I’ve had many non-glamours jobs over the course of my life…
- washing dishes for my neighbor’s catering company when I was in middle school
- cleaning offices at night for another neighbor’s company
- busing tables for a local bar/pub when I was 16
- folding clothes for American Eagle {probably the most ridiculous job ever!}
- stocking shelves and working the checkout lanes at various grocery stores
- janitorial work for Calvin College {this is how I met Dave — so it was worth it!}
- cleaning houses to make money for college
…and the list could go on!
But now that I’m a mom, I feel so blessed to finally have a job that I love, that doesn’t involve washing dishes, clearing tables, folding clothes, cleaning toilets, stocking pantry shelves, grocery shopping…. eerr well, never mind 🙂
All kidding aside, motherhood is definitely not the most glamours job in the world… and it’s probably the most difficult job I’ve ever had. There are even days when I’d rather be busing tables, cleaning offices, or doing pretty much anything else but working from home with my baby.
Yes, I’m sure some of you now think I’m the most horrible person in the world for wanting to clean offices instead of care for my baby… and that’s OK! I can’t change how I feel, and just because I’m somewhat overwhelmed by motherhood, doesn’t mean I love Nora any less.
In fact, I love her so much that it sometimes makes things worse. I’ve never felt such an overwhelming sense of responsibility before, I’ve never felt such a strong desire to do everything “right”; yet at the same time, I’ve never felt so helpless and unsure of what I’m supposed to do.
I’m sure I’m not only new mom out there who bawled the entire ride home from the hospital thinking… what in the world am I going to do with her when we get home. I have no idea how to do this! Don’t we need a manual, some instructions, a live-in nurse, or at the very least, someone to show us what to do?
Just knowing that Nora depends on me for everything is sometimes more than my independent spirit can handle. Yes, I’m willing to work hard, do unpleasant things, and make sacrifices. Yes I love a good challenge, but I also love my sleep… and eating with both hands!
I’ve never had a job that required constant 24/7 availability, I’ve never had a job that I felt so unqualified for, and I’ve never had a job that didn’t involve some type of training {or at least a small instruction manual}.
Yet, I’ve never had a job that mattered so much!
I’m the type of person who likes to be good at everything I do. I’m a fast learner, I work really hard, I’m willing to do things I don’t want to do, make sacrifices, deal with difficult situations, push myself to be better… and I LOVE a challenge.
So I should excel at motherhood… right?
But for some reason, I feel like I’m barely staying afloat. I feel like I can’t do this.
I think it all boils down to the fact that for the very first time in my life, I don’t have FULL CONTROL! As much as I try {and believe me friends, I’ve tried} I can not control when she takes a nap, how long she sleeps, when she decides to go to bed at night, when she needs to eat, or when she decides to start screaming for no apparent reason at all.
Dave and I read the books, we followed the books, we took advice from so many people who have their kids on a schedule, we’ve tried this, we’ve tried that, we’ve tried everything again and again… but so far, nothing has worked.
And we REALLY want something to work!
It’s been almost 3 months of desperately trying to get her to go to bed before 1:00am, trying to get her to take any sort of an afternoon nap, trying to calm her down during her lengthy screaming sessions EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT… but we can’t.
Nora is definitely still the boss over at our house… and I’m pretty sure she likes it that way!
I flop into bed every night and wonder how on earth single moms and military wives do this — and don’t even get me started on teen moms. But then, every morning when I’m changing her diaper and she’s still so sleepy, she opens her eyes and she smiles. In that brief moment, I feel like eveything is going to be OK and I realize I CAN do this for another day.
But it’s still not easy.
Especially for someone like me who thrives on productivity, being “in control”, and having all my ducks in a row. Frankly, I don’t even know where half my ducks are right now… and they definitely aren’t in any type of a row!
Everyone says that Motherhood is the greatest job in the whole world — and while they are probably right, I have to wonder if the women who say that are already well past the baby-stage and have simply pushed the overwhelming, exhausted, and over-tired memories out of their brains!
