Communicating With Your Spouse Each Day

posted by Andrea | 11/7/2011

Dave is a high school teacher…which means he can’t just pick up his cell phone to answer my call or send me a text message at a moment’s notice {especially since students aren’t allowed to used cell phones in class!}

And anyone who has kids knows that the hour or so after they get home from school is not exactly an ideal time for adult conversations either! The girls always unpack their lunches right away, everyone wants a snack, I’m making dinner or putting groceries away, Dave needs to sit and zone out for at least 30 minutes while reading the paper… etc. etc. It’s just a crazy time of day!

We usually have some good family discussions over dinner, but that’s still not time for JUST Dave and I to talk. And then the hours after dinner are filled with kitchen clean-up, homework, “regular” work, laundry, making sure lunches are packed and showers are taken… and then it’s time for bed.

Can you relate?

Because of our crazy schedules, we’ve had to come up with alternate methods to communicate with each other throughout the day… mostly so I don’t go insane keeping everything inside 🙂


How we communicate:


We usually send at least one or two short emails every day — especially if we need to ask a question or remind the other person to do something.

Since we both have access to our email pretty much all day long, this is by far the easiest way to communicate… at least for us.

Google Chat:

We’ve recently started using Google Chat… usually it’s not for anything super important, just to stay connected. The other day, I got taken out for lunch by a friend so right before Dave’s lunch period, I quickly “chatted” him to to brag that I was going to lunch… stuff like that!

I love seeing messages pop up from him throughout the day — and sometimes we’ll even “chat” with each other while we’re in the same room, just so no one else can hear!

Paper Lists:

Yes, I actually make lists of things I want to talk to Dave about when he gets home — or later that night. Sometimes it’s just so that I don’t forget. Other times it’s because I have exciting information and I want him to be the first one I tell it to… so by writing it down, I’ll remember not to tell anyone else first.

Pillow Talk:

There are many days when we don’t even have one moment alone until we’re in bed and half asleep {and I suspect this will get even worse once the baby comes!} However, we’ve gotten into the habit of talking for a few minutes before we fall asleep. Sometimes we just have a couple things to say, other night we talk for longer… until Dave finally says, “we HAVE to go to bed, I’m so tired!”

I know this might sound ridiculous to some of you, but it seems there are always little things that come up throughout the day; and since we basically can’t use our phones all day long, we had to come up with other methods of communication to stay connected.  


Oh, and for those of you wondering what will happen if I go into labor during the school day — let me just reassure you that Dave WILL have his phone on with the volume turned all the way up until this little girl arrives! And he’s already warned his students that his phone might ring at any time! 

What are your favorite ways to communicate with your spouse or significant other?


Filed under: FamilyMarriage

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  1. Tricia


    I totally relate to this. This is actually how my husband and I started dating! We are both teachers at the same school, and when we started dating he would send me fun little IMs throughout the day. We still flirt through chat even when we’re the only two in a room. 🙂


  2. Lorna


    Before Russ retired from the fire department, he worked 24 hour shifts (and sometimes more!). It wasn’t always possible to pick up the phone and actually hear his voice on the other end and I never knew when he was busy or not. We had a set time every night that he would call me and we’d chat for a bit. Then, in the morning when he arrived home, we’d sit on the couch with a 2nd cup of coffee and share what went on the day before, what we were planning for that day and just enjoyed each others company. We still do that today when we get the chance!


  3. Lindsey N.


    This is great advice! My fiance has recently started working nights, and I work during the day, so really the only time we see each other is for a few hours in the evening. We’ve made it a priority to spend those few hours really connecting with each other…we don’t want to lose the magic we have!

    Lindsey Soup


  4. Jana


    I work full time while my husband is finishing his degree. Life gets pretty busy, but we usually manage to go to bed at the same time each night, so we usually talk when we’re getting ready for bed. I love Starla’s marriage journal idea! If our lives get too much crazier I think I’ll steal that idea from her. 🙂


  5. Olivia @ Crossing Bridges


    My husband is a teacher as well! A high school choir director, which means (like Kristen’s husband the coach), he winds up staying after school at least 3 or 4, sometimes 5, days each week (although not as late as Kristen’s coach!). We text off and on throughout the day, and use Google chat as well. He also usually calls me at some point throughout the day when he has a break–since I spend my days glued to a computer screen chained to a desk, he knows I’ll almost always be able to answer. I’m also a huge fan of the pillow talk.


  6. Kristen


    Indeed! I use all of those, too! Not only do my husband and I both teach, but my husband coaches as well. Since he’s a bball coach and that season has just started, most nights I don’t see him until 10 or later. Without emails and texts, those days would be much longer than they already are! 🙂 I’m praying that your delivery is soon…and quick, Andrea!


  7. Jennifer B.


    I know exactly how that is! My husband is a middle school English teacher… I envy those who have husbands that are available during the day for a phone call or having lunch dates 🙂 We make do with quick emails back and forth and now that we’ve added texting to our phone plan, we do that as well. I don’t expect that he checks the text right away, but when he’s on his lunch or prep period he usually has a bit of time. Since I have time during the day, occasionally, I will stop by his school with lunch and we’ll sit and eat in his classroom alone. With four kids and a mama that works from home in the evenings, we really are limited in our ability to have conversations alone. We also rely on short conversations before falling asleep. 🙂


  8. Starla


    Great ideas and they don’t sound ridiculous at all! Our marriages work better when we make an effort to communicate!

    One thing we have started is a marriage journal. If one of us has something to get off our chests and we’re having a hard time finding time to really talk about it, we write our thoughts out there and let it lay on the spouses pillow. It gives the other spouse time to process instead of reacting, and then we write back to each other. It is something to treasure as we read back and see areas that we have gained ground in and worked through! Sometimes we use it simply to express love and appreciation.

    My hubby prefers a pen to a keyboard so this works for us…


  9. Roxanne


    So true! My fiance is also a high school math teacher, and email/Google Chat are the methods of communication we use most often too. We only get to see each other once or twice a week, so it definitely beats keeping a list of a million things to tell him the next time I see him! It’s so important for couples to keep each other in the loop in whatever way works best for them- voicemails, post-its, smoke signals… 😉