Just over a year ago, I finally convinced Nora to eat a sandwich for the very first time ever. At the time, Simon was almost 2, so he naturally wanted to eat what his big sister was eating!
Although this might sound like such a small thing to many of you, the fact that my children would finally eat a sandwich meant I no longer had to make them a hot lunch every single day!
The only stipulation was that I had to cut the crusts off the bread — a relatively small price to pay in my opinion 🙂
I remember mentioning how happy I was for my kids to eat sandwiches, only to have someone respond by telling me that I was giving in to my kids by cutting the crusts off… and that sandwiches really weren’t very healthy anyway.
I shrugged off the rude comment because, hello — no more making hot lunches every single day!
Then last week, when I was cutting crusts off sandwiches for my kids, I remembered her comment and began thinking about the concept of “the next best”, and how cutting a tiny bit of crust off the edges of their bread is such a “non-issue” when I consider the fact that my kids wouldn’t even touch a sandwich if I didn’t cut the crusts off.
As I continued thinking about “the next best” I quickly realized that one of the reasons my life is simpler, less stressed, less chaotic, less busy, and less full is because there are SO MANY times when I choose “the next best” due to the fact that the supposed “best” choice is too much hassle or effort and doesn’t make sense for my stage in life.
For example:
- We eat some processed foods because I will not be a slave to my kitchen and spend every spare moment making every single ingredient and food my family eats completely from scratch — it’s just not a priority for me. If I didn’t allow myself some processed foods, I KNOW I would resort to fast food and take-out much more, and I have a feeling eating some processed foods is still healthier and more nutritious than eating fast food day after day.
- We let our kids watch some TV because it’s one of the only times they are all somewhat still and quiet. My kids also play outside for hours and hours every week, they do crafts, they read books, they play independently, and (in my opinion) they are very well-rounded little people, who just so happen to love watching their afternoon “shows” with a snack!
- I eat gummy prenatal vitamins because I throw up any time I try to swallow the gross-smelling free vitamins from the pharmacy. Yes, the gummy vitamins have more sugar in them… but I’ll take a little sugar if it means not gagging and throwing up every single day for months and months. And I’m sure the gummies are better than not taking anything at all.
- I put sunscreen on my kids… and I don’t always care if it’s completely mineral based or not. In fact, Nora is now old enough that she requests the sunscreen that “rubs in better and doesn’t stay all white”. Yes, we try to stay in the shade and wear protective clothing most of the time… but for days when we’ll be in the sun a lot, I’m certain a little non-mineral sunscreen is a better option than letting my kids fry in the sun.
- I use non-stick pans almost all the time, even though they apparently cause cancer. I absolutely hate scrubbing stuck-on food… and the non-stick pans we have are amazing! Absolutely no scrubbing required for sparkling clean pans, and since Dave and I both dislike washing dishes, the non-stick pans are definitley the “next best” choice for us!
- I use floss sticks — even though I know they are not quite as thorough as using strings of floss. However, I also know that I would never even consider flossing if I had to jam my hands into my mouth with a little string of floss. The fact that I now floss every day with a floss stick is certainly a better choice than not flossing at all.
.
I could go on and on with examples from my own life — but I believe I’ve made my point.
There are SO many times in life when we can obsess, agonize, research, and question what the absolute “best” options or choices are… only to realize the “best” is too much effort, too time consuming, too expensive, or just too difficult to fit into our current stage of life.
We can then drive ourselves crazy by continually pushing to make the “best” option work, we can let ourselves feel guilty for not doing what we felt was the “best” option, OR we can simply accept that “the next best choice” is often not all that bad and a much better fit for our current goals and priorities.
It might not be easy for some (especially those with perfectionistic tendencies) but I promise your life will be easier and less stressful if you allow yourself the next best choice every now and then!
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So you see, cutting the crust off my kids’ sandwiches a couple times a week has saved me a full year of arguing with them over how close they need to eat to the crust, it has saved me countless hours making hot lunches, it has expanded their food selection, it has made it easier to go on picnics or eat out in the backyard, and it gets them excited about the special lunch times when they “get” to have a sandwich.
