To say that my little girl loves her mama is such a huge UNDER-exaggeration, it’s almost funny… almost!
I’ve alway been a very independent person, and growing up, I would often say that I NEVER wanted to have “clingy” children. I wanted my kids to be able to easily play with other kids, to love having a baby sitter (we had amazing baby sitters growing up and really did love them), and to look forward to time away from Mom and Dad.
And while I know Nora is not quite 2 years old yet and still has a lot of growing up to do, her ultra-clingy, needs-her-mama-ALL-the-time personality has made these last 2 years pretty challenging for my overly-independent self.
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Life with Nora has been a struggle for me from the moment she was born.
In fact, I can still vividly remember laying in my hospital bed that first night. She was hardly even 12 hours old when the nurse brought her to me saying, “we can’t get her to stop crying; I think you should just hold her for a bit.”
The moment Nora reached my arms, she stopped crying… and although I was exhausted, I remember feeling such a huge sense of pride that my baby “knew” her mama.
And then the same thing happened the 2nd night in the hospital. I was so tired from not sleeping much the night before, and I could tell the nurse felt horrible — but Nora just would not stop crying.
Then we took Nora home, and after relentlessly trying to “force” her to sleep in her crib, in her swing, in her carseat, or in her bouncy chair, we quickly realized that everyone slept a whole lot better if I slept on the couch with Nora on my chest (and to this day, that is still one of the easiest ways to get her to sleep.)
She’s even figured out how to adjust and make room for the new baby 🙂
Over the next many months, I came to realize that Nora was one “special” baby. She loved her mama more than most babies — and not necessarily in the cute cuddly way you might all be envisioning.
Picture endless screaming any time I left her with Dave or with her grandparents for short periods of time. Picture violent fits any time I took a shower, went to the bathroom, or even left the room while she was awake (even if another grownup was playing with her).
Neither Dave nor I had much parenting experience (a.k.a. we had NO idea what we were doing) but it didn’t take long for us to realize that her behavior was NOT normal — especially as she got older and nothing seemed to improve.
We tried getting involved in a couple play groups, interacting with some neighbor kids, and inviting other kids over to our house; but Nora would just freak out and cling to me the entire time.
We tried regularly leaving her for very short periods of time with close family and friends; but we would always come home to a snotty nosed baby who was so exhausted from screaming, that after a while, I didn’t enjoy myself when I was out. Thankfully I’m a major home-body so I didn’t feel trapped staying at home — at least in the beginning.
It was so bad that we couldn’t even put her in nursery at church because her screaming was disruptive for the other kids and super overwhelming for the adults.
Yes, this cute little face is only THAT happy when she’s with me 🙂
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After 17 months of almost never being away from Nora for more than a couple hours (and starting to feel like I was literally going insane, losing my whole identity, and failing miserably at parenting) I learned about a new therapy program that was much more economical than our current therapy program and much closer to home.
We started the following week and one of the first things the therapist told me was that Nora was SUPER high-needs and had major sensory issues.
Seriously, I had talked with numerous doctors and therapists and no one had ever told me this before.
Our new therapist sent me a link to an article: 12 Features of a High Need Baby — and I read the entire thing nodding and saying “yes”, “yes”, “yes!”
If you don’t feel like reading the entire article, I’ll sum it up for you — High Need babies are NOT like other babies.
They are (as the article states) intense, hyper-active, demanding, and completely draining.
They feed frequently (like ALL the time!) and awake frequently.
They are unsatisfied, unpredictable, unable to self-sooth, and super sensitive.
They require constant attention, they don’t like to be put down, and they have severe separation anxiety.
So for those of you who know Nora — or for those of you who have read my blog posts about her and about motherhood these past 2 years — does any of this sound familiar?
It’s like that article was written specifically to describe Nora!
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I hardly finished the article before I yelled for Dave to come read it too. We looked at each other after he finished reading it, and it was like a light bulb went off.
We hadn’t royally messed up. We hadn’t ruined our child. We hadn’t failed in our desperate attempts to implement the (mostly) well-meaning suggestions from friends, family, doctors, therapists, and parenting books.
After 17 months (and for the FIRST time since Nora was born) we finally realized that we were not horrible parents. We just had a “horrible” child 🙂 (said in jest, but also kind of true!)
