Although Dave and I are fairly “traditional” in terms of our values and beliefs, we aren’t overly enthusiastic about “traditions”, especially if they feel complicated and forced upon us.
Our aversion to doing the same thing year after year is often most apparent at Christmastime when SO many traditions are practiced among families, churches, schools, etc.
I know our family’s simpler approach to Christmas (and most other special occasions) is not for everyone, but I do think there are benefits to toning down the holiday hoopla a bit, veering from doing something just because you’ve always done it, and instead, focusing on what works for you and your family for now (not necessarily forever).
If you’re tired of traditions that leave you feeling stressed out and over-busy, I hope this post offers you permission to simplify and make your own rules this year.
And if you’re a tradition-loving family, I encourage you to enjoy those traditions… BUT I challenge you to ask yourself a few questions first.
- Are your traditions truly still enjoyable for everyone involved?
- Do any of your traditions cause unnecessary stress for you or loved ones?
- Do any of your traditions feel forced now that you’re in a different stage of life?
- Are you simply going through the motions just because this is what you’ve always done?
- Does adhearing to your traditions cause strain on any of your relationships?
- Are there any traditions you’d like to skip to make room for something else — maybe even just for this year?
Dave and I regularly ask these questions as we navigate holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. It’s amazing how often we get sucked into doing something just because it’s the way we’ve always done it, or just because we did it that way last year.
Don’t get me wrong, I love systems and routines, but we often cause unnecessary stress and busyness in our lives when our systems and routines turn into traditions we feel we can’t quit.
Here are a few ideas for those of you who’d like to simplify your holiday season (and possibly save your sanity in the process!)
1. Celebreate when it works for you.
We rarely ever celebrate a holiday ON the exact day because there are often so many other celebrations happening on that day.
For example, we never celebrate Christmas with our kids ON Christmas day. Instead, we let them open their handful of gifts much earlier in December.
This simpler, more practical approach to gift-giving allows them to enjoy their gifts for longer, it spreads out the excitement, and it eliminates the need to rush on Christmas morning trying to hurry the gift process before shoving everyone out the door to church and then on to various holiday parties the rest of the day.
Our kids love opening their gifts early, and I love the motivation to get my shopping done early… plus, our Christmas mornings are super relaxing and low-key.
2. Scale back on everything!
Yes… EVERYTHING!
Fewer decorations, fewer gifts, less food, less hoopla — even if it’s just for one year.
We’ve been scaling back on gifts for our kids for many years now. They still get plenty from grandparents, aunts, and uncles… so don’t feel too badly for them!
This year, they each got a sled, a headlamp (they all wanted them), 2 books, a clothing item, and a toy.
They were happy and thankful, and I saved so much time and money (and space) by not going overboard on gifts.
We also have years where we hardly put up any holiday decorations or hardly do any holiday baking — simply because I need a break. It’s a nice change for a year and then I’m ready for more decorations and goodies the next year.
3. Lower your expectations.
I know this might seem like a “Debbie downer” thing to say about the holidays, but I’m convinced that one of the main reasons holidays and other special occasions are so stressful is because we all have unrealistic expectations for ourselves AND for others.
For example, I know many women who are ALWAYS disappointed with the lack of gift-giving from their husbands and/or children… either they completely forget, they give something very impersonal, or they buy something junky at the last minute.
I realize this is a big deal for those whose love language is “gifts” but, hear me out a minute.
As someone whose husband is excellent at acts of service but not so much at gifts, I decided many years ago that I simply could not let myself feel annoyed or disappointed by gifts (or the lack thereof).
Instead, I buy myself something I want (usually at a bargain price) and give it to Dave to wrap for me for Christmas. The kids are thrilled that we give each other gifts, Dave has no pressure to find the perfect gift, I get exactly what I want, and our marriage is still intact! Win, win, win, win!
The same thing goes for decorations, holiday cards, food, parties, costumes (Halloween), birthday cakes, etc. Try lowering your expectations and see how far it gets you this holiday season!
4. Say “no for now”.
Special occasions are primetime to get together with friends and family we might not see all that often throughout the year. However, it doesn’t mean we need to see every friend and every family member or attend every party each year.
Pick and choose what works for you… and say “no for now” to the rest.
We did this all the time when we had babies — basically, any late-night parties were out because our sleep (and our sanity) was more important than one party during that season of life.
One year, I showed up with store-bought cinnamon rolls instead of homemade (which was apparently a bigger deal to some than others!)
