In a world that tells us we need the perfect venue, the perfect flowers, and the perfect day, let’s remember that the wedding is just one day. Twenty years later, I remember little about the decorations or the dress, but I’m incredibly thankful for the life we’ve built together.
This month, Dave and I celebrate our 20th anniversary.
TWENTY!
I’ve spent more than half my life with this man of endless patience — you don’t even need to look closely to see all the gray hairs I’ve given him. 🥰
We were recently talking about our wedding reception with the kids, when one of them asked if we had our “dream wedding”.
I jokingly said, “No, that was before social media”.
But as I thought about it more, my 20-year-old self did have a vision of what my “dream wedding” might be like if time, money, and practicality were no issues.
However, it was just a dream — nothing I ever actually planned to create in real life. I didn’t feel slighted in the least that almost none of my “dream wedding” ideas were incorporated into our wedding or reception.
I mostly just wanted to get married, and I’m honestly thankful I didn’t feel pressured to create a dream wedding… let me explain.
My Dream Wedding
Back in 2005/2006, my dream wedding would have been in early October on a farm… preferably in a cute old barn with the reception under a giant white tent on the lawn.
My colors would have been ivory and brown, with more of a rustic feel for the flowers and decor. Probably a wooden arbor dripping with greenery and ivory roses — and definitely a string quartet.
I would have worn a flowy ivory dress — nothing too fancy, and the bridesmaids would have worn a similar dress in brown. The groomsmen would have been more casual — brown or khaki pants, a cream button-up, and brown ties.
The reception would have offered gorgeous views of the farm property on a perfectly sunny and unseasonably warm fall day, and everyone would have eaten their fill and danced the night away (the food and dancing did actually happen!)
There probably would have been a horse-drawn wagon involved, too.
Our Actual Wedding
I married a teacher, so a Fall wedding was immediately out of the question — June 30 was the first available weekend date, so that settled it.
Michigan weather is extremely unpredictable, so although I loved the idea of an outside wedding and reception, my practical nature won out, and we had it at my home church. Turns out we got an absolutely gorgeous summer day, but an indoor wedding was still ok.
No string quartet… but I did get trumpets to play me down the aisle.
I loved the idea of an ivory dress, but I found a simple white dress that fit me almost perfectly on the clearance rack at the first store we visited… $90 and 1 hour later, I had my dress with little to no stress or indecision.
We went with a light green color as that was fairly popular at the time, and both my sisters liked a certain bridesmaid dress in that color. The groomsmen went with traditional tuxes because that was easy and cheaper. I honestly just didn’t care enough.
I used Granny Smith apples as our table centerpieces — they were the right color, I love apples, and they were cheap. Plus, a bunch of guests munched on them throughout the night.
I printed the invitations and programs on my parents’ home computer for less than $25 (everyone throws them away, so why waste money on them).
I used almost all silk flowers that I arranged myself, thanks to Hobby Lobby coupons. Both my younger sisters ended up using most of the flowers in their future weddings, and then I sold them on Craigslist.
The reception was about a mile from the church (convenient for our guests) at a local country club, which did have nice field-looking photo opportunities.
I don’t remember what song we first danced to, I don’t remember what food we served, I don’t even remember what the pastor preached on.
I do remember that our cake was fake! It was frosted styrofoam disks with a small real cake as the top layer, so we could have something to cut. Our guests enjoyed Costco cake.
It’s Just One Day
It was fun to have dream wedding ideas (I think most girls would admit to dreaming about their future wedding). But our wedding was one day. And even though it was a fantastic day, I honestly rarely think about the actual events from the wedding or reception anymore — except when our kids ask. 😉
I’m more practical than many, and I now have 20 years of “hindsight”, but I’m still glad I didn’t kill myself trying to plan an over-the-top event or spend a fortune on one day.
It was such a fun day with family and friends (the reception staff had to kick us out at midnight because so many people were still dancing), and I’m glad we had a nice wedding, but I have zero regrets about not having my “dream wedding”.
Hopefully I can convince my children, too!
If you’re in the process of planning a wedding for yourself, a child, or a friend, I encourage you to take a step back from the planning process and think about how you’ll feel 10 or 20 years down the road.
Will you care if you offered 10 different appetizers?
Will you care if your flowers were fresh or silk?
Will you care about the venue? I know this sounds like a huge deal, but it’s really not.
Save yourself the time, energy, stress, arguments, and money… and keep it simple.
I don’t think you’ll regret it.
More Wedding Posts
Our Engagement Story (it’s good!)
