I’ve always been somewhat of a go-getter — striving for more, better, simpler, faster, smarter, easier, prettier, etc. not necessarily to show off or brag, but simply because I’ve always had an innate desire to improve whatever it is that I’m doing at that point in my life.
Growing up, I was rarely the BEST at anything; however, I was fairly good at many different things. I worked hard to be good at those things and took pride in realizing the fruits of my labor from a very young age (making the all-star team for little league softball, scoring close to perfect at many of my piano competitions, getting chosen as the team captain, earning a place in the top choir in high school, making the honor roll, graduating college in 3 years, etc.)
Now, as an adult, I still find myself striving for improvement in almost every single thing I do — again, not for the sake of anyone but myself, because that’s just how my brain works!
- My children could be quieter, more polite, and less crazy.
- My time could be given more towards various volunteer opportunities at church, school, and within the community.
- My wardrobe could be more hip and stylish.
- My personality could be perkier, more outgoing, more adventurous, more relaxed.
- My health could be improved by less sugar and more exercise.
- My home could be cleaner and more organized.
- My decór could be updated and my furniture could be rearranged.
- My grocery shopping could be streamlined and I could use more coupons to save more money.
- My blog could be refreshed with newer features and easier access to old content.
- My social media could be updated more regularly with significantly more time and effort put into all the different platforms.
- My business could be expanded to offer videos, podcasts, newsletters, ebooks, consulting, and even product sales.
- My kitchen could be “greener” and I could waste less.
- My medicine cabinet and cleaning supplies could be more natural.
- My whole grain bread could be higher, softer, lighter, fluffier, and tastier.
- My vegetable garden could be bigger, more organic, and more attractive.
- My planting beds could have fewer weeds.
- My landscape design could be more colorful, more “full”, and more interesting.
- My digital photo books could include more photos, better-quality photos, more text, more “extras”.
I could read more, sleep more, pray more, play more, cook more, do more, be more… you get the idea.
Every single day, I have several of these thoughts enter my brain at any given moment. Sometimes they are fleeting and only stay for a split-second (like when I see a dust bunny roll across the wood flooring or finger prints all over a window). Other times they are nagging and hang on for extended periods of time.
Whatever the case, they are somewhat annoying!
.
I was recently thinking about these ridiculous thoughts (while mentally reminding myself of everything I do well, everything I’m good at, all the positive aspects of my home, life, job, family, etc.) and realized that if I have these thoughts every day, many of you must have them too!
(At least I hope I’m not the only one with these daily thoughts!)
The crazy thing for me is that I would honestly consider myself to be a very confident person.
I also feel extremely happy, grateful, and quite content with my current stage of life — staying home with our young children, working on home and yard projects, baking up a storm, and holding down the fort in my little corner of the internet!
I’m not a perfectionist.
I’m not a pessimist.
I’m not the type to want (or even know about) the latest and greatest products, services, tools, etc.
I’m definitely not someone who does anything just because others are doing it — in fact, I’m usually the one who purposely does things differently.
So why do I regularly have these crazy thoughts of all the things I should be and could be doing better than I’m currently doing them?
My remedy for these thoughts is simply to remind myself (over and over and over again) that I AM enough.
I am enough!
Then I force myself to immediately recount at least 5 things I do really well or 5 things I love about myself, my family, my home, my job, my garden, etc.
It’s not a perfect fix, but it helps (and I can do it anywhere, anytime, for free!)
I am enough and I do enough. I am focused on what’s important to me at this point in my life, and I’m not letting myself get side-tracked by too much “noise” all around me.
I am not suffocated or overly-burdened by these thoughts, but the thoughts are still there… almost every day, and they are still annoying.
My question for you today is 2-fold.
1. Do you have these types of thoughts?
2. If so, how do you deal with them?
NOTE: I am not looking for sympathy, I just want to start a conversation. I am truly so happy with my life, my family, my home, my job, etc. I have an abundance to be thankful for (and I am, most of the time)!
Nessa Bixler says
YES!! Me too! I was always improving, learning, meeting expectations, exceeding quotas and doing better each time. In school, in my job, in my daily life. I feel like it was easier to see the improvements and efforts when I was working outside the home. Now with my four kiddos (9, 6, 4, 1) I get in my head like you mentioned so much more. I always feel like I can be doing something, many things, much better. Thanks for putting into words and starting this conversation.