While Dave and I breathed two humongous sighs of relief, I continued to scour the internet for more information about high-need babies — and of course, we continued our therapy program.
After two more therapy sessions (with homework in between) we could already tell a big difference. The difference was so obvious that our therapist told us to take a couple months off (yes, after just 3 sessions total) and just work on the homework exercises she gave us over the summer.
So for the past couple months, we’ve been rubbing and massaging Nora’s skin with a special “brush”, and Nora has been listening to special music on her headphones — isn’t she cute!
These homework assignments might sound like nothing — and yes, they are super easy to do — but I can’t tell you the difference they are already making in our lives.
There is a light at the end of this long tunnel!
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These are the changes we’ve noticed in just 3 short months:
1. Almost immediately, she started taking daily naps (she never took naps before). It’s still not great, but I’ll take 30-45 minutes over nothing any day!
2. She cries SO much less — around us and around others.
3. She was able to stay home with Dave for large chunks of the day this summer without getting anxious or crying for hours — this might sound ridiculous, but it’s a big accomplishment for us.
4. At 18 months, she finally started accepting people food without throwing up or freaking out (she refused all baby food, people food, formula, and even breast milk from a bottle before this).
5. She finally stopped nursing completely after 21 very VERY long months (this is a long story for another day, but I did write about it eventually.)
6. At 19 months, she made it through her very first church nursery with no tears!
7. At 20 months, she sat on my grandparent’s laps voluntarily (she’s been scared of them since birth)
8. She has let Dave put her to bed twice now — which means there is hope that I will eventually be able to attend evening functions like meetings and social events (if anyone ever invites me out again!)
9. As of a month ago, she is now OK with Dave comforting her in the middle of the night — which means we can share the sleeplessness for a change 🙂
10. She has been more willing to play by herself and much more willing to interact with other kids (as long as I’m still around)
11. She willingly and excitedly plays with our 9th grade neighbor girl (who loves babies) even if Dave and I are inside or in a different part of the yard.
I realize that those of you with “normal” kids must think we are absolutely insane (believe me, sometimes we feel insane) but this is huge, HUGE progress for Nora and for us.
Although we still have a long way to go (like the fact that she still wakes up several times EVERY SINGLE night), just knowing that we’re making continual positive improvement is so reassuring.
I finally feel like I can live my life (or at least a few hours of my life) without worrying over how difficult Nora is being for Dave, for our parents, or for a babysitter.
I no longer have horrible dreams about what Dave would do if something ever happened to me.
I no longer have tons of anxiety about Sunday mornings, family gatherings, or outings with friends.
I no longer feel completely trapped and suffocated.
I no longer feel like I have to do everything alone — Dave can FINALLY help with childcare, mealtimes, and late nights.
I don’t think I have to tell any of you how amazing it feels!
So with a 2nd surprise baby on the way, I can’t help but wonder if he or she will be super high needs like Nora, or if we’ll actually get to experience what it’s like to have a “normal” infant in the house.
Of course I hope that our next child will not be a high need baby — but if he/she is, I know it will be easier than it was with Nora. We’ll be able to detect the signs, we’ll start therapy MUCH earlier, and (most importantly) we won’t feel like complete parenting failures for 17 long months.
Yes, our little girl is healthy, happy (most of the time), cuter than cute, and full of life. She makes us laugh all the time — and I mean REALLY laugh. I also realize that compare to some families, our “issues” are teeny tiny. I suppose it’s just different when you’re living it every day (and every night!)
I’d never give Nora back… but sometimes I wish we could have those first 17 months of her life back to do over again.
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After reading this post, if you feel like you might have a high need baby, please know that there is NOTHING you did or didn’t do to make your child that way. Also, don’t be afraid to ask questions and seek help — I can’t tell you what a transformation our therapy program has made in our lives!
Denisse Mendez says
Hi. Can I ask what type of of therapy did you do with Nora?
My 2.5 year old is high needs and I still feel like we could use some professional help.
Thank you
Andrea says
Hi Denisse,
Wow — I guess I’m not even sure WHAT the therapy was called! We went to a child therapist and she had Nora listen to special music on headphones twice a day. And then I had to brush her skin with a special brush several times a day.
