What happens when your daily roles and your purpose in life rub up against each other a little more than you’d like? Well, you take the summer off to think, and then write a novel of a blog post documenting your journey!
Within two weeks of my 21st birthday, I happily assumed the roles of wife and homeowner — a dream come true for the girl who grew up watching Martha Stewart instead of MTV and preferred Country Home magazine over Seventeen.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve fantasized about living a simple life at home — fixing up an old farmhouse, feeding my family hot breakfasts every morning, and welcoming the kids home after school with a plate of freshly-baked cookies.
I have vivid memories of conversations with a childhood friend about the type of farmhouse I’d have someday; about the 5 children who would fill that farmhouse (3 boys, 2 girls); about all the food I would cook and bake, and the holiday parties I would host.
Family
Farmhouse
Food
As far back as I can remember, my dream life was centered around a family, a farmhouse, and a whole lot of food.
A dream unfolding…
Almost exactly 10 years ago, a big part of our dream came true when we purchased our fixer-upper farmhouse (December 2010) AND found out we were pregnant with our first child (February 2011).
I had just started this blog a few months prior to buying our farmhouse (July 2010) and I chopped off my long curly hair in favor of a pixie-cut one week before taking the picture below.
I was 25 and starting a new chapter in life.
A new career, a new appearance, a new home, and a soon-to-be new family!
As the days turned into months and eventually years, I said farewell to my twenties and happily embraced the 30-something woman staring at me in the mirror.
These days I see a few wrinkles, an even shorter haircut, and a decade of hard work and faithfulness that resulted in a family, a farmhouse, and so much food!
Some highlights from the last 10 years…
- We completely renovated our farmhouse and the 1-acre property while paying off our mortgage in 7 years.
- I learned how to cook and bake from scratch, and have prepared thousands of meals for family and friends.
- I had 4 children in just over 5 years, potty trained each one, and eventually got them to sleep through the night. #momwin
- I wrote 2,500 blog posts — sharing my passion for simple living with more than 17 million women across the globe.
All while diligently working, day after day, little by little, to simplify my home and life, pursue my passions, and steward our resources.
As a result, our days are fulfilling… not just “full”.
Our lifestyle is simple, yet intentional.
We are laser-focused on our values and we allocate our resources accordingly.
We live at a slower pace than most of our peers, which isn’t always easy (but it’s SO worth it).
Ironically, as I’ve become more passionate about sharing the benefits of simple living online, the balance and intentionality of my life have felt “off”.
I love what I do here online so much… and there’s always more I want to do.
More ideas, more emails, more posts, more social media, more video, more pictures, more projects… more distractions that take me away from other important parts of my life.
Some might say this is the nature of the online world — it’s one of the side effects of running my own business.
And they’re right.
But… one of the perks of running my own business is that I call the shots.
I make the rules.
And I can be pretty bossy when I want to be! 😉
I spent the last 3 months mostly away from the blog and social media.
Many people in my online circles told me it was a risky move… and it was.
But as it turns out, it was also absolutely amazing, refreshing, and just what I needed.
I had a chance to slow down, to think more deeply, and to recount the many blessings that make up my simple, normal, everyday, real life.
Do you know what I realized?
I realized that I’m literally living my dream life. I got the farmhouse, the food, and the family… well, minus that fictitious 3rd son who might not fit into the picture anymore!
I realized that I feel completely content and fulfilled in my role as a wife, mother, and home-manager — I could do this every day for a very long time without growing weary of everything required of me.
I realized that I don’t need more than this — not a successful business, an amazing home renovation, or another to-do crossed off my list. I’m truly happy to be alive and enjoy life at home with my family.
I realized that I still sort of want more than this. Is that selfish? I don’t know.
Yes, my roles as wife, mother, and home manager are satisfying and fulfilling for me — they are what I’ve always dreamed of. But what if my purpose falls beyond that scope?
Have you ever felt this way?
I realized that I was working too much… which is hard for me to admit, but a necessary truth. I was missing things I didn’t want to miss and skipping things I didn’t really want to skip because, while I love my family, my home, and my life, I also really love what I do here online.
I needed to find a better balance.
One of the benefits I hoped to gain from my summer away from the online world was more clarity, more certainty, more conviction that I’m doing the “right thing” (or, on the flipside, that it’s time to pivot).
Unfortunately, I didn’t get it.
In many ways, I feel more cofused now than I did before my break.
Even still, I’ve decided it’s time to share a few thoughts from my time away from the online world.
Without further adieu… welcome to the inside of my summer vacation brain.
Thought #1: Our purpose is more than just our roles and responsibilities.
Each day, I’m amazed by how meaningful and fulfilling it is to be a stay-at-home mom. I always knew I loved being home, but I’ve surprised myself with how much I enjoy this particular ROLE.
That said, I feel a consistent tug… almost a calling of sorts, to help other women experience the life-changing benefits of pursuing a simpler home and life.
I believe that is my PURPOSE (at least for this stage of my life).
I’m certain our roles and purpose change over time — but I feel it’s important (at least for myself) not to confuse our all-consuming yet very fulfilling roles as wives, mothers, and home-managers with our purpose (whatever that might be).