Bottom line, when certain events or to-dos feel stressful for you, that’s usually a good indication you should say “no for now”.
You can always jump back into it next year if you want.
5. Skip the entire holiday.
I can speak from experience that skipping a holiday is an acceptable option if you’re burned out on a specific holiday or special occasion.
A few years ago, our kids all got sick over Thanksgiving week and we skipped Thanksgiving.
Of course, we still acknowledged the day with our own little family, but we skipped the big parties, the over-indulgent meals, the long afternoons, the big crowds, and the endless small-talk… I didn’t hate it!
We also regularly skip smaller holidays without even acknowledging them… no one seems to care or even notice all that much.
We wouldn’t want to skip holidays every year, but once in a while is OK for me!
These are just a few ways our family simplifies the holidays (and many special occasions all throughout the year).
Sit back, take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you really don’t need to DO all that much to make special times special for your family.
Fewer gifts
Fewer events
Fewer extra things
Less stress
Less pressure
Less structure
Doesn’t that all sound lovely!?
There’s truly no “right way” to celebrate, so I encourage you to evaluate your traditions this year and consider if a few minor changes (or a major overhaul) might help your family enjoy a simpler, less stressful season.
If there’s something you don’t want want to do this year… don’t do it, and don’t worry what anyone else thinks.
If you want to start a new tradition… start it, and see what happens. It might flop, or it might not!
If you want to limit gifts… try it, and see how your family reacts. You might be surprised how much they don’t seem to notice.
If you want to totally skip the holidays and go on a 10-day cruise, by all means, do it (assuming you can afford it!)
Whatever the case, I hope you are able to enjoy the last few weeks of the year while anticipating the start of another fresh New Year, full of possibilities and potential.
Anna Marie says
I developed a seminar along your lines called REDBAT. It stands for planning Christmas by determining what you Enjoy and putting that on the schedule first, then, for the other things, Reschedule, Delegate, Buy, Avoid and Trade. Last year I added Share and Simplify. These are the things I do to ovoid being overwhelmed.
Andrea says
Love this — but I always love a good acronym 🙂
Thanks for sharing this!
Laura says
One new tradition we have done in recent years with our school aged kids is we have stopped giving gifts, and instead each member of the family gets to choose one special experience that we do together as a family sometime in Dec-Jan. (Ice skating, attending the ballet or symphony, ordering pizza and having family movie night or going to see a movie, going as a family to a trampoline park, etc.) We still do stockings on Christmas morning (usually a book, some of the traditional Dutch chocolate treats, and a pack of Pokemon cards or lego minifigure, or whatever the current interest is), but the whole Christmas day celebration feels like we are focusing more on family time and the real meaning of the season. Less clutter in our home, and more family time is a win-win for us!
Andrea says
This is very fun, Laura! I actually mentioned this to the kids — for next year — and they all instantly had ideas of what they might want to do for their “activity”. With 4 kids, I’m assuming the activity route would actually end up being quite a bit more expensive than the gifts I find on sale throughout the year… but less “cluttery”, for sure! Hope you enjoyed your Christmas break!
Chris says
God bless you, Andrea, and all your family! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Fran says
Have a wonderful and healthy holiday season…looking forward to seeing you back in 2022 ❤️
Rebecca B. says
This post is so refreshing. So many blogs and influencers push more more more all season, posting pictures of over the top decorations and baked goods, elaborate gifts and wrapping, and so many other things that make normal people feel less than! Your posts about simplifying life are so wonderful to read, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it! I have a 7 month old at home, and this year everything looks very different that normal. The tree is up, there’s a few simple decorations, and I’ve even baked a few batches of Christmas cookies (because I LOVE to bake!) and it is more than enough this year. We’re focusing on enjoying baby boy’s first Christmas that I’m not worrying one bit about traditions, expectations, or other people’s standards. THANK YOU for being a voice of sanity in the world! Merriest Christmas to you and your beautiful family!
Andrea says
glad you enjoyed your simpler Christmas season with your new little one! Great job keeping it simple (and probably much less stressful too!)
Laura says
About two weeks ago we decided we are going to visit our family in Argentina for the holidays. If I had known before, I would not have put up the Christmas tree or all the decorations, just a few so as not to feel like the Grinch. So we will celebrate Christmas today, after we come from church.
One thing that we do is that evey year my kids grt to choose a gift from Samartian’s purse or Compassion catalog and they pay it with their own money and we match it. I cut out the picture from the catalog and put it in a small box under the tree. That is our gift to Jesus, after all, it is His birthday. Wnen we open the presents we open that too and remember what we have given Him. As the Bible says: what you have given to others is as if you have given it to me.
