I’ve had many non-glamours jobs over the course of my life…
- washing dishes for my neighbor’s catering company when I was in middle school
- cleaning offices at night for another neighbor’s company
- busing tables for a local bar/pub when I was 16
- folding clothes for American Eagle {probably the most ridiculous job ever!}
- stocking shelves and working the checkout lanes at various grocery stores
- janitorial work for Calvin College {this is how I met Dave — so it was worth it!}
- cleaning houses to make money for college
…and the list could go on!
But now that I’m a mom, I feel so blessed to finally have a job that I love, that doesn’t involve washing dishes, clearing tables, folding clothes, cleaning toilets, stocking pantry shelves, grocery shopping…. eerr well, never mind 🙂
All kidding aside, motherhood is definitely not the most glamours job in the world… and it’s probably the most difficult job I’ve ever had. There are even days when I’d rather be busing tables, cleaning offices, or doing pretty much anything else but working from home with my baby.
Yes, I’m sure some of you now think I’m the most horrible person in the world for wanting to clean offices instead of care for my baby… and that’s OK! I can’t change how I feel, and just because I’m somewhat overwhelmed by motherhood, doesn’t mean I love Nora any less.
In fact, I love her so much that it sometimes makes things worse. I’ve never felt such an overwhelming sense of responsibility before, I’ve never felt such a strong desire to do everything “right”; yet at the same time, I’ve never felt so helpless and unsure of what I’m supposed to do.
I’m sure I’m not only new mom out there who bawled the entire ride home from the hospital thinking… what in the world am I going to do with her when we get home. I have no idea how to do this! Don’t we need a manual, some instructions, a live-in nurse, or at the very least, someone to show us what to do?
Just knowing that Nora depends on me for everything is sometimes more than my independent spirit can handle. Yes, I’m willing to work hard, do unpleasant things, and make sacrifices. Yes I love a good challenge, but I also love my sleep… and eating with both hands!
I’ve never had a job that required constant 24/7 availability, I’ve never had a job that I felt so unqualified for, and I’ve never had a job that didn’t involve some type of training {or at least a small instruction manual}.
Yet, I’ve never had a job that mattered so much!
I’m the type of person who likes to be good at everything I do. I’m a fast learner, I work really hard, I’m willing to do things I don’t want to do, make sacrifices, deal with difficult situations, push myself to be better… and I LOVE a challenge.
So I should excel at motherhood… right?
But for some reason, I feel like I’m barely staying afloat. I feel like I can’t do this.
I think it all boils down to the fact that for the very first time in my life, I don’t have FULL CONTROL! As much as I try {and believe me friends, I’ve tried} I can not control when she takes a nap, how long she sleeps, when she decides to go to bed at night, when she needs to eat, or when she decides to start screaming for no apparent reason at all.
Dave and I read the books, we followed the books, we took advice from so many people who have their kids on a schedule, we’ve tried this, we’ve tried that, we’ve tried everything again and again… but so far, nothing has worked.
And we REALLY want something to work!
It’s been almost 3 months of desperately trying to get her to go to bed before 1:00am, trying to get her to take any sort of an afternoon nap, trying to calm her down during her lengthy screaming sessions EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT… but we can’t.
Nora is definitely still the boss over at our house… and I’m pretty sure she likes it that way!
I flop into bed every night and wonder how on earth single moms and military wives do this — and don’t even get me started on teen moms. But then, every morning when I’m changing her diaper and she’s still so sleepy, she opens her eyes and she smiles. In that brief moment, I feel like eveything is going to be OK and I realize I CAN do this for another day.
But it’s still not easy.
Especially for someone like me who thrives on productivity, being “in control”, and having all my ducks in a row. Frankly, I don’t even know where half my ducks are right now… and they definitely aren’t in any type of a row!
Everyone says that Motherhood is the greatest job in the whole world — and while they are probably right, I have to wonder if the women who say that are already well past the baby-stage and have simply pushed the overwhelming, exhausted, and over-tired memories out of their brains!
Or maybe they all had perfect babies who were never colicky at night and actually took naps during the day 🙂
Motherhood is not for the weary…
And if you are a strong Type-A person like myself, it might just be one of the most difficult jobs you’ll ever have.
Good thing she’s so darn cute!
