Before Nora was born, I asked a handful of moms to write a post about motherhood, parenting, family, or another related topic (read the posts here). I used those posts for a 3-week maternity leave after I returned home from the hospital and began real life with a new baby.
The posts were fabulous; I read them ALL over and over again!
Even now, almost 18 months later, I still regularly go back and read through many of those posts — especially this one from Sarah of Clover Lane. Her blog is one of my favorite blogs, and I know many of you enjoy reading her motherly advice as well.
At the end of Sarah’s guest post, she says “Remember the little things, but don’t forget the big picture.” And that phrase has really stuck with me through the many long months since Nora’s birth. However it’s the 2nd part of the phrase that I recite to myself on a daily basis.
Don’t forget the big picture.
I repeat this phrase whenever I feel overwhelmed with my job as a Mother (so usually around 50 times a day!)
For example, at this VERY moment, Nora is screaming at the top of her lungs from her bedroom and refusing (once again) to take a nap. She’s been screaming for a while now, and I know from months and months of experience that she will NOT fall asleep. However, without her daily screaming sessions, I get absolutely no time to sit and think (did I mention our babysitter had to quit two weeks ago.) So I sit and type while she screams and refuses to give in to how tired she is.
In a few minutes, I’ll get her out and take her for a walk. She’ll be asleep by the time we get to the end of the driveway.
It’s not ideal, it doesn’t make me happy, but it is what it is.
I wish she would be like normal children and take a nap each day.
I wish I could get her on some sort of schedule.
I wish I wasn’t so exhausted all the time.
I wish that even one piece of sleep-training advice we’ve been given would work.
I wish she would fall asleep at night without hours and hours of crying.
I wish Dave and I could have one full night of sleep… just ONE night in 18 months. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
And while right now, at this point in my life, Nora’s sleep issue seems like a huge deal (it IS a huge deal when your so tired) I do realize that in the scheme of my entire life, it is just a phase.
Yes, I know that “time goes so fast”, I know I should “enjoy every moment”, I know that “this too shall pass”, and I know that “the days are long but the years are short”. However none of those overly-used cliche phrases helps with my exhaustion right now.
Don’t forget the big picture.
By constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) reminding myself not to forget the big picture, I feel like I can make it through one more hour, one more day, one more week.
After all, Nora is happy, she’s healthy, she’s loved… and if she’s still not sleeping by the time she’s 18, she’ll go off to college and keep someone else up all night 🙂
Don’t forget the big picture.
As I continue to recite this phrase over and over each day, I realize that it can also apply to so many facets of life…
Maybe your home isn’t nearly as neat or organized as you’d like it to be right now — but in the big picture, your home is a place where family and friends gather regularly and enjoy spending time together. They don’t care how neat and organized it is. They just know that your doors are always open and you will always welcome them in.
Maybe your career isn’t where you thought it might be right now — but in the big picture, you have enough to provide for your family, you’ve met so many great people along the way, and you’ve learned a lot in the process. Maybe your current job is just a stepping stone to something really great.
Maybe your life feels overwhelming and completely out of control right now — but in the big picture, you have your health, your family, and so much more to be thankful for.
Maybe you have a difficult baby, teenager, adult child, or spouse that’s creating all sorts of stress and problems right now — but in the big picture, at least you have a baby, teenager, adult child, and spouse. They are alive, and there is always hope that the problems will be resolved with time.
I know these examples are overly simplified and won’t resonate with everyone, but I think you get the idea.
I’m not naive… I realize that it’s really easy to say “don’t forget the big picture” but it’s completely different to actually believe it (yes, I speak from experience).
Even after MONTHS of telling myself not to forget the big picture, there are still plenty of times when I think, There is just no way I can do this. I am not cut out to be a mother. I can’t handle one more night with such little sleep. How did I ever think I could work full time and be a mom full time?
Then I snap out of it and realize there are SO many worse things we could be dealing with than “just” lack of sleep. Our house could burn down (or flood), we could have a life-threatening disease, we could lose our jobs and all our savings, we could experience death, etc. etc.