Andrea says
well I’m glad you will get to visit family this year! and I love that your kids are willing to use their own money (and that you match it). SUCH a great idea!
Debbie says
Awww, I love that your family enjoyed your Christmas day without all the rush. It really sounds relaxing. We plan on having a quiet one too with my cousin and her husband. We most likely will open gifts Christmas eve after attending our church’s Christmas eve service. Then on Christmas day we’ll enjoy our cinnamon rolls bought for a fundraiser and then go to the movies to watch Aqua-man. My most favorite family memory as a kid is when we would have our own family meal on Christmas day then head out to watch a movie.
Andrea says
sounds relaxing! Enjoy your movie!
Michelle says
I love this post! It inspired me to rethink our Christmas plans to further simplify this year! Just by asking, we were able to switch a Christmas Day morning celebration with grandparents and siblings to Christmas Eve morning so now we get to stay home with just our kids ALL Christmas morning to play and have fun with their new toys. To our surprise, everyone was happy/willing to give the change a try this year!
Shan says
Andrea, I love how you took care of the “commercialized” side of Christmas! What fun for the family to open a few gifts after a leisurely Christmas devotional and breakfast!! Even though you grew up in this land of plenty, you and Dave don’t let the culture box you into a certain way of doing things. Well, my husband and I are taking a 10-day cruise to the southern Caribbean over the holidays! It’s so freeing to not get trapped into expectations, whether self-imposed or others’, regarding what must happen around Christmas. If we express love and care for others throughout the year, it’s ok not to work ourselves into a frenzy around Christmas. Love and blessings to you and your family!
Andrea says
oh wow — enjoy your cruise!
Dave and I always said we wanted to take a cruise before ewe had kids — obviously that never happened, so now we’re thinking we might just do a family cruise in another few years, when Clara is older!
Shan says
Hi, Andrea, I was reading this blog not realizing that I had commented on it three years ago! I do love how you and Dave are independent thinkers and continue to raise your family that way. Having moved across the country to be near grandchildren, we’re now figuring out new routines for our life in an apartment. It has been freeing to be forced to downsize everything by virtue of sheer lack of space! Our Christmas was simple but meaningful. I’m so glad you took time off over the holidays, but happy that you’re back. I appreciate your thoughts/suggestions for simple living. Happy New Year!!
Andrea says
haha — that’s great! I totally updated the post this year, so it’s new content and you can comment again 🙂
Sylvia says
What I love about Christmas is that Jesus is the only gift we need and this can be your gift whether you are “naughty or nice”. It is an excellent teaching tool
Andrea says
haha — yes, “naughty or nice” good point!
Karen Miller says
We are celebrating the day before by having immediate family to our house for cake and coffee and a few gifts then my daughter and I are going to Universal for Christmas day and the next day for our own celebration. She is seventeen so she appreciates the trip more than a lot of gifts. I enjoy the getaway also.
Andrea says
just cake — I love it! So often, food because a stressful situation for people — cake and coffee sounds perfect!
Jenny says
Forgive me, but it’s “fazed”, not “phased”. Two completely different words that sound the same but definitely don’t mean the same thing. Glad your family enjoys the season!
Andrea says
ah yes — you’re right. I blame Dave for missing that one!
Stacey B. says
When I read my blogs, I always scan for your posts first! ☺
And this is such an interesting post. My husband is a firefighter/EMT, so he’s been at the fire station for Christmas before, so we’ve had to adjust celebration days, but to combat the hustle of the holidays, our approach has always been the other way around. If family or friends are hosting a Christmas celebration when we’re planning to have ours, we politely decline their invitation, saying we’re having our family Christmas that day. It’s always a relaxing, happy day together.
Then, when the kids open gifts, there’s no rushing them to the next package. We have the luxury of letting them enjoy each as long as they want!
Andrea says
awwww… thanks Stacey!
Good for you for putting your foot down too!
I’m not sure we could get away with that as easily — especially considering Dave has 2 full weeks off of school so our whole family is literally home ALL DAY EVERY DAY around Christmas and New Years!
We’ve just decided that for now, we’ll work our family Christmas around all the other parties as not to cause unnecessary “trouble” — if you know what I mean! 😉
Katherine says
We do something a little atypical, as well. After watching my kids tear through a pile of presents and feeling a little ill about it, we now celebrate Advent with adventures and by spreading our presents out throughout the month. As someone who loves gift giving and hates when the gift is noted and tossed to the side (inevitable when there is just too much to take in!), I like the practice of spreading things out and- hopefully- savoring them more.