I honestly don’t know if this has a special name though! 🙂
Caitlyn Church says
Hi, it’s so refreshing to hear it’s not my fault my child doesn’t want anyone else. My spouse has always said it is because I breastfed him. From the moment he was born he was high needs crying nonstop, not sleeping in the hospital or at home. Many nights awake and being scared to take him in public because of melt downs. I just read you guys were in therapy. What type of therapy is it? I would love to get my son into some therapy.
Andrea says
Hello Caitlyn!
Yes, please please please know that you are NOT alone in this journey. HUNDREDS of readers have emailed me over the years to let me know that they have walked similar paths with their kiddos over the years. There are SO man parents who totally “get” what you are dealing with right now.
I’m positive his attachment to you is NOT in any way tied to the fact that you nursed him — seriously, do not believe that lie!
As for therapy, we went to the Center for Childhood Development (it’s a local place). They usually don’t take any children until 18 months… but we were REALLY happy with their services!
Let me know if you have more questions.
You’ll get through this — we all do (eventually!)
Kristin Cha says
I loved reading this article! Wow ! My baby is only 2 months old but sounds a lot like Nora. Do you know if 2 months is too young for a therapy program?
Andrea says
yes, I would say 2 months is too young — most therapy programs don’t start until at least 6-12 months — and food therapy and speech therapy don’t start until 18 months (at least by us). you could always search for local therapists though and ask them!
Brittany says
Wow! You are describing my daughter to a T. She’s 16 months old and an all-mama-all-the-time girl. She’s been velcroed to me since infancy, and only in recent months she tolerates my husband (when in a good, secure mood – which is kind of rare… she’s definitely baseline grumpy, but when she’s happy, she’s realllly funny and sassy). But I’m the only one who can put her to nap or bed (and by putting her to bed, she sleeps latched on or on top of me). Sounds like it was a mix of therapy and age that finally helped your daughter? What kind of therapist did you go to? Any advice? Thanks for sharing your story!
Andrea says
Hi Brittany, I think I linked to our therapy center in this post, but here is the link again: http://www.thecenterforcd.com/
it’s local, so i’m not sure that will help you at all… and yes, age was a big factor. It totally stinks, but sometimes, you just need to let them grow out of their quirks!
Pam says
I wish I had this information back when my son was born. I’m a grandma now so I’m older than most on this blog. My son was my first born also, this was back in 1979. I didn’t have issues with feedings but he would constantly cry and I mean cry, there was no soothing him. As a toddler he would have melt downs for no reason and they would go on for hours and we could not sooth him and believe me we tried everything! It could happen in the middle of something he was totally enjoying, there was no rhyme or reason. . He hardly ever smiled and I couldn’t get anyone to watch him because of his constant screaming and crying. I tried to go back to work part time and I had my sister in law babysit him but after a couple weeks she called me and said she couldn’t take it anymore. I tried to talk to his doctor about it and he would just look at me like I was nuts and tell me I had a perfectly healthy normal son. I thought if all boys act like this as babies I don’t want anymore kids! Thank god for my mother back then otherwise I probably would have gone completely bonkers. She would watch him for me to give me a break, she understood and put up with it, no one else would. I would never leave him with anyone except family as I feared they may loose it and hurt him. I did end up having anxiety attacks for a while, it was just so bad. Good news is he’s an adult now and remembers none of it, I wish I could say the same 🙂 He is still the type that doesn’t like things thrown at him at the last minute and is more high strung than others but over all he has adjusted. He is super intelligent and was always way ahead academically in school, he also got bored very easy if not challenged. I wonder now if he might possibly have been high end autistic, he never liked to be cuddled or held much, just the opposite of your little girl. He’s married now and has a family of his own, somehow we all managed to survive, no thanks to his doctors. It would have been nice at the time if I could have had help for him or even just a couple of people to talk to who were going through the same thing. Of course we love them with all our might. I’m so glad you have found the help you need and that it is working. Hang in there your beautiful little girl will be an amazing women just like her mom!