And honestly, I don’t want you to think I’m not enjoying motherhood… because I am. It’s just A LOT different and A LOT more challenging than I thought it would be!
As you can see by all the pictures, we are definitely having lots of fun with little Nora — it’s also helpful that Dave is one of the most patient, low-key, go-with-the flow people I’ve ever met {they say opposites attract right!}. He reminds me {daily} that I AM a good mom and that I CAN do this.
I can do this!
And to all the other type-A moms out there… you can do it too!
Janie Pollard says
I agree with Allison 3 months is way to young to cry it out.I have 3 and my last one NEVER slept! It was so very hard but I got through it and you can too.Don’t feel bad asking for help.Have someone watch her for you for a whole day and get you some rest and sleep.I had to do it and I was happier and so was he.Also watch out for PPD,Got that with my first child.
You are a great mommy and she is so very cute.. 🙂 Sounds like she already has a strong personality,wonder who she gets that from.. 😉
Pyper says
Although I have 5 kids, I never had a colicky baby, so I have no advice for you.
Just know that you aren’t a bad mother at all – just a first time mother who is trying to figure it all out! And sometimes, you just have to throw your schedule (and your ducks) right out the window. It’s hard, but it does get easier.
And you’re right – she is darn cute!!!
Hang in there!
Allison says
You’re doing amazing Andrea!!! The fact that you have such anxiety is just proof of how much you love your little one. Being honest about how you feel is brilliant, you’re going to make many a mom who thinks things like “gee I wish I was doing something else” sometimes feel so much better, and realize how normal they are. It’s awesome to not be alone, and you absolutely aren’t!
I have been reading your blog for ages and have been silently cheering you on through the house reno, the international students, the discovery that you were going to have a baby and her birth.
I just had to delurk because I feel I must counter what Ashley has mentioned above, and what likely you’ve heard as sound advice from countless other people. The “Cry It Out” method is not all it’s cracked up to be. The reason it’s so hard to ignore a wailing baby is because we are biologically tuned to realize there is something wrong with that sound.
Excessive (that isn’t responded to) crying can actually be harmful for a baby as it blasts the brain with cortisol, a stress hormone that can be toxic to the brain (but that is also naturally produced and important to our development, so don’t fear it entirely.) (Also, Ferber, the doctor that founded this method has stated himself that this should not be done with a baby 6 months or younger.) There are other options out there.
These are truly controversial topics, and sleep and babies and parents is such a touchy important issue. Much of the evidence of CIO is anecdotal, and there’s never been long term studies on it’s effects. Much of the evidence of cortisol effects is minimal and long term studies have been on extreme cases.
Please do your own research on this topic. Don’t take my words, or anyone else’s as truth. Make your own decisions, read your own baby. You’re going to know her better than any commenter, doctor, or book out there!
What ever you choose to do will be the right thing, because you’re doing it out of love. An exhausted mommy cannot effectively parent no matter what studies say.
Finally, never ever ever let anyone make you feel guilty for the decisions you make for your baby.
Ashley says
The first step is getting some sleep!
At 3 months, the “cry it out” method is officially acceptable and it is the only method I have found to really work. This is HARD to do but the pay off is SO stinking worth it. Crying doesn’t hurt the baby and while it is so hard to listen to, it ends up being better for everyone. You’ll finally know exactly what time you’ll be done mothering for the day and she will be able to rest better on her own.
I feel very strongly about this issue because I am one who has low energy and needs my sleep! And now, I have a two year old and an 11 month old and they both go to bed at 8 and sleep through the night until 7:30ish… Most nights, without a peep.
Consider this because everything is so much easier when you can at least sleep. You think clearer, have more energy and you can be a better mom to Nora during the day if you aren’t up with her all night. It will take some time and will be SO hard but…
I feel the exact same way you do about motherhood. I put the kids to bed and think, ” I have to do this again tomorrow??!!!” I have wonderful kids who are fairly cooperative and sleep well at nap times and bedtime but I STILL feel this way…and I think most other moms would say the same. It is a HARD HARD job. The hardest ever. But if I can do it, so can you! You get it, Girl!
