Today is the last day of Baby Week here on the blog. I’ve had so much fun celebrating Baby Dekker #2 with a full week of fun baby-related posts and giveaways — all geared to make life with a new baby a little simpler, more organized, and more fun!!
If you haven’t entered to win the 12 fabulous giveaways yet, do so here!
Happy Valentines Day!
Today is a day of love — and although I truly don’t buy into Hallmark Holidays, I thought today would be the perfect day to share a love story with you. It’s not a traditional love story by any means — and it’s not even about Dave 🙂
Today, I’m sharing my love story with Nora, and the whirlwind journey motherhood has taken me on these past 815 days (yes, I counted).
Although I officially became a mother on 11-22-11, my journey to motherhood started years ago — well before Dave and I ever met.
I always knew I wanted to be a mother, but never in the sense that I wanted to babysit, play dolls, or really even hold other babies growing up. I never understood my one sister’s infatuation with tiny babies and her love for babysitting small children (that sister is now a Labor and Delivery nurse by the way!) and still to this day, I will almost never ask to hold someone else’s baby or volunteer to watch other people’s small children.
I just really don’t like babies (and I’m honestly not saying that to be funny or weird).
No, when I pictured myself as a mother, it was never to infants or toddlers — although I did realize it would most likely need to start out that way.
Instead, I envisioned myself baking cookies and doing crafts with my 5 and 6 year olds; carting my 8 and 9 year olds to soccer practice, baseball games, and piano lessons; preparing my 11 year olds for their first day of middle school; and shopping for prom dresses with my 16 year olds.
I envisioned parent-teacher conferences at school, watching them sing in the church choir, and family vacations without the need for diaper bags, pack n’ plays, sippy cups, or carseats.
I had a feeling motherhood would be difficult for me, but I figured I could do it (at least after age 4!)
So although Dave and I knew we wanted to have children some day, we were both totally fine waiting several years to start our family.
I told Dave how nervous I was to have an infant, and frequently asked him to consider adopting older children (yes, I was serious). Dave wasn’t sold on adopting older children before we even tried to have our own — and I agreed that it might be better if we “started at the beginning” with a newborn baby so we could get some experience with the whole spectrum of parenting.
Fast-forward a few years…
I don’t think either of us could have ever been prepared for how insanely life-altering it would be to bring Nora home on that Thanksgiving Day, 2011.
Although we had SO much to be thankful for, I don’t even have a picture of Nora and I “coming home” because I was literally SOBBING the entire last day in the hospital, the entire ride home, and basically until we went to bed that first night.
The nurses kept asking me what was wrong and all I could say was, “there is no way I can take this baby home with me.” They smiled and reassured me that everything would be fine — but I seriously doubted that.
Everything would NOT be fine.
I had no idea how to care for this tiny person who was now 100% dependent on me, and the thought of raising this child for the next 4+ years (to the point where we could finally start baking cookies and doing crafts) was simply too much for me to handle 🙂
I was told these overwhelming feelings of anxiety, depression, and fear would subside after a couple weeks… but they didn’t. In fact, they got worse — but then I was told that it was just because I was so sleep-deprived and to wait it out a few more weeks until the baby was on a schedule and sleeping more regular hours (insert loud laughter).
.
Two years later, Nora is still not on a schedule and is still not sleeping regularly through the night — but at least I can say that some time in that 2-year period, I was finally able to move past most of that anxiety, depression, and fear.
It took a really long time (probably close to 18 months) and I was never once offered or encouraged to try medication.
Everyone told me it was normal to be overwhelmed, it was normal to feel slightly anxious and depressed — this was all part of being a first-time mom and it was probably because I was so organized before having kids. However, I really don’t think these people understood what I was going through on a daily basis — and of course, it wasn’t really something I wanted to have lengthy conversations about.
As someone who rarely ever cried or worried before I had kids, my days were now spent sobbing on the couch (usually with Nora screaming in my arms). And the few hours at night when I wasn’t awake with Nora, I was laying awake in my own bed worrying and feeling anxious about EVERYTHING.
