The purpose of my blog is to share what I DO do — the organizing projects I tackle, the recipes I make, the home renovations we do, the gardening projects I work on, the craft projects my kids do, etc. etc.
Because of this, I get many emails from people saying “I don’t know how you do everything you do.” However, what they often fail to consider are ALLLLLLLL the things I DON’T do.
So if you’ve ever felt bad about yourself because you don’t think you accomplish as much as someone else you know, take 5 seconds to stop and consider the many things that person doesn’t do.
In case you’re wondering here are a few things that I personally DON’T do at this point in my life 🙂
1. Volunteer.
While I’m not proud to admit this, Dave and I do almost ZERO volunteer work anymore. Not only do we have no desire to make time for any of the groups and organizations we used to volunteer for, it would also be almost impossible to be gone volunteering at nights and on weekends with 3 little kids at home (you know I’m not going to pay a babysitter so I can go volunteer!)
We’ve also cut WAY back on our involvement in church and school activities and functions (for basically the same reasons I stated above). Before kids, it was not uncommon for Dave and I to be gone almost every single night doing something for church or school — and we loved it! Now, Dave is a deacon, I am on the Nursery committee, and Nora is in the children’s choir — that’s it!
We try to attend a few sporting events and musical concerts for his school — but even then, Dave often ends up going by himself or with a few other teachers as it’s just not worth finding childcare.
Eventually, I’m sure we will start to incorporate more volunteering into our weekly and monthly routines — probably WITH our kids. But for now, this is one of many things we DON’T do.
2. Get the best deals all the time.
When Dave was home over Christmas break, I had the opportunity to leave the kids home with him and do a little thrift-store shopping. Some of the shopping was for last-minute Christmas gifts, and some was just to browse and see what was available.
Although I wasn’t gone long, and I only went to 2 different thrift stores, I had SO much fun scouring the racks for bargain items. I found 3 pairs of my most favorite Ann Taylor Modern Fit Skinny Jeans in the exact right size (for only $3 each pair)! I also found Christmas gifts for the kids, birthday gifts for Simon, and a couple kitchen items I had been looking for.
Then 2 weeks ago, when Dave was home a bit more during exams, I made an extra huge grocery list (including several Health and Beauty items, baby items, general merchandise items, etc.) and headed to the store without kids. I was gone for almost 2 hours and came home with a FULL trunk… and for the first time in a very long time, I saved almost twice what I spent!
It was so much fun to shop like that again — but unfortunately, those fun bargain shopping sprees are almost non-existent these days.
I rarely use any coupons (except digital ones), I don’t do any rebates, I don’t play the drugstore game, and I order almost anything I possibly can online. I even broke down a few weeks ago and actually paid for shipping (something I almost never do) because the thought of driving all the way to the store and unloading all 3 kids was just not worth it for me!
I have confidence that I will return to my bargain-shopping ways in due time… maybe when all the kids are in school full time!
3. Decorate my home.
I realize those of you who follow along here regularly might be wondering what the heck I’m talking about — since I often share various renovation projects and before/after posts.
Yes, we DO do a lot of renovations, and I DO enjoy decorating the various rooms and spaces in our house so they fit our farmhouse theme.
However, once the spaces are decorated the first time, there’s a very good chance I will not touch them for many months — potentially many years.
For example, our master bedroom has looked EXACTLY the same since the day we moved our furniture into the room 5 years ago. I haven’t changed anything, except adding new pictures of the kids as they were born.
Also, our kitchen decor is almost identical to how I first did it 3 years ago during our massive kitchen renovation.
I used to love scouring thrift stores and antique shops to fine odd pieces that I could then paint, distress, and find a new home for in my house. I would move furniture around monthly and swap out decorations in all my rooms based on the season or my mood. It was something I really enjoyed — but it also took up a fair amount of my time.
So for now, I get the room the way I like it to look, and then I plan on keeping it that way for the next several years! I also don’t do any holiday or seasonal decorating (besides putting up a Christmas tree in December).
4. Eat as healthy as I could.
As I mentioned last week, I am NOT a health nut. I do enjoy many healthy and nutritious food choices — and I certainly don’t eat junk food all day long.
However, I don’t eat nearly as healthy as I could… because for me, it’s not worth the time and effort I’d have to spend shopping for food, preparing the food, and cooking the food.