Joanna alderson says
Hi. my children are both in their twenties and I wish I knew then what I know now. This might not be the case for you, but then again it just might. My eldest son was just like yours – hardly ever slept and cried constantly. I want to tell you that crying isn’t a character trait. The baby is telling you something is wrong. Last year I decided to give up grains to see if it would fix some health problems I had. It was incredible the difference it made for me. when I told my son he confessed to having vague on and of feelings of just not being 100% most of his life so he decided to do it too. He told me after a couple of weeks with tears in his eyes that he finally felt 100% terrific for the first time in his life. Try it with your little one. If you are breast feeding you have to do it as well. if grains don’t do it try removing dairy. don’t wait two decades to find out like we did. Read Dr Davis on wheatbelly.com. it’s worth a try. I wish you all the best.
Debbie says
Hang in there, Andrea. Lean on the Lord and he will give you the strength. You will come through this :). My littles are 7, 5, and 2 1/2 and I remember those newborn days. When my second child was a month old, we flew to visit family in another state and I can still remember sitting on the bathroom floor with her in the middle of the night, trying not to wake everyone else up in the house. She was wide-awake and not interested in sleep! My youngest fussed all day for about 3-4 months and hated naps. But eventually, that changed and he was probably my most go-with-the-flow baby. But I know when you’re in it, it’s hard. I work from home, too, and when I first started back after my oldest was born, it was really tough. My mom offered to come once a week and care for her and that made such a difference. Now, 7 years later, she still comes faithfully once a week and watches the kids. My husband helps a ton too and that’s the only way I’ve made my business work. So, don’t be afraid to ask for help :). I know it sounds cliche to say it goes so fast, but really, it does. In the fall, my two girls will be in full-day school and my son will be in preschool. Where has the time gone? Enjoy your precious girl and cut yourself some slack. God is good–lean on him and he will give you the strength you need when you no longer have strength.
Deana says
My husband and I had the amazing experience of adopting a newborn, so I did little reading (or preparing of any kind) prior to getting our son. A friend gave me the Babywise book – http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Baby-Wise-Reference-Worldwide/dp/0971453209. It was the only book I read and a total lifesaver. My husband and I had been married for 6 years, are both type A, outgoing, independent and set in our schedules. This book helped us find a parenting style that worked for our personalities and our schedules. It showed us how to create a happy baby who is an excellent sleeper. He is 2.5 now and is a crazy, energetic, outgoing little boy, but still sleeps great, which means mom and dad are happy too:) I’d highly recommend checking out the book.
Shana says
Lots of good comments already. My daughter slept about 4 hours out of 24hr when she was a baby— now I can’t get her out of bed.
You are doing great!!
Briana says
I’ve been following you for awhile now, frequently having mental comments, but never taking the time to comment. From one tired mom to another, I felt it was time to make the time…
I’m a working momof two, my youngest is almost 6 mos, oldest is 2.5yrs. I’m also a type A, want things just-so, fast-learner, who always wants to be in control – or, I was, so I can relate. I haven’t read the other comments, so sorry in advance if i repeat anything.
First, re: the colicky evening crying. Formula or breastmilk or both? If nursing, try some food eliminations, starting with dairy. Seriously. And give it 2weeks. It’s rather holistic, but VERY often colic, spit-up (excessive), gassiness, can be helped by adjusting diet (mom and/or baby). Every baby is different… But it really is worth a try. Mainstream medicine frequently just accepts the crying, don’t give up. You’ll get it worked out! If she’s on formula, switch to a soy based formula, or one that’s neither dairy or soy. Can’t remember the name. I get that you’re frugal and this may cost a little more, but if you figure this out, it will be worth every extra penny… Babies have really delicate digestive systems, very frequently needing gentle nourishment, especially if you’re not exclusively nursing.
You haven’t shared too much of your parenting style so I don’t want to get too carried away or presumptuous, but have you tried babywearing? And I don’t mean a baby bjorn, but in theory, they count. Something like a BabyHawk. Many babies who don’t nap well, nap great “on” somebody, mom especially. She heard your heartbeat while she slept for 9 months… It’s natural for her to relax near it’s familiarity. There are many second-hand carriers on craigslist and the FSOT forum at babywearer.com. You can even rent to try at paxbaby.com. Get her cozy in a carrier (may take a little practice for both of you) and you may find that you can get lots done while she naps – on you! Email and work, especially. Other things depending on how sensitive she is to noise. One o mine slept through everything, the other needs quiet, again, all babies are different, just like all people are different.