Just so you know… I’m still working on this!
Thought #2: Life is more fun when you do what you love.
I’ve had my share of boring, mind-numbing, horrible jobs over the course of my life… and the fact that I can truly say I do what I LOVE is not something I take for granted.
I love writing. I write every day, only pressing “publish” once in a while. It’s a cathartic outlet — a way for me to process my many, many thoughts without driving Dave bonkers. 🥰
I love pursuing a simpler life and sharing my journey in hopes of encouraging others to realize their ideal version of a simpler life.
I love cooking, baking, painting, decluttering, and rearranging furniture 872 times until I find the way that works the best for our family.
I’m honored to make a living doing what I love — something that doesn’t really even feel like a job.
AND…
I love being a wife, and a mom, and a short-order chef, and a chauffeur, and the room parent for the kids’ classes, and a volunteer at church, and the host of the party, and a Jill-of-all-trades, and the manager of our home…
our farmhouse.
The one we worked to transform for almost a decade… the one I’ve dreamed of filling with family and food for as long as I can remember.
If you aren’t doing something you love, take a step back and reevaluate whether you really must continue doing it. In some cases, your answer will be “yes” and that’s OK. But in many situations, there may be other options you haven’t considered yet.
My advice — it’s worth considering those options!
Thought #3: Our purpose should be pursued in a way that is life-giving and fulfilling for ourselves and our loved ones.
I can not, I WILL NOT, let my family or my home take a back seat to my business… it’s just not an option for me.
Thankfully, I think it is often possible to pursue our passions and purpose while fulfilling our roles and responsibilities… but it’s a tricky process and there’s a fine line that is oh-so-easy to slip past if we’re not careful.
I won’t let myself become the woman who gushes about her simple home life while secretly living in a cluttered mess, with a chaotic schedule, and grumpily handing out fast food to her family each night.
This is certainly not how my life has ever been, but I’ve seen these scenarios play out far too often among fellow online influencers.
It’s a slippery slope and I found myself just a bit closer to the edge than I wanted to be.
I “walk the walk” of the simple life I share online — I always have, and hopefully always will.
I say this with confidence, knowing that if you were a fly on the crooked old walls in our home, you would agree.
If you feel a little uneasy with the path your life/career/family is headed down, let this be your wake-up call to pivot.
It’s not too late!
Thought #4: It’s frustrating when we don’t have the answers.
I’m a planner by nature — it’s in my blood! Some of you can relate.
So… it’s beyond frustrating to feel like I’m in the right place, doing the right thing, but possibly not in the right way… with no clear-cut plan to “fix it”.
I keep telling myself that I just need to tweak a few things… but so far, I haven’t figured out what to tweak to allow all the puzzle pieces to fit.
I’m not one to share my struggles before I have the solution as I never want to be the person who aires her dirty laundry hoping for a little sympathy.
I much prefer to share after I have the “happy ending”…
- after I overcame depression…
- after I lost 60 pounds…
- after I got the 3-year-old to finally sleep through the night…
- after I developed my amazing whole grain bread recipe…
- after I finished the home renovations…
- after I paid off the mortgage…
- after I learned the lesson.
Not during the process. Not while I’m still struggling, learning, and growing.
I share when I can compile my thoughts and my “lesson” into a nice, neat, organized, well-thought-out package.
But that’s not always possible (at least not in my case today).
I have no lesson, no “plan”, no moral of the story, no 5-step process to help you improve your life, no detailed recipe promising a delicious meal, no pretty package… just the real-life thoughts and struggles I’m in the midst of navigating right this very minute.
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9
Thought #5: Pursuing your purpose is worthy of a long, hard fight.
If you’ve been reading here today with a touch of anxiety, wondering if this is my blogging farewell, let me assure you it’s NOT.
I don’t have all the answers, my puzzle is still missing a few key pieces, and I haven’t found my yellow brick road just yet. But I’m confident that if this is really what I’m supposed to do with my life, I will make it to the land of Oz… eventually.
I’ve been fighting for balance between pursuing my purpose and fulfilling my roles for almost a year now — some of you saw it more clearly than others and you reached out with encouragement.
Thank you 🥰
The last 10 months have been one experiment after another — searching for a “solution” to the fact that I’m human and simply can’t do 187 things really really well every single day.
It hasn’t been easy.
There were so many days when I wanted to toss my purpose to the curb and relish in my roles as the best breakfast cooker ever, the savviest thrift-shopper extraordinaire, and the cuddliest book buddy.
I’m not cut out for the career world… I don’t want this “stress”!
I’m just a mom — let me just be a mom!
The online world doesn’t need one more simple living blog anyway!
But… I’m a fighter and a doer, and I will continue to fight for a way to pursue the purpose I feel called to without sacrificing my ability to fulfill the roles I feel so passionate about.
I have a few ideas up my sleeve… stay tuned. 😉
Thought #6: Change is hard… even good change.
The past decade has seen more change than any other period in my life… and change is hard for me.
