Are you an introvert struggling to navigate the constant “togetherness” of the current stay-at-home mandate?
I totally get it!
I love being home (seriously, LOVE IT), I love working from home, and I love all the extra time with Dave and the kids… but I also need some quality alone time throughout the day in order to be a better wife, mother, and person!
Can you relate?
Over the past decade, I’ve learned A LOT about myself as an introvert, and as a result, I’m so much happier and more content.
If you’re struggling to make it through these very loud, very touchy, very people-centric days of everyone at home all the time, these 7 sanity-savers should help!
Dave and I utilize them EVERY DAY (even pre-quarantine!)
1. Put Children to Bed as Early as Possible
One of the best things Dave and I have done for our family, our marriage, and ourselves is to put our children to bed VERY early!
Most nights the younger 3 are in bed (often soundly sleeping) by 7 pm. Nora stays up to read until 8:00, but she literally curls up on the couch with her books and reads quietly for a full hour.
From 7 pm until whenever we go to bed, our home is quiet and calm! Hallelujah!
Dave uses this time to grade papers and plan lessons. I use this time to clean up the house, prepare for the next day, and schedule blog posts.
Of course, our children also wake up fairly early (6:30 on school days, 7:00 on other mornings) but Dave and I are early birds too — so we’re always awake before the kids.
NOTE: We use these noisemakers and blackout shades in all our kids’ bedrooms.
2. Wake Up At Least 30 Minutes Before Your Children
As I mentioned above, Dave and I wake up quite early — usually around 4 am.
This is not because we love setting our alarm so early, but rather, because we know we are SO much happier, more productive, and more “sane” if we get a couple of hours to wake up, get ready, and do whatever we want to do BEFORE our children wake up.
This is true all year long — but especially in the summer (or during quarantine) when we’re together all day long.
Dave often goes running, showers, gets ready, and accomplishes a few school things before the kids come downstairs. I can almost always cross a few things off my to-do list, get ready, start working on a few household chores, and have a hot breakfast ready to go before the kids come down.
Of course, you do NOT need to wake up a 4 am to jump-start your day… however, I do think it’s important to wake up at least 20-30 minutes before your children so you have that little bit of time to yourself before being “needed” by everyone for everything!
RELATE READING: How My Early Morning Routine Set the Tone for my Family’s Day
3. Foster Early Independence
Although I don’t necessarily want my children to “grow up too quickly” and I’m not one to get too crazy about kids doing specific chores, I DO think there are many benefits in fostering early independence.
Our children can do A LOT on their own — and it is SO helpful for me!
Yes, it took a little bit of time upfront to teach them, and it required a few adjustments to our home (putting stools in various rooms, lowering hooks, making their things more accessible to them, etc.) but our efforts have paid off with fewer questions, and less busywork for me!
They can all get dressed and ready for the day on their own (Clara needs some help yet!) They can access all their outdoor gear (summer and winter) and happily play together outside for extended periods of time.
This means I have windows of time throughout the day when I am not needed!
I can be near them, but still doing my own thing — weeding, cooking, reading, sewing, responding to emails, etc.
Of course, I am still very much in demand around our house… but the increased independence is glorious!
RELATED READING: 3 Ways to Help Children Live Simply
4. Have a General Plan for Your Day
I’m definitely a planner – I like structure and routine. However, even if you aren’t as “type A” as I am, I believe the benefits of having a general plan for each day will be profound for you fellow introverts!
We write out “Fun To-Do Lists” for the kids almost every weekday when we’re home. These lists include the daily menu of meals and snack options, what activities we will do in the morning and afternoon, if we will go anywhere, options for extra activities if they get bored, and when they can watch a TV show.
I realize this might sound totally insane to some… but I promise, it works!
It eliminates the constant “What can we do now?” and “When can we have a snack?” and “Can we watch TV?” questions and gives them a bit of structure (something I know they miss when they aren’t at school all day).
Meanwhile, I don’t have to continually tell them “no” when they ask for food or TV all day long.
RELATED POSTS: Healthy Snack Ideas for Kids
5. Use Screen Time Efficiently.
As I just mentioned above, our kids definitely enjoy watching a few shows each day. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’d have no trouble parking it on the couch for the better part of the day if I let them!