Debbie says
I’m just so impressed at how much you’ve accomplished. I admire how you can do something once you set your mind on it (weight loss, house projects, etc.). I do have thoughts like you at times, and it’s usually when I see closet, dresser getting full thinking why can’t I just have a minimal number of clothing. Other times it’s when I hear a singer I admire and question why I can’t put more time into my singing hobby, etc. There’s just so many things competing for our time and I realize if I want to do better at one thing, then another thing will have to be put aside. It’s just the facts of life as an adult.
Andrea says
Thanks Debbie — my stubborn, strong-willed nature plays a part in my determination to finish whatever I start (I believe I’ve passed this down to Nora as well).
And yes, I agree with fact that there are so many things we could put our time into — we just have to pick and choose what feels right for us at this point in our lives. That might change later — who knows!
Stacy says
I have those thoughts all the time. I do so much & I am accomplished but I always think what more can I do? Any time I have downtime my brain is running through ways to correct my hair, clothes, diet, kids, home, exercise, making mom friends, etc.
It’s frustrating and I need to also know I am enough.
Natalia says
I have those thoughts ALL THE TIME! Sometimes I even dare to compare myself to you and think “Andrea would not allow herself to be unprepared for_____ whatever it is I’m trying to scramble together at the last minute.”
Sometimes I remind myself that “we can do (almost) anything we set our minds to, but we can’t do everything!”
Other times I make more lists, and more lists. And I hope that one day I’ll grow up to be the person I want to be.
Andrea says
This is so great Natalia — thanks for sharing! I agree whole heartedly that we can do (almost) anything we set our minds to — just not all at the same time!
Brandi J Clevinger says
I love, love, love that you are doing more posts like this. You have (and continue to) inspired many positive things in my life (living simpler, more realistic, even starting a blog that has opened many doors for me), and I am regularly referring others to your website because it so helpful.
Over the years (I started following your blog back in 2012) I’ve always been amazed at how you do things, and have envied your energy, dedication, and determination. Now that you are speaking more on this more personal side of you, I’m soaking it all up. I realize now why I connect with you.
Not only do you inspire positivity in various ways, but I have many of the same qualities and struggles. It’s refreshing to hear that someone I admire and look up to has similar issues (not that I want you to have issues – that’s not what I mean), and provides easy, realistic solutions to each of them.
Thank you for regularly motivating me and being someone we can turn to for advice and inspiration. You are doing an amazing job and you are enough!
Andrea says
Thanks so much Brandi! And congrats on your blog too — so exciting!
Charlene R Uchtman says
I relate! It’s so easy for me to think, especially following other people’s “FB life”, that I am the only one that doesn’t have all my ducks in a row. And like you say, I am happy with my life! On the other hand, I think it might be the questioning and re-evaluating that moves me closer to what I am striving for. I enjoy the challenge and suspect it is what gives me purpose and keeps me sane!
Trina says
Oh, Andrea! This post so resonated with me because I’ve been having these thought more frequently for the last three weeks or so. I had to step away from my crazy job because my sister passed away, and then a dear friend the following week and then my husband and I had a scheduled vacation, which we dearly needed. However work didn’t stop, and after returning, I’m finding myself so lost trying to pick up midstream where tasks are and negatively comparing myself to others who seem to be doing things effortlessly and know what’s going on. What’s worse is that those I’m comparing myself to couldn’t be more supportive. What I’m trying to do is recognize it and flip it. Make myself aware that I’m spiraling into a negative cycle and tell myself, Stop! And see if I can’t find the opposite truth. Instead of beating myself up for not being on top of stuff like the person I’m comparing myself to, I’m telling myself to be thankful you have a capable coworker who’s willing to help. So, as trite as it sounds, just trying to flip the frown to a smile by thinking of the exact opposite.
Thanks for the post. As always, I get just what I need from you when I need it! Love you and your blog. Look forward to reading it daily. Even mis you on the weekends, lol. You help me keep sane.
Andrea says
oh no — I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and friend. What a difficult month this must be for you!
I think you definitely need to give yourself some grace right now… you have a lot of extra things on your plate (not to mention the fact that grief often inhibits productivity and efficiency).
