I can still remember the first time I shared about Nora’s high-needs personality on my blog. My intentions were simply to share the massive amount of relief I felt after finally figuring out a big piece of our “Nora puzzle”. I had absolutely NO comprehension of how many comments, emails, questions, and notes of encouragement that would stem from that post.
But here I am, 2.5 years later, and there is rarely a day that goes by without getting at least one email, Facebook message, or comment on a blog post asking a question about high-needs babies or sending positive words of encouragement my way. It is AMAZING!
The support I have felt from so many other parents who really truly “get it” has done wonders for my mental and emotional state; and I can’t even begin to tell you how fabulous it is for me to be able to help other moms, dads, and caregivers who randomly find my blog after doing a Google search for “high-needs baby” or “difficult baby” or “sensory issues”.
Most of the emails and message start off something like this:
“Hi Andrea, you don’t know me, but I found your blog the other day when I was searching for information about my baby who just seems to cry ALL the time. I’ve been scouring your blog and reading all the posts about Nora — and I finally feel like I’m not a horrible parent. I’m not totally messing up or doing everything wrong… my baby is just different.
For the very first time since becoming a parent, I feel like I’m not alone — someone understand what I’m going through. After staying up way too late reading more about high-needs children and sensory issues, I just had to email you to thank you for how much hope and encouragement you have given me.
Also, I have a few more questions…”
Although I often spend a large amount of time responding to these messages and trying to answer all the questions as best as I can, I feel that it is worth every moment of my time because I know how helpful it would have been for me to have that information when Nora was born.
That said, the emails and messages seem to be coming faster and more frequently, so I thought it might be time to write a blog post about the things that were most helpful for me (or things I wish I would have known 4 years ago). That way, I can direct people to this post instead of typing everything out over and over again 🙂
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Nora and I have made it through A LOT together these past 4 years… and while there are still very tough moments (and days) with her, we have made so much progress! In fact, the extremely long days of holding and bouncing and rocking and feeding and sleeping with a screaming infant are (almost) just a distant memory.
I know that if WE can make it through, YOU CAN TOO!
This post is extremely long… but I wanted to include as many details and as many examples from our own life as I could.
There are a bunch of helpful websites and resources listed at the end of the post — and if you’re a caregiver to a high-needs child, I’d LOVE it if you would share some of your tips, struggles, triumphs, or words of wisdom in the comments. You never know who might read them or how they could positively affect someone else’s parenting journey!
Also, I must state the obvious — these are things that worked for OUR family. They are suggestions based on my own personal experiences. While I certainly hope some of them will be helpful for other families, I can’t guarantee anything.
This post focuses mainly on dealing with a high-needs BABY. I hope to do a future post about tips for dealing with a high-needs toddler — because we all know it doesn’t get any easier at 2 or 3. However, that will have to wait for another (extremely long) post of its own.
Without further adieu, here are my tips!
1. Touch and hold them as much as possible.
This list isn’t really in any specific order… however, I put this as #1 because for me, it was one of the only reasons I was able to get through that first year with Nora.
High-needs babies want and need to be held and touched almost constantly. They are physically unable to self-soothe themselves (a.k.a. crying it out will NEVER work with them). And since they are so easily startled by loud noises, strange faces, bright lights, strong smells, etc. they need to know you are there to protect and comfort them.
If I could change one thing about the first few months of Nora’s life, I would have invested in my Boba baby carrier with the first baby instead of the second, and I would have worn her ALL DAY LONG. After all, I basically held her all day anyway, so I would have just saved myself a bunch of back pain! In fact, I held her so much that I’m positive there were many days when some part of Nora was touching some part of me for about 23.5 hours in a 24 hour period… and you better believe she was screaming during that 30-minute period when I wasn’t holding her (usually to go to the bathroom, take a shower, and make dinner).
Even now, Nora is almost 4, and she still LOVES to be held and cuddled (especially by me). It is still extremely difficult for her to calm down on her own — and even though I get beyond frustrated with her at times, I know that if I want her to calm down and stop crying, I must hold her. Often, she’ll come find me when she’s really upset and say something like, “I just can’t get myself calm. Can you hold me?”