- I learned how to cook, bake, can, freeze, grow, and preserve
- I learned how to give birth and parent multiple infants, toddlers, and children
- I learned how to tackle so many house and yard projects
- I learned how to start, run, and manage a business
- I learned how to build a blog and grow my social media accounts
- I learned how to plan… and also how to step out in faith, even when I don’t have a plan
I learned that even when I think I have something figured out, it changes again because we have another child, enter into a new stage of life, start another project, or the “rules” of blogging and social media change… again!
No matter how often I deal with change, it still takes me a while to find my groove, and it’s still really hard to be “stuck” in the middle without an end in sight.
Can you relate?
When my life changes faster than I like, my solution is always to simplify everything else.
I suppose that’s why my time away from the blog was so necessary. I needed more space to process the changes within my business and the online world, and I couldn’t do that while still working on my business each day.
If you’re in the middle of change (good or not so good) I strongly encourage you to take a step back in a few other areas of your life. Quit the membership, resign from the committee, close your Facebook account, order a pizza for dinner, delete the Apps, say “no”.
Not forever, but for now.
Thought #7: Support is crucial.
Dave knew I needed time and space to mentally process everything this summer — and while I think we were both surprised how much time I needed, he never voiced his frustrations.
He listened to my frustrations, he assured me I’d figure it out eventually, and then he granted me his silent, non-judgemental “permission” to do nothing — to sleep in, to sit and read a book all afternoon, to make a frozen pizza for dinner, to go for a walk by myself.
That man is a true gift.
Similarly, the select few blogging friends I shared my struggles with were a huge source of support for me — especially when the “experts” told me I was doing everything wrong.
And your kind and encouraging emails were a welcome “distraction” throughout the summer. I read every word and responded as often as I could.
If you’re in the middle of a big life change, I encourage you to find that support — even if you need to pay for it in the form of counseling, coaching, or mentorship.
You don’t need to tell the world, you don’t need to air your dirty laundry on every social media outlet, you just need one or two trusted sources who will stick with you no matter what.
So… what now?
Wow — you’re still reading!
The short answer is, “I don’t know exactly.” Boy, do I hate to admit that.
The longer answer is…
- You can expect a new blog post (and email) every Tuesday morning.
- I will often send another email on Thursday or Friday morning — not necessarily in conjunction with a blog post, but always worth opening! (Join my email community here).
- I will not be very social on social media — at least not for a while.
- I’m considering a private Facebook group instead of more public social media. I think it could be an amazingly fun way to connect with those interested in pursuing a simpler home and life without haters or spammers or creepers ruining our fun (not that I’ve had any experience with that.)
- I want to streamline and simplify the ads on my blog — I have some ideas to do this without losing all my income. All in due time, of course!
As for my personal life… there’s a lot of good happening right now!
- I’m the room parent for 2 of the kid’s classes this year
- I have a big yard project I want to tackle yet this fall
- I started a new program to heal my Diastasis Recti (I’ll keep you updated if it works or not)
- I’m in a new Bible Study group (studying 2 Corinthians)
- I’m still fairly involved in different programs at church
- I’m working my way through a pile of new recipes
- I’m decluttering like crazy — our basement is totally empty outside of the freezer, one shelf of canning supplies, and a few cans of paint.
- I started jogging (I need to do something with my early morning hours now that I’m not online as much)
- I have a stack of library books calling my name
- I’m baking a puppy cake for a certain almost-3-year-old later this week!
In Summary:
If you take nothing else away from this very long post, please know this:
- I love this online space and hope to continue showing up here for many years to come.
- I love my life, my family, and our home more.
- The reason I’m so intent on finding a better balance between the two is because of YOU!
It has been a joy and a privilege to get to know many of you on a more personal level over the past 10 years. It’s thrilling to hear when one of my recipes or ideas or tips sparked a positive change in your life. And I’m honored that so many of you have stuck around all these years!
I’m confident that if this is really where I need to be at this point in my life, the “right” balance between my purpose and my roles will be made clear.
And then… I can unleash the mountain of ideas I have for my blog and business!
Those of you in my email community will be the first to know whenever I move forward, pivot, or find that missing puzzle piece (I’m not trying to be exclusive or sneaky, I’m just not sure I want to share every detail publicly on the blog.)
Until then, you can find me back where it all began; pursuing a simpler, more fulfilling life at home…
Making food for my family in our farmhouse!
Please know I am not anxious or nervous or stressed regarding the future of my business. Yes, I’d like answers, but in the meantime, I’m content to live my life and I have plenty to keep me “busy” over here!
That said… if you feel generous, I covet your thoughts, prayers, and support regarding more clarity and direction as I move forward.
Also, just for fun, I’d be honored if you shared a favorite recipe, tip, post, or idea from my website — one that has helped you simplify some aspect of your roles as wife, mother, grandmother, or home manager. 🥰
Cheers to finding fulfillment in our roles while pursuing our purpose!
Kristen @ Joyfully Thriving says
Oh, Andrea! Well said, indeed! My Pastor Dad always reminded me that God doesn’t have a plan for us – He has a purpose! We can honor Him and fulfill our purpose regardless of what we cook for breakfast or what clothes we wear for the day. And I am right there with you. I want to cherish all the motherhood moments without getting caught up in the desire to do more… especially where blogging is concerned. I’m praying for wisdom, patience and discernment – and I pray the same for you! And I look forward to hearing you on the blog again!