Why We Waited a Week for Our Honeymoon
10 Ideas to Repurpose a Wedding Dress
How to Host a Pantry Shower (a fun alternative to traditional wedding showers)
Jennifer says
I got married in 1998 for $500- wore the dress my mother’s mother wore at my parents’ 1959 wedding, got married at the local city hall, went out to dinner with fewer than 10 people. Since my parents didn’t have to pay for a wedding, they bought us a new 1998 Subaru that we drove until 2017. It was our only car for about 7 years. It was a very practical wedding! I now have a college-aged son and wonder what he’ll want if he gets married some day.
Andrea says
wow, this is a fun story! A car was probably way more practical than a fancy wedding 🙂
And yes, I’ve started to think about what our kids might want for a wedding someday — hopefully they (and their future spouses) will be OK with simple!
Rachel says
Happy Anniversary! Our 30th anniversary is on June 30th 🙂
Andrea says
oh wow — that’s a special anniversary too! I’ve never even thought about having our 30th on June 30. We can look forward to that in another 10 years 🙂
Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby too!
JoDi says
Happy upcoming 20th! Your wedding sounds lovely! Wedding planning has gotten crazy. So much stress and financial burden for an event that lasts just a few hours and most people don’t remember. I’ve been to many weddings that were simple and didn’t cost a fortune. They’ve been the most fun, and the couple always seemed to enjoy themselves much more because they weren’t so stressed out!
Andrea says
I know — I’m actually getting a little nervous about how expensive college and weddings and car insurance might be for our family over the next 15 years — yikes! Hopefully we can convince the kids to keep it simple 🙂
Kathy says
Happy Anniversary!
Our 52nd anniversary is Sunday. We went simple,economical. I made my own dress. Wore a white straw hat. Bridesmaids dresses were made using the same pattern. Our reception was at Trinity Christian College dining hall with the meal cooked by the Women’s Guild. We had only a small cake for pictures and served Pettit Fores with a dish of vanilla ice cream covered with fresh strawberries. It was my dream wedding in 1974 with all the special people there.
Andrea says
Sounds lovely — and fun to have the reception on a college campus!
Leanne says
my husband and I have been married now for 23 years…. we had a very simple wedding planned, but then my father-in-law to be had a stroke on the Tuesday before our Saturday wedding day….we still got married…in the hospital chapel where my father-in-love was a patient…the same hospital my husband was born! I’ve shared that story so many times as a reminder that the “wedding” is just a day…the marriage is what the day is actually about! it also has served as my “fun fact” for the last 23 years!! Congratulations on 20 years!!!!
Andrea says
oh wow, I’m glad you had a simple wedding planned so you didn’t do all that work for nothing 🙂
That is a fun story to share, assuming your father-in-law made it out of the hospital eventually.
Elena says
Happy Anniversary, Andrea! I hadn’t checked my feedly in a couple months, so I’m a bit behind on your posts. You all look wonderful! I can’t believe how big Nora and Simon are! Looking forward to catching up on your posts. I hope you had a wonderful anniversary. Next week my hubby and I are celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary 🙂 Time really does fly by when you’re having fun! Take care.
Andrea says
Thanks Elena!
yes, the time flies and the kids are getting so big! James will be ONE next week!
Beatriz says
Happy Anniversary! Wishing you many more anniversaries 🙂
Aa. says
The problem with date nights is that you feel pressured to be happy on those one-month-in-advanced-planned-nights, wich is not a natural thing for me to do. I love planning things, but love and happiness shouldn’t be so specifically planned. I thinks they should be a day-to-day goal, and we should always seek love, joy, being prezent and there for each other , listening, respecting, having fun together when any opportunity arises – wich is way healthier than to rely ONLY on date nights for a happy marriage.
They are not a bad thing – but shouldn’t be the only time a couple connects and has fun. I think it is much healthier to find joy in simple things wich happen all the time than one big moment (wich sometime could become a disaster because of high expectation and society pressure).
Andrea says
YES! That’s how I feel — and then I’m alway disappointed because something happens with the kids, a babysitter cancels, we have horrible service at the restaurant, we get caught in a traffic jam, they are out of my favorite food, someone super tall or super smelly sits right in front of me at the movies, etc. etc.
I’d honestly just rather stay home than spend money going out for sub-par food and bad entertainment. Dave and I have more fun at home anyway!
Debby says
I had a very simple wedding and wish I had one simpler, LOL. We spent more on our honeymoon than the wedding and I am so glad we did. Nothing extravagant for us but like you everyone had fun at the reception and still talk about it 27 years later. Now that we became empty nesters, we do enjoy our favorite Mexican restaurant on Friday nights with a nice big Margarita. However, after spending quite a bit on some landscaping projects over this past week and a graduation party next weekend, we decided to make dinner at home with food we have on hand, wine that we already have in the fridge, and a fire with s’mores tonite. Happy Anniversary Andrea and Dave!
Andrea says
I actually wish we had a simpler wedding too. If I would get married now, it would be WAAAAAAAY simpler, smaller, less expensive still. Crazy how much we change in just a few years!
