I talk and write and think a lot about “busyness”… and as a work-from-home mom of 4 kids with many commitments at school, church, and within our community, I have ample opportunities to “practice what I preach” about living a simpler, unhurried life each and every day!
Truthfully, I don’t have an issue with long days filled with purposeful activities and tasks I choose to be busy with. If there’s something I value or a goal I’m working towards, I’ll happily spend extra time, effort, and energy to see it through… and I won’t complain about “being so busy” because I know I’ve chosen this path.
It’s the unchosen, unwelcome, and often unnecessary busyness that drives me bonkers!
Can you relate?
As I’ve mentioned before, our personal energy levels play a huge factor in how much we can realistically accomplish in a day, a week, or a month — so your definition of “too busy” might be very different than mine.
That’s OK.
The important thing is to notice when you are nearing your busyness threshold and to take action before you reach your breaking point.
Keep reading for 7 signs that you might be at your “busyness breaking point” and a few easy solutions to help you scale back and simplify.
If you find yourself nodding along to any of the following then, my friend, your schedule might be too full!
1. You often feel frustrated, resentful, or angry.
One of the tell-tale signs that my schedule is too full is when I notice feelings of frustration or anger over something small — like my kids spilling or a long line at the grocery store.
Think about it… if you’re already running late and a child can’t get his shoes on, you feel frustrated and angry (usually with the child). However, if you have all the time in the world, you simply wait patiently until the child is ready to go.
Or, if you have 18 things on your to-do list and you get held up in the grocery store line, you’ll likely feel more frustrated than if you weren’t over-committed and rushing to the next thing. You may resent the “slow grocery clerk” for the fact that you are now running late (or maybe that’s just me?)
Obviously feeling frustrated, resentful, or angry aren’t always red flags for busyness… but if you find yourself feeling increasingly frustrated on a regular basis, it might be worth editing your schedule a bit.
NOTE: If you regularly feel frustrated, resentful, and angry, there may be other factors at play. Please consider seeking the help of a trained mentor or counselor.
2. The urgent overshadows the important.
Another possible sign of being too busy is when “urgent needs” take precedence over “important” goals or values.
For example, when the laundry piles are neglected for so long that no one has any clean underwear for tomorrow, you’ll likely be up until 2 am to meet this urgent need instead of focusing on the much more important need of rest.
Another example of when “urgent” overshadows “important” is regarding meal planning. So often, we claim that eating nutritious foods or having family mealtime is important to us, and yet when our schedules are too full, we don’t have time to plan our meals let alone cook them… so fast food it is again.
RELATED READING: Don’t let Urgent get in the way of Important
3. You are more forgetful.
So you forgot your kids’ dentist appointment once (ahem, guilty)… probably not that big of a deal. But when forgetfulness becomes a regular pattern in your life, chances are your plate is a little too full.
If you catch yourself frequently apologizing for running late, missing appointments or meetings, forgetting important dates/events, etc. take it as a warning sign to reevaluate your current schedule and consider how you might “clear your plate” a bit.
4. Your home is a mess.
Don’t worry — you’re allowed to have a junk drawer and it’s OK if your closets are a little too full.
However, a large amount of visible clutter, excessive dirt and grime, stacks of dirty dishes, and overflowing trashcans could be signs that your current schedule doesn’t offer enough time to keep up with basic housework (either that or you just hosted a wildly successful birthday party for a bunch of neighborhood kids!)
In all seriousness though, the state of your home often reflects the state of your schedule. If you’re too busy, your home will tell your bluff every time!
RELATED READING: 8 Tips to speed up your weekly cleaning.
5. You feel overwhelmed by everything.
It’s one thing to feel a little overwhelmed when hosting a big group of friends for the first time, starting a new job, or tackling a massive home renovation. It’s another thing to constantly feel overwhelmed by everything — making dinner, cleaning the bathrooms, going to coffee with a friend, caring for your children, etc.
In general, I’m not easily overwhelmed, but when Nora was a baby and I wasn’t getting enough sleep yet still trying to do everything I did before having kids, I felt overwhelmed by everything.
And these days, when my schedule is too full, it’s not uncommon for me to all-of-a-sudden feel overwhelmed with something small like doing laundry, washing dishes, or writing a blog post.
If you feel overwhelmed on a regular basis, take a few minutes and consider if there are any commitments you can drop for now.