You are not alone or unique in how you feel! Don’t ever feel bad. I’m sure many others have said that something along the lines of “relax a little” and “take it easy on yourself”. Parenting a willful little being teaches you that you’vegot to just let go sometimes. Accept the mess, be late, etc. because each moment is special with Nora and you don’t want to get so in the groove it all passes you by. She’ll only be 3mo once, etc. Make sure you live IN the moment, not for the moment.
If you’d like to connect more on food and colic, or babywearing feel free to drop me a line. Dr Sears has good info on babywearing, too.
You’re a great mom, doing a wonderful job, for a beautiful little girl! Don’t ever think otherwise.
Also, a good mom-blog to check out is modgblog,com. Go back a year or so in her archives to when her son was Nora’s age. 😉
Shellie says
Oh, I so feel your pain. A second child doesn’t get any easier, my friend. But she is absolutely beautiful! Life is good and you are blessed!
Laura says
Hi Andrea, from one type A to another the best thing I found was to let go off all expectations. Don’t try to keep up with your old schedule because you will drive yourself crazy. I didn’t start blogging until my youngest was 6 months old and can’t even imagine keeping up with all that blogging entails with a little one. She’s your priority now and that’s okay. It’s hard to let some things go but it will make a world of difference. Hang in there!!
Maureen says
I just wanted to rush over here and encourage you and let you know you’re not alone in these feelings!! You are not a horrible person for feeling this way! In fact, you are a hero for admitting it and being honest about how you feel with yourself and others!
Motherhood IS the hardest job there is. Before I had kids, all I ever heard was how rewarding it was having children. I heard all the good things: “They are my whole life,” “I never knew real love until having my kids” blah blah blah. But no one EVER talked about the painful, excruciatingly stressful, downright miserable parts of motherhood!!! It was only AFTER I had babies that other moms would complain about the difficulties. It was like some kind of pact that you don’t talk about the miseries of child-rearing around people until they have kids themselves.
When my kids were babies, i frantically read through every baby book I could find, and my mom finally told me to throw them away and just “do what comes natural.” This didn’t sit too well with me — I didn’t know what came natural! I was a wreck. Like you, I wanted to do everything right … I was so afraid of making any kind of mistake. It was very very stressful.
And then there ARE those moms out there who just surf right through the whole thing … like it’s a walk in the park. Being around them made me feel even more inadequate. I thought something was wrong with me.
But it all turned out just fine. My kids are older now — 8 and 12 — and these are great ages. It does get easier as they get older. And you actually do kind of forget the misery of the baby years. I’m just having flashbacks now since I read your post. Hang in there … you are doing great, it’s obvious by the adorable smiles on Nora’s adorable face.
Eos Mom says
First, thank you for sharing the less-than-perfect moments. I could relate to all of it, an infant is So Hard and the colic, oh the endless crying is so awful. It does get better, hang in there, she’ll turn the corner very soon and will be much more fun in just a few months. My firstborn was an awful sleeper, he would only ever sleep in the swing till he was nearing a year old; my second child slept well at night but hated napping, again the swing saved my life. Whether it’s a swing or a sling or a bouncy or driving in your car (or running the vacuum or hair dryer, my son LOVED white noise)–do what you’ve gotta do to survive. And cut yourself a lot of slack!
sarah says
Your doing GREAT! She will get there … eventually. Take a nap you’ll feel better at least about the rest of the day cause who knows what tomorrow will bring! It’s not easy with babies that aren’t good sleepers and the ones that cry a lot. But what helped me was a nugget about who my child was and will be. My eldest never slept and was colicky and it rocked my world but when I changed my perspective he never slept/ he just wanted to be part of the action, he cried all the time/he was frustrated that he couldn’t tell me all the exciting things I’ve shown him, I couldn’t get anything done/he didn’t need anything done he just wanted me to be with him.
The practicalities of life are important but for a short time some things aren’t necessary.
hang in there, you’ll turn a corner soon
🙂
jan says
Advice from a grandmother–relax–tension transfers to babies. Sleep whenever you can, get help from friends and relatives, hire someone to do the things around the house that you feel must be done, go out with your husband once a week, and do get rid of the blue Bumbo seat. I think most moms have felt like you do now; you are a great mom and your sweet baby will turn out just great, too.
