When I announced I was pregnant with baby #2, EVERYONE (and I mean everyone) told me the transition from 1-2 was WAY more challenging than the transition from 0-1.
This naturally freaked me out since my transition from 0-1 was pretty traumatizing for me! I can remember many times when Nora was a baby wondering how on earth we could ever handle more than one child… but things did eventually get easier (I know, everyone tells you things will get easier and you just can’t believe them… but I promise, they WILL eventually get easier!)
However, it was still very unsettling to have mass amounts of people (friends, family, and complete strangers) telling me that the transition from 1-2 child would most likely be even worse than my transition from 0-1 child.
Yikes! I wasn’t sure I could handle that.
Thankfully, everyone’s own personal experiences are different; and I can confidently say that after 6 weeks, the transition from 1-2 has been much easier than from 0-1.
Physically, I was in much more pain and took longer to recover after Simon’s birth. But mentally, I feel SOOOOO much better the 2nd time around — and I didn’t even need medical intervention, counseling… or a straight jacket 🙂
When Nora was born, I basically felt like I was “thrown under the bus” and totally misled by all the advice from friends, family, and parenting books. Obviously, people want to focus on the positives of having a baby — but seriously, no one told me just how crazy hard it was going to be. They told me how awful labor and deliver would be (mine was a breeze, by the way). But after the baby was here, everything was apparently all butterflies and rainbows.
Life with a new baby was supposedly blissful — especially with your first when you can “nap when they nap” and just take it easy. Clearly, Nora did not get the memo that she was supposed to take naps and let me have it easy!
I fumbled through my first year of motherhood with feelings of failure plaguing me at every bend in the road — but I learned SO much. And if I’m really honest, although it was absolutely awful at times, the best way for me to learn is via hands-on, real-life experience — Nora gave me plenty of that!
Nora was my guinea pig and I’m sure I made a bunch of mistakes. However, all the trials and hardships she caused me helped me become a better mother, a more knowledgable mother, a more easy-going-life-will-go-on-and-it-WILL-get-better mother.
So when Simon was born, my whole mother mentality was completely different. I was as ready as I could be, I was confident, I didn’t need to worry about every little thing or wonder if I was doing something that would mess him up for the rest of his life.
I held him, fed him, changed him, and loved him… and prayed that he would sleep!
I also swallowed my pride and asked for help.
Since Nora is SO super-active and very high energy, I just knew I couldn’t deal with her all day AND tend to the high needs of a brand new baby. I’m sure some people could, but I couldn’t. I knew that going in… and because of that, I asked for help. Lots of help!
I didn’t necessarily ask for meals, but when our church came to me and asked if they could set up several meals for us during the 3 weeks after we came home from the hospital, I graciously accepted. And anytime someone called or emailed asking if we’d like a meal, I readily accepted.
I also took any physical help I could get. My sister lives just down the road and has a pretty flexible schedule, so she has taken Nora off my hands MANY times over the past several weeks. And my dad can completely set his own schedule, so he has been over to our house almost every weekday at some point or another. He’ll stop by for a couple hours in the morning to play with Nora… and now that the weather is warming up, they can play outside while Simon is sleeping. This means I get the house to myself for a bit — and yes, it’s amazing!
Both Dave’s and my parents live within 10-15 minutes of our house, and they take any and every opportunity to “stop by” and see Simon and Nora 🙂 They love their grandkids and we love their help.
If we wouldn’t have had so much help while Dave was at school all day, I’m confident I would not feel so “with-it” and “on top of things” right now. Plus, with how physically sore and tired I was at the beginning, I honestly don’t know if I could have handled Nora those first few days. She’s heavy… and stubborn!
Of course, it also helps that Nora LOVES babies… especially “her” baby Simon.
This girl is just a little mother and it’s so cute to watch. Any time I feed, burp, bathe, or change Simon, she’s right there watching and learning. She now feeds her babies (both bottles and by literally sticking them under her shirt). She also wants Dave to feed her pretend bottles and then burp her (she just shouts out the word “burp” and it’s hilarious to watch!)