Enjoy your date-night-in tonight!
Amy says
Love these 2 topics! My husband and I did not have my “dream wedding”. It was a small ceremony by the bay and we were married by our town’s mayor. Almost 16 years later (in Sept!) we are still happily married! We’ve had and still have plenty of ups and downs, but it did NOT take a “dream wedding” to make sure we would be happy.
As far as date nights go……I too can count on one hand how many times we’ve been on date nights. Our daughter is 13 now, so we may go out a bit more, but nothing “exclusive”. We usually wind up at a store! Romantic, right? But were BOTH GOOD WITH THAT!
Meghan says
Yay for the “real” wedding versus the “dream” wedding! Your dream wedding and wedding were both very similar to mine! My sister-in-law’s wedding last weekend was my “dream” wedding, but afterward the night was over I am glad we went the way we did. Hers seemed like so much work, stress, and expense.
My husband and I go out on a date about once a month (it’s not regularly scheduled) and have weekends or a night alone a couple of times a year. Often, they are events/ trips for his work, but truthfully I even enjoy the time alone in the car with him. These times are necessary for us to feel connected – we love doing new and adventurous things together. Plus, he works 50-60 hours a week (at the office – a little more from home), so when he is home the three kids have all of his attention. I work too (I’m a teacher – hence all of my comments lately – summer break!) so after sports practices/ games and the kids are in bed, I make lunches, shower, clean up the kitchen, and get everything ready for the next morning. If I can sit down by 9:30, I’m estactic. I love our crazy life though and being a teacher lets me do what I love with lots of breaks and time with our kids.
I am really enjoying your blog since I have so much more free time now! It’s also more relatable to my life as a temporary stay at home mom.
Andrea says
sounds like you have a pretty good system down! I have a never-ending love-hate relationship with a teacher’s schedule… of course, it’s awesome during the summer, on spring break, on Christmas break, etc. but it’s also SOOOOOOOOOO busy and crazy and go-go-go-go all school year long!
Enjoy your summer break (and more “you time”!)
wendalette says
I’m of the opinion that whatever you two do together that you enjoy doing together and that allows you to spend time with each other (as opposed to just near each other), and brings you closer together–THAT is your date. (Especially if it’s something you just want to do, rather than have to do.)
That’s how The Fella and I do. Only rarely do our “dates” exclude our kiddo–like maybe lunch after my Doctor-appointment-day-off while kiddo is at daycare.
Anna says
Happy anniversary! I love your blog and your family is so sweet.
My favorite thing about your blog and the reason I keep following, is you seem so GENUINE! It doesn’t seem like you put up a front to come across a certain way and I really appreciate it.
My five year old son enjoys seeing your pictures, he keeps asking if he can be friends with Nora!
Andrea says
Thanks so much Anna!! I’m guessing Nora would love to be friends with your son 🙂
Becky says
Happy 10th Anniversary! Great pictures and your wedding cake was beautiful too. We have been married 29 years last month. I wanted a June wedding and 2 p.m. and we got married in May at 4 p.m. LOL. The 4 p.m. was so it was closer to the dinner reception time.
Iliana says
Happy 10th Anniversary!!
I like your blog because you are a very honest and down-to-earth person.
Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Andrea says
Thanks so much 🙂
Sue says
We are approaching our 21 year.. and we really do not do date nights.. Never really felt the need.. I never understood the girls weekend either.. but I guess my husband and I like to spend whatever time we have with our kids and each other..
We went away for our 20th last year cause we felt we “had” too… well our romantic 20 year anniversary weekend was to a water park with the kids… and we could not have had a better time if we left the kids at home!..
So take it from an old married lady, do what you want to do and don’t worry about what every one else says you HAVE to do !
Sue in NJ
Andrea says
haha — I jokingly told Dave that I almost felt like we HAD to do something just because it was our 10th anniversary. We thought about things we could potentially do — and ultimately couldn’t think of anything we really wanted to do. We ended up doing a couple fun things with the kids this morning and having an Arby’s picnic for lunch (with the kids). We’re making homemade pizza tonight and planning to watch a movie after the kids are in bed.
maybe we’ll be more adventurous and come up with something a little more fun for our 20 year — or maybe not 🙂
Brenda says
Happy Anniversary!!
When we had littles we did things very much as you do. It’s probably just semantics, but when the kids were in bed and we were alone, I considered it a “date”. Of course, it wasn’t a real date according to the world. We never got a babysitter and almost never went out to eat. We were poor! LOL But we had time alone together. I don’t think date nights are required, but I do think that time alone is required. 🙂 How that looks in every marriage will be a bit different.