Patty Gardner says
Your comment about thriving to be in control and having your ducks in a row but not knowing where your ducks are cracked me up – only because I’ve said the same thing myself.
I’m 50 years old and have raised two kids. They’re 26 and 24 and both are married and out of the house (last one left this past September). I homeschooled them from k-12th so they were always at home. Those were the best and hardest years of my life! Nothing prepares you for motherhood. People tell you – but you don’t get it until you experience it for yourself.
However, your baby is only 13 weeks. It’s still early! You’re going to get more control and your ducks are going to get back in a row. They won’t stay in a row – I promise you that – they’ll be in and out. But you’re a smart, capable woman and you’ll figure this out. You just can’t apply the same strategies to it that you’ve applied to situations you’ve faced up to now. Children don’t follow any rules!
And being a parent is hard. It’s the hardest job you’ll ever do. But it’s also the most rewarding. I know you know that. Just hang in there – it’s going to get better. I tell my daughter-in-law that all the time. When you’re in the middle of it, you think it’s going to be this way forever. But it changes constantly. She’s completely dependent on you now but in a few months, she’s going to sleep better and entertain herself better. Nothing stays the same. Just hang in there.
Karen says
I’m a bit older than Patty and my kids are a couple years younger and I homeschooled too. Patty is soooo right. Hardest job ever, biggest payoff ever. Period. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Every sleepless night, diaper blowout, crabbykid day and mommy burnout. I would pay to do it again.
In 25 years, come back to this page and see if you don’t agree.
Pamela says
Oh, Andrea, I am JUST like you. I hope we can meet in person some day! Like you, I consider myself to be efficient, industrious, organized, and in control. I like managing my time, money, and life, and am very principled about most everything. I strive to be (and like to be) good at what I do.
Soooo…..when it came to parenting, I thought I’d tackle it with as much vigor and success as I did my job (I was a teacher) and schooling (my PhD is in progress). BUT, having a newborn came as SUCH a shock to me. The constant crying, unpredictable behavior and sleep “patterns”, the high-maintenanceness of a baby…..it was almost more than I could handle. I blamed myself — what was I doing wrong??? Slowly, she did get into a routine (Babywise eventually worked several months into the process), and I did feel more in control again, but those first few months were terrible. Of course, I loved her and adored her and was so happy she was mine, but still…..the reality of day-to-day was so hard.
Fast forward to my second baby, who will be 1 next week. She is the complete opposite of my first — she’s easy-going, laid-back, smiley, flexible, happy, content, predictable, etc…. It really wasn’t until I experienced her that I realized just how bad my first baby was.
Anyway….all this to say: take heart. All of us who’ve had cranky babies can empathize with your feelings. My advice to you is not “you can do it”, but “you ARE doing it”! You’ve kept her alive and well for 3 whole months (12, really, if you count in utero!), and you’re doing a dang good job as a mother. What you (and all of us) thought it would be like is not reality, but that doesn’t mean you have failed; it just means you re-adjust and change (but not lower) your expectations.
Keep up the good work, both mothering and writing. I LOVE your blog.
Rachelle says
I am a Type A mom too. My daughter had acid reflux and colic, which translated to crying 15 hours or so a day. I kept wondering why people said having kids was so wonderful. I was so tired and the crying puts you at a stress level you didn’t know existed. I felt like the worst mom in the world…I loved my daughter, but to be honest, I didn’t really like her very much. Finally around 5 months, she started to sleep more and cry less. It just kept getting better. She is now 2 1/2 and is THE BEST kid ever. I don’t know that I’d say it was worth the horrible first few months to have such a great kid now, but it is survivable. Good luck!
goldengirl says
I posted earlier, but I’ve been thinking about your post and forgot to tell you one thing that really worked for our first child. When at the height of a screaming fest, it helped to turn on the vacuum cleaner. For whatever reason, it had an instant calming effect. It was amazing how many times a day that thing had to be turned on. We even adjusted to watching tv while it was on!