Maybe crustless sandwiches aren’t the “best”, healthiest, or most nutritious lunch option around; but in my situation, I would definiteliy say they are“the next best” choice for me — I don’t feel guilty about that in any way!
Jamie says
It’s sad you had to write a post about this….I wish people would quit shaming each other about their personal choices and just respect our differences.
Angel says
Good post! I have been dealing with these issues. Everywhere you turn there is guilt for everything you do. You have put things into perspective for me. I am glad that I found your site you have given me a new lease on life. Goodbye guilt!
Andrea says
yay — glad to help!
Geneva says
My son has a lot of the same sensory issues that your Nora has/had. In fact, that is how I found your blog and reading about Nora was an absolute life saver when we were going through the most difficult sleepless, refusing to eat, etc. times! So thank you so much for sharing your stories so candidly!
Well, Max is 3.5 years old and finally decided he would eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last week! It was huge to finally have an easy to make lunch for him! My next best choice was white bread. I’d sworn that I would only buy wheat bread, but then I bought white bread and he started eating PB&Js. So it’s definitely good enough. The funny thing is that he will only eat the crust.(not the middle), and won’t eat the sandwich if I cut it in half.
Andrea says
wow — that’s interesting that he won’t eat the soft middle. Maybe we can do lunches together and he can eat my kids’ crust 🙂
Also, you’re welcome for any help or encouragement my blog posts about Nora were to you — I’m THRILLED to know they help others!
JJ says
Pampered Chef sells a tool to make crust less sandwiches that look like the ones you buy in the store. You can also use it to make dessert pies and empinadas. I don’t sell PC, but I’m sure you’d know someone who does! If not, you can order on their website. And your TV post encouraged me a couple years ago to not feel guilty!!!
Andrea says
yes! We actually have this and use it occasionally. I feel like it wastes much more of the sandwich than when I just cut the crusts off — but the kids LOVE it when I make the “circle sandwiches” — as they call them.
I can see using it more for Nora’s school lunches next year though. We’ll see!
Heidi says
I love this! I do it too, I think of it as looking at the big picture. It makes much more sense to make small compromises to achieve the big picture goal.
I have started thinking this way about tackling my house organization too and it has REALLY helped. I do something now to fix a problem with the thought in mind that I can always change it later if need be. Before I wouldn’t do anything because I was trying to find the “perfect” way for something to be. Well, nothing got done since nothing is perfect. And you can’t figure out what works until you start trying things.
Thanks for the great ideas for life simplification! Open space really does create peace of mind and a feeling of freedom to not be owned by your stuff.
Mary in Maryland says
In France girls pick out the white fluffy insides of bread and eat only the crust.
I also go for “good enough.” Bottled lemon juice rather than squeezing, content to rake up 80% of the leaves, wearing tee shirts to exercise long after they have faded.
I learned how little I care about perfection from my perfectionist mother. I knit my first sweater when I was in seventh grade. My two-year-old brother pulled out a needle while I was knitting. I picked the stitches back up and kept knitting. Several inches later (this was the back) my mother noticed that I had picked up the stitches with the wrong twist. She asked “How will it make you feel to know about this mistake?” in a tone that indicated I should feel terrible. I ripped back to the mistake. Being a tight knitter, the ripped up yarn looked like ramen noodles, and the six inches of the back that I reknit looked bad even after blocking. Two lessons–I learned that lots of things don’t bother me at all, and I never point out mistakes in other people’s work. The question I ask of other’s work is, “Are you happy with this?”
KR says
I know the feeling. There are so many things that I wish I could do “the best way” but if I held out to do the best way, I wouldn’t end up doing them at all! Sometimes you just have to focus on getting things done. I feel like this ties in with your post on knowing when you’re doing too much – or rather that post ties into this one.
Lynn says
So glad the kids are eating sandwiches now! I didn’t eat my crusts growing up and neither did my kids. I’m pretty sure they do now! No big deal! In the big scheme of things, crust is hardly a blip! Thanks for being so awesome and grounded and easy-going!! I always appreciate your take on life!