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing Kristen — and thanks for your prayers!
Sandra Williams says
I am also ready for a more balanced life . My children are all grown , I am now struggling to care for my father in law and also take care of my parents who live 500 miles away . I am doing a
lot of traveling back and forth . I am weary of what my life has become . Take your break figure it all out . I envy you for taking this time for you . Many blessing God bless you . Your blog has gave me a few minutes quite time in the mornings and I enjoy reading all your post and trying your recipes . Hopefully one day I can take the time do it also .
Andrea says
ah yes, you’re in the “sandwich” stage of life (as I call it). You’re still sort of helping your kids out (maybe even by watching grandchildren) AND you’re now caring for your elderly parents. It’s not an easy stage of life — especially when you want to start slowing down and pursuing your own hobbies and interested now that you don’t need to devote every waking moment to your own children.
Keep enjoying your few minutes of quiet each morning… and take heart, knowing you are most likely making a very big difference in the lives of your loved ones. You can do it!
Sandra Williams says
Thanks so much Andrea , I keep telling myself this is just a busy phase of life ! Many blessings to you and yours !
Andrea says
Yes, definitely a busy season of life. Give yourself a little grace, but also push yourself to do something to improve the situation (even if it’s just 5 minutes of folding laundry!)
Janine says
Aww, bless you, Andrea. You will never ever regret spending more time with your kiddos. I homeschooled my four, spending hours and hours with them. I have to say, those are the absolutely BEST years. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Enjoy this time, the different stages they go through, how the different personalities react so differently to the same life choices, how you grow as a parent and each event gets a LITTLE easier as more of your kids go through it–school, clubs, sports, friends, romance (egads), prom, graduation, college, marriage…
I was a little anxious you were going to hang it up–I thought about it all weekend. But whatever you ultimately decide to do down the road, it sure looks like you’re putting lots of thought and prayer into the process. I’ll be praying for you!!
Andrea says
Thanks Janine!
Hopefully I’ll be hanging around here for a long time to come — just not quite as frequently for now 🙂
Thanks for your encouragement!
Kate beckett says
If you’re in the middle of change (good or not so good) I strongly encourage you to take a step back in a few other areas of your life. Quit the membership, resign from the committee, close your Facebook account, order a pizza for dinner, delete the Apps, say “no”.
Not forever, but for now.
I love this. I am in the middle of change. This year has been a crazy one, covid-19 aside. I loved this post. I’ve loved seeing your business grow and change through the years and I think its the best it’s been. Praying you through these transitions and excited for what’s to come.
Kate
Andrea says
yes, I think many of us are in the middle of a year of change and “uncertainty”. What a crazy year it has been!
Thanks for your support and words of encouragement. This year has to end eventually 🙂
Paulette says
Thank you for your transparency, Andrea. How I admire and appreciate you!
Andrea says
You’re welcome Paulette — I appreciate your long-time readership and support.
Calliope says
I am just here to say that I do miss your posts as your little corner in the internet is one of my happy places and that I am looking forward to a Private Facebook group so that I can comment more!
Andrea says
Thanks Calliope 🙂
Alicia says
I have been following you since just before Nora was born. My 2nd son was born just weeks before Nora and I remember feeling that connection to you then ! I have learned SO much from you over the years and truly feel like you’re a friend, like others have said! I always remember your “good enough is good enough” mentality , which has been so helpful for my extreme perfectionistic tendencies ! Your loaded kale salad recipe is a favorite around here , along with your ham and cheese sliders . My boys love them! I’ll never forget how many times you’ve given me “permission” through your posts to let things go, give myself grace, and do things that work for MY family , even if it’s not necessarily the “correct” way to do things. You have blessed me and my family more than you’ll ever know! Keep up the great work – however that looks for you in this season of life!
Andrea says
Thank you, thank you, friend!
Also, how can a mother of 5(?) boys be a perfectionist? I don’t think it’s possible — so maybe the fact that you have so many boys played a part in curing you of your perfectionism too 🙂
Thanks for your kind words and your faithful readership.
Suzi says
I discovered you when I was pregnant with my 6 year old boy then your oldest son was born only a few short weeks after. They have very similar eyes and I always loved that! Thank you so much for stepping back into my life exactly in the moment I needed it. I worked a 12+ hour day today getting done after 8pm, ate a late dinner and showered my little guy before realizing I needed just 2 minutes to take a breathe. I haven’t read any posts in a few 6 months (since covid really) but yours was right there and the perfect message. Over the years, you’ve helped me get back on my feet with easy meal ideas when I was struggling to balance motherhood and a demanding job, you taught me to appreciate and take advantage of the quiet early morning time, you taught me that there are people like me who are always striving to learn more, grow and try new skills. But more importantly, you’ve always felt genuine. Thank you for being such a calm voice in my life and motherhood.
Andrea says
Aw… and Simon has the best eyes 🙂
I’m so happy this post “found” you at just the right time — funny how things often seem to work out that way.
Take a breath, regroup, and gear up for another full day. You can do this!
