopause would bring long years of sleep deprivation. I tried it all. Natural medicine, chiropractic, hormone replacement ( natural and medical), exercise, various diets. Everything! Your post was amazing. It teaches how to live with it and not how to get more sleep. Brilliant!
Annette W {This Simple Home} says
I’m right there with you. This summer was awful with our baby, but she is now eating more and therefore sleeping more. (I think that is the cause and effect relationship anyway.)
With a baby and two bigger kids, too, this is tough. I am grateful to be a stay-at-home-mom. Though this wouldn’t work with working moms, I will often take a 5-10 minute nap in the morning or afternoon…bc I am so tired. My husband is up at 4:30…and my oldest driven to the bus stop by me at 7.
Kristen says
I always have to laugh at people who give baby “advice.” All I can say is that it will get better, even though it doesn’t seem like it will. And that first full night of sleep? Like heaven. It really is amazing.
It always seems that everyone has something that doesn’t fit. My son was a decent sleeper, but he was the in-the-hospital-a-lot kind of baby. I would have traded that for lack of sleep. My nephew is a horrible breast feeder. My niece is a screamer. My own kid is a reckless daredevil.
There is always something we want to change. You can’t change a baby any more than you can change the weather. All we can do is adapt and hope the phase will change soon. And I hope yours changes very soon.
Heather says
I love this post. Instead of giving more unwanted advice on how to make baby sleep better, you have given practical tips for functioning on lack of sleep. So thank you. I’ve gotten to the point that I won’t talk about my baby’s sleep habits anymore because I just don’t want to hear anymore advice! If sleep is the only issue I’m having with my sweet, smiley, hilarious baby boy then I feel pretty lucky.
Andrea says
Yeah… I’m sick of advice too. So far, nothing we’ve tried has worked and we’ve tried a lot. So instead of trying to “fix” Nora’s sleeping, we’ll just change how we deal with it!
And I also agree that if lack-of-sleep is our only problem, then life can’t be too bad. I have friends with kids in the hospital for all sorts of issues… I’ll take “exhaustion” over that any day!
Wendy says
I don’t usually comment, though I enjoy reading your blog entries. I applaud you for including those of us who would love to get more sleep but cannot, not because we have kids who don’t sleep well, but because of other realities of life. My kids are a bit older and a train could come through the house and they wouldn’t wake up. But I have odd work hours, too much on my plate (I need to say “no” as well), and when I do get the chance to sleep, either pain or anxiety wakes me frequently, so I never feel rested. Your suggestions are great, and your outlook even better. Thanks very much for the nod to those of us not getting sleep for non-kid reasons!
Amie says
Before my first pregnancy, I read all of the books and thought I was prepared. Yet, I never read anything about the LACK of SLEEP! My first child was a horrible sleeper. He slept through the night for the first time only a week before our second child was born! He was 2.75 years old! He didn’t sleep through the night on a regular basis until he was 4. At 15, it is now hard to wake him up – so I have proof that they do, eventually, sleep well! My advice to parents with children who don’t sleep – don’t listen to anyone else’s advice – do what you can to sleep – do what works for you and your family. We co-slept when it worked, we drove around in the car for hours if it helped our little guy sleep, we slept on the floor next to his crib – we did whatever worked and whatever gave us a few more winks of sleep. I’ve always thought that during the sleepless period of parenthood – I could have survived being a POW because the lack of sleep was torture! One quote that has helped me to put everything in perspective: “The days are long…but the years are short!” When I was sleep-deprived I thought it would never end, now as I realize our oldest will head off to college in less than three years – I realize that our time with our babies is sooo short and time is precious – even when we are crabby and sleep deprived. Thanks for your post.
Andrea says
Oh Amie… I can relate. Dave and I have put hundreds of miles on our vehicles trying to get her to fall asleep… and I have a designated pillow in Nora’s room for all those nights I spend sleeping on her floor. Seriously, WHATEVER works!
Donna says
If at all possible, let the grandparents help. I would love to have my grandchildren (3 yrs. and 21 mths.) overnight, but whenver it is mentioned, my daughter-in-law is quick with a reason they can’t, even though I keep them every day while they work.
Stacey says
Ahh, thank you! All such wonderful tips but my favorite is #6 “Giving yourself Grace.” I have to remind myself of this regularly. In addition to turning down outside engagements I’ve also been giving myself grace when it comes to some household tasks. So often I feel guilty when I rest if there are items on my “to-do” list but I’ve been working on changing my thinking. When I’m short on sleep, as long as the essentials are mostly caught up (laundry, food, dishes, and attention for family members) it’s okay if I relax a little and let the kitchen floor, or bathtub, etc, be dirty for another day or two.
We each only have so much time and sometimes giving yourself a break today will make tomorrow twice as productive!
Sara says
I don’t normally comment on any of your posts–I read them voraciously though–but I had to on this one!! I have a new little guy who is six weeks old and I am dying with the sleep factor. I love my sleep and I love checking off my daily to do lists as well as cooking and baking. None of that is even on my radar at this point and I am mourning the loss of them. This post was so timely and I love your point of view on the subject. Thanks so much!!
Leanne says
I just love the strength that you showed in this post! I am a TypeA personality and worry WAY too much about what people think of me…. and that, in and of itself, is EXHAUSTING! your post inspired me! thank you:)
Claire says
Thank you for sharing your experience.
I totally understand your exhaustion. My daughter (now 3) didn’t sleep throught the night till 13 months and then she still woke up every night to finish the night in our bed until ….my son was born. Then my son was an awful sleeper. He woke up every 40 minutes at the beginning of his life, every 2 hours at 6 months and still doesn’t sleep through the night at 15 months.