Right now, our lack of sleep feels like a huge deal… but in the big picture, it’s just a phase (maybe a long phase, but still a phase).
Life will go on.
We will be OK.
Nora will sleep eventually… right?
What area of your life could use some “big picture” thinking?
JoDi says
Your situation is exceptional; it’s definitely not the norm. I’m sure hearing people say things like “enjoy every moment” must grate on your nerves when so many moments are filled with screaming and lack of sleep. I have a child and know tons of people with children and can honestly say I’ve never known anyone who had to deal with anything remotely as severe as what you describe. I would truly lose my mind if I had to go without a decent night of sleep for this long and then deal with daily screaming on top of it.
I know you’ve covered this situation on the blog several times before, but I can’t recall what you’ve done to have Nora checked for possible medical causes for this problem. I know you’ve received all kinds of unsolicited advice on what to try and nothing has worked. The reason people share the advice is because the advice does work for some, and they’re hoping it will help Nora too. The fact that NONE of it works for Nora would be a huge cause of concern for me as a parent. Consulting with some specialists to rule out some condition that could be remedied or at least explain why this is happening might help. That is, if you haven’t done that already. You may have, and it’s none of my business if you have. I’m just trying to share the perspective of someone who’s looking in from the outside at a very unusual situation and wondering if it’s just starting to feel “normal” after so long. I’ve been there myself, sometimes dealing with a very trying situation for a really long time and just sort of getting habituated to it when, really, something was very wrong.
Katie says
PS: I just went back and read the Clover Lane post you linked to. Loved it – thank you. “No one will know and love your baby more than you do.” That is the truth. And helpful for me to remember when it seems like unsolicited advice is coming in on a daily basis. Now I’m off to read Clover Lane for a bit…
Katie says
Hi Andrea – Thanks for a good dose of perspective! I was reading and immediately thought of one of my favorite posts from one of my favorite “mommy blogs” (really, I am obsessed with this woman). I think it goes right along with the big picture perspective – and will also most likely make you laugh if you get a few free minutes to read! http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/
chris k says
We had 2 children. Our daughter (who is now an Elem school principal) was a great sleeper AND napper. No problems. Then came our son…… who apparently saw no reason or need for sleep. Chaos reigned. Finally we settled upon calling his afternoon nap time his “quiet time”. Told him he did not have to sleep at all…… he could play, sing, build w/ his blocks, would put a record on for him if he wanted…. (this was in the early 80’s), and the only “catch” was that he had to stay in his room. We had a clock on the wall and he knew when he could come out. Without the burden of “taking a nap”, the crying and screaming stopped. And, it was funny, but once or twice a week he did fall asleep. He is now an IT Project Mgr and still loves chaos.
Please know this wasn’t advice……. just an “old wive’s tale”!! 🙂 They do grow up and move on and become contributing members of society!! It is just soooo hard when you are in the midst of it all, and that big picture is sometimes hard to see when you are so tired.
Amy says
I don’t have any advise other than to listen to your mother’s intuition. Don’t worry about what this or that method says, do whatever works for you. If she sleeps when you take a walk – fine, do that. I personally think that sleep deprivation is the hardest part of parenthood when they are little. You are not alone, and it will get better.
Holly F. says
I have 3 kids, all terrible sleepers and nappers. I got lots of well intentioned advice, but nothing worked (and I tried it ALL). All 3 kids miraculously started sleeping through the night at age 4. Hopefully you won’t have to wait THAT long!
Cathleen says
Wow – I can totally relate reading through this post, and judging by the comments above, so can so many other parents.
As for sleeping (or lack of) when I find myself asking why I just can’t get ONE night of UNINTERRUPTED sleep I try to remember my parents because THEY never seemed this tired. But I guess they were!
These days for our family, “big picture thinking” is the way we needed to look at our financial situation. We didn’t quite make all our goals this year so we needed to look at the important ones that we did and feel good about that.
It is heartwarming to see your discussion of the big picture. It helps so much to try to put the day to day issues into perspective. And I think it is why so many of us are reading your blog today.