April says
Ha ha. I work in a kindergarten class every day, and I take the crust off for the children whose parents won’t. (If they ask me to)
Andrea says
That’s great! I’m so glad I know teachers do this!
Melinda Mackie says
Aw Andrea, you’re such a good person. I wouldn’t worry about what the “few” people have to say about what you do “wrong”. The older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve adapted to “good enough is good enough.” It has really helped the stress level go down for me.
I always cut my kids’ crusts off because there was less waste if I did. Now I’m cutting off crusts for our grandkids, and no one could win the argument as to why I shouldn’t! LOL
Melinda says
I am well into adult hood and still don’t eat my crust. haha. It amazes me on how people can view things. I don’t see how not preferring crust is an act of defiance.
Funny your post today was on the next best choice. Ironically, this morning I had a memory of my mother feeding me and my brothers peanut butter and oatmeal cookies for breakfast one morning. She was running behind and said, “eat some cookies and milk, we don’t have time for breakfast”. I didn’t go to school hungry, we were all on time for school and I enjoyed my rare breakfast and now, a funny memory. 🙂 And as a side note, they were homemade, so were probably more nutritious than todays popular granola bars. ha.
As always, love your blog! 🙂
PW says
Oh no big deal. I grew up not wearing seat belts (but drivers not as crazy as today), drank water from a dirty hose, picked veggies from garden ate them without washing, often went biking for the summer day with friends packed PBJ ate with dirty hands, drank water from a nasty canteen and we all shared it. Often didn’t have bandaids when we were out playing, and no one would go in anyway stop playing to get a bandaid, we just wiped it clean with a dirty hankerchief. Life goes on. If you are healthy most of these things don’t matter, only those that have health issues. There is a book out called “Eat More Dirt”. I loved it. Of course we did not have any chemicals back then, nor polluted water, fields. My mom even ate raw hamburger mixed with an raw egg, and unpasteurized milk. We drank that too. And we lived in the city. Just a note, I was cleaning my bathrooms a few days ago and kept reminding myself “good enough” I am a perfectionist and am trying to work with that concept based on one of your recent posts. I think we even ate some of the yellow snow just to taste it, just because. Still here alive and well. No crust on bread, who cares.
Susie says
I cut it off my sandwiches… the crust is gross!
Sheri D says
I don’t consider this to be “giving in”. It is their preference and just because they are little people, doesn’t mean that they can’t choose what they like and what they don’t. I don’t understand someone who wants or has to rule every aspect of their kids lives. You keep doing what you are doing.
Leigh says
Done is better then perfect.
And culvers will cut the crusts off their kids grilled cheese if you ask. Which for us means twice as much sandwich gets eaten.
Mary says
I’m an adult and I routinely cut the crust off my sandwich simply because that’s the way I like it….people are going to criticize no matter what, but I believe it’s entirely up to the person eating the sandwich!
Jana says
AMEN!!! Spot on! I agree completely to all of this! My mother’s motto is “everything in moderation.” I love your “next best” motto. “Good enough” works for me too.
P.S. I cut the “end/bottom” crust off my son’s sandwich all throughout his school years. 2 more weeks of making school lunches. Sigh…..
Allison says
Yes! I buy thin cut chicken cutlets instead of the regular ones that have to trimmed and pounded thin. I figure the extra cost is better than us eating out.
ShellyL says
Love this!! Question: What type of hot lunches did you make before? We are all about to be home for the summer and I do sandwiches all the time. My oldest doesn’t like them, and I know they’d all be thrilled with hot food on occasion. Nothing wrong with sandwiches but I’d like to switch it up some.
Tara says
There’s always chicken nuggets/fish sticks, quesadillas, simple bean and cheese burritos (or use any leftover shredded meat you have), wraps, nachos made in the microwave with some toppings, pasta with a quick sauce or butter and cheese (throw in some veggies if your kids will eat them), warm up leftovers from previous night’s dinners etc. I homeschool with two kids at home and these are the hot lunch options we most frequently rotate through. Not fancy, but it works. Another option I have fallen in love with is the idea of putting out a cutting board with some slices of cheese, meat, fruit, veggies, and whatever crackers you have on hand. Just let the kids sit around it at the table and create their own combos. Great way to use up little bits of this and that you need to get out of the fridge or pantry. Sometimes I’ll put pickle slices, olives, or boiled egg halves out too. Hummus and dips are nice as well. Hope that gives you some ideas to work with.