“What if our house starts on fire and I can’t get to Nora?”
“What if I get in an accident in the cold weather and can’t call for help so Nora freezes in her carseat?”
“What if I die — how would Dave care for Nora on his own?”
“What if Dave dies — I could never do it all by myself?”
“What if Nora stops breathing or starts choking and I don’t notice or can’t get help in time?”
“What if I pass out in the middle of the day and no one notices until Dave get’s home from school and Nora is on her own all day?”
These might sound totally crazy to someone in their “right frame of mind” but these thoughts (and hundreds of others) were legitimate and real concerns that plagued me every single day — and night.
I loved my little girl more than words could describe, but I was an absolute wreck.
Surprisingly enough, I could usually hold it together pretty well whenever anyone else was around. Aside from a few really bad days, Dave was the only one who saw my anxiety, depression, and fear — and I don’t even think HE realized how bad it was.
Honestly, I didn’t even realize how bad it was!
It was only in the past 6 – 8 months or so when I finally started to feel totally “normal” again (yes, that was the exact same time I was finally able to stop nursing Nora) and I could look back and see how awful my first year+ of motherhood really was. Not “awful” in a sense that I don’t have any happy memories of that first year, but simply from the standpoint that I know I NEVER EVER want to go through that again!
Yes, I’m still tired and I still find myself excited to move past the baby stage (I realize it will be a while yet)… but at least I can breathe, I can enjoy the day without feeling suffocated by my anxious thoughts, and despite my pregnancy hormones, I can go weeks without shedding a tear!
Although Nora still isn’t quite old enough to really help me bake, and our “crafts” mainly consist of putting stickers on every stick-able surface within her reach, life is SO much better now that she is a bit older and I feel like my “normal” self again!
However, the anxiety is coming back.
With another baby on the way in just a couple weeks, I can’t help but feel a little anxious about what life will be like when we bring him home. Yes, I realize the irony of this situation — I’m getting anxious about the fact that I may or may not have severe anxiety after our next baby is born 🙂
For the record, I’m 100% OK with taking medication from the day I give birth if I feel it’s necessary. Dave and my doctors are totally on board with this too — which in itself is a huge relief for me. I know that no matter what, I will never feel as horrible as I did with Nora.
There is just no way I’m going to let another year of my life slip through my fingers again — and I honestly don’t care what anyone else says!
I listened to everyone else’s opinions with my first baby… this time, I’m trusting myself and doing what I feel is best for ME, for MY BABY, and for OUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
So what about that Valentine’s Day love story?
Don’t worry, I’m getting there!
As I’m sure many moms out there can relate to, my love story with Nora is so much different than my love story with Dave (you can read that story here and here!)
With Dave, I had plenty of time to get to know him, grow to love him, and learn to live with all those little imperfections we each have. Plus, it was ALWAYS a give-and-take relationship — meaning the more I invested into the relationship, the more I got out of it.
With Nora, she was just THERE, screaming in my arms and waiting for me to love her without ever really getting to know her. And as with all babies, it’s just a give-and-give-and-give-and-give relationship (which is especially difficult for someone who doesn’t naturally go gaga over newborn babies!)
There were plenty of days when I wondered (and of course worried) if my anxiety, depression, and fear meant that I somehow didn’t love my baby enough — talk about mom guilt! But thankfully, I NOW know it was just the opposite. I loved her so much — which probably made it even harder to get my emotions in check.
Over the past two years, this little girl has completely stolen my heart — to the point that my chest literally hurts when she hugs me and says, “oh mommy, you’re my favorite. I wove you so really vewy much!”
I would do ANYTHING to keep her from harm.
I would do ANYTHING to calm her fears.
I would do ANYTHING to make her smile.
I honestly can’t even fathom being able to love TWO kids that much — but I know it will happen.
Nora and I have made it through a lot together (WAY more “junk” than Dave and I have ever had to trudge through) and we’re both still standing tall!
In fact, I think our relationship is stronger because of it.