Ruth says
I guess I have to ask….. why not take her for a walk before you put her down? Anyway, I’m sorry you have to go through all this. Nora is a cutie and I enjoy your posts.
Lauren says
I have absolutely no advice, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My son is 20 months old and occasionally sleeps all the way through the night. Sleep deprivation is not a fun thing. Thank-you for this post. It is encouraging to look at the Big Picture. I am thankful for a healthy child even though I do wish he would sleep through the night!
Anna Marie says
I thought my youngest daughter would be in college before she slept thru the night. I remember sleep deprived (25 years later!). Eventually she did and now she is starting her doctorate – so I guess her brain was not affected – don’t know about mine…
All I can say is that I let other things go – lived in survival mode and slept whenever I could. You might want to ease up on your expectations of yourself- and her- and you might just live thru this time- and get to see her go to college!
Amy says
Thank you for this post! It was exactly what I needed today! I also can completely relate to the sleep issues. My daughter was apparently the best baby ever so when my son came along I simply wasn’t prepared. He is three now and just now starting to sleep through the night on a fairly regular basis. Don’t get me wrong he still gets me up a couple times a night but much less frequently now. I wish I had magical advice to help you, but all I can say is that it will get better at some point! I know that doesn’t help when you are bone tired! May you be surprised by a full night of sleep in the very near future!
Alyssa says
I’m sure you expected that this post would provoke a lot more sleeping advice. I don’t have any. My first two kids slept through the night at 4 months and I thought, wow I’m such a great mom!! Then my 3rd was born and she wouldn’t sleep unless she was in my arms. Not even Daddy’s arms would do. I don’t work a full time job, but taking care of two small children while being severely sleep deprived has been one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever has to experience. She is 8 months now and still waking up 3-4 times a night. Some times she cries till she’s sick and to say I’m desperate is an understatement!
I have to remind myself to not forget the big picture as well. 8 months a ago I would have said that any child should be trained to sleep through the night, but now that I’m living this, knowing I’ve tried every tip and suggestion out there, I’ve concluded that some kids are different! I don’t know how you’ve managed to survive 18 months like this!
Thank you for this encouragement! I think of you at 1am ( and 3 and 5!) every night.
Andrea says
I can soo relate to you! {hugs} I have a daughter that also has had major sleep issues..she’s almost 3 now and thank god doing much better! She had colic until she was 5months old and sleep good after that till she quit nursing. After that the only way she would sleep was if she was riding in her stroller or in the car. My husband and I were so desperate for sleep that we pushed around the living room in her stroller to get her to sleep (thank goodness we have wood floors;). As I look back now her main problem was her teeth. She was cutting all her teeth and the molars were the hardest and always disrupt her sleep. She just cut her top 2yr molars last week and we didn’t get any sleep!
My daughter loves to snuggle so sometimes I lay down with her to get her to sleep. Or I just let her fall asleep in the living room and carry her to her crib. Oh and when I let her play outside and wear her out..she sleeps much better! She’s too tired to fight it!
I said a prayer for you!
Rachel says
Hi Andrea, I love your blog! I’m in Grand Rapids so it feels like a “local” blog 🙂 I have the exact same area of life that needs big picture thinking. My son, who will be two in a couple weeks, has NEVER slept through the night. In fact, he wakes up many nights five or more times and never less than three. Sometimes it takes awhile for him to go back to sleep and sometimes he goes right back to sleep…but I don’t! My daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was two and a half and that was when my son was a newborn, so I’ve been doing serious sleep deprivation for over four years. Sometimes it feels like it is ruining our lives and sometimes it feels like it is all that controls our life, but it doesn’t have to! And I don’t want to hear all the advice and cliches anymore. I feel like we have tried everything and if there’s something we haven’t tried, I’m too tired to do it anyway! But I really, really appreciate your post and you are so right. I would add that in this experience God is teaching me more about total dependence on him…for EVERYTHING. I’ve been too dedicated to depending on myself and trying to control everything. If this is what it takes to humble me, I think it’s finally working 🙂 There is in fact so much to be thankful for and I can even look back on the days I’ve already lived in my tired state and see that He was there for me and brought me through it. And those days that seemed so hopeless as they began, ended up filled with grace and beauty and enjoyment of these precious years with my little ones. In spite of this trial we are in! My outlook on this can make all the difference between suffering through it or embracing His goodness in the midst of it. It means a lot to hear that someone else understands. These sorts of extreme cases can feel pretty lonely at times!