Your work and your life will be waiting to play catch-up once you are ready to go back to them.
Sabira says
Hello Andrea,
I have been reading your blog for a long time and I think you are a superwoman! You do so much and yes I believe that is a brilliant way – saying “I am enough”.
I do too, have thoughts like this, all the time. I have found no solution. A lot has happened in my life over the last two years. I just go on working…
Thanks for sharing. Stay blessed.
Sabira
Andrea says
Thank you for sharing Sabira! It is helpful for me to just remind of myself of the things I already do well and all the areas of my life I feel confident in. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s progress!!
Barbara Hand says
Andrea, thank you for your openness, it is so refreshing! I struggle with these thoughts too, and you are right, it is annoying.
It distracts me from accomplishing my goals by making me feel that whatever I do is never enough or it steals my contentment with the progress I’ve made so far. Often, I deal with those thoughts by doing something productive to work toward my goals. This works most of the time, but when it doesn’t and I feel like I’m just chasing my tail, I stop and remember that I’m an imperfect person living in an imperfect world. I do the best I can and then I rest in God. I remind myself that I can never do or be enough, but He always has been, and always will be enough. I rest in Him.
I hope the answers you get from your readers will be a source of encouragement to you. I’ve been reading your blog since 2012 and you have been a constant source of ispiration and motivation for me. Thank you for all you do!
Andrea says
wow Barb– has it really been that long!?!?! Thanks so much for your long-time readership!
jennifer says
I sometimes I have these thoughts. But usually about being a parent. Or exercising more. Or better. But I have found that the older I get, the less I really truly care and feel less stressed by these thoughts. By the way, I think you are great and if we lived in the same town, I bet we’d be friends. Love your blog.
Andrea says
thanks so much Jennifer!
Rhonda says
1. Yes
2. Gretchen Rubin advice “Be Gretchen” (in my case, “Be Rhonda”)
There is so much information exchange today, it’s hard for people not to get a whole bunch of ideas of what they “should” be doing (ie, technology/social media). Today I was talking with a co-worker who I did not know very well. He is a married man, close to retirement. We both discovered we have 10 acres of land in the country, along with our house. He asked if we had any animals, a farm, etc. (implying that we “should”). Then he asked me more questions: how many kids do you have? how old are they? Then he said “you and your husband work a lot. with young kids, you are busy. You don’t have time for a farm, gardening, etc! That was a nice comment. I feel like I SHOULD have a garden, because we have space, but I honestly don’t enjoy it all that much, don’t know what I’m doing, and don’t feel I have time. It was so refreshing to hear someone recognize that “hey, you do enough already!” It’s okay that I’d rather buy my produce from farmers who know what they are doing and sell quality products!
Andrea says
good advice! and yes, working with young kids is definitely enough for you right now!
Charlene R Uchtman says
So true! So many self help suggestions start with “in just 5 minutes a day” you can………. Yes, you can probably accomplish a great deal in just 5 minutes a day but not everything!
Andrea, I think you had a blog on what you were not going to do? Or didn’t do?
Gaynor Williams says
Trouble is, you could follow DOZENS of these “in just 5 minutes…” suggestions ! If you (say) took up 40 of these, that’s three hours twenty minutes worth per day – not doable
Andrea says
Yes, I did just share about that last week (here it is again if you’d like to read it!)
Erin says
Oh Andrea, I’m so glad you did a post on this! I struggle with this every hour of every day. I haven’t yet figured out how to flip those thoughts into something else. I am still struggling with feeling enough in my work life and my personal life and my relationships. I have been on a different path than many other people, as I am 36, single and have no kids. There are very few people out there to relate to and who relate to me. So I constantly battle against feeling ENOUGH and constantly compare myself to others (who are on a totally different path!). Some days are easier to turn this around, take stock of everything I do and take care of. Other days, it is really hard and I get caught in comparison – why am I not married, like everyone else? Why don’t I have kids, like everyone else? Why do I not feel good enough at work? Why do I not feel like I’m dong enough in my personal life? Why am I not healthier? Why am I not enough for another person to want to be with me as a companion, in a relationship? Why am I not enough for my parents? See, constant! LOL Do I have things to be thankful for? Yes, I guess so…but I’ve worked immensely hard on my own to get those things. And they could very easily be taken away. So…you are definitely not the only one who has these thoughts every day!