Andrea says
YES! This is pretty much the exact list I was going to say 🙂
And yes, we eat “meat and cheese” at least once or twice a week — which is what you mentioned about putting meats, cheese, fruits, and veggies on a platter. The kids LOOOOOVE this!
Andrea says
I replied to a comment regarding this… but in case you don’t see it, here’s our short list. Chicken nuggets, pasta w/ sauce, mac and cheese + hot dog, quesadillas, leftovers from the night before, tortilla or bagel pizzas, grilled cheese, or even pancakes and eggs if we didn’t have them for breakfast.
Leanne says
sending to school versus homeschooling
diet coke instead of water (I try to get enough water…but, it doesn’t always happen)
not sorting laundry
letting our kids eat dessert most nights (at least a small one)
occasionally listening to “popular music”, not just KLOVE
part-time work versus staying at home….
the thing is… the “next best choice” was always what was BEST for our family… we are a better family because my kids go to school; I drink my diet coke; I get my laundry done without too much hassle; my kids get to look forward to a small treat in the evening; we listen to fun music like the Sing Soundtrack; and my kids see me nurturing other people’s children while their parents work…and they value more the time I did stay home with them….
OH– AND TO THE LADY WITH THE CRUST COMMENT— not cool… keep your opinions to yourself… in the light of eternal matters and character issues, the crust means VERY LITTLE 😉
Davina Sanchez says
LOVE YOUR CONCEPT OF “THE NEXT BEST.” That’s why you are queen of simple living and have the best blog!
Andrea says
awww… thanks Davina 🙂
Ali says
A resounding YES to picking your battles! I really disagree with the idea that not forcing your kids to eat/wear/do something means “giving in” to them. It’s ok to accept that children may have their own tastes and preferences, why turn everything into a power struggle?
Wilma says
I love this.
I almost never separate clothes because done laundry is better than dirty laundry!
I run the dishwasher every night, even if it’s not completely full, because that’s better than having to deal extra dirty dishes the next day!
I often use spray sunscreen on my three wriggly (pale) boys because it’s easier than the mineral sunscreen and faster than the chemical lotion sunscreen, even though spray sunscreen is not that great for the environment.
I use the dryer even in the summer because it’s easier, darnit!
Andrea says
ah, good one — I don’t separate my clothing in the wash either and never have a problem.
Also, I love your idea of running the dishwasher every night. I might have to adopt this routine since our dishwasher is usually full after every 4 meals — which means I’m almost always cleaning out the dishwasher right before we eat another meal and I hate doing it that way.
wilma says
I love running the dishwasher every night (and I put almost everything in the dishwasher). I learned from another site that unless your dishes are crazy dirty the lighter, faster cycles work great. so now I run the dishwasher on a light cycle and it gets done so much faster (so I can unload it at night, too–I just dump the plastic stuff that is still wet on the drying towel to put away in the morning). I LOATHE not having an empty dishwasher in the morning–it just messes up my day somehow, haha.
Oh–one more “next best thing”–I got rid of almost all my Tupperware (even the real, expensive kind) and bought Rubbermaid easy finds–the ones with the red lids that are all the same. now my Tupperware drawer is so easy–lids go in the box the containers came in, all stacked together, and the containers go beside it. I know that glass is better, and I know it was wasteful to recycle/give away perfectly good stuff, but it was my next best thing to save my sanity as stacking/organizing all those mismatched containers was driving me bonkers.
Natasha says
I agree with you! I celebrated finally getting my kids to eat sandwiches too. I found a shortcut to the crust cutting- cookie cutters! My gingerbread man cookie cutter will perfectly fit a half sandwich and my 3 year old boy is much more enthusiastic about eating a peanut butter and jelly man than just a plain sandwich.