So to all the mothers who have battled with anxiety, fear, or depression for weeks, months, or years of their lives, and are also still standing tall… Happy Valentine’s Day to you and all those kiddos you’ve loved unconditionally through it all!
Although they might not come out and say it so freely, I’m sure they “wove you so really, vewy much” too!
Laura says
Just in case it helps even one other person…my third baby screamed or nursed for almost every waking moment of his first few months. And he rarely slept! When he was 18 months old I took him to a craniosacral therapist who showed me the vertical ridge in his skull she said was a result of prolonged pressure in the birth canal. She said he was constantly stressed and in pain from birth on. She was able to manipulate things to relieve the pressure. No doctor believes me but within a day of that first treatment, he was a different boy. Not so irritable, unhappy, distressed like always before. He started to nurse less voraciously for comfort and began to laugh and play more. I am so grateful for the friend who told me about this therapist!
Becki says
Yes, this helps a lot. I also saw an activator chiropractor who adjusted his back and hips which also helped. Something definitely worth tring.
Anita says
Good insight on your part, I’m a mental health worker and support your decision wholeheartedly. You may be able to see a physician or nurse practitioner who specializes in postpartum mental health to help monitor following the delivery. This would help take some pressure off you to fully self monitor. Bless you and your new little one, take good care.
Kathy Harris says
I have always said that it took time for me to love my husband. We were friends and then dated, fell in love but my children I loved before I saw them, before I knew them. I loved them! Some days I did not like them but always loved them.
I have a friend that little girl got type 1 diabetes at 8 months old. Her little girl is now 6 years old. She has slept only 2 nights with out waking up 5 times each night in six years and that is because her and her husband went away for the night. It is very hard for her to leave her daughter in the care of others because of worrying about her blood levels going down to far. She is amazing woman and mother that I do not know if I could ever do this!
Sarah says
Your experience moved me to tears. I’m just coming through my first year of mommyhood to a beautiful boy. It’s been so similar to your story. I sympathize with you and am also encouraged to think that maybe I am not so crazy after all. Blessings to you and your growing family! I am new to your blog it’s already blessed me SO much!
Tammy Skipper (@Tammy_Skipper) says
I think this is one of the best stories ever written, truly. I know from years of listening to other moms you are not alone. I pray every time I hear a story like this that another woman will know that the best way for her to be brave is to be genuine…asking for that help IS strength, truly! I am so glad you are doing what is best for you and praying for healthy and happy days ahead!
Maria says
Andrea, thank you so much for your truly beautiful and inspirational love story. Nora, is one very lucky little girl for having such a loving and giving Mother. I don’t comment very often, even though I read you blog daily, but this was such an incredibly moving story and brought tears to my eyes. I wish you all the best with Baby Boy and hope he’ll be a good sleeper. Many
blessings to you and your wonderful family!
Sue says
One of the most important take-aways from this very personal post is how important it is to share your feelings honestly instead of trying to pretend that all is well. It’s ok to show vulnerability. It’s ok to be anxious. It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be frustrated. It’s important to share your true feelings so that you can receive the help and support that you need. Hopefully your honesty will encourage those who are feeling similarly to reach out for help.
Heart and Haven says
Hi Andrea, have you ever heard about Placenta Encapsulation or considered it? It has shown to provide many, many benefits to reduce post-partum symptoms, including PPD.
I tried the placenta encapsulation with my last birth almost 2 years ago, and I was amazed how much better and more energy I had than my previous births (I had low iron (fatigue issues) and post-partum thyroid issues with previous births). My husband was able to deliver the placenta (wrapped and placed on ice in a cooler) shortly after I delivered, to a nearby specialist. She was able to prepare it into capsules that were ready by the 3rd day after I delivered. Some hospitals require a special release of the placenta, so you may want to check with your doctor on your next visit if this is something you’re considering.
Childbirth definitely takes a toll on women’s bodies. It’s so important for moms to take care of themselves, so they can better care for their children. I pray that this childbirth experience and following goes much smoother for you!