Katie says
Oh my goodness! My thoughts EXACTLY on date nights! I knew there was a reason I liked your blog so much! 🙂 My parents will usually watch our kids so we can go out to eat on (or close to) our anniversary, but other than that, we don’t do date nights either. And neither of us want to! Our kids do go to bed pretty early so we do have time in the evenings together. And I really don’t want the pressure of planning “fun” date nights. We’re home bodies- so staying home is fun for us!
Andrea says
haha 🙂
Yes, our kids go to bed really early (last night we stayed up until 12:30 and had FIVE hours kid-free!) and yes, our parents will usually offer to watch the kids sometime around our anniversary so we can go out to eat super early and be home to put them to bed. We beat the rush and usually get early-bird prices too 🙂
Karen says
Happy Anniversary!!!!!! I am coming up on my 28th anniversary and wanted to say that we NEVER do date nights. My husband and I have not been away alone since 2006……In my opinion~ that is not what keeps a marriage together. Also, we were broke when we got married ~ we had an after work wedding in a park in our work clothes with only a few family members. I never got my dream wedding or even a fancy ring………..but none of that matters to me. PS ~ you looked beautiful at your wedding!!!!
Andrea says
Happy 28th to you Karen! And thanks for your kind words!
Nina says
Happy anniversary.
We don’t have a regularly scheduled date night but we do make it a point to spend a day doing stuff together. Usually not your typical date things, although that happens too. We don’t have children but we both have more than one job and I’m training for a marathon so we need some time to connect. It sounds like you and Dave connect just fine.
I used to coordinate weddings for a church. We noticed the more extravagant the wedding the less likely the couple was to stay together. And, no, that’s not true of everyone. But focusing more on each other and what the two of you can afford and will really enjoy is more important than the extras. I usually have more fun at a beach party than I do at a big fancy event, but that’s me.
Andrea says
Yes. I think with him being home almost every day from 3:30 – bedtime, AND being home all summer, spring break, christmas break, etc. we’re just used to spending lots and lots of time together and don’t feel the need to go out and do “special things” in order to have time together.
Chris says
My opinion is even if I or my parents ( whomever is paying for the wedding) CAN afford a dream wedding, I would rather save up the money for a downpayment on a house. As far as dating, we did not do much of it when our son was little. Now that he is grown, it is extra fun when he is the one joining us going out to eat, etc. lol
Chris says
And by the way, happy anniversary!
Mandy says
This might surprise you, but I actually remember when you got engaged (I went to Calvin and we had some mutual friends). Congratulations on 10 years!
Andrea says
Cool! Happy to hear from another Calvin Grad! I love our engagement story too!
Amy says
Happy Anniversary! It’s so encouraging to see a happy couple/family:) Your Nora is growing up :'(
Stacie says
HI Andrea, Happy 10th Anniversary!! My husband and I had a frugal wedding as well, and it got quite fun to see how cheap I could do things! It was like a game. I don’t regret anything about it! As to my husband and myself we talked about just going away and getting married, however came to terms with that we did want it to be in our church and have our family there.
We too LOVE being home, being home is our favorite place to be! Definite home bodies as we call it. Love your family pictures!
Andrea says
Thanks Stacie! I always knew I wanted an actual wedding, but as we get older, Dave and I have joked about how we should have just eloped or something and saved all that money. Obviously, I’m so happy we had a wedding day, photos, and memories to share with each other and our families — but it’s definitely something to think about if you want to save money!!
Amy O says
Andrea – I love this post! I have been married for almost 24 years – and we have never done regular “date nights.” I’ve also heard that you must take regular trips away without kids in order to have a “happy and healthy” marriage. We have taken exactly three weekends away during our entire marriage. Once before our second baby was born, once for our 20th anniversary, and then I went away with my husband on a business trip earlier this year. They were all enjoyable getaways and I’m glad we got to do them – but in no way do I think they were essential to the health of our marriage.
We still have one young child (a 9-year-old) and the closest we get to a date most of the time is going out to eat with her (and whichever teenagers are willing to come with us.) And maybe watch some Netflix after she is in bed!
Andrea says
Thanks Amy! Dave and I have yet to take a kid-free vacation — but neither of our parents really did that, so it’s not something we really thought about until we noticed many of our friends regularly shipped the kiddos off to grandparents for fun grown-up vacations.
The idea sounds fun, but I could never do it when my kids were little. I don’t even like being away for 1 night when I’m in the hospital having another one 🙂
Ruth says
On point and well said. I’ve been married for 22 years now. I was married and had kids before the Internet and definitely before social media and I am glad for it! There is so much social pressure and so many stupid articles with titles starting like “you must!”. When our kids were younger, we didn’t do “date nights” either. We are both homebodies and after a hard day at work, my dh did not want to go out. We’d put the kids to bed, put on a movie and snuggle. We always felt refreshed and connected.