Also, I am super impressed by everything you take care of, plus raising 4 healthy, happy, well-behaved kids!
PW says
Yes I have those thoughts and both me and my husband are perfectionists and we are professionals with long work hours. I have 2 thoughts that run thru my brain as I tackle my long never ending project list–your blog that said “GOOD ENOUGH” and what Oprah said one time (not a follower) WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE BELIEVE THEM. Those 2 lessons are permanently etched in my brain. When my project is just no perfect I now say GOOD ENOUGH.
Andrea says
oh wow, I’m sure this is even more challenging for you then if you have perfectionistic tendencies!
Jennifer says
So many good comments about being enough. It’s a daily reminder but hopefully not a daily struggle. We would certainly show grace to another for the same reasons we CAN show grace to ourselves.
A tip for the “shoulds”, “need to’s”, etc… Say “I could…”, or I might….”. Takes some pressure off. It’s in your control, not dictated by anyone else or by a feeling you have to keep up, but it keeps your mind open if later you do feel like doing it better/more/etc. ( Ex. My wardrobe is fine and I might look into updating some items later. I’m happy with my quick dusting and I might do some polishing later.) It kind of puts it on my mind in a thoughtful way, a little more motivating, like hmmm, I might actually like it to get done.
I am also a Jill-of-all-trades, never mastered anything….so I used to think. But I’ve mastered the art of creating and experiencing a rich life because I’ve always been open to try anything, play any sport, experiment. Ive never felt attached to any one thing, until I learned and became obsessed with surfing. Can you be type A with one thing in your life? Ha.
Andrea says
yes, fellow Jill-of-all-trades here — and honestly, i actually really like being sort of good at a lot of things! Also, thanks for your tips and sharing what works for you!
Meghan says
Love the “could” or “might” thinking! I need to implement this! I’m a teacher about to be on summer break, and every summer I struggle with trying to get tons of projects done vs. enjoying being home with my kids. I think it will take a lot of pressure off myself if I have 4-5 “to dos” every day and several “coulds” or “mights”.
Kate says
Uh…yeah! I think these things ALL THE TIME. I’m always thinking, “Andrea would know how to simplify this, streamline this, etc.” Lol I just have to remind myself to do what God says is important. Think about what things have eternal value. The rest doesn’t matter as much. Though I definitely like a house with no dust bunnies, fingerprints on the windows, etc so it’s a challenge for me to let those things go sometimes. 🙂 I also like to look back at how I’ve improved. For example, our yard has come a long way in the 5 years we’ve been in our house but there is SO much more I’d like to do. But we improve it just a little every year. As my mom likes to say, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Also, I think social media has made it SEEM like everyone else has it all together and it’s easy to think we are lacking in comparison. But it’s not true. 🙂
Andrea says
haha — yes!
I’ve also thought the same thing — about “look how far we’ve come”. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with so many ways I’d like to update our house and yard still, but I keep reminding myself HOW MUCh we’ve already done! that helps a lot!
Trina says
Love this! What would Andrea do!
Beth says
Hi Andrea,
I struggle with the exact same thoughts, and I think a lot of people do, especially us Type As. 🙂 It’s taken me awhile to realize that I do not have to hustle for my worth. God sees me and loves me right where I am, and I can grow and change and mature in His time and with His grace.
I hope you have a lovely, relaxed day,
Beth
Andrea says
oh the good old Type-A’s! we have so many great qualities… and a few not so great ones. This probably falls under the not-so-great qualities!
Lee W. Cockrum says
As several people mention above, I’d love to accomplish as much as you. Truthfully I just am not that high energy… especially now as I am into my 50’s. I could do more through my diet and such to possibly improve that, but getting started is so hard! I think that your ideas of reminding yourself that you are enough, and thinking of things you are good at is a good strategy.
Andrea says
thanks so much 🙂
I think there are definitely “seasons” of life — and I’m in one that requires high energy while you are in one that maybe doesn’t require as much. I’ll get there someday and hopefully be able to sit back and enjoy it!
Pascale says
Loved this blogpost. Thank you for sharing, Andrea. For me, having restful sleep and spending quality time with God helps me to be kinder to myself and not care so much about what others think of me.
Andrea says
thanks Pascale!