In general, I have ZERO “issues” with TV or screentime — as long as it’s used in moderation.
Our “rule” is that they all need to agree on a show to watch, otherwise we won’t watch anything. They have gotten good at compromising and taking turns picking their favorite shows, and they know not to constantly ask for more TV all day long.
One huge benefit of “scheduling” when the kids will watch TV (via the fun to-do lists I mentioned above) is that I can then plan ahead to use that time to my benefit.
If I know I have a solid 30-40 minutes of uninterrupted time in the middle of the day, I can be ready to maximize my efforts and boost my productivity whenever that time arrives.
Sometimes I work on a cleaning or organizing project. Sometimes I cook or bake bread. Other times I accomplish a bunch of quick work to-dos.
Either way, this mini window of QUIET TIME in the middle of the day is greatly anticipated by our entire family, and it’s a key component in my ability to thrive as an introvert with 4 young children at home.
RELATED READING: A Life of Moderation – Food, Technology, Life
6. Get Outside Everyday
Life feels quieter and less claustrophobic when I’m outside — the giggling and “yelling” and playing is all more tolerable when we move away from the confined walls of our home and into the great outdoors!
Thankfully, we have a HUGE yard and super long driveway that the kids love playing in… so I rarely have to force them to go outside.
Even if you only have a tiny back stoop, there’s still benefit in getting outside and breathing in the fresh air for a few minutes every day. Go for a walk or a bike ride (this saved my sanity on a daily basis when Nora was a baby!)
7. Don’t Feel Bad Not Doing Something
Currently, it’s easy to get away with staying home and not being overly busy or overly committed.
However, once the stay-at-home orders are lifted and your schedule goes back to normal again, do you really want to be busy all day long?
Take a bit of time to reflect on what you enjoy about your less-full schedule and consider if there’s a way to continue this slower pace of life — maybe creating a “new normal” for yourself and your family.
Yes, this might mean saying “no” to something you previously said “yes” to. It might mean letting a few people down. It might mean feeling a bit uncomfortable at times.
However, the benefit of a simpler life for you and your family is more than worth it (I know from experience!)
RELATED READING: A “New Normal”
There is no parenting handbook for how to handle this situation — and we had zero time to prepare.
We’re all doing our best, and we’re all adapting to lots of changes (especially our children who probably don’t fully understand why they can’t see their friends or go to school).
Give yourself (and your family) a little grace… and then implement these 7 sanity-saving tips to help your days run a little smoother!
Are you an introvert parent (or grandparent)?
If so, I’d love to hear your tips and tricks to make it through these long-feeling days at home!
Susan Smeltzer says
Andrea,
Thought you might enjoy what was said at my bible study today.
Being swallowed by a big fish is messy and stinky but sometimes we can get ourselves into those messy and stinky situations too. But Jonah went to extremes running away from Nineveh and God all for a little alone time… inside a fish. ☺
Andrea says
haha — that’s great! Thanks for sharing 🙂
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Lea says
Thank you, Andrea!
Reading your post a few years ago about being an introvert changed my whole world. At some point in my life I was told I was an extrovert because I did not hate people. I was told introverts hate any and all people. I could never figure out what was so wrong with me – being in large groups drains me, I dislike most parties and gatherings, I need my alone time. Now I know and it has made my life SO much more functional.
I’m a university professor with two high schoolers and honestly, the alone time thing has been the hardest for me. We have a little hour (only about 900 sq ft), I go in one day per week to film lectures and my husband goes in 3 days per week right now. Between all of us needing to be on Zoom or chat or something most of every day the constant noise and people are making me VERY cranky.
Things that are keeping me sane: Getting up before everyone, getting outside every day that the weather permits and exercise ( I also teach fitness classes in “normal” times).
My poor daughter is on the opposite end of the spectrum – she is a raging extrovert in a house of introverts. We started planning one project a week (today it was cleaning out the TV cabinet and neighboring bookshelves) and one “fun thing” a week (bean-bag toss game in the yard) to do as a family and she facetimes at least one friend per day on the days she does not have online class. It works for all of us!
Thanks for your blog – I have enjoyed it for a long time!
Lea
Andrea says
Hi Lea!