But THERE IS HOPE!!!. My daughter sleeps soundly since she is 2 and my son made 2 “complete nights”. One 2 weeks ago and One last night (of course my fully-potty-trained-for-8-months-daughter had an accident both of those nights- don’t ask).
Leah H says
Thanks for posting these “reality” posts! Often blogs skew things to look all sunshiney 🙂 Not that I don’t like that, but seriously, exhaustion and having a ridiculously full life is reality for this momma! I don’t stop all day and by 10 I’m wiped out. People talk about watching shows and movies and I honestly wonder, “Who has the time to do that?”
My kids (5 and almost 2) luckily sleep well, but I homeschool, work from home and clean a house every Friday, so I literally feel exhausted a lot! My house is FAR from presentable most of the time but thanks to blogs like yours I am learning that simplifying and organizing make my life so much less stressful. I love home, I love being with my kids and teaching them, so it’s my choice, but it does get very overwhelming sometimes!
Just wanted to share the only advice I give parents-to-be: “Assume nothing!” I learned that with our first child. As soon as you assume they will eat well, sleep well, or anything else, it will change! Praying Nora decides to give you some rest!
Michelle says
This post came on a perfect day for me! Our 21/2 year old has never been a good sleeper, and recently this was compounded when we switched him over into his toddler bed. Needless to say I totally understand your exhaustion, and appreciate the tactics you’ve listed to help with it. I own a fitness company and have to be ‘on’ while teaching, so any little tips to help me do that are much appreciated:) Thanks for writing such a great blog!
Melissa says
I hear you. My daughter is 15 months old and is still getting up twice a night. Well I have a 5 year old as well and am working almost full time, so my nap options are very limited. I am also trying to start up my quilting business as well so I can quit my job and do that while I stay home with the kids, so exhausting totally sums me up right now. I will definitely have to try a couple of your ideas to see if they work, but I don’t really give advice to new moms for that reason. I have two kids that are totally different. Once sleeps good, the other eats good, so what can I say. Every kid and situation is different!
Megan G says
Thanks so much for this! We are expecting #3 in a few weeks and this has been on my mind. I’m a SAHM and homeschool a 3/5yo so “sleeping when baby sleeps” is far from a choice. Once all the family help leaves I’ve been wondering if there is a magically smoothie or something other than coffee that can help me get through those days ahead. LOVE these ideas and will try these out to see what works. Blessings to you and your family!
Sue says
Another tip I’m working on is to avoid TV and the computer screen – “blue light” for 2 hours prior to going to bed.
Sam says
Thanks for this post. It could not have come on a better day. My son was like Nora as a baby so I am very sympathetic. He’s now 3 and sleeps pretty well at night, but still wakes up once to come say hi or ask me to join him. And then, he falls back asleep immediately and I am wide awake the rest of the night. Been up since 3:30 this morning. Ugh! Anyway, thanks for your post.I will try to implement your suggestions! Hope she starts sleeping better soon!
Andrea says
Oh yeah, I hear you! Nora will wake up and cry, cry, cry until I pick her up… then she’s fast asleep in 1 minute, but I lay there awake for another hour. That’s probably the most frustrating thing for me… I’m so tired, but physically can’t fall asleep!
Jen says
This is very timely. Our itty-bitty (just turned one) is teething and learning to walk, so he’s sleeping some very funky hours right now. We know it’s just a phase, and that it will pass and we’ll get more sleep before the next phase begins, but it’s still exhausting. We have started going to bed earlier and all that, too. But they don’t call them sleepless nights for no reason, and last night was a great example.
So as I suck down my second (very large) cup of coffee this morning, I take my seat comfortably next to you in this boat. I will say that we also have a nine year-old, and this DOES pass. We homeschool and she rarely rises before ten. lol
Joanna says
I know you’re not looking for sympathy, but I’m giving it anyway. I feel your pain. My little boy didn’t sleep through the night till he was 18 months old (3 days before his brother was born). I was so tired all the time and emotional because I was so exhausted. I hope you can get some sleep soon. Nora is beautiful and I know having a sweet baby is worth the missed hours of sleep, but I understand your exhaustion. Your tips are great. Some of them I never thought of. As someone on the other side of the sleep deprivation, for the most part, I can tell you it does get better. I hope it does soon. (((Hugs)))
Living So Abundantly says
Thank you!!! You are not alone. 🙂 I am such a Type-A personality who wants things done yesterday, and being pregnant has really changed my perspective. Now, I’m learning to let things go, and if I do get tired and nod off at 7 p.m. I don’t feel guilty because I don’t sleep through the night. People make snide remarks like, “Well just wait until that baby is born! If you think you’re not getting enough sleep now just wait!” Everyone likes to tell me what to expect or what to appreciate. The thing is, no two people share the exact same experience. Even a husband and wife don’t. So, sometimes it’s better if people just kept their opinions to themselves, bless their hearts. I love your outlook, and I so appreciate this post.
Andrea says
Ah yes, I remember those comments too 🙂 I probably heard the phrases “you think you’re tired now…” and “your life will never be the same…” at least 200 times each when I was pregnant. Even Dave was getting annoyed with all the comments by the end of my pregnancy! I basically just smiled and nodded… and then walked away.
Get as much rest as you want/need… and then pray that in 20 or 30 years WE aren’t the people giving unsolicited advice to first-time moms!
Living So Abundantly says
I definitely laughed out loud with your last sentence. I agree! I don’t want to be like that. 😉 Great tips!