Lauren says
I am a type A mom who also loves to have control. I read the book Baby Wise – which talks about having your child on a eat, sleep, awake schedule. It worked for all 3 of my kids but not without trials. Every child is different and unique. It is the hardest job in the world, but the most rewarding job too 🙂 Praying for you, check out the book, it may help.
shelly says
You are verbalizing what everyone feels. I used to think the baby years were the hardest but now homeschooling 2 boys and one of which is hitting the teen hormone years makes me think the hardest part is just ahead. All anyone can do is trust the Lord to give them guidance,grace,strength and Lord willing it will all work out for his good. Taking each day and sometimes each hour at a time is all any of us can do.
TieDye64 says
Ah, yes. I remember those days so well. My two children are now grown (Lord, am I really that old?), so my days of sleep deprivation are far behind me. I clearly remember how frustrating and discouraging raising a baby, especially the first, can be. Our daughter was colicky and it took months before I got a full night’s sleep. She only seemed to nap in the car, which didn’t do me much good. Sleep deprivation alone is soooooo hard and makes everything more difficult to handle. She had a strong personality from the get go. She knew EXACTLY how she wanted to be held and man, did that girl have some lungs! LOUD. I began to enjoy my beautiful baby girl more once she became more mobile (and sleeping through the night). It’s not that I didn’t love her with every bit of my heart, but I’ll admit it was a relief to be able to use both hands more often, ha! My mom was so helpful in letting me know it was “okay” to not always enjoy the baby stage. She knew there would be a turning point where I’d feel….better. I leaned on God so hard I thought I’d wear Him out. It is more difficult for Type A moms. That whole “letting go” thing is so dang hard.
Hang in there. It really does get better and there’s nothing wrong with admitting how difficult it can be. It is!
P.S. It was much easier when my son came along. For one thing his personality was more easy-going, and I was so much more relaxed because I knew everything would be fine.
Jennifer says
Just wanted to encourage you. I am a Type-A, in-control type person. I had to adjust to a screaming little girl who never slept almost 10 years ago. It was the hardest thing (and is) that I’d ever done, but also the most rewarding. After adding three boys since her, I realize looking back that she is Type-A, in-control personality as well. Thus the clash…..that continues to this day. Although, she does sleep now! Hang in there! As an elderly mother of five once told me, “You’ll only remember the good times.” The days are long but the years are short.
Cassie says
I’m finally realizing (with my 3rd baby) that for me getting a baby on a shedule is just plain stressful! I don’t eat and sleep at the EXACT same times every day… why would my baby want to? With that decision made and the stress of establishing a rigid schedule out the window… I’m SOO much LESS STRESSED! I listen to what my baby is telling me… even though I have no idea why he’s so crabby in the evenings… 🙂
Sandy says
Parenthood is not only the hardest job, but the most important job anyone can have.
Our country needs more devoted Christ-centered parents. So glad you have chosen to do it.
God tests us all the time. He stretches and challenges us. You are really growing! and so is Nora.
KimH says
My natural born babies are 28 & 30, but I remember sometimes, every single detail of those early days. I almost died when I had my first one and then she turned out colicky too.. I had no friends with babies & not that much help. I just figured we’d hang together when we finally were able to.
Baby #2 had colic really bad.. A friend thankfully told me about the Mexicans giving their babies manzanilla with a little bit of a sweetener and it calms their upset tummies down.
After being at this friends house for 2 days with a screaming 2 month old, whos baby had just died 2 months prior, we were both nervous wrecks. We went to the grocery store, got the stuff which turned out to be chamomile, and make her a teasane.. she calmed down & went right to sleep.. and its been in my arsenal ever since.
Youre not a bad mama.. all mamas feel that way, just not all of them are honest about it.. or even vocalize it.. You’ll be ok.. Baby will be ok.. If you’re nervous or anxious, your baby is gonna pick up on those mama vibes and be that too, since she got her cues from you all the time she was inutero. When shes/you are upset, sit down, have a glass of hot tea, coffee, chocolate, rum &coke 😉 Whatever you enjoy to relax you.. and I bet she’ll relax too.
Hang in there Girl.. Thats one beautiful babe..
Dee says
I am one of those older moms who would tell you this IS a wonderful time of your life. That’s not because I don’t remember those difficult early months, but because parenting kids that are leaving the nest is SO HARD also – talk about not being in control! But this is one of the biggest ways God makes the point that “no, you are not in control, He is”. He wants you to lean on Him, not yourself, your schedules, your books. Those things can help, but He is the ultimate source. My other piece of advice to younger moms is “relax”. God can cover our mistakes. Hang tough, you will make it through!