Jennifer M says
Not sure if you read all your responses. If you do…I too had PPD and it got really bad. Like you, I put upon a front, and my husband didn’t know how bad. My Doctor was amazing, and had suffered from PPD herself. She was so caring and sympathetic, I felt blessed to be under her care. Remember you are STRONG and BRAVE for getting the help you need! I am sure your story will help another mom suffering in silence when she doesn’t need to be. Blessings!
Andrea says
Thanks Jennifer — and yes, I alway read all my responses… ALWAYS 🙂
Unfortunately I can’t always respond to all of them — but I try to respond to as many as I can!
Kim says
Thank you for sharing this. It reminded me of what my sister went through. She was trying so hard to handle it on her own that it took a long time before we realized the reality of her situation and could finally help her. Prayers and best wishes to you!
Brandi Clevinger says
What a vulnerable, vulnerable post. You have really put yourself out there for criticism, but I admire that! We all go through it, but no one talks about it. Thank you for putting it out there. I also had these anxieties with ALL four of my children, but thought I was alone in feeling that way.
I’m definitely keeping this post in my email so when I have those overwhelming days I can remember I’m not the only one! Thanks for being an amazing inspiration – again! 🙂
Erin says
Andrea,
Thank you so much for writing this. My son is the same age as Nora, and I was embarrassed at how “unlike” myself I was for so long. As a mom, it isn’t something you want to talk about and sometimes I felt so frustrated and alone – even though there were people around me that loved me, I didn’t feel like it was something I wanted to share. My husband and I know that we want another, but I am just so nervous to go back through that again. Your candidness, is encouraging to me, and I am sure hundreds of others in the same situation.
Sandy K says
Thank you for sharing your story. I do hope you won’t have that same experience with your second little one. You will lose sleep. I’m sure you have helped many women with your story. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY.
Amy says
Thank you for sharing your story. That is definitely something that so many women go through, but for some reason don’t always talk about. With baby number 2 just listen to your heart and do what you feel is right for you. Don’t let anyone else make you feel bad for ant decision that you make. I’m hoping it all goes well for you!!
Julieanna Scott says
I’m so so SO glad you wrote this. I had the exact same experience with my first daughter. No one understood what I was going through and thought I was crazy for wanting to sleep with a maglite flashlight (you know, because someone was going to break into my house and steal my child and the flashlight would be a good weapon). I’m glad to know I was and am not the only one who had these issues!
Jacqui says
Andrea, I’m a fellow mom in the GR area. I’ve been following your site for a while, but this is the first post where I felt I had to jump in and reply. Your story could have been my own – my son Max was also a highly sensitive child, to the point where it took us till he was 5 years old to even contemplate a sibling for him. Fortunately, our daughter Claire is a much calmer baby, and I realized my own tendency towards PPD ahead of time. My best advice for you is to embrace the fact that you may need help – whether that means medication, letting a grandma take a night shift or two, or even not nursing. I did all 3, and PPD still set in, though thankfully I began to feel “like myself” again much quicker this time around. Every baby and situation is different. Try to cherish every moment, good or bad. They will be of “cookie baking age” before you know it!
Shelly says
Thank you for shedding light on this slightly taboo subject. You described the feelings of anxiety very well. I also hid it from most people but I had a few close, caring people who urged me to talk to my doctor. After struggling with infertility, I felt like I should be jumping for joy but instead I cried every single day. With my first it was the anxiety you described, while with my second it was depression. I am still struggling to get my house in order from several years of postpartum depression. Kudos to you for talking about it and for saying you will get help if needed this time. This time with my third child, I am taking medication and it has made a tremendous difference. I have been able to experience more of the joy of her first year and I’m so grateful. With my first two, I knew what was happening but I didn’t realize until later how bad it had gotten. I also thought I would “tough it out’ because I was breastfeeding and worried that the medication would harm the baby. No more. Thanks to a good doctor and a good support system, this time around is much easier.