5. Do much with friends.
This is another one I feel slightly embarrassed to admit, but since Dave and I are both more introverted than extroverted, it is really difficult for us to get super excited about lots of extra outings with friends at this point in our lives.
We do spend quite a bit of time with our parents and siblings (which is also really fun for our kids) but when it comes to functions with friends, neighbors, coworkers, or various church groups, we often find ourselves saying “maybe next time”.
It’s just too much work to load up the kids (or leave them home with a sitter). Plus, Dave and I are both quite busy during the weekdays that once we finally get our kids to bed, we’d rather just relax ourselves, finish a couple to-dos, and maybe watch a Netflix show.
I know SO many people who probably think we are very boring, but I promise you that we do not feel like our lives our boring right now 🙂
6. Do lots of extra fun things with our kids.
We have LOTS of friends with very young children who are constantly doing fun things like going to the zoo, visiting water parks and splash pads, going to the farm, picking apples or berries, planning picnics, going camping, going to Disney, joining clubs and teams, visiting museums, taking swimming lessons, etc. etc.
It all sounds like fun when they tell us about it, but most of the time, we feel like our kids are just too young to enjoy (or really even understand) many of these activities, so we don’t do any of them!
Nora is getting old enough that she would have fun doing some of these things — but Simon and James are way too young to appreciate the amount of time, effort, and money we’d have to spend to do some of these activities.
Instead, we play outside, swim in the kiddie pool, play in the sandbox, go for walks and bike rides, blow bubbles, play with sidewalk chalk, make forts inside, etc. etc.
Someday, when our kids are a little older, we’ll do more of these things… someday!
7. Exercise
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that I never EVER exercise, or the fact that I could care less that I never ever exercise.
As a 3-sport high school athlete and 2-sport college athlete, you would think my body would be trained to need regular exercise, but interestingly enough, it has absolutely no problems sitting around all day 🙂
Yes, I chase little people around, and probably walk up and down our stairs 87 times every single day… but I don’t think any of that can truly be considered exercise.
I realize that exercise is one of those things where “every little bit helps” (and you all know how much I preach my “just 15 minutes a day” spiel for getting organized) but I really have no motivation or desire to spend any amount of time exercising.
Maybe this summer when Dave is home, I’ll be able to take 1 or 2 kids out on walks or bike rides during the day… but until the weather warms up, “exercise” will remain on the list of things I definitely DON’T do.
8. Travel.
This past fall, Dave and I “traveled” 1.5 hours away (with my parents) for Dave’s teacher convention. We were gone for a whopping 72 hours… and it felt like SOOOOOOOO much work!
It was fun, but it sure required a lot of time and energy to pull off (and I know that if we traveled more, it wouldn’t be as much work).
We have plans to visit my sister and brother-in-law in Indiana for 2 days over Spring Break, and we will potentially be visiting some of Dave’s relatives in Wisconsin this summer… but I’m positive we will both be ready to come back home and get back to “normal life” once again.
Dave is definitely more interested in travel than I am, but even he doesn’t enjoy doing much traveling with 3 little kids. I told him that after he retires and all our kids are grown up, he can plan fun vacations for us in Europe, Alaska, out West, etc.
9. Grow my business.
I thought I might feel sad about putting this one on the list of things I DON’T do — but I really don’t feel sad at all.
Although I truly haven’t done anything to actively grow my blog or promote my business in over 3 years, I am very happy and content with where it stands right now. I have a good balance and a manageable workload. I enjoy what I do and don’t feel stressed by extra pressure from work-related to-dos.
This certainly doesn’t meant that I have a lack of ideas and ways to grow my business and my blog — it just means that I have a lack of desire to put forth the effort those ideas would take to successfully implement.
10. Speak for events.
One of the most favorite parts of my business was speaking for various women’s groups, church groups, mother’s groups, school groups, and community groups. I taught classes, led workshops, hosted day-long training events, and shared more tips and tricks to simplify and organize than I can even count.
I met so many wonderful people, had so many fabulous experiences, and learned a lot about myself as well.
However, after kids came along, my speaking “career” plummeted quickly. In fact, I’ve probably only spoken for 3 or 4 events since Nora was born.