You might want to look into diet changes for you (if you’re nursing) or formula changes that could affect colic. Also homeopathic remedies abound.
Dana says
You hit the nail on the head about not being in “full-control” and it driving you bonkers! I know the feeling being a Type-A, control freak myself. The schedule will eventually come. My second child wasn’t on a routine schedule until about 9 months (I know that seems like such a long way off when your baby is only 3 months!).
The best way to cope is to not put too much pressure on yourself! If you can get the bathrooms cleaned once a week (or maybe every two weeks…I know, gross!), dinner on the table (sometimes this won’t happen, and that’s okay), and a load of laundry done, you are doing fine.
And if you can’t get everything else on your to-do list done (like that blog post you wanted to write a week ago), it is okay! Your readers will understand! Try to get some sleep – it will help :).
Crystal says
Andrea, great advice above! 2 colicky babies under my belt, I can say..
you know how your husband is supposed to be spiritual sandpaper? Your kids are your spiritual finishing school~ when they cry, it’s awful!! Our ped. finally put the little guys on an antacid and carafate. Good luck!
Janis S says
Yes, parenthood is the hardest job you will have, but the most rewarding.
FYI- I heard there was a recall on the little blue “chair” you have the baby in because it fell over. Please check this out.
Karen M says
I was getting so confused as I read your post, because the words felt like mine! Our girls sound like they were twins–down to the colicky evenings and refusal to take afternoon naps! I will say that now that she is almost 6 months old, things have gotten a lot better. But those hard days are still very fresh in my mind. It’s so refreshing to hear a mother be honest with struggles. Sometimes the rainbows and butterflies perspective gets old!
Heidi says
You may have already thought of this, but here is a silver lining…if you survive one tough baby, if you have another one, it seems so easy! My first was a challenging one like Nora, and I can’t tell you how easy my second seemed! After you survive, you will feel like you can do anything!!!
Kim Church says
I understand exactly how you feel. My first born was just like your daughter – didn’t really sleep during the day or night, and would scream for hours at night and nothing seemed to help. I remember dreading the nights so much….they scared me! She eventually outgrew it and turned into a delightful child and is now 17 and is the easiest most obedient teenager. And ironically, she now loves to take naps and sleep at night 🙂 So hang in there, it will get better!
Erin says
It does get easier. And then you forget it was ever hard and decide to have another.
My first son was colicky and in hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened to me. He cried from 7:05 a.m. until 5:30 p.m. every single day. My husband traveled 80% of the time. Every time he left, I just prayed he would come home because if I had gone out in a car by myself, I would’ve kept driving. I had the baby at the doctor 5 times before he was 2 months, convinced something was wrong. I got some help from the DVD “The Happiest Baby on the Block.” I watched it at 4 a.m. and thought it could work because the ladies on there looked as crazy around the eyes as I felt. That DVD and the book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” helped us. I swaddled him and bounced him on a big exercise ball all day long.
The colic changed me. For a while I prayed that I would not go crazy. Then I prayed that I would because if I was crazy, I could go away to a hospital for a while and get a break. Then I figured out how to pray for God to stay right with me every second of every day and help me see the sweet smiles and giggles in between the crying fits. Eventually I saw more of them than the crying and it has made me a better mother. My boys are 4 and 2. Some days are still hard, in a different way, but God continues to help me see and remember only the sweet loveliness.
I think tons of moms feel this way, but very few talk about it. You are not alone. It does get better. Hang in there, love the sweet moments and survive the rest of them.
lily says
“It’s been almost 3 months of desperately trying to get her to go to bed before 1:00am, trying to get her to take any sort of an afternoon nap, trying to calm her down during her lengthy screaming sessions EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT… but we can’t.”
I don’t know if this has already been mentioned, but talk to a doctor (or several) about food allergies – specifically lactose sensitivity/intolerance. A friend’s daughter acted in a similar way to what you describe, and it took them until she was almost 8 months old to figure out what was wrong, in part because they didn’t know what to ask. She may not have a sensitivity that causes great pain, but just enough discomfort that she doesn’t fall asleep, or stay asleep – and that is enough to cause any baby (or anyone?) to scream & cry, until she finally falls asleep from exhaustion. Good luck.