Sounds like you are doing the best you can (considering the circumstances) for yourself, your daughter, and your entire family right now — good for you!
Paulette says
Oh Andrea, your self-awareness is amazing! I didn’t understand myself for years and thought I was weird. I’m the oldest of 4 girls and my sisters were all extroverts (I’m the only introvert in the family). How this knowledge would have helped me when I was growing up and when I had my own children! These tips are really helpful…I can now use them when family comes to visit (we live a good distance from all of our family.) Thanks for all you share with us!
Andrea says
I do remember thinking how weird it was that when was in high school and college, I often enjoyed being home on the weekends 🙂
Now I understand why!
Olivia says
Love these ideas! As an introverted, work-from-home mom of a 3yo and teacher-husband, this adjustment has been especially difficult for me. I’m used to having 40+ hours of quiet time at home each week, when the husband is at work and the kiddo is at daycare (to clarify, my job is WFH but requires full-time, 8-5, Mon-Fri hours). All of a sudden, my peace has been invaded by two other people who are ALWAYS HERE and ALWAYS MAKING NOISE. I’m desperate for some quiet time again – though I am loving the extra time with my people!
Andrea says
oh wow — that’s a BIG change!
Dave and I recently implemented block times each day when one of us takes the kids and the other has “free time” to do whatever we want. Dave takes the kids for a couple of hours every morning and I take them in the afternoon. It has been GREAT for productivity and for mental clarity! Maybe this idea could work for you??
JJ says
I’m more of an ambivert(55% extroverted/45% introverted). BUT. I must have alone time each day. We have room time every day after lunch. I clean up lunch while they brush their teeth and go to the bathroom. We each go to our rooms(I stay in the livingroom most of the time and veg on the couch). It gives us timed physical and emotional space to refuel and relax. My youngest has almost grown out of naps, but this time of rest has been awesome throughout the years that I’ve done this(roughly 4-5 years so far). We do a “power nap” first. Then they play in their rooms. We are all happily recharged when we come back together. I’m going to do your Fun To Do List today!!! Thanks!!!
Andrea says
this is great! Our kids all go upstairs to play after every meal so I can clean up the kitchen in peace. it’s glorious!
Sarah says
This is so timely for me! My husband asked me just last night if I need a retreat
I’m going to work on the fun to do lists for sure! We have managed to keep our wake / sleep schedule in order – the boys still go to bed between 7 and 8. But the routine of our days has slipped a bit. My 1st grader is doing online school, but the four-year-old is a bit lost. So I think the fun to-do list would really help all of us.
We live in an apartment, so it is critical for us to make time to get outside or we all go a bit nuts.
Thanks, Andrea, for your practical, timely ideas!
Andrea says
awww… that’s so great of your hubby!
And yes, the fun to-do lists have been a HUGE help to keep our kids “focused” and not overly bored during these long days at home!
Laura says
Thank you, the idea of waking up before the children is quite interesting. At the moment they are 10 months old, and sleep with one of us part of the night, but I can try to implement this!
Andrea says
Hi Laura,
First of all, PLEASE be considerate of your own season of life. I did not wake up as early when my children were so young. However, by the time my youngest came along and we had older children in school, earlier mornings became a necessity.
Also, you don’t necessarily need to wake up at 4am to benefit — you might be surprised how much of a difference just 30 minutes can make (which I totally get isn’t always possible either — especially if a child is in your bed! We had one of those too!!)
Give yourself grace and make SMALL changes as you are able!
Nicole Church says
I love that you covered this topic, Andrea! Thank you. I have been feeling kind of guilty as I am the most introverted one in our home. I have been getting up before our children to read my bible and workout, but our youngest often hears me and wakes. I feel bad that I get kind of annoyed and it’s not the mindset I want to begin with. So…I believe I need to go to bed earlier and getting up earlier. What time do you get to bed in order to wake at 4:00 a.m.? I’m inspired to do so!