6. You’re tired, but can’t sleep.
I think we’ve all experienced the feeling of exhaustion and the frustration of not being able to fall asleep (or stay asleep). For me, this was also when Nora was a baby and she cried and fussed all night long… unless I was holding her.
If you are constantly tired but find it very difficult to sleep at night (or even rest during the day) you might have too much going on. Your brain has too many things floating around up there and you can’t shut it off to sleep or rest — this is a very common sign of being too busy.
One suggestion is to make a master list (a brain dump of sorts) and get everything out of your head and onto paper (or your computer). Then, go through and intentionally choose a handful of things to NOT do (at least not right now).
Over time, lack of sleep can have very serious consequences on our health. If you have trouble sleeping, it might be worth cutting back in a few other areas of your life to make more time for rest.
RELATED REDING: Dealing with exhaustion when you can’t get more sleep.
7. Self-care causes guilt.
Do you feel guilty doing something nice for yourself, spending time or money on yourself, going out with a friend, squeezing in a workout, spending time on a favorite hobby, or going on a date?
Are you quick to give up something you want to do in favor of all the things you “have to do ” when your time and energy run out?
If so, your schedule might be too full right now.
Yes, I have gone through seasons of life when my own self-care and personal hobbies are put on the backburner for a bit (like after a baby or when I launched a new web design)… but it’s usually just a short season and then things balance out a bit.
It’s not bad or wrong to care for the needs of others or to follow through on commitments and obligations, but take note if you feel guilty doing things for yourself, and work to create more margin in your life, even if you need to hire someone to free up a little more of your time.
RELATED READING: How to have a hobby when you don’t have the time.
Do any of these 7 signs hit home for you today?
If so, don’t immediately panic or assume your life is a trainwreck! There are certainly days, weeks, and entire seasons of life that are just busier than others. During these seasons you will often feel more tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc.
This doesn’t necessarily imply that your schedule is too full or you’re nearing your breaking point.
However, slowing down your pace and “editing” your schedule a bit is certainly a step in the right direction.
So… what’s the solution?
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but whenever I feel like my life is way too full, I walk through the 5 steps listed below.
1. Acknowledge and admit. This might sound too simple, but until you’re ready to actually admit that you are too busy, nothing is going to change — you’ll just keep making excuses and tell yourself it will eventually get better when you can “find more time”.
2. Say “no” to anything new. Please do not agree to any new activities or obligations until your schedule clears up a bit (here’s a helpful list of ways to say no if you struggle with that!)
3. Reduce your tasks. You don’t need to quit everything you love doing today, but you should put a plan in place to start doing less. Choose one thing to quit this week (use #4 below if you need a suggestion!)
4. Step away from social media. Not only are the hours upon hours you spend on social media stealing valuable time away from more important activities, but they are also most likely breeding discontent as you view others’ “highlight reels” and see all the seemingly productive and important things they are doing and accomplishing. It will be hard at first, but the freedom you’ll feel after a few days (along with all the extra time) will be worth it.
5. Find accountability. You might just need to have an honest conversation with your spouse, boss, parent, or friend and ask them to help keep you accountable as you strive to pare down your schedule (and stay off social media). You might also benefit from paying for counseling. Either way, there’s power in sharing your struggles and knowing that you are accountable to someone other than yourself.
There really is no “quick fix” for an overly-full schedule, but I write from experience that putting in the effort to “downsize” your to-do list can have an amazingly positive effect on your health, your family, your job, and nearly every other aspect of your life.
Any efforts you make now will pay off later!
Rhonda says
Just this week I told my Nordic Ski group that I had to resign from our “board” (yearly activities focus on used ski rental for kids, and group youth ski events). I was asked to join last Spring. Then I had an opportunity in the Fall to take on more hours at work, and I am also on our local school board, which has been incredibly time consuming this past school year. Over the past year it just seemed to pile up, and although I enjoy cross country skiing and being with these people, it was just to burdensome, too many schedule conflicts, and I couldn’t put in the time that the group deserved! So I decided to step away. It wasn’t a huge time commitment…but every little thing adds up. The group also primarily communicates via email, and the amount of messages was totally overwhelming me. It was finally good to “acknowledge and admit”, and “reduce tasks”!
Andrea says
Good for you — glad you will be able to enjoy a bit more downtime and less business/stress!
Holly S says
I feel this post. I am in a crazy busy period at work and then have had to help with elderly parents that are going through some health issues that have required a quick move to new living quarters. I’m beyond exhausted and stressed but I do recognize it and also recognize that this is just a busy “season” of life. I’m saying “no” to as much outside requests as I can. Thanks for the helpful/relevant post.