She is extremely protective of Simon and anytime she doesn’t see him, she worriedly asks, “Momma, where’s my brother? I need to know where he is.”
I realize everyone’s situation is different; but I for one was thrilled that the transition from 1-2 has been much easier for me — I honestly don’t think I’d be working on the blog right now if the transition was more difficult with Simon than with Nora!
Sherry L says
My transition from 0-1 was the most difficult. Not only was I young, but I didn’t have family nearby to help. Support, whether emotional or being physically present to help, is important the first few months. Babies 2, 3 and 4 were much easier to handle due to practice as well as finding confidence in myself that I wouldn’t break them!
I’m happy to hear that your transition is going smoothly!
Mandi Jayne says
It’s definitely different for each mom! For me, the hardest transition was 2-3. 1-2 was easiest for me, because I had learned how to say NO to all the advice and ideas I was given and just go with what I felt worked best for us.
Ted Olivas says
Another great post, Andrea. I really feel it’s different for everyone. The age of the kids have a lot to do with it, as well as everyone’s personal dispositions (high-need or not, etc.) My wife and I have 3 daughters ranging in age from 6 years to 6 months. This most recent transition has been the most difficult, at least from my perspective. But no less fantastic at the same time. And I’m grateful for another set of eyes to look at in wonder which cause me to forget about the chaos of the world…If only for moment.
Patty@homemakersdaily.com says
Going from zero kids to one was pretty tough. Life changed completely. Going from 1 to 2 didn’t seem all that hard. I mean – it was difficult at the beginning – but like you, I had some extra help and that made the transition easier. You hit the nail on the head when you said everyone’s experience is different.
Kerrie says
I’m so glad to hear it was easier for you this time around! We’re about to transition from 1 to 2, also, and all of the comments about how much harder it will be has been making me nervous.
Sandra says
Andrea,
Great to hear how things are going. You’re a “natural” at momming!
Sandra
Mary says
Definitely 0-1! We were married 8 years before we had kids, so it was hard to adjust to not doing or going wherever we wanted whenever we wanted!
Autumn says
I love your blog, it is the only one I read regularly. I have triplets so I don’t know the experience of 0-1, but actually I felt like 3-4 was the hardest. I had a little girl when my triplets were 1.5, and that actually seemed harder than having the triplets because they had so much energy, and needed to do things, versus a newborn who you can basically stay inside at home week after week (and we did with the triplets) and they never know the difference. I do regret spending their naps sanitizing the house though, and you definitely don’t do that by the time you have your second/fourth. Glad to hear transition has been smooth.
Amanda says
This does not have anything to do with transitioning from child to child, my parents live 2 miles from us. I can not imagine life without my parents help and I am always amazed at people who have kids without any family help close by.
Jennifer P says
I feel like the odd ball here because I didn’t have a difficult time transitioning from 0-1,1-2 or 2-3. All in the span of 4yr 4mts. I never had those overwhelming feelings, no OMG moments. I guess it goes with my laid back, easy going personality and 3 easy babies. All good sleepers (sleeping all night between the ages of 3 and 6 weeks), minimal feeding issues.
Verity says
Definitely 3-4! (My kids are 4 1/2, 3, 22m and 5m)
First, I had to change some of my parenting approaches. They had worked great for my parents who had 2, but not well for a larger family.
Second, I had not cracked down enough on some obedience issues with the three older ones.
Finally, I had to minimize and remove tons of their toys clothes etc.
Things are a lot better and I agree that the experience makes one a better mother, but it all came to a head at Christmas. We were completely in survival mode!!
Amber Woods says
Precious picture at the bottom!
ShellyL says
Good for you! You deserved an easy transistion. You had your difficulty the first time. My second one was much harder. I’m not sure why, but number three was easy. I guess it’s difficult for everyone. I’m happy to read that things are going better for you this time around. Blessings to you and your family. 🙂
Shawn Fore says
For me the hardest was from 3 to 4. By the time # 4 came along numbers 1 & 2 were already in school and involved in baseball, Brownies and dance lessons. Number 4 was born on Thursday evening and attended her first baseball game on Monday evening! I’m not sure if I was strong or just FOOLISH!