Or maybe they all had perfect babies who were never colicky at night and actually took naps during the day 🙂
Motherhood is not for the weary…
And if you are a strong Type-A person like myself, it might just be one of the most difficult jobs you’ll ever have.
Good thing she’s so darn cute!
And honestly, I don’t want you to think I’m not enjoying motherhood… because I am. It’s just A LOT different and A LOT more challenging than I thought it would be!
As you can see by all the pictures, we are definitely having lots of fun with little Nora — it’s also helpful that Dave is one of the most patient, low-key, go-with-the flow people I’ve ever met {they say opposites attract right!}. He reminds me {daily} that I AM a good mom and that I CAN do this.
I can do this!
And to all the other type-A moms out there… you can do it too!
Jen says
My biggest piece of advice: stick with the schedule as best you can. It WILL all fall into place if you continue to be diligent. But remember to be flexible too!
My biggest piece of encouragement: no stage lasts forever and every stage has its pros and cons! My “babies” are 12, 14, 16, and 19 now and while I don’t get up during the night or deal with diapers and nursing, these ages present whole new sets of challenges and adventures! I know you want this to pass but, I promise you, someday you will be longing for the newborn days. Our oldest daughter is getting married in August! Time flies!! Hang in there! Nora won’t remember if you’ve had a bad day anyway! 🙂
Paulette says
p.s. – She’s BEAUTIFUL!
Paulette says
Andrea, this post touched me deeply. I worked when my children came along and always wanted to be at home. Either way, IT IS TOUGH. Pretty much every thing you said in this post reminded me of my own experience. Time does erase some of the memories…but the good thing is, when you reach my age, you remember the sweetness of it all and remember the difficulties with giggles. 🙂
Carlen says
I am sorry you are so tired!! I am a single mom, and I felt like a zombie for the first year of my daughter’s life. I had all the same thoughts and emotions as you’re having. The worst part was that I thought I was a bad mom because I felt that way. Everyone feels that way. People who say they don’t feel overwhelmed and underqualified are just lying. My daughter is now 3 and a half. She’s smart and well adjusted. She doesn’t remember all the times I put her in her crib while she screamed and sat outside on the porch and cried to my mom. She doesn’t remember all the times I lost my temper. She doesn’t remember all my failures. I told her Sunday School teacher “I am just so afraid I’m going to ruin her!” and she told me “Carlen, don’t forget, God is on your side, YOU CANNOT FAIL”.
Shelia B. says
As a mom of 3 – two of which were twins…I can say that being a MOM is the hardest job in the world and the most rewarding. My best advice that I was given that I still repeat day in and day out is this…”this is just a phase”. All this you are going through with little Nora is just a phase. At any given moment something can change and it will be different – either better or worse but you will get through it. It’s just a phase of life and one day I promise you will look back with fond, wonderful memories and be proud of how you made it through. Trust me there were many meals I had to eat with two babies in my arms and no hands free. So it was pretty much a juggling act. And one day you will sleep again and wonder where the time went. Hang in there…..you are a great mom for realizing your weaknesses and strengths and knowing when you’ve lost all control. It’s just a phase.
Cathy says
Andrea– I appreciate your candor. It will get better. However, each stage has its own challenges. The beginning stage is the hardest because your sleep schedule is goofed up and that makes things very hard for type-A people. I am type A too. I highly recommend the Baby Wise book. It helped us with sleep for both of our boys. They are 15 and 12 now but I have not forgotten what lack of sleep feels like. Hang in there! God will give you strength.
Mom on Her Own says
Andrea,
I am a single mom. By choice. I understand the hard nights and worse days. I found several things that worked. (Did I mention I have 2 jobs?)
Babywearing. On average they cry less. Look up the resources online. Believe it or not it works. Babies don’t get more needy when they are worn. It frees your hands up, satifies them because they are getting the comfort they need, and everyone is happy. I still “wear” my daughter and she will be 2 in April. The minute she starts to get clingy my first instinct is to push her away because I am trying to make dinner (its hot), or I’m folding laundry, or I’m getting ready for work, or I’m tired and I just got home…. I have something similar to a moby wrap. I strap it on and away we go.