We adopted our kids from foster care and have fostered a total of 6 kids. Really, good enough is absolutely a fine choice. Before us our kids went without food, shelter, care, even basic Christmas presents, more than any child should. I don’t care whether something carries a fancy label or follows the ever changing food fads as long as the kids are fed, cared for and loved it’s all good.
Iliana says
Thanks for another great post Andrea!! It is very encouraging this point of view and it always amazes me how you analize everything you do.
Christina says
I love this post. I second the prenatal gummy vitamins! I give my son freeze dried fruit because he refuses to eat fruit and/or vegetables. I consider freeze dried fruit as being close enough.
Andrea says
well, you know how picky of an eater Nora was — and now, she eats pretty much everything. She’s our best eater — so there’s always hope!
Kristina R says
I have been “over” all the parenting shaming for awhile now. I just don’t see why anyone finds it appropriate to comment on other’s parenting choices! My next best is letting my kids have dum dums and occasionally watch a show on my phone while I’m grocery shopping. They used to cry when we were pulling into the grocery store parking lot (& sometimes I felt that way, too) because they knew they’d be confined to a cart for a period of time. As long as they have the suckers I can shop, checkout, & bag my groceries (Aldi shopper) in peace! I once recieved a rude comment about the movie on my phone being a babysitter. It was the Leapfrog Letter Factory movie which has taught my 2 year old some of his letters, thank you very much. Ha! I feel these treats are well worth it for all of us to have a smooth experience & that’s the only justification I need. 🙂
Julie G says
I completely agree with a treat during grocery shopping! Our first stop in Costco is the cafe for a churro for my daughter and a mocha freeze for me. (That $1 churro is the best money I spend in the entire store.) We both enjoy our shopping trip, we don’t disturb other shoppers, and my kids even look forward to grocery shopping. Totally worth it!
Janet says
Andrea, thank you. I needed to read this today. Have a fabulous day!
Pam says
Agreed! My daughter is 12 and if I don’t cut the crusts off, she will pull them off and waste more bread than if I cut them -still refuses to eat crusts unless they are on French toast or toasted cheese. Plus, our chickens love the crusts – so no waste!
Jill Robson says
I totally agree, up until this year ( my son is now 15) i would make his lunch for him everyday. Now he likes making them himself because he likes the way he does it. 😉 It was just easier to get him out of the door in the morning, along with not being a morning person, he also has OCD and ADD so some struggle is a given.
However something changed this year and the strategies are now paying off, I think a little help in the short term, makes them more in the long run.
We also use non stick pans, some processed foods, and floss sticks, welcome to real life!!!
Deanna says
You my word, yes! This post gives people a lot of freedom. We all have choices and different issues we want to/need to take a stand on. If the only way my kids would eat a sandwich would be without crust, I’d take it off too. I’m all for simple lunches and peanut butter sandwiches are one of their most requested items. My older two kids both eat whole apples but when they are adamant about them being cut certain days I just cut them. Not worth a fight.
Christine from The (mostly) Simple Life says
It’s so easy to get stuck in an “all or nothing” mentality that it’s not worth doing unless we can do it perfectly. Like with your vitamins: You could have said: “I can’t take these so it’s not even worth it.” But you found an “in-between”.
I think it’s great to be content with the best we can do at that time. Something is better than nothing, you know?
I can’t afford a gym membership (and probably would never use it), but I still do my best to exercise at home multiple times per week, which is definitely better than not trying at all.
Roxanna Kowan says
I also love nonstick frying pans, but have gotten worried about all the bad things that are supposedly contained in them. Last year I did a little research on “non-cancer causing no stick pans” and found these stone earth pans by Ozeri. I had my mom get me a 12″ and 8″ for Christmas. They were similar in price to many other regular nonstick frying pans I have bought previously. I absolutely love them. Nothing sticks and I use a lot less oil than before. Plus they come with this awesome little liners so you can stack them and not worry about scratching the inside. I have had several members of my family pass away due to cancer and these pans really did make me feel like I was doing something better for my family while still enjoying the conscience of nonstick cookware.