Claudia says
I hear you!! How much I do understand you!! I’ve always noticed my baby was “different”, since for instance, she was a “bad-mood” little baby, never smiling, always literally frowning! although not as high need as the things I read about Nora, still high-need indeed… but i’ve never found any help about… Do you know I can use any kind of support in Portugal (where I’m from/live)? All I could do is turn into Attachment Parenting (which helps me deal with her, and algthough at age 5 – now – she is clearly getting better in many aspects, still difficult on so many others. I speacially feel completely drained/energy and emotionally drained, with the tantrums and some of her stuff 🙁
For instance, I nursed until 4 years old (and with no more milk now, sometimes she still asks for “bitty” when too stress out, and can hardly calm her down!)… have bee wanting to get help, but I really needed someone with hihg need expertise, and sort of onto Attachment Pareting style (for insatnce, I co-sleep, with her theres no other way for now…)..
tks so much for sharing, absolutley precious, will show this to my husband…
Claudia from Portugal
Andrea says
Hi Claudia,
So sorry to hear about what you’ve been struggling with. I definitely can relate to many of the things you mentioned — it’s SO hard!
Unfortunately, I don’t have any great resources for you in Portugal — but I would encourage you to keep seeking out support (or even just other sympathetic and understanding parents). It was so helpful for me just to know that I wasn’t completely alone in my struggles. Maybe you could even search the internet for other blogs that talk specifically about high needs children, Attachment Parenting, etc.
mommy w says
My oldest (of 4) was a high-need baby to an extreme. Somehow we survived the first months of literally nonstop hours of crying, the first year of waking up every 45 minutes at night and NO naps, and he went on to grow into the smart, sensitive first grader that he is now. We still struggle with clothing sensitivity, and he needs a lot of attention from me. His teachers think he’s a dream child, but he can melt down completely when he’s overtired. I wish I knew of a similar therapist in my area!
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing 🙂 Glad to know school is going well for your son. I often wonder how Nora will do in school — but I think she will be similar to your son (the teachers will love her but she’ll be a pill when she gets home!)
april says
Thank you for sharing this! My daughter and only child is eight. She was recently identified with SPD, feeding and speech issues. I wish I would have realized and helped my daughter earlier. She is now in OT and speech therapy, but could have been helped so much earlier.
It is surprising to me that I had never learned about sensory processing issues. My husband is a physician, my daughter’s issues were discussed at doctor visits and with dietitians, she attended early childhood classes with me since she a toddler, and she was never identified by her school as needing help with speech until I requested her to be tested. I really appreciate you sharing your story so others can become aware about these issues and it so nice to know that I am not alone. Thank you!
Ted Olivas says
Andrea, I have been reading your blog a few months now and have related to many of your posts. After looking over some of your older posts, this is one that has really hit home lately. My wife and I have three wonderful daughters, each with their own personalities and characters. But the newest addition t our family is definitely falling into this high need category. She smiles at everyone and is definitely a happy and silly girl. But that happiness leaves the instant she is put down. This is our third child, so it’s always interesting when a well meaning stranger in a waiting room or at a store says,” don’t hold her so much, you’ll spoil her.” lol, I jut respond, ” I’m her dad. It’s my job to spoil her. It’s easier than explaining we might possibly know what we’re doing! So the accommodations are made. She will only go to sleep For daddy, yet prefers to sleep WITH mommy. Translation: I let her fall asleep in my arms on the sofa, then place her in bed with mom once asleep. Another source of well-meaning, yet unsolicited scorning. I love her with all my heart, hih maintenance and all. Even if she’s taken over my half of the bed!
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing your story Ted — sounds like our little girls are very similar!
Katelin Reagh says
You are wonderful, patient, kind mother and a huge blessing to your children. Great job! I hope this isn’t too personal, but have you tried any kind of massage with Nora? You of course would be the one administer massage to your child, not a stranger, but she might find it relaxing. I’ve been a therapist for 12 years and I know parent administered massage is often a wonderful way to soothe fussy & uncomfortable infants, it’s also an excellent way to alert the body it’s time for sleep. I was curious what a high needs toddler might think. If this doesn’t seem too strange to you, maybe look up infant / child massage in your area? Usually they are classes taught to parents by professionals. They teach gentle, parent administered, calming & safe massage to specific acupressure points on baby (in hands / feet etc.). If you give it a try, be sure whomever you are learning from is a licensed professional who is experienced with child / infant massage and stop if anything seems uncomfortable to you or Nora. I would also recommend asking your current doctor or therapist what they think prior to trying anything new, as they will be best at determining if this is something that is right for Nora. I hope you find this info helpful & not pushy, I’m not expressing any kind of medical opinion or advice, but sometimes simple ideas are a life saver. You are doing many parents a great service by discussing your experiences with a high needs baby so openly. I’m so happy you are having such wonderful breakthroughs with Nora. I love your blog & I think you are a very brave & strong woman.