Too often, I let myself get frustrated by the fact that she can’t just go have a time-out when she’s naughty or “brush herself off” when she gets hurt (like Simon is so good at doing). It’s draining to say the least, but if I take a deep breath, give her a big hug, and just let her sit on my lap or snuggle with me for a few minutes, she calms down so much faster.
2. Plan ahead – and tell them the plan.
You know how much I love planning ahead — and this was the one part of my pre-baby life that REALLY helped after having a high-needs baby. I got really good at knowing how much Nora could handle in a day and planning for excuses to leave something early when I could tell she had enough or was getting overwhelmed.
I also got good at planning when she would need to eat and where I could go to feed her. High-needs babies often eat every couple of hours all day long — which is totally obnoxious and overwhelming, but there’s most likely nothing you can do to change this. I think part of it is because nursing is very soothing for them, and as I mentioned above, they constantly need to be soothed.
Along with planning ahead, I have always tried to TELL Nora everything that was going to happen and what she could expect. Even before she could understand what we were saying, I tried to explain everything so she knew what to expect.
For example, when Nora was a baby, she wasn’t fond of bath time… until I started explaining the process to her. She was only about a month old, but I would narrate the entire process.
“OK Nora, we’re going to take a bath now. Mommy is going to get the water ready and then we’ll take your clothes and diaper off. See the water? It’s nice a warm.
Now that your clothes are off, let’s put your feet in the water. Doesn’t it feel good? Ok, now let’s put your body in and get some soap. And now let’s rinse you off.
It’s time to dry off with the towel and then we’re going back to the nursery for a new diaper and your pajamas.”
I realize how ridiculous that might sound — but I am positive it was helpful for us (and yes, I still do this with almost everything that involves Nora — school, church, playing with friends, going to the store, going to a strange place, meeting new people, etc.)
3. Give up ALL preconceived notions of the “right way” to parent.
I don’t care what the parenting books say, I don’t care what your friends say, I don’t even care what your mom says, because if they never parented a high-needs child, they CAN NOT UNDERSTAND.
Before I became a mom, I knew just how I was going to mother my children… I would get them on a schedule ASAP, get them sleeping through the night ASAP, and I wouldn’t feed them more than every 3 or 4 hours, and they would be well behaved. Then Nora arrived and all of that flew right out the window!
Although I tried for months, she refused to adapt to any sort of regular schedule during the day, she was the most awful sleeper ever, and as I mentioned above, she literally ate every 2 hours all day long (sometimes more). Oh, and my definition of “well behaved” has significantly changed since she entered my life!
It was VERY humbling for me… because after all, I was the queen of schedules and organization, and I felt like my life was just spiraling out of control with no set schedule to any of my days and a baby who cried ALL. DAY. LONG!
Once I finally let go of all those preconceived notions of how I would or should parent our children, I was much happier and less stressed… and you better believe my happier, less stressed attitude transferred over to Nora as well (highly sensitive children are very attuned to their parent’s emotions and stress levels).
Yes, my cheeks still burn bright red when she throws a fit about something ridiculous in a public setting, and her strong-willed, insanely stubborn personality pushes me to my limits every day, but I no longer let myself be defined by Nora’s behavior. She is who she is and it is not a true picture of my parenting abilities.
4. Sleep whenever, wherever, and however you possibly can.
I always joked that I could have handled a high-needs baby so much easier if I just didn’t need to sleep!
Often times, high-needs babies will not need very much sleep at all — Nora definitely fell into this category. She took a few catnaps every day when she was an infant, but by the time she was 12-15 months old, she was completely done with naps. That might not sound so horrible except that she was rarely in bed before 11:00pm, she was almost always awake before 7:00am, and awoke CONSTANTLY all throughout the night (sometimes 8-10 times a night).