Our kids don’t get moving to bed until 9:00 p.m. It’s gradually slipped to this time and I do not like it but have told myself it’s because they’re getting older. They are 12 1/2 and 8 1/2. I get so cranky about it at this hour and would really like to implement some change. Our oldest loves to read, but doesn’t begin doing so until 9:30 and stays up for like another hour reading! Our youngest is not a big reader but loves to draw and has gone to bed at the same time as her sis for several years. They want to be around my husband and me all the time and push the limits in the evening by dragging out the process (picking up their things, putting on PJs, brushing teeth, getting water, etc.). If you have any posts or tips about how to make tweaks to this I’d love your advice. Thanks for all you do and how you so honestly, willingly and obediently you share on your blog! I always come back to your site for continued inspiration–grateful for you and your gifts. Blessings, Nicole
Annette Silveira says
Nicole,
As a mom of grown kids and a grandma now, I would suggest choosing the one thing that most bothers you and take it on. Which thing really makes you annoyed? Think about how you can change the dynamic. If it’s the kids dragging out bedtime, set a new expectation. Maybe they are going to push the bedtime limit so set an earlier time where all bedtime prep needs to start. If your older child likes to read for an hour before going to sleep, make the start time earlier. Picking the one thing that annoys you most will lighten the mental load. After you’ve established the new limit you can choose another thing to work on.
Nicole Church says
Annette, thank you! I appreciate your advice; it is encouraging and makes good sense! One thing at a time working together with my husband will definitely help.
Andrea says
This is great advice Annette!
Andrea says
Hi Nicole! Great to hear from you again!
yes, with older children, it can be more challenging to find your “alone time” — I can empathize with this a little bit as Nora was a HUGE night-owl for the first 4 years of her life! 🙂
I have a few ideas that MIGHT be helpful for you 🙂
1. sit down with your entire family and create a family “schedule”.
We did this a few weeks ago and it has made a WORLD of difference for everyone in our home. Since we are ALLLLL home all day right now, Dave and I each now have a 2-hour block of time every day when we have ‘alone time’ and can do whatever we want while the other person takes the kids upstairs, outside, for a walk, to the outbuilding, etc. etc. My 2-hour block is after Breakfast. Dave’s is after lunch. This 2-hour window has been so life-giving for both of us (not to mention really great for our daily productivity!)
The kids know they can’t “bother” the other parent during these 2-hour windows too — which is helpful. Even if your hubby isn’t home full time, your girls are definitely old enough that they can understand the concept of time-period when they aren’t allowed to “bother you”. Maybe do this a couple of hours right before or after dinner and that would give you the “boost” you need to make it through the rest of the day 🙂
2. Another idea is to implement a set “bedtime” when the girls need to be (and stay) in their rooms every night.
Maybe 8:30 is a good place to start. They need to be ready for bed and IN THEIR ROOMS at this time. However, they can read, draw, etc. until 9:30 — but they can NOT come out of their rooms or make large amounts of noise.
Then at 9:30, you can go into their rooms, say goodnight, let them go to the bathroom or whatever, and then it’s “lights out”.
3. Finally, set boundaries for how early is too early for the girls to be out of their rooms in the morning.
We tell our kids that they need to stay in their rooms until 7am — and they all abide by this (even Clara). They all have digital clocks and know how to tell when there is a “7 on the clock!”
If they wake up earlier, they can go to the bathroom and then go back to their room, close the door, and read, play, etc. until 7:00. This way, Dave and I can wake up as early (or late) as we want, knowing that we always have until 7am to enjoy the quiet!
OK, so those are 3 ideas!
I’m not positive any of them will work — and they will probably take a while to implement and become a habit… but implementing even just one of these tips could be very life-giving for you and your introverted personality!
Hope this helps!
Trina says
I really liked this blog really helps me to know that certain things are ok with introverted moms and I shouldn’t feel guilty thank you so much
Andrea says
happy to help! 🙂
KR says
Late to the party but I’m really happy reading this post and the commenting section. I love your website, Andrea, even though I don’t have any kids yet. I never really wanted kids when I was younger, but my husband definitely wants children and more than one. I want to start a family with him eventually and have been nervous about having kids while being extremely introverted and easily overwhelmed by socialization. I’ve heard that people who don’t love kids like me tend to like being parents because they like just their kids. With all the comments and your article, it gives me a lot more confidence for when the time comes.