Julie spady says
Long, perfect post. Thanks for sharing
Amanda says
It sounds like you feel that you don’t have everything figured out yet. Well to be honest, welcome to the club;) It’s ok to not know what the future holds for work, buisiness ventures, etc. I really think God likes it that way. The day we figure everything out, the day we know exactly what we want in life concerning every aspect of our life, is the day we no longer need to rely on Him. He will guide you through whatever troubles or anxiety, whatever unanswered questions or uneasiness. I think you have more things figured out than most people do and I think you are doing a wonderful job. You know you are! And best of all God knows you are a great steward of all that He has blessed you with. Continue to focus on His blessings, other things will come to you. You have absolutely done the right thing by holding off for a while. I look forward to your next post and future posts, no matter the number that come per week!
Alicia says
Well said! And I totally agree!
Amy B says
Thank you for this post! I’ve been reading your blog for a while– my kids are about the same age as yours I love the “favorites” posts, and I’ve discovered multiple items that make my life easier from them!
Andrea says
Thanks for your long-time readership, Amy! I’m honored.
Sally Kurjan says
Hi Andrea, I think you have things figured out way more than you might realize. God, family, and home rank at the top. You have worked hard to build your blog and I truly hope you keep it up for years. How many times have I said “I wish I knew these things when my children were young!” I hope you are considering children’s books or maybe a devotional. Whatever you do, you have a whole tribe backing you! Blessings and joy!
Andrea says
Thanks Sally — I have no plans for publishing a book just yet, maybe in the future. In the meantime, we’ll continue to enjoy your lovely books (Clara is having a puppy party for her birthday this weekend and we’ll be displaying all our dog/puppy books at the party!)
Sally Kurjan says
Thank you for making me smile! Please tell Clara Happy Birthday from Bernie and me! We love her party theme, in fact I can’t think of one we would like better! Enjoy your day – Sally
Julia says
You said “The online world doesn’t need one more simple living blog anyway!” But the online world does need someone as genuine as you!!! I’ve been reading since before Nora and you’re pretty much the only other blog I still read and email list I am on. Thank you for continuing to provide content for us to enjoy. As silly as it sounds, I think of you as an online “friend” because we have many similarities and are in the same stage of life w kiddos, etc. I love following along and nodding my head to what your house is experiencing because it’s often when is going on over here 😉 My favorite piece of information I’ve gotten from you over the years is learning about the Glamour mom nursing tank. I wore them constantly and honestly don’t think I would have nursed my kids without them!
Andrea says
Aw, thanks Julia! 🙂
I know that every author has their own voice and all the voices are important — but sometimes it does feel like an over-saturated market! Nothing like when I started blogging 10 years ago!
And it doesn’t sound silly to have “online friends” — I have lots of them. In fact, 3 of my closest confadants right now are women I’ve never actually met in real life (I know, that’s crazy). We talk, text, and email regularly, but we’ve never actually met face-to-face!
As for the GlamourMom tanks — I STILL wear mine! They are just the perfect fit for my long torso and even though I’m past the nursing stage, they are still in great condition so I wear them regularly — LOL! Glad you liked them too.
JJ says
Progress over perfect has really helped me get unstuck in my mindset and allowed me to plug away at things. Your pool posts were really helpful to this pool newbie. Your sugar cookie recipe is the best! I think the thing I have really benefited from your blog is your voice of reason and practicality. You break things down and make it easy to DO. So many blogs or magazines have great ideas that are totally not attainable within reason. Yours stands out because of integrity. They are tried and true. Praying! <3
Andrea says
Thanks so much — yet again, for another kind, thoughtful, and encouraging comment 🙂
One of the main reasons I was SO excited to start my blog way back when was because all the ideas and tips I found in magazines were so “staged” and unrealized for a normal family in a normal home with a normal budget, etc.
My goal is, and always has been, to create attainable solutions to the everyday struggles of managing our homes, kitchens, families, finances, and lives.
If I can do that, I count it as a “success”!
Dorcas says
Your blog is on my very short blog list. I always enjoy it and identify with so many things. We must have similar personalities. My family is at much the same stage (ages 3, 4, and 5), and I am LOVING this season of being a stay at home mom, and constantly evaluating how to do things differently/better so as to be able to maximize the enjoyment for myself as well as my family. Tips from your blog have helped. One idea I’ve utilized is the one healthier food habit per {season}. Some of my switches have been: substituting greek yogurt for sour cream, healthier salad dressings (than ranch), zucchini noodles for pasta, fewer desserts, etc. There have been so many areas in which I’ve been encouraged, it’s hard to pick a few specifics. 🙂 And the pics of your beautiful kids always make me smile; they’re adorable.
Andrea says
Thanks Dorcas — I’m thrilled I make your “short list” of favorite blogs!
Wow, your kiddos are even closer in age than ours — isn’t this a fun age! Busy, and tiring but usually pretty fun.
Thanks for sharing your healthier eating habits too… it’s encouraging to think how far we’ve come with just a few small changes each year.
Penny says
Andrea,
The roles you have are your purpose. There is no greater purpose in life than to be a wife and mother.