By the time she was 9 months old, I literally felt like I was going to die of sleep deprivation. I was the thinnest I had been since my Freshman year in high school (almost 25 pounds less than my normal weight now), my eyes looked so tired, and I was in a constant state of pure exhaustion. There were many days when I would just lock Nora and myself in her bedroom and I would lay down on the floor and fall asleep while she played on the floor next to me. Even now, looking back, I’m still not sure how I lived with so little sleep for so long. I honestly don’t know if I could have done it if we had other children to care for at the time.
Because Nora absolutely refused to sleep in her crib, and because I was so SO tired, we opted to transfer our little 9 month old baby into a “big girl bed” on the floor. I slept with her EVERY single night, ALL night long, and both of us finally started getting some sleep. We slept this way from 9 months through about 25 months when we moved her to her new bedroom upstairs. By this time, Dave was able to take turns sleeping with her, and we were able to reason with her a bit more.
Once we moved her upstairs, we set a new rule that mom and dad wouldn’t sleep with her in the bed. This meant we often just slept on the floor in her room… but slowly, things started to get better and we were able to come back to our own bed for at least part of the night. And then, just a couple months after her 3rd birthday, she slept through the night for the very first time!
Now, at almost 4, she goes to bed relatively easily around 8:00pm, usually sleeps through the night, and wakes up around 7:30am (yes, there is hope for all of you horribly sleep-deprived parents out there!)
However, even though she is sleeping much better at night, she still depletes SO much energy from me every day — much more than Simon or even James. She requires every ounce of patience I have on a daily basis and if I don’t get enough sleep, I have much less patience to grant to her.
If you are dealing with a non-sleeping high-needs baby, please don’t worry about what anyone else thinks of you. Just do whatever you can to get more sleep. If you don’t have other kids to tend to, I would recommend at least trying to nap with your baby at some point. Chances are you will BOTH sleep much better together.
If you DO have other children, my best advice would be to wear your high-needs baby and let them sleep in the carrier.
5. Find support.
So many of the parents I talk to feel discouraged because they have absolutely no support system. They don’t have any friends or family members who understand their situation… leaving them to feel very alone.
One of the most helpful and “therapeutic” things for me was writing the blog posts about Nora’s progress. When people would comment and send emails, I was encouraged to keep pushing forward.
If you’re looking for support, try searching your local library, community center, town hall, or just a general Google search to see if there are any play groups, mom’s groups, or other child friendly activities you could go to with a friend. You might be amazed at how many other parents out there are struggling with similar issues — and knowing that you are not alone was beyond helpful for me.
Also, even if your friends and family members can’t fully understand your situation, if they offer to help by watching your baby for a bit, bringing meals, or cleaning your house, please just accept their offer. Anything you can to do lighten your load will be worth it later on.
And if you can’t find any form of support, then send me an email and I promise that I’ll reply with something encouraging!
6. Realize that YOU know your child best and are their best advocate.
As a first-time mom, I was quite insecure about my parenting abilities and was constantly looking to others to tell me what to do. I can not tell you how many times I heard things like:
- You just need to let her cry it out
- She’ll get over it
- If she get’s hungry enough, she’ll eat (in regards to her food sensitivities)
- Stop babying her — you’re just encouraging her clinginess
- This too shall pass
- At least you have a baby
I know they were trying to help… but those words of advice really didn’t help me at all.
I felt like I had a constant internal fight going on between my brain and my heart — between what people were telling me was the “right thing” to do for Nora and what my new-mom heart felt was the “right thing” to do.
After a few months, I realized that my new-mom heart was actually pretty accurate… and I knew more about mothering than I thought it would.
I started sticking up for myself and for Nora more, and not letting others guilt me into doing something that wasn’t right for us.
For example, after I realized Nora was beyond scared of going to church nursery, I never forced her to go as I didn’t want to disrupt everything with her screaming so much. Even though all the nursery people at church told me that she could handle it and that I needed to stop being so overprotective, I just knew that leaving her in nursery would not be a positive experience for her or for me. Instead, I let her sit in the back of church with me. It took almost 2 years, but she finally warmed up to nursery and is now involved in tons of church activities with no fussing at all!