Alyssa says
I actually expected my first baby to be somewhat like Nora. And I was shocked at how easy he was. He put himself on a schedule, slept anywhere and everywhere, and I only remember about a week of the fussy evenings where nothing seemed to quiet him down.
Then I had my daughter and I went into shock. Not only did I have a toddler, but a unpredictable newborn and there were times I thought I wasn’t going to make it. People always told me it got better and it was just a phase. She’s now 19 months and I do want to say that it does eventually get better, but it took almost 16months before she slept through the night. And I tried everything. All babies are different and some babies I’m convinced just don’t like to sleep, and they have no idea what a schedule is. Even still, if I’m not consistent to force the sleeping patterns, all it takes is one night and she gets all messed up in the sleep department.
I don’t have any advice for you, but to say that the older they get, the easier it gets. Not because there is less going on, but mostly because eventually you start getting more sleep. 🙂
Starla says
I’m so sorry – I had one good baby out of 4 so I know a bit of what you’re facing. Our youngest was held 95% of his awake time and took 10 minute naps. Nighttime was a nightmare to o- somehow I survived. I remember praying: “Help me God!”
My advice: take one hour at a time and clear as much off of your schedule as possible. And Andrea, you can do it! I’m sure you’re a good mom – it is simply exhausting for a few months!
If I would live close by – I’d come take care of baby Nora for a few hours so you could sleep. After having 4 boys, I’d bounce the bundle of pink for awhile! =)
Meredith says
I know how you feel! My daughter is older and I still think its difficult. I day dream about my old jobs too! I will give you my suggestion for sleep, don’t give up. That’s it. If something doesn’t work after a few days, that doesn’t mean it’s not going to work. If you try for a week and it doesn’t work, keep going. It took us three months of doing the exact same thing every night day in and day out to get my daughter on a sleep schedule. Just keep at it. As adults, we all thrive on a regiment. She will too! Your girl is beautiful!
goldengirl says
As a mom of two — one about to graduate from college, and another heading off to college. I can relate to your situation as if it were yesterday and I can tell you that although there were days I would have sold them for a dime, I wouldn’t take a million dollars for them today! I also had friends who put their children to bed at 7 and didn’t hear from them until 8 the next morning. I also had friends that not only had that quality recovery time at night, but accomplished great things during the long daytime naps. Unfortunately, that was not my story and my friends just couldn’t relate. And of course, I thought I must be doing something wrong. Many people told me to stay home with my first and let the baby get into a natural schedule — never happened! I actually found that baby and mom were so much happier out and about during the day — even if it meant sitting in the center court of the local mall just so the baby could coo at all of the passersby! I finally figured out that if baby wasn’t going to get any sleep, we might as well do something instead of staying home and feeling trapped. This wasn’t an issue when the second came along because the first provided built-in entertainment.
My first was colicky and I found that Mylacon in times of extra crankiness as well as switching over to a soy based formula and mixing cereal into the night bottle worked well. This of course, only got us through until 4a.m. (going down at night around 11 or 12). We, too, were educated, driven people and did not have our first until we were married a few years. In fact, my husband was working fulltime and attending law school nights when we had our first so there was little to no relief. Imagine how happy/conflicted I was when I returned to work when the baby was 12 weeks old. 31/2 years later — yes we needed time to recover — we had our second who did not sleep through the night until the 5th birthday. Cereal and Nutramigen made up the diet for baby #2 from three weeks on.
I know that this post is going MUCH too long, but the intent is to let you know that there (eventually) will be a light at the end of the tunnel and those of us who have had difficult babies do live to tell about it. We also, if we are honest, say things like”I’d sell “em for a dime”, but take it all back when they give us that little morning smile. I think our training early on also gives us the strength to take the teen years in stride….and that makes ME smile.
amy says
I am a mother of three kids who were “tough” babies and I run a large daycare, specializing in infant and toddler care.
I beg you, get the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child.
Get it, read it, and live it. I have yet to come across a baby who did not thrive on the sleep methods in that book. Do you swaddle? If not, do it.
Good luck, honey! Your doing a great job! Being a momma is hard work!