Michele says
I wish I lived closer so I could give you a break. Sleepless nights are hard! Hang in there…
Holly says
I love your post, not that you are exhausted though. I have two boys 3 1/2 and 9. They have soooo much energy and I am 38 and I just plain and simple don’t have the energy I used to. It is a hard job being a mom. The hardest. And people don’t like to talk about it. And you never, ever get time off unless you are lucky enough to have help and even that isn’t always easy or guilt free. I am frequently overwhelmed and I know that I can barely deal with anything when I am not sleeping properly. My youngest has frequent croupy, asthma illnesses all winter long so I am dealing with three nights in a row of no sleep pretty often during the cold months of the year. Otherwise, they sleep ok. My oldest is going through a very challenging phase right now and yesterday he pushed me to a really bad point and I honestly felt so emotionally and mentally drained and exhausted, I just didn’t even know what to do with myself. I have to focus on the good things and remind myself it is a phase and that it will get easier and then when my beautiful, strong willed boy enters a different phase, it will get hard again. I can’t imagine a time in my life when motherhood will be free of worry and stress. Yesterday I stopped and thought, I can’t give up or give in. I am the only person in the world (besides my husband) who is going to be there for him to help guide him in the right way and even though it feels like I am not going to make it some days, I have to, it is the job that I prayed for and it is my gift to be his mom. He doesn’t make it easy for me but it is a responsibility I have to fulfill. I have a million projects in my home that I would love to get to and I know that one day I will and I know how frustrating it is to me to continue shoving them to the back burner. Just hang in there, maybe talk to her doctor like others have suggested. Maybe take turns with Dave so that you at least have one night on and off? It is hard and I appreciate your post and your honesty. Please know that you aren’t alone. I don’t think there is a “normal” answer out there and if someone says they have one, I usually decide they aren’t to be trusted. Or I look at their priorities and know that something is different from mine for a very good reason. She will sleep one day. ;-). It is one of the most rewarding, fun, beautiful stages of life but also one if not THE hardest when they are little and I am starting to wonder if it will ever be truly easy? Sometimes I get really, really tired of trying to stay strong but there just isn’t any other choice and I am trying to forgive myself when I have a day that isn’t good, they can’t all be good. At least from the outside, you appear to be one of the most organized, inspiring, hard working, amazing women I like to keep up with!
Andrea says
Thanks for your perspective Holly — and I hope that if you met me, you would still say I’m organized and hard working 🙂
Debby says
Andrea,
See how many lives you touch. Look at all these people encouraging you and giving you words of comfort. Many times I have commented to you that Nora reminds me of my second child who is now 15. She was and still is very strong willed. She didn’t nap well and woke up every night. We eventually found out her adenoids were enlarged and she had sleep apnea. WHO KNEW~!!! Just wanted to share. I will now keep “The big picture” as a mantra I say to myself as I struggle through the teen years.
Much love.
Karen says
My sister-in-law, who has five children, gave me the best reminder in the world when I was struggling with my newborn. She said “Children are God’s way of reminding us that no matter what plans we make – we were never in control of the plan in the first place”. Hearing that helped me a LOT!!