Naomi says
I just commented on a later post about the sensory issues and my Nora…this post one made me cry though. It’s almost identical to our experience… The crying and the sleeping… I still don’t go out often and we only go to church twice a month to avoid the drama…. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for sharing, I feel like I’m not alone, or crazy or unreasonable in avoiding a lot of other social situations.
Beth says
It was very surreal reading this post about your high need daughter. I have 8 children. The first 6 were born in 8yrs, so they have a very close age range. Baby #7 and #8 were born 5 yrs and 8 yrs after our youngest. I thought maybe their “high need” differences, compared to our others, were due to the gap in our parenting. Maybe we were just getting soft in our old age???
Your descriptions of Nora were like you were describing my 2 youngest daughters. In fact, Nora is 2wks younger than my 8th child.
Thank you so much for sharing this part of your parenting journey, challenging though it has been. I *know* it will be helpful to other mamas and daddies.
Susan says
What sensory listening program did she use? Did you feel like it made a difference?
Andrea says
I have no idea — it was just some songs the therapist downloaded onto our mp3 player. They didn’t have titles and it wasn’t music I recognized — just music. Sorry I can’t be more helpful!
susan says
No worries at all! Thanks for replying. Do you still use it and do the brushing? How is she doing now at 2 with her sensory issues?
Andrea says
We haven’t been doing the music or brushing much lately. We started to find that the brushing was making her REALLY hyper and very active — so sometimes we actually do the brushing before we go somewhere with lots of people. She seems to be more willing to interact with them (weird I know). The music and brushing did work at times, but neither were a real “fix” for our situation.
Chris says
I just came across your site for the first time, and was drawn to the post about Nora’s trouble sleeping. I have 2 boys who did not sleep well for years. Consequently, I did not get a full nights sleep for about 6 years (while working full time). I found that strep was a HUGE factor. . The boys would have strep without any outward symptoms (and they were too little to communicate)– I finally discovered that not sleeping through the night was a symptom. There is a lot of information about an autoimmune disorder triggered by strep called PANDAS that you might want to explore if you haven’t already ruled it out. The best behavior modification tool that has helped is the Good Nite Lite http://www.goodnitelite.com/. Hang in there, it will get better.
Kasey says
I came across your site and can totally relate to your battle with Nora. Our situation is a little different because my little girl is pretty content as in not much crying as long as she is getting attention, from anyone. If I go out at night to go out with some friends, I have anxiety the whole time…and she fusses the whole time. She is in our bed every. single. night. Because she won’t stay asleep any other way. I am so glad to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. On the other side of that though, I know time goes soooo fast and I am soaking up all the sleepless nights as long as weary as they might seem. Thank you for being honest on your blog and sharing. 🙂
Judy says
I too have a first born daughter that was very high maintenance. She too was under sensitive to touch and needed much more sensory input than other kids. It took us until she was almost 2 to learn more about it, no one we knew had a child who had sensory issues. We are so thankful for early intervention programs and a great OT who taught us how to get her what she. And yes we slept with her on our chest for many many many nights so that we could get some sleep. Worn out. And daughter #2, born 3 days before daughter #1 second bday, was a breeze. I finally realized how “easy” a baby could be. Hang in there.
charlene loudermilk says
Andrea, my daughter found out that some people aren’t born with the ability to make enough Omega 3. It worked for her son. A nurse suggested that she take him off the supplement to see what would happen. Laurie knew what would happen – she would be right back where she started, which was not good. She lives in another state and I was there just before she started the Omega 3 and next time I saw my grandson, it was amazing! You can by it at health food stores in the refrigerated section and there is one made just for children. This all happened when he turned 3 and he had not started talking yet. The “hissy fits” were also quite amazing! Within a very short time, the difference was amazing and now he is 6 and completely caught up. I often think if she hadn’t found about the Omega 3 he would of ended up in special ed and his life would have turned out entirely different – over something that simple!