Roxanna Kowan says
I wish there was an edit button! I wanted to add that I was not judging you using the nonstick in any way, just that I had found an alternative that was not too pricey and still nonstick. Oh, and to fix the typo of conscience to convenience!
Andrea says
haha — no worries! I actually recently heard about green pans too and have put a couple on my amazon wish list 🙂
ShellyL says
Has anyone tried the red copper pans? I think I will put the green pans on my list too. I still have one small non-stick that I use for eggs and grilled cheese. I’d love to get rid of it, but I hate scrubbing, too.
Michelle says
I was in Costco yesterday and fell in love with this set of pots and pans.
https://www.costco.com/Greenpan-11-piece-Clad-Cookware-Set.product.100333249.html
If I would have had the extra money with me they would have been mine. They are everything I want in a set of pots and pans and in perfect sizes.
Take a look.
Andrea says
Thanks for the link — those pans look great!
Linda M says
You know, I am older….but have to come to realize that what is right for someone else isn’t necessarily the right or best thing for me. At each stage of my life I have done different things for different reasons. Your choices sounds pretty darn good for your family….and even if I wouldn’t do the same…which I would…it is up to you to make those choice for your family. It is so easy to listen to others…but if they walked in your shoes…or you in theirs…the whole picture would be much clearer. We need to make our choices and not worry what others think as long as they are ethical and serve you and yours well. I admire how much you do and how well you do it….maybe that is what we need to take the time to tell others…rather than nit picking on little things . Enough or too much said.
Andrea says
exactly! Thanks Linda!
Ruth says
You seem like such a sweet person…where do you find these people?! How rude of that person to make such a comment! Ugh.
I knew this one person who died of cancer leaving behind young children. She was really into making all her food from scratch and she once made a comment that she wished she had just eaten some processed food and had spent that time with her kids.
It left a lasting impression on me about “good enough”. Not that people shouldn’t try to be healthy cause Lord knows our country needs it, but I do what is needed for my family. Not what others think I need!
Have a good day and you have such cute kids!
Jeannie says
I totally agree with your approach to a simpler stress free life. Being in my 60s I just am sad to see folks say unkind things to Moms. I see that folks believe almost everything they read these days online or on TV. Sadly they get mislead and in reality quite a few experts are more than willing to publish their opinions for money. You sound like a reasonable mommy. We all strive for perfection and always fall short.. I like that you encourage folks to keep it simple!!!
Ann says
Choose your battles wisely and know which ones are not worth the fight!
If every parent could learn this, life would be much less stressful!
Jen says
This is great advice! My perfectionist tendencies often trip me up so I am constantly reminding myself that that point is progress (in anything!) not perfection! Good for you!
And, for the record, I could never take any prenatal vitamins, and I had four healthy babies (two of which weighed more than 9 pounds!)! 🙂
Andrea says
my cousin never took prenatal vitamins either and she has 4 very healthy children. I don’t mind the gummies and I stock up with they go BOGO, so that’s a good “happy medium” for me 🙂
Roxie says
It makes me sick how as a society, we have chosen to judge people rather than lift them up. It’s way too easy for people these days (yes, I realize saying it like that makes me sound OLD) to sit behind a keyboard and blast people for what they do.
I, for one, am glad that you’ve found a way for your children to eat sandwiches. You preach moderation, and I cannot imagine you giving them anything less than healthy! If you have to cut the crust off that’s fine. You are raising balanced and well behaved children – even without the crust.
You’re a great mom. Keep cutting that crust! 🙂
Heidi says
I make my kids’ sandwiches for the week on Sunday afternoon and freeze them. And then they proceed to take the same sandwich EVERY day for lunch. I figure that since they won’t eat school lunch and they switch out types of chips, fruit, etc that they take in their lunches, eating the same “from the freezer” sandwich everyday won’t hurt them. 🙂 Although it is sunbutter instead of peanut butter, but they’re surviving! 🙂
Cathy says
I felt bad for cutting off my kid’s crusts. Like they weren’t getting to eat the skin of the apple, then my sister pointed out, it’s just well cooked bread, nothing more nutritious I felt better after that. Those children, now a little older eat, and enjoy sandwiches crust and all. This is just a faze of life.