Dianne Medeiros says
Hi Andrea,
I would agree that lack of sleep is very difficult. I have 4 children – I consider them normal, but only 1 of the 3 was a napper/sleeper (#3). 2 Girls and 2 Boys (6 years difference between oldest and youngest, so I had a 6 year old – just starting 1st grade, a 3 1/2 yr old – pre-schooler, an 18 mo old – toddler and a newborn. My “baby” has been a screamer since birth and he did NOT nap and he still does not require much sleep. He does not fall asleep until very late at night although he, for the most part does stay in bed – he’s 9yr 9mo old. My children are really difficult to sleep with because they all move & kick etc… and my husband and I just could not get a good night’s sleep with them in our bed – so we never got our children into the habit of co-sleeping (which I know is a popular option) – unless they are sick. Sometimes my husband and I would sleep with them in their beds to get them to go to sleep… we actually tried LOTs of things. If I had to choose one thing that we did, the worked for all 4 children and for us… was making a bed for our children next to my side of the bed. A blanket & a pillow. Then, if our children woke up in the middle of the night, they would just lay down on their “make-shift” bed and we all got back to sleep without too much disruption and had a somewhat decent night of sleep. Another option that worked for my brother and I when we were young… is my parent’s let my younger brother sleep with me which provided him security and kept him from waking them up. Obviously, Nora wants to do what works for her and she’s too young to realize how this affects you – however, if you can find a way to work around what she wants and make it work for you & Dave (rather than try to find a way to force a routine, a nap etc…) that’s the key – the hard part is figuring this out. Also, once you figure out something that works, Nora will likely change. I can tell you this… I never thought I’d make it through all the sleep deprivation (and we still have nights several times a month after 16+ years) BUT my oldest will be leaving home in 2 years and I just can’t believe that my children are all so grown up now. Yes, the younger years were difficult but now they are over and I sure do miss them and can’t believe how quickly time has flown. btw, 2 children are more work than one HOWEVER they do keep each other occupied (even if it’s fighting, making messes & being extra naughty together – the funny thing is, those are some of the moments miss the most AND those are the BEST most entertaining moments on video – the moments where everyone is getting along are actually kind of boring.) The end of this comment won’t mean much to you now… but in 15 years you’ll likely be writing something similar to another new mom. 🙂
Sarah says
Andrea – my daughter didn’t sleep through the night until she was 2.5 years old, after I stopped nursing her. And she still wakes me up sneaking into my bed every night. She just turned 3.
Also, she hasn’t napped for the last year, even when she is sick.
I think it is normal.
Julie H says
Thanks for this post! Both of my boys were done with napping by the time they were 2. Also, I’m not very good with not getting enough sleep, so when my boys were babies, I would put them in bed with us (on my side of the bed) and now we have a 4 yr old (nearly every night) and 7 yr old (about once a week) who will both come and climb in bed with us during the night. Sometimes I think I should make them sleep in their own beds, but then I also think that soon enough they won’t want to cuddle, so I just scooch over and make room in the middle of the night. 🙂
Also, where did you get the cute grey sequin dress?
Andrea says
Thanks Julie — and the “dress” is actually just a long shirt but it’s from Target. I got it several months ago so not sure if it’s still there or not 🙂
Julie H says
It’s very cute either way! Thanks! Sweet dreams…;)
Norma says
Did you just get into my head? Perfect time for me to read something like this.
My house is a mess because of so many changes lately, a very heavy workload, terrible commute to the office. But I try to stop and think I am blessed to have a home, even if it is messy… to have a ton of dishes to wash because that means we have food (In Mexico is not very common to have a dishwasher :)), also better to have long commute to work for now, because it means I have a job.
I wish you can soon find something that will help Nora take naps and get into a schedule. I couldn’t agree more on the saying that the days are long but the years are short. My son is almost 7 and was never very good for nap time either… now he doesn’t even need them. Time flies!
Thanks Andrea!
Laurel says
Humor helps too! Remember she will most likely be caring for you and Dave in your old age. Maybe you will be a real handful! Sweet revenge. Also, I’d be willing to bet your future kids will be super easy.
Antoinette says
HI Andrea
I have to share with you – my kids don’t sleep (period) without Melatonin. My 7 year old son even as a baby struggled to fall asleep (to wind down… etcetc) and we have on and off been using Melatonin for 3 years with him (under the supervision/care of our pediatrician).
My daughter now 3 , I have also recently started on Melatonin as she wakes up a 100 times at night if she doesn’t get it.
I have become a very grumpy mommy…if I don’t get uninterrupted sleep….