Pam says
When 0-1 rocked our world I asked a few mothers why they don’t tell you how hard it is. One honest mother at church replied, “If we told you, no one would ever have any kids” !!!!
Sue says
being pregnant with #2,… I could not come home from work and get my 30 min power nap.. Like I did with #1… afterwards.. they have both been pretty easy.. Not sure why I have such great kids.. but I do..
sue in NJ
Avia says
After reading the comments it seems like it depends a lot on the individual kids. We’ve been told by most of our friends/family 1-2 is easier, but that may be because we’re on the fence whether we’re going to have another and they are trying to encourage us! I think Nora sounds hilarious and I wish I could see and hear her “burp”!
Amy O says
Definitely 0-1 was the biggest change – how could it not be? Your whole world now revolves around the intense needs of a newborn. 1-2 was MUCH easier for me (I had two boys spaced two years apart like yours.) 2-3 was actually pretty easy too. I have a big gap between 2 and 3, so my first two were in school. My third child (a girl) was hauled around to school, boy scouts, ball practices, etc. Luckily she was a laid-back mellow baby. She didn’t get naps as much as a baby needs – but she was sleeping completely through the night at 8 weeks.
Mackenzie says
Oh my gosh, I totally know what you’re saying about being misled. I felt like I was totally blindsided after I had my baby. I was not expecting it to be so hard. He is almost 6 months now and things are getting easier. Thanks for sharing that!!
susie says
#5 was hardest for me! LOL I know most people don’t have that many… but #6 was easy! I think everyone should have at least 4 kids though.
Becky says
Why is that?
JJ says
Um, 1-2 was the hardest by far. My second has acid reflux and dairy protein irritability, which meant for a couple weeks I had no clue why my baby would scream for hours with no consolation while my 14 month toddler ran around fussing because his little sister was fussing. I’m so thankful my best friend had been a pediatric nurse and identified that she had acid reflux and a dairy issue. After cutting dairy completely out of my diet, I have an entirely different baby! Oh, and did I mention my 14 month old learned to walk the week we brought Baby Girl home and finished weaning, too? Lol! We have no family near us. But as hard as the transition was, I am so in love with my babies and wouldn’t change our situation. NOW it is so much easier! God’s grace really is enough for each day. It may be cliche, but it is true!
Bridget says
You have set a great example for Nora. She imitates you, so everything great you see is what she’s learned from watching you! I LOVED when my daughters would nurse their baby dolls. I could see a glimpse of my future grandchildren being well loved and cared for.
Leigh says
Mine are 2, 5, and 7 months now. There is nothing like 0-1, it is a paradigm shift. 1-2 is learning to juggle every ones needs. 2-3 is adding one more ball and learning how to deal with more little people than hands. For me it has gotten easier each time. After the third, I have realized I need to be more deliberate about planning and particularly about training for the behaviors I want.
Tricia @ Our Provident Home says
I totally agree with you. 0-1 was completely life altering stuff. 1-2 not so much. My second daughter just slipped right into the household routine with hardly a sniff. Now, number 3 was a tough one, but we had an almost 4 year gap between the two and I think that made it harder. 4 and 5 were super easy as well.
I think spacing has a big impact on how hard the adjustment is for mom and the “former” baby. My second daughter was used to being the baby and with a new little person taking moms attention she really acted out which made life difficult.
Congratulations on your little one. I’m glad things are going well.
Amy says
My first baby was an easy baby. She slept, she smiled, she was very happy and easy-going. My second baby was a nightmare. She screamed all night long for months. I would rock her and we would cry while my husband ran the sweeper. That was the only thing that settled her down. Then we’d sleep like that for a while until she woke up and hubby would get up and run the sweeper again. We had the cleanest floors! We finally transitioned to one of those noise machines and we put it right next to her head in the bassinet. It had an automatic shut off on it and EVERY time it turned off, she woke up and screamed. Oh my, the stories I could tell… lol
Funny thing is – now both my girls are teenagers and have reversed roles. My first child is stubborn and rebellious – fiercely independent. My second is rational and organized and certainly easier than her sister so far! ha
Victoria says
I too found the transition from 0 to 1 much harder than 1 to 2. It might have been though that my first son had horrible colic. He rarely slept more than 2 hours at a time at night and no more than 45 minutes at a stretch during the day. But my second, started 4 hr stretches of sleep almost right away, and was so content. So I guess I would think the ease transition is effected largely by the babies personalities.