Andrea says
You know what, I REALLY don’t like other people’s kids (I know how horrible that sounds!) but I love my own. it will most likely be a challenging adjustment at first, but it is VERY possible for an introvert to successfully raise a handful of children (and enjoy doing it!)
Leslie says
The comment about not liking other people’s kids I have found other people’s kids to be so much easier ! I used to be a nanny and LOVED it! When I had my own kids I found out it’s not in any way fun or enjoyable , yes of course I love my kids but it’s so much more work then being the fun nanny . There are moments of pure joy and there are days of constant crying, fighting and messes. I always thought once we pass the toddler/baby stage things will get easier . Some things have gotten easier and I have help with chores now with kids age 3-10, but the noise has not lessened , the laundry has multiplied, more food then ever needs to be prepared, more expenses. Being mom to more then one or two children is so much more work then I ever could have imagined!! Some days I really wish I could go sit in a quiet office and speak with rational adults , enjoy a quiet lunch break ect. I actually do some child care for a couple families from home and I find their kids listen so much better, play nicely together , take naps . Kids listen better to an adult that is not their parent . My kids do very well with teachers , grandparents ect but we can’t seem to get a consistent listening the first time at home , consequences start to no longer work as they get older and develop stronger willed personality’s.
It’s also harder to carve out quiet time when they no longer go to bed early or nap daily . We do 7:30 still during school but during the summer that does not work with older ones. I try to get up a half hour before they wake in the morning and I also allow tv or dvd when I can no longer take the noise level. Sending them outside works sometimes but not always , we go away more then when they were little for sure. I almost never left her house when I had four ages 0-4 1/2!! Now we go to a pool a few times a week, several parks, the free events hosted, library , they want to have friends and cousins over. I am one of those moms who cannot wait for school to start just to gain some quiet, declutter, make meals without kids running all over, I really thrive on schedules and planned quiet time !!
Andrea says
Hi Leslie!
I’m certain you are NOT the only mother looking forward to school starting up again! 🙂
Being back in a routine again will be a welcome change from our less-structured summer, that’s for sure!
And as for me not ‘liking’ other people’s children — it’s not that my children are so perfect, it’s just that I’m more comfortable with my own children versus other children. My kids do drive me crazy at times, but I’m more comfortable telling them what to do (or not to do) and giving out punishments or consequences if they don’t follow the rules. I never feel comfortable doing this with other people’s kids!
Erin says
I am a SAHM to my 3 kids – ages 7, 5 and 3. My husband works 6 days a week, and is gone for 12-14 hours a day (he works more of a “normal” schedule during the fall/winter). To keep my sanity, I joined a gym with a child care center. I go almost everyday – I get to sweat out any stress and it feels amazing. I am pretty introverted, but have found this works for me- otherwise I wouldn’t get through the long days of what feels like being somewhat of a single parent. Agree with this post in so many ways!! My kids are in bed by 7:30/8 during the fall/winter, although that is harder now with the nicer weather. I also like waking up earlier than everyone in my house – to get some “me” time, and also to get things rolling for the day before my kids are all over me!!! Love your site – I’m a Michigander too Happy almost Summer!!
Andrea says
your kids are at a really good age to do the gym thing (I’ve actually thought about this myself and I don’t even enjoy working out!) I told Dave, it would be so great to get 1 -2 hours of free time whenever it works for me in the day.
I honestly think that once our kids are a little older (I don’t like the idea of bringing babies to a gym’s daycare) I might do this too! Bring the younger 2 to the gym while the older 2 are at school — and hopefully lose a few pounds too!
Erin says
I didn’t start back to the gym until my youngest was 2- I didn’t want babies there either. It’s an added expense for sure, but self care for myself – both physically and mentally it completely worth it in my opinion. Moms NEED to take the best care of themselves! The whole house feels the positive effects 🙂 when the time is right for you, check it out- I can’t recommend it enough!!
Lamora says
I am a highly sensitive person and am a stay at home mom to 3, and I was nodding my head while reading this entire post. I love it. I do the exact same things to cope and give myself air to breathe. If not, I just feel like running away! Thanks for sharing, I don’t feel so weird now. :p
Andrea says
yay — glad you don’t feel so weird now 🙂
Brenda says
I loved this post. So many times I feel like we are swimming upstream awkwardly, because we just don’t seem to thrive doing a lot outside the home. What you wrote encouraged me and empowered me to not second guess myself or feel guilty about saying no. Thank you for writing! I read all of your posts. Living an organized life doesn’t come natural for me, so tjings that just come second nature to you or seem like common sense are huge building blocks for me.