It’s really a challening journey. I hope you find what works for you guys.
Antoinette
Laurel says
You are doing great just by not totally losing it! Everything is so much more difficult when you are sleep deprived including thinking clearly and keeping your emotions under control. It has taken me my whole lifetime (longer than yours) to come to the realization that life is hard. We think that when everything is smooth sailing and peachy, that that should be the norm. Now I realize that those are the times to grab on to and be thankful for and to fully appreciate. I think having kids and getting older and wiser has led me to this perspective. Thanks for sharing. Hopefully it is therapuetic fir you, too.
Christina says
You have such a way with words and you always help me to see the glass ‘half full.’ Thank you for sharing such details and helping those around us change our perspectives.
My youngest of four didn’t sleep. We literally had to hold her to rotate even eating! She was so cranky! If she was the first, I don’t know that there would have been four! I feel for you girl! You have one strong willed child, who knows exactly what she wants in the world, at a tiny age. She’s beautiful and healthy!
Keep smiling and hopefully sleeping again one day!
Silvia says
Andrea, if it’s any consolation, I have a 5 year old who, as a baby and toddler, would not take naps or sleep well. He did not sleep through the night until he was 15 1/2 months old and it coincided with when he decided to stop breastfeeding. One other small adjustment we made though, seemed to help. We used to put him to sleep at 8 pm. Read a blog from a sleep expert and she suggested 7 pm. I tried putting him to be an hour earlier and surprise, he still woke up at the same time the next morning – so I gained one hour of sleep. What I found with him was that if you put him to bed later, he’d still be up by 6 or 6:30, but if you would put him to bed earlier, he would still get up at 6 or 6:30. Weird, but it worked! Now, he still takes a 2 hr nap, every day, loves to sleep, is asleep by 9 pm, having taken a 2 hr nap. So things might reverse themselves later. Those with babies who supposedly slept perfectly had toddlers and now small children would would not nap to save their lives, mine, sometimes tells me his head is tired and he needs a nap. Don’t lose hope! I’ve been where you were – working full time from home, teaching online and taking care of my son pretty much alone as my husband, at the time, was in a very demanding Ph.D. program and was also doing internships and externships. We also had no help from family.
Jennifer C says
Oh Andrea, thank you very much for posting this. I needed to hear everything that I had to say today. As I sit wiping tears as I type, I know this is a reassurance for me. Thank you from little ole me. Although I’m not dealing with a child who won’t sleep, I thank you for reminding me of the other “big picture” items!
Stephanie says
I also needed this. And I loved your line about going off to college and keeping someone else up all night!
I seriously hope things get better. And I’m sure once they do, you’ll be doing it all over again with the next one (that’s if Nora hasn’t scared you away from more babies!).
Andrea says
Oh Stephanie. If you would have asked me BEFORE having kids, I would have said we wanted a bunch of kids really close together 🙂 Then Nora was born, and Dave and I basically looked at each other and said “What on earth were we thinking?” Need-less-to-say, we’ll probably wait a while longer before trying for any more babies 🙂
Stephanie says
Us too! After our first, we said we wanted to be the next Duggar family. I think we’re stopping at 2 now. 🙂 Hang in there.
Sarah says
Andrea, I too, have heard all of that over-used cliche advice as I have 4 children 4 years and under. So many people have their 2 cents to chime in and offer unsolicited advice, when in reality, they aren’t living your life every day and don’t know what it’s like. So I’m not writing to advise you, just to relate to your frustrations that big picture thinking isn’t very easy when you’re in the trenches of parenting. Right now my struggle is with my two year old who is ornery, whiney, cranky and generally (excuse me) pissed off 90% of the day. I rise each morning in prayer that God will equip me and guide me to be the momma that my kids need that day. Today it was an honest and sincere confession that I cannot do this job he’s given me without his help moment by moment. Thank you for sharing honestly and I pray for grace for you each day.
Andrea says
Thanks for your kind words Sarah, and wow… 4 children under 4! As my grandma often says, you’ll get extra jewels in your crown some day 🙂
Five4FiveMeals says
Amen, Andrea! Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed this today.