I let so many comments and advice roll off my back — about nursing her for 21 months, sleeping with her every night, and needing to be with her 24/7. I knew that I was Nora’s best advocate and I needed to “protect” her and “shield” her as much as I could to avoid massive sensory overload. Plus, the people who said those things really couldn’t comprehend.
7. Think “big picture” and “long term”.
After about a year of dealing with Nora’s antics, I was finally able to start thinking “big picture”. I could finally look down the road and rationalize that I certainly wouldn’t be dealing with her sleeplessness or unwillingness to eat for the rest of my life. After all, she would eventually go to college or at least move out of my house someday 🙂
If you’re just at the beginning of your journey, this will probably sound completely impossible — but eventually, you WILL be able to do this… and it will make such a difference for you. I wish I could have started thinking “big picture” sooner, but it really is hard for first-time parents.
Parenting a high-needs baby is hard, it’s exhausting, and it’s overwhelming. However, when you start to find your groove and emerge out of the thick sleepless fog, try to envision your life 5, 10, or 20 years down the road… and just keep reminding yourself that it really could be so much worse. For me, it helped to remind myself that a strong-willed, high-needs, sleepless child is nothing in comparison to what so many parents deal with on a daily basis. From cancer and terminal illnesses, to poverty, child abuse, or even infertility; the stress and anxiety caused by high-needs children is really such a small thing when you compare it to some of those other issues.
If you are currently parenting a high-needs baby, I hope some of the information in this post (and in the comments) will offer you help and encouragement. Or at the very least, a little reassurance that you are not a horrible parent and you are not alone!
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After 4 years of many highs and lows, I can confidently say that the highs drastically outweigh the lows. Parenting Nora is quite a bit more challenging than either of our boys, but (as many of you know from reading my blog) she is one of the sweetest, funniest, smartest, cutest little people I know. I can not imagine our family without her!
A Few Helpful Resources:
FROM MY BLOG:
- Our Journey With a High-Needs Baby
- How I Dealt with Being Completely Exhausted
- How We Finally Got Nora to Sleep
- A Little Parenting Perspective and Encouragement
- Why Motherhood Sometimes Makes Me Feel Like a Failure
FROM THE INTERNET:
- 20 Survival Tips for Parents of High-Needs Children
- 12 Features of a High-Needs Baby
- 5 Reasons High-Needs Babies Sleep Differently
- How to Raise a High-Needs Baby
- How to Handle a Spirited Toddler
- Raising a Sensitive Child
- Parenting a Spirited Child (PDF)
- The Center for Childhood Development (where we did Nora’s Therapy)
BOOKS:
- The Highly Sensitive Child
- Raising Your Spirited Child
- Spirit-Led Parenting
- The Fussy Baby Book
- Understanding the Highly Sensitive Child
Samantha Downs says
Andrea,
This post means everything to me. My sister actually found your post after researching high needs babies. Something I had no idea existed. My little guy is super touchy, and just recently started waking up every 2-3hrs in the night and needing longer feeding sessions then too. I am exhausted. I suffer from postpartum depression, and having a high needs child has brought me down. It is good to know there is hope. I just do not know how or what to do to make him happier and more content. I worry when I go back to work or he needs to start sleeping in his crib.
Your post did help me. This is not a topic we see often…. however, since researching more, I notice more.
Thank you for sharing!
Samantha
Andrea says
oh my! SO glad you found this post, Samantha!
Yes, life with Nora was a huge struggle for a couple of years, but we’re are past the worst of it and she is just like any other typical 2nd grader now! I’ll actually be sharing a followup post about this next week!
In the meantime, I would HIGHLY encourage you to get medication for your PPD. I was totally blown away by the difference it made for me (keep in mind it takes roughly 2 weeks for the meds to work your way through your system).
Also, I did end up quitting the job I was working outside of the home about 9 months after Nora was born because it was just too stressful and too tiring to try to do it all on almost zero sleep. It was definitely a good decision for me at the time.