Andrea says
Thanks Brenda! Never feel guilty for saying no 🙂
Alicia says
This is exactly me! Maybe that’s why I love your blog so much, Andrea, because I’m very much an introvert and can relate to so much of what you write about, in pretty much every way!!
I do ALL of these things you mentioned as well! Yay – I’m not weird! I used to think there was something wrong with me for being so different than many of my friends and family members.
I’ve always been an introvert. Many people think that means we are socially awkward. But that’s not the case at all for me, actually. I deal very well with people and most people who don’t know me well probably think I’m an extrovert (although that didn’t always used to be the case. I was very shy as a child/teenager). I prefer staying home and will a lot of times…I don’t want to say “avoid” social situations, but if they don’t fit in perfectly with our already in place schedule, we will definitely pass. And I don’t feel bad about it either!
What’s hilarious though is my husband is most definitely an extrovert . He totally thrives in social situations and LOVES having people over/going to other’s houses whereas I do not AT ALL. Lol. In our case at least, opposites definitely attract!
Annaleah says
As an introverted, stay-at-home homeschooling mom to six ages 8 and under, my biggest sanity saver is our daily “rest time”. Most of my kids don’t nap anymore, but we have a rest time where everyone is required to sit quietly and do quiet activities for an hour and a half. It doesn’t always go perfectly, but it gives me time to rest, recharge, get something done, or do something I think is fun. Definitely helps me get through the rest of the day. I plan on continuing this even when my kids are teenagers!
Joy says
LOVE IT!!!
This was so refreshing to hear a mom that says it’s ok if you don’t approve. This is our lives and we, honestly, are ok. More than ok.
A happy and content mama is a must.
You’ve clearly found a balance where you’re not sacrificing every little thing just because you’re a mom. But at the same time, you aren’t so self centered where the kids eat hotdogs out of the fridge because you’re sipping mimosas and watching Ellen.
You’re a mom. And you love your family enough to show them balance.
Love it!!!
Jennifer says
Joy, thanks for that comment! I often feel guilty and selfish because I want a little time to myself, but you are so right. I’m not drinking mimosas or watching Ellen, or anything else like that. I just want to breath slowly in a quiet place for 5 freaking minutes or read a chapter or get something done. And by golly, my son can handle 30-60 min playing on an iPad or watching tv. Too much screen time is a relevant issue. I’m an INFP and watching tv is sometimes the only thing that gets me out of my head.
Joy says
Jennifer,
I get you completely. It’s called Ketchup and mustard times. When things are crazy, its mustard days. But when things slow down, that’s your (Ketchup) catch-up time. Time for you to catch up on you time. SO, let it all balance out into catchup and mustard….;)
Marsha says
Hi,
I’ve been reading your blog since the first, under the old name. I never comment but I totally agree with your running of your household. I think your a great mom. I have a 15 year old son who has autism. I also need alone time for my sanity. He’s very high functioning, but also has the sensitivity issues Nora had. His hasn’t gone away. He goes to bed at 8pm. Everyone thinks we’re nuts, but he needs the sleep and we need some alone time. Keep up the good work.
Andrea says
Thanks for the encouragement Marsha!!
I’m glad you get some peace and quiet every night too — good for you!
Danielle says
I find when I stay too many days at home my middle two kids (4 yrs and 2yrs) start fighting more. Do your kiddos fight much?
Andrea says
My kids fight like any “normal” siblings would (at least in my opinion) but we get outside quite a bit. I find that we the weather is bad and we’re inside too many days, THEN they fight — but we don’t necessarily need to leave and go to a different location. However, I have a feeling this would depend on your kids’ personality types as well.