Set the mood. If its getting close to bedtime give her plenty of warning. Dim the lights. Play soft music. (no TV, sorry.) give her a warm bath (Johnson’s nighttime baby wash worked wonders), snuggle her up in soft jammies, put on your Moby wrap and start swinging (I would read my book softly to her).
I also co-slept. (Hey! If I was going to get any sleep that was the best way to do it. I nursed. And no one else was going to get up with her!) I left my night shirt open so she got that valuable skin to skin contact. If you don’t feel comfortable co sleeping take your night time bath together instead (make sure the water isnt too hot for her even if it feels cool to you). Skin on skin is HUGE.
When in doubt, cry it out. Both of you. I found that it only took 10 minutes of letting her cry it out for me to pull myself together and go back to help her.
Watch her cues. Keep a journal if you have to. Record her diapers wet/dry/ poop. Record her naps and how long they are. Record bottles/food. If you see a pattern get ready for it. If something happens ABOUT the same time each day (half hour variances are common) try offering it to her somewhere in the middle (bottles, nap, etc).
I didn’t read the books. I didn’t do what “comes natural” I tracked my baby. I did what she did. Did she rule my house? ABSOLUTELY!! But once I started using these things it got easier. When she got “colic” I wore her in the middle of the night too. Topless actually. It took 3 nights before she got the hang of things. Things now are about the same. Nothing so constant as change. We go with the flow. If she throws a hissy and it upsets me too, I step over her and walk away (I make sure she can’t get hurt of course).
There is no sure way to handle babies. They have their own inherent personalities. No one way is right. Do it your way. My mother gave me advice and you know what? I never used it. If it hurt her feelings, I simply said thats not the way this baby works although I can see where it worked for you.
Donielle @ Naturally Knocked Up says
I could have written the exact same thing five and a half years ago. I was the type-a, don’t mess with me when I’m checking off my to-do list, need to get everything done, type of gal. Then my son came along and all I did was fight. I thought I was relaxed, and I was about a lot of stuff. I wasn’t the typical worried like crazy first time mom since I’d always been around babies, but I fought to keep my life the same. To have him fit into our life instead of molding around his.
Like Jill said, I truly believe these are teaching times. 🙂 I thought I knew what I needed to know about the control I really had over my life when I dealt with less than great fertility. (don’t believe me? I kept my calendars that had circled the months I was ‘going’ to get pregnant) But having a newborn threw me for a loop! I was up until 2am, sleeping only two hours at a time for over two months. I couldn’t take a shower fast enough because he’d wake up as soon as I put shampoo in my hair. He didn’t nap well, didn’t sleep well, I tried making him go on a schedule.
Learning to make these changes is tough, but you’ll get through it. You’ll find what works for you. I tried everything “by the book” and was miserable. Finally with my second we just coslept and it was miraculous. I don’t know why people throw such fits about it – even though I was once one of them! lol But I learned how to do it safely and it was what worked for us. (she nursed while I slept = sane mommy)
It also helped to find some relaxed mommy friends, especially moms that had multiple children. Watching how they reacted to crying or fits or colic or whatever, was just the example I needed. I realized that so much of what my baby did was NORMAL and to be expected, that I could just deal with it instead of freaking out inside and trying to “fix” everything, which can stress the baby and cause them to freak out.
Every mom remembers floundering during the newborn stage – you are not alone.
Susan says
Thanks for sharing. Great post!
Kim says
All I can say is that the one blessing I have found with being a mom (mother of 5, ages 14 to 3) is the blessing of forgetting – the pain of childbirth, the naughtiness of the day before, frustrations from dinnertime, the list goes on. Every morning is fresh and new and another chance to do it “right,” whatever that may be!
Kristen says
((HUGS)) I never believed anyone when they said it would get better. I drudged and worried and cried and drank lots of coffee and worried some more… until one day… it DID get easier. When it does get easier, you forget all the hard stuff and feel much better. Hang in there, you CAN do this. You’ll be so proud of yourself when she’s running around the house with her princess crown and your shoes on singing “I Feel Pretty.”