This might not be the case with Nora but thought it was worth mentioning. She sure is cute!
charlene says
One of my daughters had a high needs baby. A friend finally told her about a book that had worked for someone else. It involves a higher sensory perception than “normal” babies. There is also a weighted blanket that is made by grandmas that she put on the baby after he fell asleep. That’s when he was 3 and slept through the night from then on. you also have to tell him 10 minutes or so ahead of time if you are going somewhere. Can’t just say “get in the car.” He has to know about it. The super clue was Omega 3 liquid for children. They can definitely tell within a day if they run out! This is not something usually tested for during routine checkups. I only wish I had thought to tell you way back when you first had Nora! I have followed from the beginning and always thought she was adorable. Now I understand your frustration because I watched it in my family. My husband and I babysat grandson for a few days at 3 yr old and were terrified he would have one of his fits (we made sure he didn’t but were wrecks ourselves. Sorry this is long, just hope it helps. jPlease don’t prlnt last name)
Andrea says
Thanks Charlene,
Just wondering, what does the Omega 3 liquid do?
DeeDee Moore says
http://highneeds.wordpress.com/
Interesting blog, but it looks like she took some time off for a while to concentrate on high needs toddler. It’s been 11 months since she posted. 🙂
Shelby says
DeeDee….
Who are you talking about? Andrea writes her blog every day at least once! And even if she did take off 11 months, that’s her prerogative. I cannot imagine what she goes through…it sounds exhausting
Andrea says
Shelby, DeeDee is talking about the women who’s blog she linked to in her comments. THAT is the lady who took 11 months off 🙂
Verity says
Thank you for the wonderful article!
I think your journey the last couple years has been an encouragement to many moms. (with or without high needs babies.)
My sister’s 2nd is a high needs toddler, and my sister was wondering where she could learn more about the therapy. (I’ve sent her several of your articles on Nora the last year, and she was just thankful to relate to another mom with a challenging child!)
Is there an internet source or a specific name to google to find the therapy???
Carol says
I understand what your going through, My son had the same traits when he was a baby
and toddler. He was the sweetest child, but had a hard time with being around a lot
of children his own age. I adjusted my working schedule and worked with him concerning
his needs. He is very gifted and I believe Nora is also gifted. Try to work with her gift
and your journey will be wonderful. My son’s in college now and doing great Conrats
on baby #2.
Fran says
I just discovered this site thru another blog, so I might be a little late in the comments. I don’t have a child like that but have a “gifted” child. I have seen a lot of information on sensory needs in gifted children from the following facebook groups (who also have websites):
SENG – Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted
Supporting Gifted Learners
Becky says
I also live in west mi and believe we go to the same place for therapy. They are all wonderful!
I feel your pain thinking what did I do wrong but God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle. I just kept repeating this over and over. Nothing ever went as planned for my pregnancy’s or the births and all went to neo natal. So normal anything would have been nice but I have three healthy children that God gave us. Therapy has been InThe cards with everything from feeding to the brushing and headphones. So glad I found this and that it has helped. FYI I my son loves the downstairs play area and loves the crashing and the tramp so we now have a small tramp in our home so he can get his input while he jumps and listens to his headphones at the same time it is a win win and help get some energy out. Maybe Nora would like that also. Praying things will keep getting better for all of you. Congrats on baby number two.
Leslie says
I wish I had read this article when out kids were younger (they are now almost 7 & 8)! Both of our kids were this way to some extent & our family never understood. It caused a lot of tension when they were babies because they thought I just didn’t want to share the kids with them. Truth is it is exhausting & lonely! I have never heard of this being an actual diagnosis (for lack of a better word) & just thought it was their personality. They both have these traits (although each of them to different extremes) so it wasn’t any easier when the 2nd one came along & only wanted mom bc her level of comfort was eased by different things than her brother. I wish there was more education on this! Especially when the nurses in the hospital can tell that a child will not be happy unless they are in moms arms! Thanks for sharing. I had an light bulb go off as I was reading this & feel much better knowing it wasn’t me that was doing this to them. Now if we could only get my daughter to be ok (at almost 7) with being in a different room than mom for more than 2 min!!