The life you have is what I always dreamed of. I did get to stay home with my children when they were young for which I am so thankful.
When they left, it broke my heart, but I picked up the pieces and started focusing on my most important job of being a good wife. I did start working part time which was fine. I wanted to contribute to our finances, but still wanted to be home as well. I love being home, doing all the things you have talked about.
3 years after my son left for college, my husband of 25 years left me.
My new life is very hard for me. I didn’t think I would make it when he left. I had several years of depression. It’s been 6 years now. I’m doing better, but I still miss being at home. I have to work full time now to make it. It’s only me, but I still enjoy being at home and it’s been a hard adjustment.
You’re so fortunate to have the husband and life you have. Enjoy every moment!
Andrea says
Oh Penny, I’m sorry to read this. I have another friend with almost the exact same situation and I was completely shocked when she told me. I never saw it coming for even 1 minute — I bet that’s how you felt too.
Thanks for sharing part of your story with me tonight and for reminding me how fortunate I am. I will keep you in my prayers (along with my other friend).
Penny says
Yes, I did feel that way. Thank you for saying you will pray for me. That means a lot.
It’s hard when my life was my husband and kids. Now I feel like I have no purpose. ☹️
Andrea says
Penny, I urge you to consider the fact that your “purpose” was NOT simply caring for your home and family — those were your roles at that point in your life. Your roles have now changed, but your purpose is separate. You definitely DO have a purpose, you just need to find it (easier said than done).
Please don’t let yourself think you have no purpose just because your roles of wife and mother have changed.
What are you passionate about? What do you enjoy doing? What would you want to do if time and money were no option?
I don’t have all the answers for you, but I know your life has a purpose! Now you just need to believe that 🙂
Pamela K Pulizzi says
I do not purge as much as you do and that is OK for me. You are always in the back of my mind when I think of bringing something new or purchasing something that we do not need in our home.
Beth says
Wow great blog post Andrea! With all the busyness and stuff of life you have helped me sort things out over years and simplify. I am so grateful for that. You will be in my prayers and I encourage you to make decisions for yourself not for the expectations of those who read your blog posts. It’s a beautiful autumn evening here in Northern Alberta. I am standing outside the shed that my husband and I built inspired by one of your posts. We now have a place for a lawn tractor and all of our gardening supplies and it is cute as a button. Thank you for all that you’ve put into your blogging. I have enjoyed it so much.
Andrea says
yay for cute, organized sheds and lovely autumn evenings! I bet it’s getting pretty chilly by you already? We’re still in the 70s during the day, but 40s and 50s at night (which I love!)
Erin M says
It’s not magic, it’s maintenance!
I am not inclined to clean as you are, but I do like a tidier space that I have. When I see others with clean spaces, I have to remind myself that it isn’t magic that their space is cleaner, it is work (but it might just be work worth doing.)
Andrea says
amen, sista! Never “magic” always “maintenance” — continual, daily, work!
Astrid says
I always love reading your blog posts, and it’s a privilege to be able to see the work in progress as you process this. As I’m not much interested in the emails (simply because that is just more clutter in my life, another decision I have to make about read/delete/save, etc), I very much hope you continue blogging, even if it’s just once or twice a week.
Biggest things I’ve gotten from your blog:
— a hot breakfast everyday is ok and not over the top
— timing yourself to see how long something will take (ie emptying the dishwasher) is not silly and it makes it SO much easier to plan and actually accomplish things throughout the day
— still using a paper planner is ok and not behind the times
— it’s ok to give away things you may need in the future (for example: pre-preg clothes while you’re preg/post-partum) — by the time you need them again, chances are you’ll want something different, styles change, body changed, etc. This way someone else can enjoy while it’s still in style.
— I LOVE how you’ve changed over the years with the simple small changes each year. It’s so motivating to see those changes stack up on each other over time.
— sooooo much other stuff I can’t remember right now….
Thank you!! And good luck as you continue to process and figure things out. 🙂
Andrea says
Yes, head on over every Tuesday morning for more posts from me 🙂
And yay for hot breakfasts — definitely not “over the top” if you enjoy it!
Thanks for your encouragement.
Kristi says
I, too, am a planner. I NEED to know where I’m headed, what the next step is, and that all of the details are worked out. There have been two times in my life when I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to pivot and make a major life change for myself and my family. Both times were extremely scary for me as they were spur of the moment and I didn’t have a plan in place at all. I just knew I had to do what He was telling me to do. I’ve never regretted following where He led either of those times. I questioned, of course, but never regretted. I may not have seen the purpose for weeks, months, or even years but such is faith. God bless your faith in heeding his nudgings. May He make your direction clear and the path easy to distinguish and follow.
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story, Kristi. It’s encouraging for me to read these stories and remind myself that it will all work out how it’s supposed to work out… eventually!
Debra Gunter says
While your family and personal life is the most important thing, I am so thankful that you continue the blog. The organization and cleaning ideas are so helpful and I am now experimenting with whole grains. Old people can change
But please remember when all said and done your precious children and husband is the most important thing
Nena says
I love that you shared this! I have been a follower since almost the beginning.
Andrea says
thanks for your loyal readership, Nena!