I think we could all benefit from everything you mentioned!
Pascale says
You’re welcome, Andrea. Have a wonderful weekend!
JJ says
I struggle most with those thoughts when others comment and I over analyze if what I’m doing is best or compare. Then I have to slap myself back into reality of what is best for ME and MY family and our circumstances. I also noticed once I was hacked on Facebook and deactivated it, my stress level went waaaaay down. So many are passive aggressive. I’m more of an aggressive person(let’s talk bluntly and deal with it and agree to disagree and move on). Even the posts that had nothing to do with me were upsetting me, because I knew they were posting to dig jabs at others that I’m friends with. It has been the best thing for me to be off FACEBOOK. I follow your blog, Moneysavingmom, and The Character Corner. That’s it. I have found at this stage of my life I need to read things that will help me and my family, encourage, or challenge me in a good way–not produce guilt and anxiety. When I do get the thoughts, I share them with a close friend if they keep reoccurring. Normally they will say, “What you’re doing is fine.” Or, “Well, how would that work for you right now?” That helps me process and make changes if needed. Also my husband is an amazing soundboard for me!!! My dad, too!!! One of my friends is a Christian counselor(in Michigan–where I’m from!), so she often has great ideas that have worked for her clients or will just nicely say, “You don’t need that right now in your life!” I do well with words of affirmation!!! And often when I doubt myself it’s because my love tank is running low(Five Love Languages). But that’s just me!
Meredith says
What’s hysterical about this post is that I periodically think, “Andrea has 4 kids and she manages to ________ (bake bread from scratch, maintain the yard, etc.)” I’m a single parent, but I “only” have one 1 year old. I also remind myself that I am enough and that we all have different situations and priorities! It also helps me to think that I would never want my daughter to feel like she wasn’t “good enough” so I need to model that for her.
Andrea says
haha — keep in mind that what I share on the blog are all the things I’m already good at. I don’t share everything I’m bad at — no one wants to hear about those things!
Also, I LOVE that you are thinking about your daughter’s future with how you talk about yourself now — this will most definitely benefit her for the rest of her life!
Amy Stine says
Ahhh I can so relate! I am the same way. I love that you said you don’t do it for anybody else but it’s just your personality. I’m the same way. I often question my motives as to why I’m doing something because I feel like society tells us we do things to impress people… we’ll I never thought that about myself and was always confused on my motives but it’s just my personality to do it all and never sit down. And I’m also happy, content and love my life but st the same time want to start this business or that business or learn how to do this new craft or expand my garden to go to the farmer market, get more chickens, I’m a dreamer and a doer unfortunately I dream a lot and then I try to do it and it doesn’t always work out. I’m praying for wisdom and to not to pursue every dream I have because now in in a really hard school program that I’m struggling to finish because I homeschool 2 kids while taking care of my 4 and 1 year old too. I regret making the decision to go to school and spend that money. I don’t want to quit but halfway through I’m struggling in my decision and hopefully I’ve learned my lesson to wait. There will be a day when I have more time.
Andrea says
oh bummer about the schooling. I hope you have a refreshing and relaxing summer break away from classes. Maybe that will give you more clarity and perspective.
Sheila says
Just to chime in on the discussion, I was the exact same way when I was younger, but now in my fifties my perspective has totally changed. Somewhere in my forties I realized I no longer cared what anyone else thought, period! So freeing! I’m not talking about trying to convince myself of that, but truly feeling that! It’s marvoulous! Of course I do care about others feelings and strive to be kind, but I no longer feel judged by others and maybe even more importantly I am WAY less judgemental myself! Win-Win lol! Hang in there ladies! Some things do get better with age! Hugs to all you young moms out there!
Stephanie says
I’m with Paulette-I’m not as productive as you are, Andrea! I think you and I are very similar in many ways though. I always try to improve my home, love minimalism and being organized, love routines and health, etc. I have the same thoughts daily. I have heard lots of podcasts talking about this same issue. Our society is one that makes it very easy to compare ourselves to others with social media and advertising. Even without these factors, our personalities are probably always striving to improve. Some of it is good because it makes us plan and strive for better. On the other hand, it can make us discontent. In this case, I also list the many things I am thankful for! I look forward to reading your blog each day because you are great at balance. You emphasize good enough over perfectionism (which is a reminder that we perfectionists need!). Also as I get older, I realize that relationships are much more important than the specific goals I have always had. I try to grab and enjoy every moment I can with my family.