Eventually I would LOVE to get back into this (once my kids are in school), and based on the number of speaking requests I still get on a regular basis, I think it will be relatively easy to get back into the speaking circuit. In the meantime, I have an email template that graciously declines all speaking offers for the time being.
.
I’m sure I’m leaving several things off the list of things I currently DON’T do — but these are the biggies for now.
The point is not that you all should have the same “don’t dos” as me — but rather that you shouldn’t feel bad for the things that make YOUR list of dont’s.
Maybe some of the things on your list include:
- keeping a neat and orderly home
- meal planning
- freezer cooking
- gardening
- canning and preserving
- working outside the home (or from home)
- throwing big birthday parties for your kids
- hosting holiday parties
It’s not necessarily good or bad if you do or don’t do any of those things, it’s just life.
We all have different skills, different resources, different goals, different energy levels, and different interests.
I think the important thing is for each of us to realize what our skills and goals and interests are, and then focus on putting our time, energy, resources towards activities that align with our skills, goals, and interests.
If we can do that on a regular basis, our lives will feel simpler, more organized, less chaotic, and less stressed!
Shari says
I love your blog and especially this post! I work full time and have one teenager, so my situation is different, but here are some of my favorite don’t do’s:
Fold underwear
Facebook
Color my hair
Clip coupons
Send Christmas cards
Andrea says
that’s a great list Shari!
I don’t clip many coupons anymore, but I do everything else on your list 🙂
Lynn Arnsdorf says
I’m another older reader (age 59) who is very interested in your thoughts….love reading up on you! This post about “Things I don’t do” made me laugh, and made me think. Here’s my list:
I don’t:
1. Go to the dentist twice a year
2. vacuum once a week
3. Eat enough veggies
4. bring casseroles to new neighbors
5. say no to dinner out with friends
6. give advice to my grown children unless they ask
7. read enough books
8. I don’t sleep enough
Andrea says
well, I could add 7 and 8 to my list too 🙂
Also, I’m sure your children appreciate #6!!
Melissa says
I love the idea of a don’t do list. Things I don’t do right now:
Have a dog
Volunteer
Garden
Iron
Babysit
Watch tv
Sew (I find it so much less stressful to hire a seamstress to repair our clothes and she does a way better job too!)
Meal plan
Andrea says
yes, we don’t have pets either — much to Nora’s dismay 🙂
All of our siblings have pets and they take up a TON of time!
Abby says
I love, love, love your blog and this post! As women, we so often allow ourselves to feel guilty because we don’t do everything. Graciously saying “no” has become so freeing for me and it is refreshing to read your thoughts on this. With all the little people at my house, there is so much more peace when mama isn’t stretched thin with obligations that really aren’t all that important in the grand scheme of things.
Totally unrelated to this topic, but your “Peek Into Our Week” posts have become some of my favorites. I enjoy reading about your sweet family and get so many valuable ideas that have been helpful for our crew. Thank you for your work!
Andrea says
thanks Abby!!
JJ says
Your posts remind me much of a good friend. You know your priorities and don’t let other people’s priorities guilt you. That is awesome! We also have 3 littles, and we enjoy the simple things. I mean, to a 3 year old and a 2 year old, the pet store is a mini zoo, and I am Mom of the Year for taking them there. Haha! One thing I don’t do right now is my hair. Until I get it cut shorter again, I’m content to put it up. #lazyhairdontcare
Liane says
Hi Andrea,
I’ve meant to post this comment a while back and it slipped my mind. I used to think eating healthy would take more time and possibly cost more but then I discovered the most expensive items in my pantry were also the most unhealthy. So by eliminating pretty much all processed foods which contain so many unneeded additives to make them stable, I started saving money.
I’m going to give you three examples but there are more of course.
The first thing or group are boxed mixes for rice, potatoes, cereals, stuffing, salad dressings etc. these foods contain extraordinary levels of sodium or sugar. salad dressing is so easy to make using real sour cream and buttermilk and dried herbs. There is not a single brand of powdered salad dressing mix that does not contain MSG.
My next category is frozen food with anything other than a single ingredient. I use a lot of frozen spinach and the label says it’s only spinach. As soon as you get into those blends with sauces you are right back to added sodium, added fillers and gums.