Shelly says
I should also say that by the time I finished reading, tears were streaming down my face. I love the “love story” aspect of this post. Best post ever! In spite of all the feelings I had, I always knew that I loved my children unconditionally. Even when it was all I could manage to do, I always made sure they got the very best I could give them. It sounds like you did too. 🙂
Micah Joy says
I just realized I called you Nora. 🙂 I just found your blog in the middle of prego insomnia last night. Sorry, Andrea.
Micah Joy says
Nora,
Thank you so much for your post. I have a 5 year old born 11/22/08 and am due March 3 with our second child. This pregnancy I have seriously been panicking. Every infant I saw or thought about caused my heart to start racing. Finally, in the last two months or so, I’m looking forward to holding the sweet baby we’re being blessed with, but the unknown is still there. Thanks for sharing your heart that being overwhelmed does not equal a lack of love. I’m praying for you to have a refreshing experience this time around.
Sarah says
Oh Andrea, thank you for your honest post. I had a friend whose son was born the day before my daughter. I wish she was still here today, so I could share it with her.
I am so proud of you for getting through the tough time. I am so very disappointed that the nurses and doctors didn’t take your worried and fears seriously, it happens all too often.
Some of the questions you asked yourself, I also know I have asked myself – several times. Yes, I feel confident in the fact that every new mother has these same thoughts and fears for their child – however, it affects some a bit more deeply than others. I am glad to hear that your doctor is on board with with your decison for after the birth. I am glad to hear they are taking your situation seriously.
You have a wonderful husband (from what I read) and an awesome daughter. They will also be good “medicine” for you. I look forward to hearing the story of Baby Boy. I love reading your blog. You are strong, chin up and if you need help be sure to ask and be adimant about getting the help you need.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Verity says
This was a great article! Happy Valentines Day!
Laura says
Andrea I went through this about halfway through my pregnancy with my first. After a few weeks of constant torment, I begged my DH to take me to a hospital. They put me on medication even tho I was pregnant, saying the risks of a severely depressed and anxious mom was worse than a slight risk to baby. Of course, I felt tremendous guilt but I was not going to make it otherwise. I have three healthy kids now, my oldest is ten. I still take meds for severe OCD and anxiety, and I am so so grateful that they made continuing my life possible.
Connie says
Andrea, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I had a very similar experience when I had my daughter 30 years ago. The depression and anxiety during those early months robbed me of so much of the joy that I would have had if I weren’t so anxious and afraid. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my feelings, and I I didn’t tell anyone, not even my doctor. Thankfully, I did get through it and like you, I loved my daughter so much it hurt. When I gave birth, there was very little information about post partum issues, we didn’t have the internet as a resource to get information, And I literally thought I was crazy. Thankfully it passed and we have had a wonderful life together. My daughter is now 30, and pregnant with her first child. You can be sure that I shared with her my story and I am going to share yours as well. I wouldn’t want anyone to have to go through that pain, when it is so unnecessary. I applaud you for talking about this, and for taking charge with this new baby. I dont know you, but feel as though I do from reading your blog everyday. God bless you and your family, and congratulations on this new baby boy!
Alyssa says
I suffered from severe depression after our first baby. No one offered me medication or even suggested that I might be depressed. Like you, I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I quit nursing him at 12 months.
He was a great baby though. He put himself on a schedule and slept like a dream. He wasn’t a fussy baby and loved other people. So I felt even more guilty for being depressed because I felt like I didn’t have a reason to be sad. In fact, I love newborns and was one of those baby obsessed kids. Looking back I feel like a whole year of my life was sucked away from me. It hurts to think of all the time I missed with my first born!
I have 3 baby’s now and I’ve struggled with depression every time. I’ve never had to take medication for it (though I would in a heartbeat!) Just knowing and being able to admit to myself and others that I am depressed has honestly helped more than anything.
I am sad to read this story and for all you’ve suffered so silently. But I’m so happy you are determined not to let it happen again! And I’m praying this little baby is easier than Nora! My second was night and day different from my first! (for me that meant worse!)