Andrea says
Thanks so much Stephanie!
sue says
LOL.. not laughing at you… Laughing with you… I just was discussing this yesterday with my neighbor cause I was feeling the same way. I was never the best at anything. Had to study hard for every decent grade I got in school. My kids and husband are wonderful caring good people, but no one is a star in anything, ( sports, grades, etc ).
When a family member, (he will remain nameless) gets on the tirade of how perfect the one grandchild is…. I just want to go off on him, and I will say the other night I did.(forgive me). I will not ever understand the obsession with this child. I am waiting for them to offer him up for saint hood. And he is a nice kid. But heck…. so are mine. Example when my daughter won a contest at school beating out all other kids in the 3 other high schools,( we are talking schools with at least 1000 kids in each) in his sentence to congratulate her,”well you know, ______ and her must be the smart kids in the family” WTH? Can’t my kid just be praised for her accomplishment without this kid being mentioned????
So you know what??? My kids are great.. My family is great.. I am enough TOO!!!!!! Thank you for posting this today, I am sorry you feel this way, but I am glad that I am not the only one.
Sue in NJ
JJ says
Sue, yes, it is so so hard when someone compares your kids and another is always the star–especially within the family. People don’t realize what hurt that causes and the division it creates. I have experienced it and honestly family situations happened to where I don’t have to deal with it anymore, but that person always made me feel like I could never measure up to “their perfect”. And that’s what I realized what it was–their perfect, not anyone else’s. Other people treated me so differently, and that helped to ease the pain of the wounds. You are doing a great job being aware of the situation and on top of it. Your children are safe with you, and that is invaluable!!! Sometimes I have point blank said, “Why do you always have to bring up this child?” With my father-in-law, his favorites are the ones that remind him of himself or have their family genes in physical features. He couldn’t understand why my daughter was so upset. It took everything in my not to ooze all my thoughts, but I told him the facts and how it made her feel. Surprisingly when I told him how it made her feel, it bothered him enough for him to apologize to her. I almost fell over, but I was so thankful! My daughter was being very cold to him and giving him the stink eye(haha! The power of a 3 year old’s stink eye!!!), so that gave him very big clues. Then he asked me. He still struggles, but I cling to that moment. Haha! Congratulations to your daughter’s impressive accomplishment!!!
Sue says
Thanks JJ… I am not sure why he does it.. But it is aggravating.. I always tell people that I married the spare, not the heir. I know my spare is disappointment to them, but their loss.. but like you and Andrea said.. some days……… ( this past week !) It bubbles up on me and it all comes rushing in.. AAAAGGGGHHHH !!!!!
I just get aggravated that I let it get to me.. cause I shouldn’t…
Have a fantastic day… ( gotta love a little girls stink eye!! she has got together at 3 !!! look out MOM.. )
Sue in NJ
Andrea says
glad you got this off your chest! sounds stressful and annoying!
Annette Silveira says
I just read a post by @katyshairlab on Instagram the other day about this topic. The last line jumped out at me and I think it would help us all to remember the truth of it. She said when she’s feeling bad about herself she remembers that she is “distinctively crafted by the one who created all.”
Andrea says
such good advice. thanks for sharing Annette!
Paulette says
Thank you for the post! I most definitely have these thoughts and I’m not nearly as productive and gifted as you are, Andrea. The way I expose myself to social media (Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube) doesn’t help. It’s encouraging to know that these thoughts come no matter how talented and productive a person might be. Also, I’m in charge of my thought life and “taking every thought captive” helps. Side note. I think this might be the first pic I’ve seen of little Clara when she wasn’t smiling. Such a precious little girl.
Andrea says
yes, Clara was being a stinker for those photos 🙂
Michelle Bonk says
I definitely have similar thoughts. There are so many areas of my life I feel as though I could be “doing more”.
Your “I am enough” mantra is perfect. Dovetails nicely with a practice I’ve started recently with starting and ending the day with gratitude.
I, like you, have MUCH to be thankful for in my life and I just need to remind the little voice in my head that things are good!
Andrea says
Yes, Gratitude! Thanks for sharing!