Cotton says
Oh my, the memories.
monica says
I dunno Andrea…….I look back now and think as I shake my head, I just don’t know. Toddling twins in diapers, still on bottles a newborn……and day care kids. Now, pfft, I can’t get squat accomplished.
Audra says
It is completely overwhelming at times. I told my husband shortly after our son was born that I was so exhausted from my 5 full times jobs…full time mom, full time care taker of the house, full time Special Education teacher, full time wife, and full time Worrier about our son. Children change so much during the first few years…some stages are easier than others. I don’t think it ever gets easier though. I think we adjust and get used to our new lives…but it takes a long time. I don’t think Ben was on any sort of schedule until he was about 5 months old. I learned to sit back and be okay with whatever Ben wanted to do. When I stopped trying to get him on my time and to follow my plans we started to get into a much better rhythm. I have had this attitude with so many things in his life….just wait and Ben will tell me his needs or what he is ready to do and it has always worked.
I really think children are one way that God shows us that life is not about our plans but about HIS plans. We have been given these little gifts to remind us that God has it all under control…in His own way. It is so hard to remember that but I am a much calmer, more content, and happier mom when I do remember that.
Also, I come from a long line of colicky babies…I screamed from 3:30pm-2:00am daily for over 6 months myself. A God-send that my sister and I have found that has helped our babies is to feed the Nutramigen formula. I know that some people are against formula and some people squawk at the cost but it has been such a huge blessing to have this option for our children. I also have many friends that swear by it because it helped their babes as well. Just thought I would throw that suggestion out there in case no one has mentioned it.
jill says
i hear you. i stay at home with my two and there are definitely days i would love to be back teaching or stocking shelves at some grocery store. #1 was colicky and i thought it would never end…it does. #2 DOES not like naps. she becomes a bear when she is tired and pretty much refuses to sleep. that’s when i HAVE to take control and put her in her crib…its the only 45min. of sanity i can give myself.
you CAN do it. it is hard, but very rewarding. with all the hard days i have, i do get the satisfaction of raising my own kids instead of a sitter or daycare center. just knowing that and being able to be the one to teach my children the little things, makes me appreciate all the sleepless nights and missed opportunities I could have had. i wouldn’t trade staying home for anything in the world.
Kari says
My little girl really started becoming more scheduled between 3 and 4 months. It will eventually come. You’ll get into the hang of it, and then they’ll change it up. Hang in there mama! We’ve all been there.
Edie says
It gets better…and worse. When you are finally able to breathe a sigh of relief that Nora is on a schedule, something will happen (teething, etc.) to change it. I stay at home with my 2 year old daughter and 3 year old son (about 19 months apart). Neither of them developed much of a schedule until they were over 3 months. It seemed that 3-4 months was the magical turning point when things became easier and the evening crying jags seemed to resolve. Newborns are HARD. I’m not particularly Type A, but raising children still seems totally impossible many (most) times every day. During the first few weeks after our first chid’s birth I seriously wondered if I could have been satisfied being childless. Then it changed into wondering if I could be satisfied with only having one child. Then it changed into planning when we would try for a second child. Then we unexpectedly became pregnant well before our scheduled time to start trying. After having our second child I declared that there would most definitely NOT be anymore babies. Now we’re considering trying for a third in a year or so. The somewhat painful memories of those first months are still there, but they are overshadowed by the memories of first smiles and giggles and all the other happy things. Now I’m hoping that when I look back on my son’s toddler years, the screaming tantrums and defiance will be overshadowed by happier memories. The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to lower your standards just a bit, and try your best to let go of some of your mommy guilt. While the parenting books can provide some useful information, they also made me so racked with guilt that I was going to do something wrong. And seriously, God certainly knew what he was doing when he made babies so gosh darn cute!!