Andrea says
good for you for realizing this is just a season and for making changes in your life and schedule to accommodate the important needs of your parents. I’m glad you are able to help them (even if it does make your life a bit crazy right now!)
Kim says
PS What an invaluable thing to encourage your children to memorizeGod’s word! Your Easter photo is beautiful, but who is the tall young lady who reminds me of a little girl named Nora?
Andrea says
oh and yes, Nora is only a few inches shorter than me!! crazy!
Kim says
Boy did I need this. I have been WAY too busy the past months! Retirement isn’t quite what I want it to look like. I have got to cut back on something! Much to think and pray about. Thanks for being a kindred spirit.
Andrea says
I’m currently reading a book that speaks about retirement. The book mentions that so many Americans are obsessed with the idea of working like crazy while we’re young so we can retire super early and enjoy a “life of leisure”… but that’s actually a really bad outlook on life and assumes we don’t enjoy our work.
Instead, we should pursue jobs and “work” we enjoy and continue work (or volunteering) as long as we feel we are able to make a difference and bring value to whatever it is we’re working towards.
You definitely seem like the type of person who wants to bring value to whatever you’re doing… so if your retirement feels purposefully busy and full, you’re probably doing OK!
Michelle says
I’m dolly Parton’s biography, a secret to her success if I recall correctly was taking a cat nap each day or even just finding time to sit completely still. While you might or might not agree with every decision she’s ever made, as a business woman, I think she’s a superstar with a beautiful heart.
Michwlle gold says
Oops! Meant “in” not I’m
Barb says
Andrea,
This post really hit home with me today. I said yes to each one of the signs. It might be because I have four children, a husband and am taking 17 credits in school this semester. Anyway, I’m looking forward to taking a few items out of my schedule soon. Great post!
Meghan says
My yesterday – leave at 7:30 for son’s doctor’s appointment, run 3 errands, take son to school, go to work (took 1/2 day off), leave work at 2:25, pick up other son, take him to pediatrician for a blood draw, pick up daughter, go home and do dinner, go to son’s baseball game. This has been our norm for a few weeks. I was feeling bad because I haven’t taken meals to a couple friends who have had babies recently. Your post came at just the right time. Thank you!
Andrea says
ah yes, the busy spring schedules!
Don’t feel bad about not taking meals to those friends either — wait another month until your schedule calms down and their meal train has stopped. I’m positive they will appreciate a “late” meal once all the other meals have stopped!
Deanna says
I love a simplified schedule. I don’t mind days in a row at home. The kids, on the other hand, love going. Most weeks are pretty chill. When we have things like swim lessons, VBS week, etc I can tell a huge difference in my energy and stress level. Thankfully those things all have end dates which helps me mentally get through it.
Andrea says
yes, fun thing with specific end dates are my favorite!
Alicia says
I have noticed that i tend to get very overwhelmed when i have too much on my plate! I used to feel bad about this, because it seems to take much less for me to become overwhelmed compared to others. But I now know that for my sanity and the sake of my family, I need to say no a lot, and keep my personal schedule to a minimum!
Andrea says
we all have different “thresholds” for when we start to feel overwhelmed — it’s good that you know your own. You will be SO much happier if you just listen to your own body and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.
Ann says
Also know that there are seasons and this too shall pass.
As a mom of 4 kids all born in 5 1/2 years (You can relate I bet!), when they hit the season of sports and piano lessons then May and Sept were almost always “too busy” months. However, I knew if we got through them, the next month would be better and easier. When you add open houses, graduations, picnics, projects (school and home), recitals, etc to school and sports those two months almost always felt like “too much”.
Andrea says
yes, exactly!
and yes, nora will be 5 1/2 when the 4th baby is born — so i’ll definitely be able to relate to that!
Erin says
I loved this post. Frustration about being late or being overwhelmed by simple cleaning tasks happen to me when I am stressed. I’ll come home from work exhausted and want to just crave alone time some nights, but then feel guilty for not spending quality time with my husband or children. Usually, though, we have a pretty good handle on avoiding “stuff” that is unnecessary. We are protective of weeknights, family time, and weekends as well. It’s the seasons of life that are unexpected that bring stress and frustration. Right now, for example, my children keep getting sick with infections, or rashes, or tick bites, and we’ve been in and out of doctor’s offices and pharmacies like a revolving door the past month. I’m fitting orthodontist appointments, dentist appointments, and urgent care appointments into my breaks at work (I am a teacher). I keep reminding myself that it’s just a season and summer is around the corner! 🙂
Andrea says
there are always busy seasons of life — I honestly think that’s unavoidable. And I can definitely understand how busy your life is right now considering you’re ALMOST finished with your school year and trying to fit all that extra stuff in too. Dave is super busy right now and he doesn’t even have the extra appointments like you do.