I just wrote about it on my blog:) Loved reading your unusual Christmas. You do you, right?
Sunshine says
We ended up spreading gifts around when we had a lot of happy unexpected family visits from far away. A couple days before Christmas, we found out they’d be joining us, and there would be a lot of children. While we got small gifts for them, we didn’t want to add the stress of opening gifts on Christmas. So all the gifts from relatives were opened early, stockings on Christmas with guests, and all the gifts from us were opened a few days later when it was just us again. Our children loved this so much. You’ve reminded me to consider spreading the gift opening again. It’s so much less overwhelming than opening gifts from us and relatives at once even if it doesn’t seem like a lot of gifts. They savor each one more.
Andrea, I love how you have wrapped up the socks, snacks, and little things and made it look like the bounty it really is all piled beautifully under the tree. I have done that in the past to make it look like more, and we give practical gifts, but I still feel like it’s too much, and I feel like I say this every year! What a great reminder and and a joy you are giving this gift to your children.
Andrea says
This sounds like a great way to spread out your Christmas and enjoy each part of it more!
And yes, I’m convinced young children just like unwrapping anything — it’s the anticipation of not knowing what’s inside!
Andrea says
This is great Katherine! Thanks for sharing.
I also enjoy giving gifts — but not in a crazy, stressful, overwhelming way that Christmas gifts often are. A few gifts at a time (so they can be appreciated) is much nicer for me too!
Hannah Beth Reid says
How fun to wake up one morning and suddenly it is Christmas! Especially with the gifts they had picked the day before.
Thanks for sharing your celebration with us!
Andrea says
yes, super fun!
Annie says
Our family is Catholic, and because my husband grew up in Europe, we’ve adopted many old-fashioned approaches to the holiday. The four Sundays (4 weeks) before Christmas comprise the Advent season and is a time of preparation. It is a time of penance and joyful subdued preparation to ready our hearts, our home and our family for the arrival of the Newborn King because of our hope awaiting Christ who was born in Bethlehem, Christ who lives in our hearts and Christ who will come again to judge the living and the dead. There aren’t any Christmas parties, but we may get together with some other families for Advent devotions. We keep a simple menu with no desserts and say extra family prayers and devotions during this time. We have an Advent tree based on the Root of Jesse, my husband reads stories from the Old Testament to the children, and we light the candles in a darkened house to show how the world was dark and silent while awaiting the Messiah, the Light of the World. Christmas Day (Christ Mass) is a special day for all with a wonderful meal, attending the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass at our parish and celebrating with family. We don’t open any presents until Jan 6, the Feast of the Three Kings, when we commemorate the presents the Three Kings brought the Baby Jesus. The 12 days of Christmas, celebrated from Dec 25 to Jan 5 are filled with extra family fun such as a trip to the zoo, bowling, board games, and extra special meals and treats as a family. This Catholic approach to the season is steeped in tradition, allows us the prayer needed for preparation and continues the festivities long after the neighbors have taken down their tree and settled into the January blahs. So many people talk about how tired and overwhelmed they are during this time, but if we do things like they were always done, we’ll find that same peace that is intended for this time. If we don’t make room in our hearts for Jesus, how can He give us the graces we need and complete His work in our lives? And I don’t even think of shopping for presents until the after-Christmas-sales so our budget is happy as well.
Andrea says
Exactly! The main reason I feel tired this time of year is because we literally stay up later than we normally do because we’re enjoying ourselves at various parties or gatherings! We don’t feel stressed or over-tired because we’re running around trying to buy last-minute gifts or making insane amounts of food!
Roxanne says
My dad is a commercial airline pilot, so there were a lot of Christmases when I was growing up where he would be out flying on December 25. When that happened, my brother and I would write a note to Santa asking if he could come a couple of days before or after Christmas so that my dad could be home too. ‘Santa’ always came through!
Andrea says
haha — good old Santa 🙂 Cute story!
Jean says
In the Netherlands St Nicholas delivers gifts on December 5th evening. That’s it. Christmas Day is a religious holiday and family get together- not everything mashed together. I think that is brilliant.
Andrea says
Oh I like this idea too! Thanks for sharing!