And (I’m not proud of this) but we ended up purchasing another queene size mattress and put it on the floor in Nora’s room. I slept with her most nights (or at least parts of most nights) until she was almost 3. It was the only way any of us could get enough sleep — not ideal in any way, but we were desperate!
I hope your little guy comes around soon!
Sarah says
I just love you Andrea. I know we’ve talked about this before, but this is such beautiful advice and as a parent of six, who has had two children who definitely fit into this category, I agree with it all. Can I tell you that my high need baby that is now 13 is the most agreeable, loving, caring, smart as heck child? I just finished parent teacher conferences and all I heard was what an incredible child he is, a class leader, kind, the first to help, gets along with everyone, a peacemaker, etc etc. I thought, “Oh if I could just see into the future when he was 9 months old!”
I did everything you talked about-and it was hard, but I think if I hadn’t he wouldn’t be the child he is now. He needed to feel love and attention and consistency and closeness.
Andrea says
Thanks so much for the encouragement Sarah! Even for me right now, if I could have just seen ahead a few years to when she was 3 or 4, I think it would have been so much easier for me when she was a baby. And honestly, reading your blog helped ME a lot too! You were one who suggested just staying home as much as possible and not doing anything else or being busy. That helped us so much. Just having really LOW expectations and not filling our schedule too full.
Rachel says
I started reading your site when I was pregnant. I was a bit farther along than you at the time, but could relate to your Type-A personality and organizational nature. I am the same way! Turns out my son (almost months now) is probably a high-needs baby. I say “probably” because he has moments of being angelic…sometimes he sleeps a good 6+ hour stretch at night, sometimes he loves to play independently, occasionally self-soothes, has a gorgeous, charming smile and adorable belly laugh. But he isn’t consistent (those long nighttime stretches are offset by nights when he wakes frequently), he can be very demanding and I am NEVER able to leave him alone with dad…he always screams and cannot be consoled by others. It is disheartening to know that things will not “improve” as he grows into the toddler phase. I keep counting on it getting easier as he gets older!
One of the things that is the most difficult to deal with are the parents of babies that are not high needs (i.e. most babies). So many of my friends with kids give me blank stares when I describe my experience with my son. They just cannot relate and often act judgmental, which makes me feel so isolated. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, and I often cannot help but feel resentful that my child is so challenging when other babies have easier temperaments. How did you deal with those emotions?
Andrea says
Hi Rachel!
I know there are different “levels” of sensory issues — which is related to the high needs personality. The super severe ones verge into the Autism spectrum, and the less severe cases are probably like your little guy. Nora isn’t even close to the autistic level… but boy oh boy does she keep me on my toes!
You are right about the other parents though. It is SO frustrating (especially if they are legitimately and blatantly rude about their comments), but in their defence, they really can not comprehend what we’re dealing with.
I have a cousin whose babies literally ALL slept through the night consistently by 6 weeks old (I know, barf) thought it was something I did that made Nora not sleep for so long. Sorry, but there’s no way it was my parenting shortfalls that kept her awake for hours and hours and hours every night.
Then, after Simon was born and turned into an amazing sleeper right around 2 months old, she said “see, now you know what you’re doing after a little more experience” — like it was something I did to make him sleep better. Geeze!
2 years later and Simon is still a crazy good sleeper — Nora still is not 🙂
Chris says
I loved this post! I don’t have babies but am a HSP and now can imagine a little bit what life may have been like with me as a baby. I was a bad sleeper as well 🙂
Also, I was in awe that Nora is able to express her needs at 4 years, i.e. that she needs hugging, this must be a great help for you and the family. I wish you and your family all the best!
Andrea says
I know… the fact that Nora was a VERY early talker was life-changing for us!
Chris says
I can definitely imagine. It was interesting to read the parts about the sensory overload and how hard it is for high-needs babies (or adults, ahem) to soothe themselves. Another thing I found out is that, as HSP, you can actually become a much nicer person once you install a kind of meal management 🙂 I know that I get hungry every 3 or 4 hours to the point where I just cannot work or concentrate enough or even get aggessive. Planing ahead with a good snack or a little break at the right time is a big help for me and my family 😉
Andrea says
yup! I ALWAYS have snacks with me all the time — even for myself 🙂 It’s amazing how much nicer everyone is with a full belly!