Debbie says
Thank you for sharing about your joys, unknowns, and unfixed parts of your life. Many of us can relate, I’m sure. I feel like I’m entering into that stage right now because of all things Covid. Changes also ruffle my feathers and it takes me a while to adjust. Next month will be my 10 year wedding anniversary and in the past 10 years lots of exciting changes happened that made me feel so blessed. Since this Covid season managing working from home 80% of the time, although exciting at first, has lost its appeal. I’ve been feeling cooped up because I’ve not been able to travel and my surroundings has been mostly the same for a good part of the year. Many questions sit on the back of my mind like will we ever get back to normal. The part that I can take away from your write up is that I need to take a step back. I enjoy reading your blogs and always come away with a good nugget. I have tried many of your recipes and there’s not one things that I like more than another. I’ve always received great compliments from the dishes I’ve served using your recipes.
Andrea says
Happy (almost) anniversary to you and your hubby! Hang in there, COVID has to end eventually!
Chris says
I haven’t tried many recipes but I love your organizational, planning and simplification posts.
I love your blueberry muffin recipe. I have also enjoyed the mango salsa chicken and the fruit compote with yogurt. I would love a private Facebook group. I will be praying for you to get guidance. I just love your blog.
Andrea says
Thank you, Chris — your loyal readership has been a blessing to me too!
June says
Welcome back! I love your new farm table — so beautiful. I have learned so much from your blog (about so many things). I am so very grateful to you (and for you). You deserve time off whenevery you feel like it. Best to you and your family.
Andrea says
Thanks June!
Fran says
You were a brilliant when you taught me how shred chicken with a hand mixer….love your blog …and did have a little anxiety…thought you were leaving the blog….sooooo happy your not ❤️
Andrea says
Thanks Fran, isn’t that the best tip! I spend SOOOOOO much time chopping chicken before I learned how to shred in seconds!
I’m not leaving — don’t worry!
Ceresa says
Bless You! Your struggle and your determination to let God lead you to the right path (answers) are an inspiration to all who follow your posts. Thank you for sharing your adventure and also for sharing the beautiful photos of your home and family.
SUSAN says
Sounds like you have everything under control or you’re getting there!
Best of all you have faith of your side
Love your newsletter
Linda B. says
My favorite recipe of yours is the Sausage and Tortellini Soup. It is a favorite around here. Whenever my husband sees me reading your blog, he says, “Who’d that lady?” I always tell him You are the Sausage and Tortellini Soup Lady. That makes him perk up because he loves that soup.
Andrea says
thanks for sharing this story, Linda! It made my day 🙂
Also, we love that soup too!
Karen says
I love your blog! My favorite salad recipe that my whole family loves and will practically eat in one sitting is your Layer Salad.
Andrea says
yay — we love that salad too 🙂 It’s a huge favorite and I love that it lasts in the fridge for a couple of days — leftover lunches for me!
Jo says
Love your blog, love your family and enjoy following along. Respect you totally for putting family first. This weekend I made your caramel apple cheesecake bars as a change from crumble. Delicious! Thank you. Ps love the idea of a private facebook group x
Andrea says
Thanks Jo — those cheesecake bars are DELICIOUS! 🙂
Bridget says
I think a lot of us are questioning things right now. I feel like I went backwards. I had all my kids in school for 2 years, started subbing, renewed my teaching license and I had this huge plan in place for this year to go back to teaching and help financially and had this whole finance plan. Then covid. We are still dealing with it here in Virginia. All 6 of my kids are home full time distance learning. I didn’t take a teaching position because I didn’t know how to re enter the field virtually with all of my kids home. So I feel disappointed and stuck and kind of questioning everything now.
Andrea says
ah yes — so many can relate to your comment, Bridget! So frustrating how quickly our plans could get turned upside down by the pandemic!
I was supposed to GROW my business in 2020 and instead, here I am scaling back. I didn’t see thatone coming!
Sorry you are disappointed, but I’m glad you can be home with your kiddos right now — if your area is anything like ours, another teaching position will come around.
Tara says
“…The girl who grew up watching Martha Stewart instead of MTV and preferred Country Home magazine over Seventeen.” I was this girl too. But somehow it never occurred to me until I had my first child nearly 12 years ago that I might really enjoy being a mom and home-manager. It was an awakening for me. Fortunately, your blog came into my life during that early motherhood season and you have encouraged me and advised me for so many years now.
I know you’ve seen my updated comments on some of your older posts about household management and organization that I felt too overwhelmed to tackle when you first posted them, but realize that I actually did put those systems into place! I’ll share an example. We evacuated our home here in OR due to wildfires just a couple weeks ago now and I had so much peace in my heart as I grabbed all of our important paperwork quickly from its designated areas. We are home again safely, but little things like that feel monumental in the stress of an emergency situation. I slept well, an hour away in my brother’s basement, in spite of the unknown because I knew I had those important documents and wouldn’t have to struggle through getting new ones in our current Covid world if we had to rebuild and start over. It was a really big deal to me. Thank you for helping me create that organization skill.