Meg says
I really admire your honesty and complete willingness “to put it all out there”! You should be very proud of yourself for having another baby! I am not a baby person either, so I totally understand where you’re coming from. I hope your new baby will be a dream baby…you deserve it!
Shelly Smith says
Thank you for sharing your story! It is such a very common experience, but unfortunately few talk about it!! It was also MY experience after my first born… and I felt I “should” be able to handle this transition, after all, I WAS a NICU nurse and baby-lover from childhood!! Thankfully, my hubby was aware enough (or my PPD was bad enough) that he recognized that I needed help!! Even before I was scheduled for my 6 week follow up with my OB, he insisted that I go in to talk to my doc about my symptoms, and I nearly cried with relief when he recommended medication to help me! Of course, it took several weeks to “build up” in my system and provide relief, but thankfully we have a great support system AND biblical counseling in our church family, and that helped me “survive” the next few weeks of anxiety and tears.
Realizing that PPD is carries a much higher risk of reoccurence in subsequent pregnancies, I chose to start medication immediately after delivery of both my second and third children! Like you, I did not wish to EVER feel the way I felt for the first few months of my first son’s life! I did not even want to “wait and see” if the PPD symptoms reappeared before beginning medication! I was not entirely comfortable taking medication while I was pregnant, but I started taking it the first day after my other children were born! And I am so grateful that I did because it was such a difference experience being a “normal” mom of newborns those other two times! I say that tongue-in-cheek because I know there is no normal when it comes to being parents of newborns!! However, I can gratefully say that I DID enjoy the experience so much more the second and third time around! I pray the same for you, and for your son to bring you as much joy as my three sons have brought me! God bless!!
Elizabeth says
Andrea, thank you! All I could do was burst into tears reading this. I find I am a lot like you (want to be productive, independent, in control, etc.), and for about a year after my son (he’s now 29 months) was born, I experienced just what you’ve described above. I now have a 5 month old daughter, and so far things for me have been MUCH better. I think having very realistic expectations and knowing each phase is temporary have been key for me. I find myself enjoying my baby daughter much more than I could have enjoyed my son simply because I am not such a wreck. I wish you the absolute best with Baby Boy!!! I love your blog – it’s the only one I look forward to visiting EVERY day!
Deni says
Dear Andrea, It was once said that “Being a Mom is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world”. When my first child was born, I had a hard time with so much company. Being a type A personality, I was trying to grasp this unpredictable schedule, lack of sleep and too many visitors who wanted to stay a LONG time. I was exhausted and mentally spent! Having my second child, I was a little better prepared for what to expect and to just nicely ask people to give us a little time to adjust and it went ALOT smoother. I have never been a “baby” person as well, but have to admit that having our children was the best thing that has ever happened to me as well as my dear Husband. I am a better person because of them! Thank you for being so open and honest, as it can help new Moms to realize they are not alone. Your story touched me and honestly made me cry, for I know how that feels. As a mother of a 16 year old & an 11 year old, I assure you that things will get easier and you will learn to relax and enjoy the moment. Just remember that you are doing a great job, that you have a thriving, beautiful daughter to prove it. Blessing and prayers to you and your family in the celebration of your sons arrival.
Cara says
Thank you for sharing your love story with us and being real. I know it takes a lot to do that and I appreciate it! I enjoy reading your blog everyday!
oneshabbychick says
That is a BEAUTIFUL love story… Thank you for sharing it, Andrea!
I’m so glad that your state-of-mind has changed and allowed you to see things much more clearly… what a scary time that must have been. And so glad to hear that you realize that wasn’t “normal” and want to do things differently this time. I’m sorry that everybody told you it WAS normal, because I don’t think so. I am mama to two older monkeys and never experienced what you describe. It doesn’t have to be that way. You are obviously a very strong person, Andrea. Take good care of yourself and your beautiful littles… Nora is precious! I’ve enjoyed watching her grow on your blog. All the best to your family!