Mare says
Andrea, I just want to give you a hug and thank you for sharing your journey with so many. As the mom of a sensitive, spirited child (who just turned 16!), I wish I had known there were others struggling to trust their “mom gut”. I felt so alone (and crazy, sometimes, probably due to lack of sleep!) but I would never change the choices I made for our daughter. She has grown into a wonderful, caring young adult; I know in my heart it was because I listened to my heart…and her. 🙂
Andrea says
Thanks so much Mare! And thanks for sharing a little of your story too. Glad to know there are lots of good things to look forward to in the next 15 years!
Deborah says
Andrea,
After reading this post, you could run the our country! I had three children very close together and they were demanding of my time but not high need babies. How you got through it with Nora as your first baby and first mom experience is compassionate, compelling,caring and dedicated.
Writing this detailed posted is so beneficial for new moms that may have a high needs child,
Again a reflection of your good nature.
Nora is such a beautiful little girl, I am sure she will grow up to be such a super women like her mom! Great job, your a wonderful mom!
Best to you!
Andrea says
well, I’m not sure about running the country, but at least I’m managing my own home and family better than I was a few years ago!
Thanks so much for your kind words Deborah!
Kristen says
I just wanted to encourage you. It continues to get better and better. My first high needs baby is now 10 and he is well adjusted and one of my favorite human beings. I saw real growth in him around 5 and 6. Those years were magical (his little brother was diagnosed with cancer during that time and he really grew a lot). As for my second boy, his experience was so different due to being sick, but by 6ish he had really matured. One of the flip sides for my boys (both high needs babies) is that they are compassionate and empathetic and sensitive to others. I think their emotional IQ is uniquely high because they feel things so deeply.
You’re such a good mom! And Nora sounds great!
And for the record, baby number three seems to have normal sensitivities. Who knew a baby could be so easy? I’m sure you can relate!
Andrea says
Thanks Kristen, after only 4 years, I already completely agree with you. Nora is such a pistol and a stinker at times, but she is SO kind and generous and sweet-natured other times.
I didn’t say anything to her teachers about her being “high needs” and they just sing her praises — they tell me that she listens so well, is so cooperative with other children, and such a joy to have in class. I know that teachers tend to embellish a little, but we’ve heard this from others outside our family too.
Also, I wish I could capture how joyful my sweet James is… Simon was a relatively “easy” baby in my opinion, but James is just pure joy. He smiles all the time and is so happy! Praise the Lord!
Catherine says
How did you handle getting date night or a weekend away when you know your kid won’t handle being away from you very well?
Andrea says
Hi Catherine, I hope I don’t scare you — but I honestly almost NEVER had any time away for the first 18 months of Nora’s life (and I’m really not exaggerating). Dave and I didn’t go on dates (we’re not really the “date night” people anyway) and we just never left her with anyone because it wasn’t worth it.
I do remember 2 specific times we got away when Nora was between 6-12 months. 1 was to go out to dinner and she stayed with Dave’s parents (screamed most of the time). The other was to go to a special dinner for Dave’s school my parents came to our house to watch Nora and although she didn’t totally scream the whole time, they never got her to bed. So she was wide awake and starving when we got home around 11:00pm.
Most people think I’m joking or exaggerating when I tell them that Nora and I were together all the time — but we were literally together ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time. Morning, noon, night, and even the middle of the night. We went everywhere together, we napped together, we slept together at night, otherwise she screamed until she threw up 🙂
Tina says
I first stayed with this blog because of Nora.
My son is about 6 months younger than her but it is uncanny how similar they are( the no sleep& crying/reflux, the mattress instead of a crib at young age, the only eating certain food and like a bird, the particularness, finally sleeping through the night at 3 etc). When I was reading about Nora I told my husband immediately and he agreed that sounded like our Daniel.