Amy says
Definitely 0-1 was MUCH MUCH harder than 1-2 for me too!! My first shocked me….my life changed so drastically and I had a very hard time emotionally. With #2, I prepared myself mentally 🙂 It was still hard…sometimes more than others..but not so SHOCKING. My second is 10 months old now…and Andrea…they play together!! So that means I can get things done around the house! Hallelujah!! It’s wonderful 🙂 Once the second got mobile…life was good 🙂
Your family is BEAUTIFUL! Nora looks so proud 🙂
Amy says
Part of the reason number 2 was easier too was…with number one, I had no idea when or if life would get easier. With number two I had hope! Ha ha! I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel eventually. That helped me on those really tough days.
You look like you are doing so well managing life with two!
Andrea says
Yes, I totally agree. I know that even though it’s awful right now, it will eventually get better. Even if it takes 2 years!
Rachael says
Going from 2 to 3 was the most difficult… Still recovering!
Alison says
I think it depends on the baby. Our hardest baby (a delightful 6 year old now) was our second. It took us 6 years to decide to have another. She is easy, and I have a 9 & 6 year old helper. So even though my life is busier and crazier, it’s still easier than my second – because he was a tough baby…
Hilda says
I found 0-1 much harder than 1-2 as well. I wasn’t prepared at all for life with a baby. Plus I found it was a whole identity change. I was no longer just a daughter, sister, friend, wife, etc…. I was now a MOTHER! And we weren’t just a couple… we were a FAMILY! So different. Everything changed. And we “grew up” a lot. Took awhile to get used to everything. With #2 it was a challenge to juggle 2 kids’ needs but I was more prepared mentally, emotionally, relationally. I’m so happy this transition has been better for you than you expected.
Leanne says
waiting for #1, for 6 weeks, was really traumatic– since he was a newborn adoption–so when he came and everything was “signed, sealed, and literally delivered”, I felt like he was a breeze…
#2 came… we waited for him for exactly 6 weeks, also a newborn adoption (20 months later)…and for a variety of circumstances…it ROCKED my world, and I experienced major post-adoption depression…which no one understands, but has been clinically studied…
just as I was “feeling myself”, I got pregnant and miscarried…. and then 3 months later was pregnant again…that pregnancy was so hard on my body…and I NEVER slept those 9 months, so when #3 came home and I actually got some rest, he felt like the easiest baby ever!
I had a lot of help by #3, too…a wonderful woman from my church stepped in and became their surrogate Grandmother, since I had no family here…
she is the most precious woman ever! and my boys think of her as “Grandma Nancy” just like their other Grandmas! I plan on doing the same thing when I hit my Grandma years! thankfully, I still have a while to go!
I love hearing your updates! thanks for sharing!
Linda B says
Oh, Nora is so sweet with her baby brother. I love the “I need to know where he is”.
So glad you have so much family support and help. I’m sure that is so great for the grandparents, too.
I think for me the most difficult time was from 2 kids to 3 kids, But, this was because of our situation. #3 was a wonderful, easy baby, it’s just that the others were only 3 yrs. old, and 21 months old. We did not have any nearby family support, and money was an extreme issue at the time. (Dh was in grad. school.) We lived in a difficult neighborhood, without any support there. We could not even go for a walk safely in our neighborhood. Our house was about 700 sq. ft., I think. One bathroom, which was a problem with using cloth diapers and potty-training at the same time. (Yes, we had 2 in old-fashioned cloth diapers.)