JJ says
Love this!!! We actually have no family nearby and committed to NOT travel to family(who all live in the north…we live in the south) until the kids are older. This year we are hoping to go out to eat for Christmas–yay!!! No mess or cleanup for me!!! And we actually only spend $25 per kid at this point, because they are young and grandparents, aunts, and uncles send them gifts/money. We have them make a wish list and tell them they will NOT get everything on the list. This “list” has helped throughout the year when they want stuff, and we say, “Let’s put it on our Birthday List or Christmas List.” I grabbed that from your idea of, “We have the money but are choosing not to spend it on this right now.” Merry Christmas!!!
Andrea says
this sound fantastic! So glad you aren’t traveling over the holidays!
Meghan Oyster says
I love this! It’s so counterculture
Kim Foster says
Hats off to you!!!! What a great idea and really you kept the meaning of Christmas which unfortunately gets lost in all the craziness. I love this for your family and the special meaning it brought for you all. Merry Christmas! – Kim
Andrea says
Thanks Kim — Merry Christmas to you too!
Jessy says
Well done Andrea! Wish I had thought to do this when my kids were young.
Most of my adult life I have disliked the Christmas season because of all the busy-ness, the hype, the extra work. The “peace” of the season has disappeared for me. You’ve got me thinking about possible scenarios for a fix! Thank you!
Andrea says
I think they “hype” bothers me more than the Busyness — but yes, you’re right! And you should definitely try to make some changes that will allow you to enjoy this time of year more.
Jenny Z says
I am curious about Santa. Do the kids get a gift from Santa on Christmas morning? Or do you not do Santa? We get our kids some gifts from us and pile those around the tree and on Christmas morning they each get one unwrapped gift leaning against their pile from Santa. They get a lot of things they need like socks and PJs but from Santa us a fun toy or something they really wanted. Our five kids range from 6-18.
Andrea says
you know… we’ve never really done much with Santa. We talk about him, and I think my kids believe he’s real, but they honestly didn’t seem phased at all about the fact that we had presents already.
I think James was the only one who noted that “Santa came early” this year 🙂
I don’t think it really matters either way — whatever works best and is most enjoyable for your family.
We might still leave milk and cookies out for Santa on Christmas Eve — along with a note letting him know we already opened our gifts and to leave any additional gifts at my sister’s house (we’ll be there on Christmas!) haha — I’m sure the kids will get a kick out of that!
Jenny Z says
I think it is awesome. I wish we had simplified Christmas before we had 5 kids because it is exhausting now! I did decide not to send out the 75 Christmas cards this year that I normally do. I didn’t want to spend the money or time and it has helped reduce my holiday stress! as well as planning ahead and doing a little baking at a time each week and then freezing it so I am not stressed about all the baking I need to do!
Andrea says
Good for you for not sending out the cards. I just put mine in the mail today — but I do enjoy that and it doesn’t feel stressful for me 🙂
And yes, freezer-friendly baked goods are a MUST! I already have several tins and containers in the freezer as we have parties every weekend for the next 4 weeks! Here we go!
Kim says
I admire so many things about you, Andrea! You don’t live life in a “knee jerk” manner. You and Dave think! This was a really good, refreshing way to do your family gift exchange. Your children are being directed in a non-American, usual, gift stuffing, overwhelming way. I think much of this has merit.
Keep thinking, keep suggesting, keep giving us “food for thought.” We need it.
I appreciate your outlook so very much!
Merry Christmas!
PS We had friends who gave their preschool son one gift per day for 5 days before Christmas! He opened a gift, they all played with him with whatever it was. It was a way to “savor” the moment. I remember telling my sister about that situation and she immediately dismissed it as deprivation. She, and so many others, think that we “owe” our children a frenzied multi-gift 15 minutes in order to have had a “magical” Christmas.
Andrea says
Thanks so much Kim! And thanks for sharing your friend’s idea too — that sounds like fun. Stretch things out a bit and savory the time!
Mara B says
Yes, this is a great post! We’re doing our Christmas after Christmas because of other obligations, but we’re doing so much less this year than we’ve ever done! We’re going to be storms the house, NOT hosting for several glorious days! Merry Christmas, Dekker Family!
Andrea says
yup that works too! the benefit of doing Christmas early is that I don’t have to listen to them ask me when we’ll open gifts 800 times a day 🙂
Grandma Ann says
We used to do something simular as we had commitments with extended family Christmas eve and day. It made the holiday so much more pleasant and easier on our littles as it was too much excitement with so many parties in a short time. Good for you in making the holiday special and fun for your family. And keeping the real Reason for the Season!