Nessa says
Oh my I can relate. I think back on the first few months and I was a zombie. I don’t remember a lot because my mind was just fuzzy and I was os sleep deprived. It really does get better…. and soon I promise you won’t be counting down the hours to say that they day is almost over… at least not every night. To think I am going to be doing all again in a few short months… he he he.
Michelle says
I really appreciate your honesty and can really relate with you! I found myself nodding while reading your whole post. I get it. You’re not alone! My third kiddo, I think only a little bigger than your sweet girl, sounds very similar to yours. It’s hard and wonderful all wrapped up in one!
Cathy says
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this post. I still struggle with these feelings and my children are 9 and 4.
Stephanie says
When I brought my first son home from the hospital I was overcome with exhaustion and fatigue… and yes the responsibility of a baby. For me going from no children to 1 was so hard… I wasn’t prepared to let go of so many “things” I felt I should have, like sleep, time to myself, a clean house. Eventually it all just becomes the new norm and you think to yourself “what did I do with all my free time!?”.
Both of my boys were colicky and cried most of the night, starting at about 6-8 pm and lasting until 2-4 am. I remember trying everything to console them, and feeling so helpless and overwhelmed. But eventually they both grew out of it. A little bit of cereal added to his milk really helped my first child but not so much with my 2nd. However, it was easier with my 2nd because I knew that it would pass… that time continues to tick by and each moment he was a little older.
My mother kept telling me “Just take it 10 minutes at a time”… and that Really helped. Just get through the next 10 minutes.
I agree with Julia. It is about becoming more Christ like, and depending on Him. That really and truly is how I got through those first few months. Which is probably my biggest piece of advice. Every time I started to feel overwhelmed I would pray. A word, a sentence… it didn’t matter… but truly, nothing helped me more than that.
Now that I am expecting baby # 3 it is so good to remember all of this!
Stephanie says
I am not a mom but I do know I was definitely not an easy baby for my parents. I was on a heart monitor for awhile, they couldn’t find a formula to work for me – goats milk ended up being it. I do remember my mom saying that I would be screaming at the top of my lungs and they couldn’t do anything to make me happy. She said at some points when my dad got home from work she had to just go out and get a breather and have him spend time with me because it was a bit much all at once.
I so hope I do not have to go through all that with my baby when I end up having one. Anyways, let me get to my point. She told me I was great in the car and that car rides would put me to sleep. So just a thought and maybe it will work, maybe it wont. Take Nora for a car ride to see if it helps calm her down an get her to sleep?
The Diaper Diaries says
I want to give you a big hug (even though I know NEITHER of us are huggers) because I so remember being there. My mom stayed with me a week after my first was born and I remember practically clinging to her leg as she walked to her plane begging her not to leave me alone. I also distinctly remember calling one of my friends balled up in the fetal position in the corner of my room while my first cried and wailed in the other room because I just. couldn’t. take. it. anymore.
You have some great advice in these comments, the best of which is, do whatever works. I know it seems like this will never end, but it will and you will forget how awful it was. I know this because otherwise everyone would be an only child!! I slept a TON with a baby on my chest which is supposedly a no-no, but that was how my babies liked to sleep. And you know what? All of them outgrew that very quickly and are now all THE BEST sleepers. It will happen.
As I read you talk about your personality and how much it is being stretched during this time I think, as hard as it is, let yourself be stretched. I truly TRULY believe just like you said about God giving you your husband who is the perfect compliment to your personality, YOU are the perfect mommy for this baby (I mean CLEARLY, she looks just like you). Which means he might be trying to stretch you, teach you patience, teach you more about what sacrificial love is, teach you who knows what. Parenthood is a POWERFUL teacher.