Jana says
Your first few paragraphs made me smile. They describe me as well! Used to be an ESTJ, now an ISTJ as I have grown older. My husband and boys love to be home as well, and even as high schoolers did not mind that they were “home alone” on a Friday night with their parents. They realize that they need to be away from people for a bit to recharge. My older son adjusted well to dorm life, and just learned to deal with the constant onslaught of people. I am sure younger son will adjust too, but they both still prefer some alone time now and again. I also used TV time as a chance for me to do something quietly. I was as eager as my son was for the “Little Bear” show to start. 🙂
Andrea says
haha yes! Before we had Netflix, I would honestly plan my day around Daniel Tiger at 11:00am. Then I got 30 minutes of time to regroup before lunch time!
Rebecca says
I love this post! I am different in the social aspect than you but what I love about this post is your straightforward way of doing what works for your family and sharing that with us. it works for you and gives the rest of us awesome practical ideas of things to try for our family in whatever stage we might be in. I had several high maintenance kids over the years and had to use tv to give myself a moment of peace most days! So thanks for sharing with us this post!
Katherine says
I don’t think that this is particularly tied to being an introvert…but maybe? This week I have silenced my phone during certain hours of the day, then turned it back on during the kids’ nap times and in the evening. I feel much calmer. Last week I just felt frantic a lot, even though it was a fairly normal week at home with the kids. I noticed that my mindless email/facebook/whatever checking was sort of out of control– which means I am taking in information all day long. It just led to unnecessary cluttered mind stuff- you know?
Anyway. Some people thrive off of multitasking and doing this and that on the go. This week I am doing so much better just silencing that extra input via my iPhone. I have enough stimulation from my kids- just like you said, with the talking/singing/touching/etc all day long. I don’t need Facebook chiming in too.
Does that make sense? It’s made a difference to me:)
Andrea says
yup, this makes total sense!
Ruth says
Wait…is that a thing to not like small talk? I never knew that! I always thought something was wrong with me but I can’t stand chit chat. It’s so boring. I love people and getting to know new people cause getting to know someone usually means deeper conversations but just hanging out with the same person over and over? No thanks!
Andrea says
haha — I don’t know if it’s a “thing” but I seriously detest small talk!
Jennifer says
I feel the exact same way. Like Andrea said though, with the exception of my husband. Probably because he’s not a chit-chat guy.
Sarah Turner says
This is totally a trait of introverts. We like one on one social interactions that are deep and meaningful. Hate small talk which is what usually happens in loud group gatherings.
Andrea says
I agree!!!
Shelly Smith says
I relate to you (and this post) on so many levels… I am also an introverted, SAHM, who really loves to be at home! When our boys were younger (they are now 14, 12, and 9) they also had very early bedtimes (sometimes as early as 6 pm!!) People thought we were crazy to put them to bed that early, but we learned (over time) that they would always wake up around 6 or 6:30 a.m., regardless of how early OR late they went to bed, so we gradually worked their bedtime earlier until we found that “sweet spot” which was often a 6 p.m. bedtime! Like you, I am blessed with a husband who gets home from work early (usually by 4), we all prefer an early dinner, and my hubby has always been an early riser, so he would take the early wake-up calls on the weekends, and give me a chance to sleep in occasionally! 🙂
Now that our boys are older and involved in a swim club, they have evening practices and we have made big changes in our evening schedule, but as with everything in life, we ADJUST to the new stage and do what works for our family! Thankfully, because we home school AND our boys have (mostly) learned how to sleep in, their later bedtime (9:30 most nights) does not make them sleep deprived because they will *usually* sleep in, as needed! (One son, the most like his father, is still an early riser most days!) It’s neat to see how our schedules change as they grow and their needs (our needs?!) change too! Thanks for keeping it real and helping other Moms see that “normal” is just a setting on the dryer! 😉
Angela says
I’m curious. What is Dave’s personality type?
Andrea says
you know, I’m honestly not sure of the exact letters for his personality. He does waffle between introvert and extrovert and I have a feeling he would be exactly the opposite of me on a few of the other letters!