The last category is meat and protein. Buy a good quality chicken and oven fry it skipping the crappy breaking etc or make chili with rinsed canned beans and lean beef. Grated cheeses are full of things that a person would never consider buying. Graters are very affordable and the cheese costs less in a block. Pre seasoned meats like marinated pork tenderloins and chicken breasts also come to mind.
For us, we avoid foods with added sugar so cereal is usually cooked and then we sweeten to taste. Avoiding excess sugar is important due to its serious impact on dental health.
Buying ingredients rather than processed mixes lets us avoid much of the manufactured multisyllacic unpronounceable chemicals in food. If you read a label and see that it contains something you cannot pronounce or even purchase, that’s a clue to put it back.
For myself and my family eating healthy is avoiding the worst of the food additives not so much going along with the latest government suggestions. We don’t eat bread but we do get a lot of fiber from fresh fruits and veggies. We avoid industrial seed oils and use olive oil and butter exclusivily. We shun all soy and canola especially. And I honestly spend the same amount of time preparing foods. And save a lot of money doing so. And the results taste so much better without flavor enhancers, three kinds of weird sugars I cannot pronounce, stuff made from left over corn or wheat processing, gums and thickeners made from bacteria, thickeners like carrageenan made from toxic algae. So you do not have to eat one hundred percent organic foods to make healthy choices, you merely need to buy food that contains one single ingredient: food.
Andrea says
Yes Liane, I completely understand where you are coming from (and I agree with you too!)
However, the point of this post is not that I CAN’T or that I SHOULDN’T do any of the things I listed… it’s simply that I DON’T.
I 100% realize there are many ways I could change up my diet to be slightly healthier and not spend much time or money doing it. There are also countless ways I could work small amounts of exercising or volunteering and fun times with kids and friends into my week if I really tried. It probably wouldn’t cost me that much time or effort… but I DON’T.
I am fully capable of doing every single thing on my Don’t-Do list IF I want to (but I don’t). So that’s the point of this post.
I realize that others will have VERY different looking lists — in fact, I’m guessing there are many thing I do that you choose not to do for whatever reason.
Someday, I may start doing more of the things on this list — but then at that point, I will probably not be doing other things I am doing now. It’s just a constant give-and-take for me in an effort to find some sort of balance.
Maria says
Love your blog – follow it almost daily. I’m much older than most of the readers I’m sure. I’m retired (60) and yet still have a don’t do list since I’m very busy looking after 2 grandchildren (1 yr and 4 yr old) 5 days a week ( my daughter works full time). I also look after aging parents (take them to doctor’s appointments, help with chores around the house, grocery shopping etc., etc). However, I’m so grateful that I still have my health and am able to do these things, although by the end of the day I am quite tired and don’t have the energy to do much else except house chores and cooking etc. or watch a little Netflix or read. That’s why I find your blog invaluable as you have such great ideas for simplifying and not feel guilty about cutting out activities such as volunteering, which is something I would love to do after the grandchildren are in school full time.
Marisa says
Love this, especially your closing highlighted paragraphs.
A good gardener will prune off healthy, but somewhat less strong, shoots or branches in order to help the plant focus its nutrients & growth on fewer, stronger, branches. The plant works more efficiently and is more productive this way, even though there may have been nothing seriously wrong with the pruned branches.
You’ve really tapped into that principle. There are so many good things that we may choose not to do so that we can direct our limited resources to a few, specially chosen ones.
Sometimes a person might choose to spend time on a weak spot in order to improve it, but it’s usually more efficient to put the energy toward the things we care about (and are therefore usually better at). For me, that’s such a different way of looking at things. I think I feel internal pressure to be more “well rounded,” rather than allowing myself to focus on my strengths and grow in ways I care more about.
So, a few good things that I don’t do right now:
Landscape anything
Work on seriously training my dog
Exercise
Work outside the home
Work from home
Go out of my way to buy organic
Get into online debates when people say stupid things
Have date nights
Read for self improvement
Iron
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing your list Marisa! Also, I LOVE the gardening analogy.