I know through my own experience that you are not exaggerating about the no sleep. It helped me greatly to know their were others going through something similar. You were a great help to me.
One thing we still do now, even though getting older has helped in some ways, is show him YouTube videos before we do a new activity. Before we took him to the gym for the first time we found some YouTube videos so he could see what the building would look like and what activities he would be doing. It helps his nerves to know what to expect.
I think you and Nora are great! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us!
Andrea says
Thanks for this tip Tina! I never really thought of watching YouTube videos with Nora! We’ve looked at lots of pictures online, and sometimes I’ll find a book that talks about it — or I’ll make up a story that explains about it. But the YouTube videos would be really helpful!
And no, I’m not exaggerating the “no sleep”. I don’t know why, but to this day, it still bothers me when a parent will complain about their 5 ot 6 month old baby (or less than 1 year old) waking up ONCE in the middle of the night and how that totally throws their whole day off. I just want to punch them 🙂 But I know it’s just their experience versus mine.
I want to scream, I woke up so many times every night for YEARS and I still made it. I think you’ll be fine waking up ONCE. Thankfully, I have enough self-control not to actually say it 🙂
Tina says
Lol, I know what you mean.
Julie V. says
I can totally relate to having a “high needs” baby and think you are doing a great job as a mother to all 3 of you children. My first baby was also a very difficult child to parent and she left me exhausted every day. Already in the hospital, I was told that she was the worst newborn baby they had encountered in over 25 years! I was discouraged to say the least! Once my daughter was able to communicate verbally our lives became less stressful, as I was not trying to guess what she needed all day. This was thirty years ago with little help from any type of books, support groups etc. The only glimmer of hope the pediatrician could offer was that she thought my daughter was highly intelligent. Today my daughter is a Family Practice Physician . (She attend college with you Andrea). All throughout school , she always “beat to her own drum’, was highly motivated, and not usually interested in the same things her peers were interested in. I am very proud of the woman she is today and happy I nurtured her ” true self ” and didn’t try to parent her like all the other children. To all the moms out there dealing with this, try not to be hard on yourself, get out of the house if it is only to get groceries, and know there is a whole group of women that understand everything you are going through.
Andrea says
Thanks Julie! Also, cool that we went to college together! How did you figure that out?
Organize 365 says
Andrea this is such a beautiful post.
Having my own 2 high needs kiddos I can relate to every part of this post. Having helped other parents I think the biggest help is learning to trust your gut. I can’t believe how many times I have just “known” what to do next for my kids.
My kids are 14 and 15 and I still find myself second guessing my parenting decision because they aren’t “normal”, but they are what my kiddos need.
This post will help SO many!!
🙂 Lisa
Andrea says
Thanks Lisa! I thought of you a few times as I wrote this post — wondering what I would tell moms in another 10 years once my kids were older!
Kristi R. says
You are doing such a great job Mom!! And by sharing your and Nora’s story you are being such a blessing to so many others. I was so pleased to read your post from a few weeks back about Nora starting to school and how much she was enjoying it. I can imagine how worried and apprehensive you must have been. So glad it is working out well for you all. Continue to trust your instincts and keep sharing from your heart. You are blessing and helping others with your posts every day!
Andrea says
Thanks Kristi — and YES, we are just thrilled that Nora is doing so well in school. Dave and I marvle almost daily at how far she has come — specifically in the past 6 months. Our decision to send her to school was so last-minute because even in May or June, there was no way she would have been able to handle it. It was like after James was born, a little switch went off inside of her that said “I’m the big sister, I need to start doing more big-girl things now”.
To say I’m thrilled is a huge understatement!
Miranda says
You are a great mom! A great mom knows what their child needs and does their best to provide that. I don’t have a high needs child but I imagine even just getting a diagnosis must’ve helped. My son had reflux and just getting that diagnosis at 6 weeks (thank goodness it was so early) made it easier for me knowing why my baby was crying and crying after feeding.
Andrea says
yes, just being diagnosed was a HUGE HUGE relief. I knew there was now something I could research and seek help for!