I was much more Type A before having children and with each kid I have mellowed more. I would like to get a little of my Type A back, but this is who I am now. All this is to say, this will pass. Surround yourself with encouraging, older, wiser moms who can remind you how normal every single feeling you listed is and bring you chocolate when you are overwhelmed 🙂
Wendy says
Hills and valleys. I have 4 (NOT trying to impress or “outdo” you. Just giving you a reference) aged 11, 9, 6 and 3. There are days when I want to put them all on the curb w/ a FREE sign. Then there are times when they grasp the importance of the occasion — whether it be breakfast or a holiday church service — and they behave well and make me proud to be their mom. My point, I guess, is that you’re a member of the Mom Squad now. We support you. We’ve been scared and angry and exhausted and exhilarated and joyous and even hungry. Your heart grows when a child enters your life. You’ll make it. You will. You just do. You come out a different person — I’m still changing! — but like anything else worth having or being, it takes hard work. Hills and valleys. Never a dull moment. 🙂
Evelyn says
Oh WOW thank you for your post you are not alone. I have a 5month old who was colicky for the
first 3 months. Thankfully Gripe water helped but it was and still is the most difficult job ever.
I also hope it gets better too.
Courtney says
She is so stinking cute! Yes you arent the only mom who cried on the way home. My oldest got discharged from the NICU 10 years ago today and i thought everyone was crazy for letting me taking him home. (ps its 10 yrs later and he still doesnt sleep but that’s another story). It does get easier. Eventually you will find your groove and so will Nora (love her name!). Dont worry about not being perfect. You are doing great.
If you are using formula try the Enfamil AR with added rice to help her sleep. We did that with my son and it helped but he did have acid reflux too.
Hang in there! You are doing great!
Julie says
When your going through this stage, it feels so long and hard, but looking back, it goes by fast and you really do forget how miserable the sleepless nights and inconsolable babies are. Try your best to enjoy it, but don’t feel bad when when you don’t because both are completely normal. 🙂 But you should also get used to the fact that your schedule will never be the again, you do have to learn to go with the flow a little more, it’s just the way kids are. 🙂
Jennifer says
It gets better! I so remember that feeling when I came home from the hospital with my daughter Jamie. The overwhelming love and a strong sense of panic, because this is a brand new life! Any screw ups which occur will totally be mine. Six years and a second baby later, here’s some of the things I learned.
– If something works, DO THAT. Ignore the books, or whatever anyone tells you. You know your baby better than anyone else. Trust yourself and trust her to tell you what she needs.
– Be flexible and follow the baby. Jamie slept in the swing for the first three months. I started to freak out and tried to move her – that was a crushing non sleeping failure. A week later she tried to roll over in the swing. That was her way of saying she was ready. Following your child is the best thing you can do.
– Remember that this too shall pass. In the sleepless nights after my second baby was born, I found I didn’t mind sleeping sitting in the recliner holding him. Mostly this was because I knew exactly how short the time was that I would be able to do this.
– It’s ok for her to cry a bit. As long as she’s in a safe place. If you get overwhelmed, and you feel all alone, put her in her crib in a safe place and take a few minutes to cry, clean, whatever helps you feel better. Any mom who says she’s never locked herself in the bathroom for a good cry is lying. 🙂
– Accept help. Even ASK for it if you can. You would be surprised how many well meaning strangers are willing to help because their children are 18 and 14 but they remember being where you are now.
Ok so I’m new here but I’m striving for a more organized life and I found your site via pinterest. I’m planning to hang out here and figure out how to organize myself and my house, and my family!
Diane says
I am the mother of 3 children aged 27 to 34 so I raised my children in another generation. I can not understand the practice of letting babies ” cry it out “. I always felt that I wanted that child to know that I would always be there to help and that I would not abandon them. Right or wrong, leaving a child to cry helplessly is abandonment. They don’t know that you are in the next room or that you are sick of dealing with a colicky, whiny baby. They don’t know that you are at the end of your rope and so tired that you could just lay down in the middle of he kitchen floor. How would you feel being that infant? Moms take heart! In a few short years you will not be able to drag them out of bed!
The Diaper Diaries says
While I agree with you to a point, if you as a mom are at the end of your emotional rope, you are no good to your baby. So letting them cry a little bit while you pull yourself together isn’t going to do any damage. It certainly isn’t abandonment to walk away and take a breather.