Just a few more weeks!!
Beatriz says
Great post!
Alicia @ Turquoise Grace says
My top two points that I’ve got too much on my plate? Forgetfulness (which, unfortunately, seems like maybe my new normal lately), and becoming frustrated. If either of these things are happening I need to reassess my stuff!
Jennifer says
Great points. Forgetfulness is my biggest sign that I’m taking on too much, and it’s my biggest motivator to cut back. When I forget something my husband asked of me I am especially disappointed in myself because I let something slip that was more important than almost everything I did accomplish. I want to be dependable to him first and foremost, so time to back off some other things. I also like to stay home a lot. I only have one son and only work 2-3 days per week, and all those time-to-leave-setbacks drive me crazy! We invite people over a lot.
Andrea says
For me, forgetfulness usually indicates that I’m tired… but one of the reasons I’m usually tired is because I’ve been up late working on something (and of course, children wake me up at all hours of the night!)
Melinda says
Dear Andrea,
thank you for this post, exactly how I felt this morning. Our son is 18 months, I am expecting our second baby, and I’ve had too much work at home.
So I’m going to take some time off just for myself, it’s just too difficult for me to ask for help.
Andrea says
congrats on baby #2! And yes, definitely take a little time for yourself before the next one comes along.
Janice says
I love your entire perspective on life. Are you sure I can’t adopt you?
Andrea says
haha — you can adopt my children a few afternoons a week 🙂
shan says
LOL! I would love to have your kids over for a few hours a week 🙂
Pascale says
Hello Andrea,
I totally agree with your post, but the reason I”m writing today is to thank you for posting every weekday and for always having a positive attitude.
I moved to Michigan in October 2014 and I’ve been at home for over 10 years because of chronic health issues.
Your blog makes me feel good and I read it every weekday. Why? Because you offer practical solutions, you don’t whine and complain or talk about all the negatives, you have a common sense approach and although I don’t have children I glean a lot from your posts.
THank you for putting aray of sunshine in my day. I truly appreciate it.
Andrea says
Well thanks so much Pascale! Have a great weekend!
Heidi says
My issue is always how to get rid of those extra things on your schedule. For us, so many of them are work related- we both teach full time and my husband coaches two sports. Add in kid’s activities (which we try to keep to a minimum) and life gets way too full really fast!
Andrea says
Well, at the risk of sounds super obvious — just quit some of them! Dave used to coach THREE sports for school and he quit when we started having kids because he was too busy. Yes, he enjoyed coaching, yes, I enjoyed going to the games, but it was just too much. Eventually when our kids are older, I’m sure he’ll get back to coaching again — but not now!
Beidi says
In our district, coaching can be indirectly tied to your teaching contract. Makes it quite a bit harder to quit- which is a bummer. 🙁
Andrea says
oh shoot — so my overly-obvious suggestion was TOO obvious 🙂 Bummer is right!
Christine @ The Mostly Simple Life says
O, those first three described me so well 🙂 I can’t stand being late and I hardly ever forget things. And when I’m super stressed, the dirty dishes look like a mountain. In the last few weeks We’ve had to make some changes to my schedule because things were getting out of hand. I’m not all that busy compared to other people. But it was too much for me. I don’t like being a grumpy, overwhelmed person!
Andrea says
the dishes always get me too (or the dishwasher) and then I remind myself that it only takes a few minutes to do. Also, Dave is REALLY good about doing the dishes for me 🙂
Katie says
Yes to all 5 points! It’s tough when your kids get into all day school. I feel like we are so busy all the time but we don’t do anything extra! My oldest 2 are in school and my youngest is in daycare/preschool 2 days a week. I work part time. It feels like we are always rushing. As the school year winds down, I do feel like I’ve learned a lot this year. Mainly not to feel bad if I can’t accomplish anymore than just school, work, feeding the family, laundry and cleaning (somewhat). 🙂
Andrea says
I smiled when you said “JUST school, work, feeding, laundry, and cleaning” — that’s already a lot! You definitely shouldn’t feel bad!