Stacie Kaltz says
Andrea you are an amazing woman and mom! I commend you on letting your voice be heard. You and Nora will have a deeper bond than ever probably due to all of the difficult times you both have/will go through. You are a strong and very inspiring woman. Thanks for sharing, and prayers go out! 🙂
Emily C says
Another anxiety sufferer here. Thank you for writing this post: the more people who talk about anxiety and depression, ther more we as a society can realise it’s ‘just’ an illness, not something that should be swept under the carpet and not talked about.
I really hope that things are easier with baby #2, but, if not, DO seek help, be that medication or therapy of some sort. I was anti-medication for so long, I thought it would change my personality or make me feel weird or something, but it has given me my life back! You’d have to pry my pills from my cold, dead hands now to get me to give them up! 😉
Anonymous says
I know exactly what you’re talking about, at least about the anxiety part. Mine lasted only a few months. I think it was probably hormonal. Yours was probably worsened by Nora’s issues. I didn’t have the depression but I had the terrible anxiety. I felt so isolated. I finally realized something was wrong one day when I looked outside and saw my neighbor working in his yard and felt such a relief that I wasn’t alone. I knew that was very strange and something was wrong with me. The Lord really helped me to overcome this. It helped to be able to get out and do things with other people. I will be praying for you. (And perhaps it won’t even happen this time). (I think they call what I had postpartum anxiety).
Kari says
I’ve read your blog for years and have to say, this is one of your best posts. I can so relate to wanting to be a parent of non-babies. My oldest is 3 1/2 now and I love it! We do crafts and cook and all those great things. Nora is almost there! My youngest is 1 and I will say that going from one to two kids was tough in many ways, but the first year flew by so fast because of the business of having to kids. Which for those not so into the baby phase is a great thing. We got over the hump and past most of the tears around 4 months. Now at a year, she follows her sister around and I love watching them interact. I wish you all the best in the coming months as your family grows, stretches, and adjusts. You aren’t alone and you are doing great!
Emmy says
I really thought I was probably the only woman who never desired having a baby but could picture myself having a child who was 2+ years of age. Thank you so much for writing this! 🙂
Becky says
A beautiful love story! I have read your blog for years and never commented but this tender love story is a treasure. How precious it will be for Nora to read it some day and to understand the depth of her Mother’s love for her.
Katie says
Thank you for your willingness to tell us your story in an open and honest way!
Happy Valentines!
Julie H says
I had tears reading this post because I can definitely relate. I have dealt with various levels of anxiety for the past 13 years or so and it definitely got worse when I had my boys. My oldest was a preemie and in the hospital for 3 weeks, which certainly didn’t help my anxiety and then when my youngest was a baby was when the swine flu was going around and I was so afraid of them getting sick from that. I made things out to be so much bigger in my mind than what was necessary. I can understand the anxiety of having another baby considering the challenges you’ve had with Nora. You’ve been down a tough road, but there’s a lot of moms out there who’ve dealt with anxiety and depression. It’s not always easy to talk about, but once you do, you find out how many people can relate. And I know it always make me feel better knowing I’m not alone. I’m so glad you’ve talked to your doctor and Dave and are open to meds if you need them. If not, that’s awesome too, but I’m glad you’ll get help if you do and realize it’s not ‘normal’ to feel that way. Two kids is definitely going to be an adventure, but so worth it. Little boys are so fun (I’m partial)! Thank you for this post!! You’re awesome!
Lynn says
Way to go Andrea! You have no reason to feel ashamed about needing medication. I have had Panic/Anxiety Disorder since I was 11 and I understand exactly what you are going through. Pregnancy only exacerbated the problem – especially with my first one. You and Dave are doing a great job with Nora. I love seeing all the updates you share with us. Remember you have admirers thinking about you and cheering you on!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!
Jeanne says
Andrea, like so many of the other commenters, I had to say thank you for this wonderfully honest post. I so admire your ability to cut through the fluff and just be real. I’m sure you’ve helped SO many women today. I’m sorry you had to struggle so mightily and I am glad you are more aware this time around so that you don’t have to go through it again. Nora is just adorable and the love affair is mutual. Best of luck and much happiness to you and your family with the arrival of Baby Dekker.