I remember it being very tiring to get all 3 strapped into their car seats to go across town to drop off oldest at preschool, or to the doctor (nearly a weekly event), or grocery shopping. (I would do things differently now, in hindsight.) That winter was crazy, with stuffing everyone into snowsuits, finding boots, etc… It still makes me tired just to think about it!
I also do have some of the best memories, though, of singing in the kids’ room (of course, they all were in 1 room) every evening as they fell asleep. It’s one of the things I look back on most fondly.
Becky says
Thank you for this post! We are expecting our second child this winter, and I keep hearing how hard the transition is going to be, but I keep thinking…ya, but I already KNOW what it’s like to have a baby! It was a HUGE shock to me when we had our first child…how drastically our lives changed. I’d like to think that shock won’t be as huge this time around, especially since we already have one child, so I feel like I have much more confidence in my parenting skills!
Stephanie says
Just wait until 3! Haha, just kidding. I do remember with 3 feeling outnumbered at first but that feeling swiftly went away.
Really I think it depends on each child. My kids have all been super nice to me, so I always think that if I would get a more difficult one now I would be in way more trouble than if number 1 was hard.
Glad everything is going well.
Lea Stormhammer says
I have twins so we went from 0-2 without that middle step! 🙂
Honestly, once they were basically on the same schedule – eating and sleeping at the same time, we didn’t have a rigid schedule – it wasn’t that bad. I had been told over and over and OVER again that it was going to be terrible, awful, horrible and that most days I wouldn’t be able to do the most basic things – shower, eat and sleep. I had two healthy, full-term babies who were pretty easy going and slept (hurray!) pretty well and I think that made a HUGE difference. It was a ton of work but since I was expecting it to be horrible and awful I think that made it seem like a breeze!
We did have a TON of help (meals from our church and friends, my parents and my sister-in-law for extra hands, and loads of clothes, etc from friends, neighbors and family of friends) and I am so grateful. I’m sure if I had high needs babies, or colicky babies or just plain cranky babies or babies with health problems it would have been a totally different story!
Thanks for sharing about your life with Nora and Simon, Andrea! It’s it fascinating how God makes every family so different?
Lea
Laurel says
I thought both 0-1, 1-2 & 3-4 were really quite easy. It was 2-3 (with all three under the age of 5) that was very difficult. You are fortunate to have help. We really didn’t have relatives that helped at all after the babies were born and I was in charge of all three while my husband was at work all day. Fortunately, we have had 4 really, really easy kids or I would have lost my mind. My oldest daughter used to put her dolls under her shirt to feed them, too! I think the first one is always so much more mature. When I went to the hospital to have the 2nd, she was two years old. My in-laws came to watch her that morning and they said the first thing she said to them was, “Can I offer you a cup of coffee!”.
Dana says
Can I offer you a cup of coffee! That is amazing! And hilarious! Made me laugh.
Beth says
0-1 rocked our world! In a very wonderful way (eventually) but it SO hard in many ways. 1-2 and then 2-3, were different and a lot easier in my opinion. Generic parenting advice and general statements are overrated on my opinion. Congratulations on your family!
Carrie says
I think the transition from 0-1 was the hardest for me. After that i knew what to expect and could plan ahead. By the time I had baby number 5, I just came home from the hospital, put the baby in the basinette and started dinner. It was like another day. : )
Paulette Smith says
All I can say is God bless your heart, Andrea! I agree. I felt more confident with my second child., having been through the fire of a first. However, I didn’t have the difficulties you had. My hat is off to you. Your Nora is amazing. I can’t believe the words that come out of her mouth. Sometimes I shout with laughter! 🙂
Tracey says
That is wonderful news! Everyone’s experience is a little different, and I’m so glad to hear that “1 to 2” has been easier. The photos of them together are so precious. It’s great to see that you’re capturing those moments!!
It was that way for me, too. We learn so much the first time around, it’s astounding. My son (my first baby) wasn’t much of a napper for the first six months, and there were many tears on my end from sheer exhaustion. By the time my daughter arrived 20 months later, we had grown so much as parents and felt much more confident. It didn’t hurt that he did finally become a napper, which was a godsend during my second pregnancy!
Congrats again, and Happy Spring!!!