April says
Andrea,
Great article. I am the parent of high-needs child also, who is now 18 and off to university. She was much like you describe your daughter to be when she was a baby and toddler. I wish I would have had access to the therapy you describe. It was a really hard thing to go through because no one really understood what we were going through. As my daughter got older things did improve, but the sensory issues were always (and still are) there. For example: the middle school and high school cafeteria was always an overwhelming experience for my daughter because of the noise/confusion. My only advice might be to make sure you are an advocate for Nora in the future to help her though those situations that might be easy for others but difficult for her.
Lee Cockrum says
I’m so glad that you found the therapy place that is helping so much. I am a pediatric physical therapist, and it is always so difficult for me when pediatricians don’t see when a child has needs that are atypical, or even do not see more blatant problems such as cerebral palsy. Parents know their children better than anyone else. They do not want their child to have a problem, so if they are bringing it up, they have probably “tested” their child a bunch of times to assure themselves that the child is really ok before they ask that scary question. And then they get told “he will outgrow it”
Jackee says
Wow! What a relief for you to find out this information! And by sharing your experiences you will be able to help other parents….There are many families out there that struggle with the same thing and perhaps not getting a diagnosis for one reason or another. I have a special needs son who has sensory issues…and didn’t not have any information until just a few years ago. Great strides have been made in this area! I drive my son 90 miles once a week to see an occupational therapist. It makes all the difference in the world. You are not alone and you would be amazed at how many families that are out there who go through the same thing. Thank you for sharing your story!
vanessa says
Oh my goodness, this describes my son so much! Hes 9 now, but life was rough for me when he was a baby. I went thru it all, no one but my mom could hold him, i had to take a bath w him in bouncy beside me, ate all the time( i breast fed). He still is clingy, very sensitive, and worrys about EVERYTHING. I am def doing some research! Thanks so much! Wish id known about this long ago! To give u hope, i have an 8 yr old girl who is completely opposite in personality. 🙂
kris says
Yay!!! My youngest has some sensory issues (not nearly to Nora’s extent) along with some visual perception issues, low muscle tone, speech…all to a smaller degree but combined together makes life interesting. My oldest has some anxiety issues (again not huge but it’s there) and when he was younger he did not love being away from me…except for preschool and play dates but I was typically there for play dates. Thank goodness! So, I can absolutely understand your excitement over Nora’s progress. What an accomplishment for her to have less anxiety over being without Mom!
Evie says
Andrea, I wanted to share with you something that really helped my daughter to feel more at ease and that I’m hoping you will want to get for Nora. My guess is she will love it as a place to snuggle down alone once she gets used to it!
http://www.amazon.com/La-Siesta-Hanging-Fabric-Hammock/dp/B005P3WA9G/ref=pd_sbs_hg_3
You and Dave are amazing parents for this wonderful and complex little girl! Yeah!!
Evie (not recommending Amazon, necessarily, but it was easy to find it there and paste the link)
Caitlin says
Hi Andrea,
I have to say that I’m truly inspired by how much you accomplish all the while keeping a smile on your face (at least on your blog), after reading about the struggles you’ve encountered in the early months of your daughter’s life. Truly inspirational! My sister has had a similar journey with her first daughter, who is now four – “brushing”, listening therapy, feeding therapies – and although this is your “normal”, it says a whole lot about you as a person and mother! Never doubt your instincts about what you feel is best for you and your family. Thank you for sharing and being so honest! Prayers for continued progress in your daughter’s health and well-being. She looks super happy! 🙂
Caitlin
Bev says
Andrea – I always love that your writing is so transparent and honest and that you’re willing to share so openly with others. I’m sure this blog post is going to be of great help and encouragement to those that are experiencing the same things. So glad you found something that’s working – and maybe this means we’ll see you again once in a while at West Michigan Blogger meetings 🙂 Congrats on baby #2!!
Lisa says
Beautiful post, beautiful little girl. One of my twins had similar issues and it was a tough road to parent. I would be careful with the “normal” label. These personality traits are your daughter’s normal and now yours too! I wish I had some help/techniques to better deal with him. My son’s difficulties were a huge wake up call for me as a parent and one I will never forget. They are teens now and what I could not see through the sleepless nights and incessant crying was “this to shall pass” and it passes quickly. Your daughter is so young for some of the expectations you list…. that society puts on our kids. She may always be more sensitive, more anxious and have difficulty with transitions but her normal may become her best asset some day. Congratulations on baby #2, I hope your daughter becomes an amazing big sister ~ who knows what this life changing event will do for her?