Louise says
She wouldn’t be scared to be in her room by herself, would she?
Jen says
I think I may have mentioned this once before, but has Nora been evaluated for reflux? I have a friend who battled the EXACT same issues you’re having with sleepy and extreme picky eating. He finally got a diagnosis at four years old for reflux. And once he got on the medicine, the problems magically began to disappear. I’m certainly no doctor, but the difficulties you’re having sound so familiar that it might be worth running by her pediatrician.
That said, regardless of how many bloggers and Facebook mommies paint their lives, there is no kid who blissfully naps in his or her bed every day. We’ve been given this unrealistic image. My son is almost two and won’t go to sleep without nursing, which means I have to do all bed times. It sucks (pardon the pun), but it’s just this season of life (like you said—big picture!) and I know I’m not alone in that. I promise you and your napless little one are not alone. There are many of us out here who do not live in that magical land where babies go into their cribs and sleep for 2.5 hours before awakening, refreshed and ready to continue being perfect. I promise.
wilma says
ok, (uh wait, just so you know, i’m a big fan…and lurker). but i have to say something (typing fast, at work, sorry re grammar etc.). the big picture DOES NOT WORK when you are exhausted. and you are. not even normal exhaustion, you’re well beyond that. it’s used as a method of TORTURE for a reason.
i have no assvice…but this: pay the big bucks (if you can) and get a sleep expert in to train your child. it’s not too late. don’t go for any cheapie over-the-phone/internet advice, get someone in person. IT WORKS. i have two sets of friends who did this. did it make their children into perfect angel sleepers? NO. did it make them into relatively normal sleepers? YESYESYESYESYES. their kids are still not great sleepers when taken away from their routine and homes, but they are average sleepers at home.
i think your beautiful, wonderful little toddler is NOT an average sleeper. and i think it’s ridiculous that you (who does not have experience–almost NO parents do, and i sure didn’t) can be expected to “fix” or just “deal with” these kind of sleeping issues.
now, please please please ignore me/delete this post if things are working for you or you are at all offended (absolutely no offence is meant). but it kind of sounds like things aren’t really working for you that well.
maybe it’s time to skip the books and anecdotal advice, and bring in the big guns.
good luck. i became literally desparate when my second child was not sleeping (first was a great sleeper, so of course i secretly thought i knew what i was doing, the second cured me of that hubris, that’s for sure!).
and lastly, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.
susie says
well….. I have 6 kids, the oldest is almost 12… So that means it has been 12 years since I have slept through the whole night!! i guess thats why I am in bed longer than 8 hours!
Stel says
Oh my, I often sit and think about things like quality of education, and safety, and four years ago – sleeping through the night 🙂
Now – I remind myself of the scene in Men in Black 1, where the aliens play with universe that was on Orion’s belt…it is just such a brilliant metaphor for what tiny specs we are in he greater scheme of things, compared to creation…the quality of your matric is actually nothing.
kate says
I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure posts like this make God smile largely. It’s acceptance without understanding mixed with a whole lotta hope. This is maturity in faith and so heartwarming to read. Keep plugging through, working hard and being thankful for each new day. God will honor your exhausting efforts :). I’m sure of it.
Andrea says
Thanks Kate — I’ve never thought of it that way before!
Evie says
Kate, I love what you wrote to Andrea. Gave me goose bumps reading it. I believe you are absolutely right.
Andrea, you lift up so many hearts every day by sharing your perspectives on real life.
Kara K says
Big picture is so important! I find that I have to remind myself that just because I fed my child fish sticks for supper and a grilled cheese for lunch, that I have in no way, ruined his eating habits forever and will only two things until adulthood 🙂
Deb says
You are a superwoman!
organize 365 says
Andrea-
You are amazing! My kids didn’t sleep either. I am walking into an organizing job with a big Starbucks coffee in hand. I’m exhausted, but I LOVE being a mother, a blogger and an organizer.
I really am living the dream. Now if I could just dream at night …
🙂
Lisa