Heidi says
My husband and I were talking about this same thing today. He and I both teach high school and he coaches two varsity sports so all four of us are out the door by 7:00 am every morning and he’s often not home during football season until well after bedtime. We have to have a “don’t do” list or we’d lose all sanity. 🙂
In his coach’s Bible study this week, the speaker was talking about “staying in your lane” or picking what your purpose is and making sure you keep your priorities in line. They talked about the disciples and how in the Bible Stephen was sent to minister to the people so the apostles could focus on preaching. In other words, they had their “don’t do” and their “do” list. For us, we focus on one spring sport for our girls (rec soccer) so during the fall we can support my husband’s football team. We are active in our church but make sure what we choose to volunteer in fits within our goals for our family. We have one couple we hang out with and we spend lots of time with our families.
Julie says
Helping at church IS volunteering!
Alicia says
I think when you have young kids, as we also do (three boys ages 7, 4, and almost 1!), you HAVE to have a list like this! Well, even if you don’t have kids, but especially if you have young ones ! I call it my “grace list”. 🙂
Andrea says
Honestly, I think EVERYONE needs a “don’t do list” but you’re right that it is especially necessary when we have young children!
Rebecca says
Love this post, and your blog. I’m at a completely different life stage than you and many of your readers are, so the things I don’t do are different. Keep up the good work. If life offered do-overs, I would go back and do much less. Instead, I worked outside the home at a high stress job, tried to be involved in my kids’ schools by offering to do projects at home, did the soccer mom thing, and was involved at church. What my grown kids remember is that I fell asleep during Friday night pizza and movie every week. I have great hope for the future when I read about how intentionally you and others are raising up the next generation!
Andrea says
Awww thanks Rebecca! That’s actually really nice to hear — so often I hear how our generation is “ruining” or “spoiling” kids and basically that the world is going to fall apart once our generation takes over.
Nice to hear something from the opposite point of view for a change 🙂
Pam says
Andrea, I have been reading your blog daily for over a year, abd have never commented. I am 60, so older than most readers here (I think). Anyway, I just want to say that I love your honesty, and I do not know how tou manage all you do, even being organized. I slso think you and your family are all so beautiful. Thank you for taking your time to do all you do on this blog.
Pam
Andrea says
Thanks Pam — and just an FYI, I have a fairly large “retired” or “semi-retired” readership… so you’re not that old 🙂
Kristen @ Joyfully Thriving says
LOVE this, Andrea, especially as I think through things with my due date approaching of the 2nd one. It’s good to realize we don’t do everything – and neither does anyone else! It’s all a question of priorities – and time. Exercise is definitely on my don’t do list right now. And while I wish we did more with friends, by the time Andy makes it home, we’re just happy to be home as a family! I’m going to be thinking about this post for awhile…
Chris says
Just a random thing here, myfitnesspal.com rates 30 minutes of climbing stairs as burning 387 calories! 🙂
Chris says
You are busy being a Mom and enjoying your family – one of the most important jobs in the world. There are times later for things, like you mentioned about vacation. I love your approach to things.
Andrea says
haha — good to know! I’m not sure if I actually get to 30 minutes of stairs a day… but it could be close 🙂
Melissa A says
I just realized this post makes it ok for me to say i DO NOT Meal Plan. WOOOO! I hate doing it, I’m terrible terrible terrible at it and it never works for more than a few days for us. I do not and will likely never meal plan. Thanks Andrea!
Andrea says
yes, I know lots of people who don’t meal plan. for me, it saves me tons of time and stress, but for others, it adds stress.
Siew says
I’m so glad I read this post. It just hit me that sometimes we drive ourselves crazy trying to do everything only because we do not have the courage to say that “these are the things that I don’t do” and be at peace with it.
Kelly says
Your list sounds very familiar! My husband teaches and I’ve been staying home (from teaching since our second son was born), so many of the “dont’s” originated when we had to cut expenses, but I’ve happily been putting less and less on our plates over the last three years just because it makes life easier and less stressful.
Our boys (who just turned 3 and 6) are not in extra activities. We did fall soccer last year and it was insane games with every single weekend. This year would have required weeknight practices, too. No, thank you! I do an occasional Soccer Buddies “season” for the little one, since it’s while DH and 6YO are at school. (Soccer Buddies is fun for the little ones and not too ridiculously expensive, like many kids’ activities. They are only in CO and MI. If you ever want something “extra” on your plate, you might check it out!)