Kristin says
Thanks so much for sharing this with us, Andrea! It sure has been quite a journey, huh? 🙂 I appreciate your honesty. And congrats on baby #2!
Andrea says
Andrea – Your post is making my heart do flip flops. I can’t express how happy I am that you have found this therapy. It sounds like it has been life-changing for all of you. I have a 14 year old daughter who started out life that way as well… we have muddled our way through and learned to cope and avoid and have done fairly well. She still has a lot of anxieties and we’ve taken her to psychological therapy but never anything like this. I emailed Molly from your center and am hoping she can point me in the right direction around here. Although my daughter is able to get by with what she’s dealing with now it would be amazing if we could help her even further alleviate her anxieties.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. And for reminding me that we’re not bad parents (It’s just HARD to not blame yourself). I wish you all of the best with your new little bundle. When I had my second (when my first was 3) my mother said “I can’t believe she’s as hard as the first”. To be fair… she wasn’t. But she was NOT the opposite 😉 But, my first handled it pretty well and really didn’t start getting jealous until the second started crawling and getting into her toys. With all of the knowledge that you have now – I’m sure you will handle it great!
Hugs!
Andrea
kathy w says
I am so happy you found a therapy to help all of you. I wish they had this around when I had
my 18 yr old son. I was always told we were spoiling him or too strict no matter what we did. I can relate to all of your issues. I didn’t think I wanted to have any more children. I had our second son 4 yrs later and he was also high needs but not as much as our first son, or maybe since we had been through it with our first the second wasn’t as noticeable. Both of our sons
are highly intelligent and are very similar to Lisa’s in the first post stated. It has been very challenging raising our boys but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Of course, when they were
smaller I thought I wouldn’t see this day, but it has been so worth it. Hang in there, you have come a long way and it will only get better.
Kristen says
I’ve had two fabulous, high-need boys, and I’m sure it’s a sign of giftedness. My older son, who’s 25, is getting his PhD, and my little guy, who’s almost 6, reads amazingly and does incredible mental math. It was nice of you to share what worked for you. However, I wish you hadn’t repeatedly referred to Nora as “not normal.” High-need behavior is just one end of the spectrum of “normal” behavior. Nora IS normal! I object to your language and your use of “horrible.” My boys were just like Nora at that age. I would never have called them “horrible.” Your post is part of history now, for Nora to see one day. It’s unfair to label anyone’s behavior as not being normal. What is “normal” anyway? The problem we have as parents is comparing our children to other children, even to their siblings. Yes, it would be easier to have a child who goes to someone else, or who can let Daddy comfort them in the middle of the night, or who doesn’t cry so much. But God gave us our children for a reason. They are gifts, whether they are low- or high-need. We get what we get; it’s kind of like a lottery. 🙂
Siobhan says
I had a very similar experience with my first baby. I actually took a child care leave from my teaching position b/c I commuted close to 3 hours a day and it was realty tough to be so far from her so many hours a day. It was also difficult because friends & co workers just didn’t get it so I kind of felt alone at times. She just turned four and is in pre-school getting OT, speech, PT and play therapy. She also just started taking the school bus this week without any issue…which was amazing.
On the other hand my two year old daughter is totally different. So much easier to parent, although a bit mischievous 🙂 My parents tell us she’ll give us our troubles during the teenage years lol. However, since both girls are so different they love each other to pieces. Since my younger daughter is so relaxed and outgoing it has helped my older daughter with her social anxiety issues.
Baby #3 is due in Feb. so like you we’ll hope for the best and take it as it comes. Parenting is definitely a journey filled with ups and downs. Thank you so much for sharing yours 🙂
Elizabeth says
What a great post! I think you are so blessed to have found some things that really seem to help. My 2 year old is my 6th baby and we are at a loss sometimes dealing with his behavior! And here I was thinking I might just have this parenting thing down. HA! God’s blessings and thank you for sharing your experience!
Brandy says
Sounds like I had a high need baby and still have a high need 4 year old. WE are just getting her to feel comfortable her Sunday school class without me there! I will check into the therapy program! Thanks for your honesty.