I also want to mention that what keeps me coming back to your blog is how unapologetically un-gimmicky you are. You always strive to accomplish your projects by rearranging and repurposing what you have in useful and attractive ways. You also constantly come back to the idea of being realistic about where I am and what my priorities are and making things work for me. I love that you constantly remind us that we are all different and that it’s always best to create space and spaces for what we love and cherish most, rather than follow trends and magazine spreads.
I fully support your time off and your mental processing. I find myself in that same space so often. In fact, I took a 7 year hiatus from Facebook with minimal presence on Instagram in the past couple years. I have reinstated a Facebook account, but I don’t use it for socialization, only for a class and a homeschool group resource I use. Hundreds of old FB friend requests sit in my inbox ignored and I’m ok with that.
Your business model has shifted a number of times during my readership and you’ve always made the choices that worked best for you and your family. I am always impressed at your ability to hone in on what that is and then do it unapologetically. I know you’re in the midst of this right now. I want to encourage you that it helps us to see you do this. It truly inspires me to see you reassess and adjust course. It encourages me to do the same. Right now, when the whole world feels off course, this is such a gift to see demonstrated.
Thanks for letting us into your heart and mind. I’ll be here for whatever it looks like.
Rabecka says
Oh my goodness Tara, well said!! I echo everything you just said. I have much enjoyed this blog over the years and have tried (and enjoyed) countless recipes and organizing ideas. I too live in Oregon and while we didn’t have to evacuate, we did reach Level 2 status and had to pack up everything and be ready to go. I had my important paper binders handy and ready to go! I look forward to what comes next for you Andrea! Thanks for sharing your heart and your life.
Andrea says
Stay safe Rabecka (and Tara) Glad you guys are ready to go with your important information binders!
Andrea says
Thanks for sharing Tara — yes, I know your story… probably not as well as yo know mine though 🙂
I appreciate your LOOOOOOOONG time readership and your loyal presence in the comment section.
Roxie says
Some bloggers that I follow have opted in to Instagram (I know you’re not a lover of social media) and only blog once a week if that much. I do love the thought of a FB group – where we could interact – sort of like sharing information with friends! You have a lot to share so I hope you’ll continue to do so!
Andrea says
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Roxie! I do really like the idea of a private facebook community — I’m just trying to weigh the pros and cons of using social media for this. I don’t want to encourage others to get stuck scrolling through Facebook on my account… but I’m a part of a few Facebook groups and I really do like them so much more than the general FB platform.
Holly Sanford says
I completely empathize with you right now. I am struggling greatly with work/life balance. One son has just graduated college and the other is a senior in college and I was excited to start my “next chapter”. I have instead found myself becoming a workaholic at my day job instead of taking the time to work on my writing/blog.
And I’ll be honest, I appreciate seeing the messy middle instead of the happy endings from people I follow. It makes me feel better since I feel like I’m constantly in the “messy middle” section of life, lol.
Andrea says
Thanks Holly — I guess it’s comforting for us to know we’re not the only ones struggling. I’m happy to share my “messy middle” If that helps others!
Enjoy your “next chapter”!
Reva says
I’ve been a long time reader and consider you a ‘friend’ even though we have never met and probably never will. You have found contentment in your family and life and that is wonderful!! I do miss your daily posts, but now I’m going to look forward to Tuesdays even more. Private group sounds interesting. My favorite post was the one you did about cleaning out your closet and only keep the clothes that you loved and wore over and over. I did that several years ago and have made strides to keep it that way. Thank You. Wishing you all of life’s happiness and a clear path forward in the life God has planned for you. We don’t know what the future holds, but we know who holds our future. God Bless you and your family.
Andrea says
Thanks Reva,
Honestly, I miss my daily posts too (I love a good routine) but I’m pleased with myself for prioritizing my family over the “job” I enjoy so much!
And… yay for neat and organized closets! 🙂
Daniele says
I’ve been reading your posts since Nora was around one! 🙂 Thank you for sharing your heart, your family, all the recipes and productivity tips! As a work-at-home Mom who also homeschools and loves managing home, I’ve felt inspired by what you share. I believe you’ll find your way in this new path! Hoping the best for you and your family.
Andrea says
Thank you Daniele! I love that you’ve also embraced your role as a mother, home manager, etc. What a blessing you are to your family.
Wendy says
Great blog post. I have been reading your posts for quite a while and I love reading all of them. Blessings, Wendy
Mary Ann Ann Kriniske says
Andrea,
I have so enjoyed your posts and open as soon as possible. Your truth and strength come through each time. I think we all go through the struggle at different points in our lives and this makes us stronger and more appreciative. I am now retired and able to give a significant amount of my time to a volunteer organization. I have finally learned to remember to give time to myself so I can give to others. I have this quote sitting on my desk: The Meaning of Life is to find Your Gift. The Purpose of Life is to Give It Away. That is what gives me joy and it seems that you have found many of your Gifts and are experiencing joy in sharing your Gifts with others, including your readers. Thank you for your gifts.
Andrea says
YES! Give yourself a bit of time too! That’s so important and I’m glad you’re making space for this in your life.
Also, your quote is just perfect for me today!
“The Meaning of Life is to find Your Gift. The Purpose of Life is to Give It Away”
We should all remember this!