I’ve cut back on day-trip outings with the boys, since a day at the zoo or children’s museum is expensive and exhausting, and they are just as happy playing in the backyard or watching trucks at the construction sites by my husband’s school. No weekly “field trips” for us anymore!
Even though my husband teaches at my son’s school, I don’t do fancy, well-thought out, money-saving Pinterest gifts for his teachers. They have “specials” classes of Music, PE (that’s DH), Spanish, Art, and Counseling, plus his K teacher and her aide… I went ahead and splurged on $5 gift cards for all of them (plus cookies) at Christmas, rather than losing my mind. We will be making a tray of Valentine’s cookies and one big card to put in the teachers’ lounge…
We don’t do much with friends either. Just like you said, relaxing at home sounds better. I do have “mom’s night” with two friends at a local bakery about once a month after the kids are in bed. We used to meet weekly…
We don’t do “date nights,” mostly because we can’t afford a babysitter, but we do get plenty of together time during the summer. = )
I don’t even work at all (besides the mom job). I started out tutoring half-day K kids during the school year while my kids napped. Then I began only tutoring during the summer. This past summer, I only took kids 2 days/week during part of the summer. This upcoming summer, we are going on vacation for most of June, so I won’t tutor at all.
I don’t coupon like I used to. I mostly shop the sales, and do cook about 85% of our food from scratch to save money instead. It’s kind of exciting to make my grocery list in less than an hour now, but I do still get anxious if my receipt says I saved less than 50%, ; )
Wow- It seems I don’t do much at all. Oh well! We are happy! = )
Kelly says
Please ignore the glaring mistake in my first sentence! I’ve been home since our second was born. Teacher in me is cringing!!!
Andrea says
I’ll fix it for you 🙂
Kelly says
thanks! = )
Andrea says
shoot — I forgot to put “date nights” on my list. Dave and I do not have regular date nights either — mainly because we’d rather just stay home and save the money.
Also, I laughed out loud at your last sentance “it seem I don’t do much at all. Oh Well! We are happy!”
Pam says
Curling up on the couch with the hubby, Netflix on, kids in bed = Perfect date night for us!!
Mrs. Frugalista says
Thank you for not overlooking your “special area” teachers at your son’s school. I teach Spanish and although I’m not looking to get any gifts, a card would be greatly appreciated.
Amy says
Things I don’t do:
Work outside the home
Work from home (for a paycheck!)
Go to numerous stores to get the best sale prices (one store saves gas $$$)
Drug store game
Beach body coaching (I got so many inquiries about this.)
Drink wine
Keep up with the Jones’s
Volunteer
Make freezer meals
Zumba
Well, that’s 10 I can think of! I may have been missing the point on a few of these, but it was fun to list 🙂
Andrea says
Love this list!
Amy says
a few more…..gee this is fun!
Like the gal below my comment- Date nights
Girls nights out (w/friends)
Girlfriend getaways (I never understood going on vacation without my family!)
Own hundreds of pairs of shoes
Book clubs
Julie Spady says
I liked this post a lot. We all have to decide what we do and don’t have time for in our lives. I have followed you for a while and enjoy “getting to know” you and your family!
Christine @ The (mostly) Simple Life says
There I things that I don’t do that many other people do, but I just don’t care or want to do those things.
The hardest is when there is something you enjoy, but just have to cut out because you don’t have the time or energy for it. Last year I was pretty bummed that I didn’t do a garden. But it just wasn’t worth it because I was so burned out from work and other home chores. Sometimes not doing things that you enjoy is ok if it will make you too busy or stressed or tired.
Kaitlin @ The Mom on Purpose says
Children really do change everything! (I mean that in the best way possible!) It’s amazing the the time I used to have to spend on things that is just not there anymore. Plus, I feel like my interests have changed over time to an extent! Thanks for your candidness. It’s so refreshing. 🙂
And I’m the same way about decorating! Once it’s done, it’s probably going to stay that way for a long time! 🙂
lydia @ frugaldebtfreelife says
We don’t volunteer outside of our church either right now. All of our volunteer opportunities at church come with nursery, otherwise I just can’t swing it with two small children.
Tori says
I’m thinking “clean my house” should probably NOT be on this list. 🙂
Andrea says
haha — well I’m thinking that “exercise” should not be on my list… but it is!