Donna says
I’m a mom of two. My first, Nick, would not sleep through the night. When he was 9 months old we let him “cry it out.” It was one of the hardest nights of my life and my husband and I remember vividly lying there listening to him. You know what? He has slept through the night ever since. He has never felt abandoned. In fact at 17 I don’t know that he even wants to go away to school 🙂 Nick wasn’t colicky, he just wanted attention in the middle of the night.
Stacey says
9 months is different though because you are right, at that point they are doing it more for attention. Under 6 months old i would be less likely to suggest letting them cry it out. 5 minutes to catch a breather, sure, but i just couldnt do it any longer.
Lisa says
Have you checked into reflux? I had 4 cranky babies and each one of them became a new kid after they got on the right medication (I’ll swear by Prevacid or its generic for the rest of my life). Despite what most people think, a baby doesn’t have to be spitty to have reflux.
If you really and truly can’t figure out what the problem is, then maybe you really do just have an unhappy, non-sleeping child…and as others have said “this too shall pass!”.
On another note, after my first child was born, I was also completely shocked at how overwhelming it felt to be fully responsible for another human being! Yup, Type A personality here too! Hang in there, pretty soon you’ll wish she WASN’T so independent 🙂
Erin says
A friend once said….The Years are SHORT but the Days are LONG…and sometimes that seems too right. This too will pass! It is easier w/ your 2nd b/c you know it didn’t last forever with the first. One of the things I was told before I had my first was to keep a detailed time schedule of what happens in her day. Then, it is easy to look and see how much of the day she was “good” vs how much of the day she was “unhappy”. There are many right ways to do this! You’re doing what is right for your family. I’m a type A also and tried to put my first 2 babies on the schedule I thought they needed. My 3rd child doesn’t live nearly as “scheduled” a life (b/c she has 2 older brothers who also have lives and activities) and she is happier and easier than the boys were. You’re doing a great job!
Judy says
I am a partially reformed Type A mom…after 3 kids you kind of have to lower your standards in a lot of ways… so I do remember how this baby stage felt. I found the first few months very hard, so much work, so little control (omg I couldn’t even control when I got to go to the bathroom anymore, yesh) and each day repeat. When I look back now I know it was lack of sleep that really made it super hard (my 3rd slept better than the other 2 and things were much different for me getting through his baby stage).
Baby sleep – we tried babywise and other cry it out methods and they didn’t work with my first – she cried til she threw up. She was a snuggle baby and we later learned there was a reason for it, she had sensory integration issues, but my husband and I spent many nights with her snuggled on our chest while we slept in the recliner. Recommended by docs – no – but necessary for survival – yes! Hopefully the baby sling you just found works and she gets some napping/snuggle time in that helps her relax and sleep better.
It’s hard when you are not sleeping and used to having control. I hope you find a method that works so that you all can get some much needed rest!
Lindsey says
As you already know, you’re not alone! That first year, and especially those first few months, are such a roller coaster ride of emotions. There were multiple times I would call my husband crying saying “we’re never having anymore children!” ….and here I am, due with #2 in 7 weeks! (yes, it was planned) 🙂 My son didn’t nap well until he was almost 1, and then a few months later he was ready to drop down to one nap. Everyone had their advice, including my mother in law, who I looove, but she was sure I wasn’t doing things right when it came to naps. Just remember, this too shall pass. It is the hardest job in the world, but what makes it easier is having a husband who is on your side and supports you no matter how crazy you might act! 😉
Hang in there, you’re doing great!
Amber says
Andrea, thank you for such an honest post!! I have a 2 year old and am expecting #2, and I’m dreading those first few months! I know how you feel, and we had NO schedule with our first born! I felt so much pressure from the books I read and all the advice I was given about getting my baby on a schedule. It was awful, and my son just wasn’t ready. It made me feel even worse! Based on your personality, I am sure you have done everything you can to get Nora on a schedule. She is on her own schedule, Mama! I hope things become more consistent for you, and SOON! Here is an article I thought you might enjoy, if you haven’t seen it already. So blatant and honest–I love it! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/dont-carpe-diem_b_1206346.html
Tina says
I wish I would not have spent so much time trying to be what everybody else says is normal! It caused me more heart ache, grief, and feeling like a failure! I think you are so tired and vulnerable that you panic and want control! My oldest never slept or took a nap I am surprised she was healthy and growing!;) Once I gave up fighting and go with what works best for me and my family it was so much easier discover YOUR new normal ! Also you will find out more kids do not always follow routines it’s just most Mom’s don’t say anything!
Julia says
Nobody has perfect kids, much less kiddos on a perfect schedule. We’re all wiped at the end of the day. What’s been truly helpful to me is getting into God’s word and really learning what he wants for mothers. For us, that means financial restrictions when my degrees afford me high paying jobs… cleaning house and catering to one kid while pregnant with another (and feeling kind of gnarly from the effort). But really, it’s not about Nora or Dave or even you.
It’s about becoming more Christ like. The work we do as mothers is an example of the kind of sacrifice Christ made for us – a minimal comparison at that – but it truly is the most we can do!
I’d really encourage you to read Womanly Dominion (Mark Chanski) and other books that may put your heart at peace about what God really wants for your family. It’s been tough for me to come to grips with that over the past two years. I’m still learning a lot about it!
On a more practical note, have you started Nora on cereal? Eating more may help her sleeping work out in a more scheduled way. I never had to give my son anything but milk until 6 months or so, but with our next I can plainly see that if I have to supplement, great. It’s no big deal and does not indicate any failure on the part of mom.
Monette says
It is the hardest job in the world! I have four kids ages 15,12,8, and 4. I understand how you feel. Enjoy each day with Nora and don’t be too hard on yourself. We can’t control things and just do what you can. You are doing a great job!:)
Thrifty Military Mommy says
Oh, you poor thing. I think you may be right about the moms who say motherhood is the greatest joy or job ever. They do forget. However, even though I remember those first months of my kids’ lives and how awful they were, motherhood is still the best job because we as moms are raising the next generation. That’s where its meaningful task comes into play.
Hang in there!!! The first 3 months of my kids lives were the absolute worst! I hated being a mom during the first year! You’re not a bad mom for hating the fact that you can’t get any sleep or can’t stand to listen to your baby cry. You’re a great mom for enduring it and loving her regardless of what she does.
I found out the hard way that my babies were “colicky” because they didn’t get enough sleep. So I forced myself to let them Cry-it-out. I didn’t go in to see them the whole time and both of them cried for a solid hour the first night before they finally slept. Each night after that it got shorter and shorter until about a week later they slept without me doing anything but putting them down. I don’t know if you’ve heard of babywise, but it saved my life. Checkout http://www.babywisemom.com. She used this method with all 3 of her kids and shares all the things she did with them. Its a wealth of knowledge I wish I had with my first.
Oh, and another great thing to try is an exercise ball. When she gets colicky at night bounce with her on the ball. She may not fall asleep right away, but it’ll probably sooth her enough to make her keep from crying.
I wish I could come help you! I totally feel for you, girl, but really, it’ll be ok. This too shall pass 😉
Tammy Skipper (@Tammy_Skipper) says
As a military wife who had baby two when baby one had just turned a year old, I can tell you: you are NOT alone. I have been where you are right now. That smile you mentioned when she first wakes up? God keeps giving you those moments just when you need them. He keeps giving you mentors, just when you need them. This type A girl became a LOT more like her low-key, easy-going high school sweetheart and so far, her two teenagers have turned out great.
Some of the best advice I ever got was from a WWII widow in our church at the time: God doesn’t give you what you need for the teenage years while you have toddlers underfoot. He’ll give you the strength for those days then, just like He gives you the strength now that you need for today.
I believe our kids shape us at least as much as we shape them. Blessings to your family.
Rebecca says
I work outside of the home. I have to admit, my day care is what got my babies on a schedule. In order to keep it, I knew I was going to have to fight babies on the weekend. And fight we did. Sleepy babies don’t sleep. It’s so weird. So do whatever you have to do. Is she sleeps in her swing, do it. While I don’t know how I feel about co-sleeping, I say “do what you gotta do!”