Andrea says
I just asked Dave — he’s ISFJ (where I’m ISTJ) The T/F difference is VERY obvious in our relationship — he’s so much more patient, calm, collected, etc. where I’m quick to just say what I think, more judgemental, and just want to be “done” so I can move onto the next thing 🙂
Good thing we seem to balance eachother out pretty well — and we both have the “S” part, I think it would be hard for either of us if the other wasn’t an “S”
Karen says
Also a huge introvert, will take the test for fun in a minute. I homeschooled mine, so they were always around. I think there are other benefits for your kids in the way you do things, too. Your kids learn to socialize with people outside their peer group when you take them on errands – that’s an important life skill. We allowed one ongoing activity, like dance class at a time as well as unstructured play with other kids their age and it seemed to be enough. I seriously think the best opportunity for kids and parents whose calendar is less full is the chance to experience a little boredom. Teaching them how to cope with that was a lifesaver for me, and they ended up doing some surprising things. They owned their hobbies which bought me breathing space. One learned enough Japanese to understand Japanese newscasts regarding Fukoshima and does creative writing, another learned enough Russian to “eavesdrop” on two elderly ladies at a bus stop and does metal work. One thing they do not need is to be continually entertained. As now young adults, this serves them well in several ways.
Your kids are going to be just fine, wonderful, self confident adults.
Lane says
Introverted SAHM here (INFP). When my first was a little, we went out almost every morning (story time, music class, you name it) and then came home for lunch and nap. Having a schedule made me feel less crazy and gave some much needed structure to the blur of days.
When baby #2 came along, our schedule was much like yours – we really only left the house to drop-off/pick-up big sister from preschool. I felt guilty for doing as many classes and activities with my second, but like you said, she never really knew what she was missing and was perfectly happy. She loves to be home!
Now that they’re both in school and have some much-needed quiet work time for a few hours each day. It’s taken me years, but I’m FINALLY getting better at saying ‘no thanks’ to ever invitation and volunteer request that comes my way. You’ve definitely helped me in that regard – thank you!
Andrea says
I keep telling Dave that when all the kids are in school full time (still at least 5-6 year away) our yard will be immaculate because I’ll spend so much time outside mowing, edging, pulling weeds, etc. — all in complete silence. It will be so enjoyable for me (and he is already looking forward to less mowing responsibility!)
Mandy says
Introvert SAH mom’s unite (alone and with no talking, of course :)). It really helps me if I relax during naptime instead of cleaning or trying to get other stuff done. I need that time to recharge! Also, my husband will take our son from after dinner until bedtime so I get 45 glorious minutes of alone time.
Andrea says
yes exactly! Alone, with no talking!
Elizabeth says
Love this post!!! Introverted stay-at-home mom here, too. You handle it all with so much grace, Andrea. I admire how you know what you need to do (or avoid), and you do it without wavering! Your posts like this one have been a really helpful support for me. As always, your blog is a consistent, long-time favorite! Thanks for what you do!
Andrea says
Thanks Elizabeth!
I think the “without wavering” part is easier to show in writing than in real life. There are definitely still times when I think “am I doing it right” (Whatever “right” is) or “should we be doing more, better, bigger, different things?”
But we are all happy — and that’s a lot more than I can say for a lo to families!
Kellie Denton says
I LOVED this post! I found myself saying “YES!” so many times to your points, especially the TV use. I also unapologetically use it as a babysitter and I’m pretty sure my spawn will turn out just fine. Thanks for keeping things real!
Andrea says
haha — you’re welcome Kellie 🙂
Julie says
I felt the same way. And did most of the same things too. Mine are now 15,15,16,9 and we still do lots of the same things you are doing now. My kids usually don’t want to go out now, but we homeschool and I make them for some of our classes. Of course now they are responsible for getting themselves ready so it is much easier. Growing up we always ate when my dad got home at 4:30 on the dot. Now my family eats at 4:30 when my husband gets home because he is starving by then. When the kids were little we would go out every day rain or shine and in the cold too. Sometimes for only a few minutes if it was too cold. Even now we are out EVERY day even when it is below zero…my kids just need that.
Andrea says
Yeah, we are all starving by 4:30pm — it just seems to be the perfect time for our family dinner (at least for right now). If we have to go somewhere and eat later, we’ll usually still just have a full meal at home and get dessert or a salad later. Everyone is crabby if we don’t fill our bellies early!
Mara Yager says
SUCH a great post thanks for sharing!!
Eileen says
Thank you so much for posting! I have a similar personality and don’t naturally think about all of the activities that we could be doing but aren’t since I am happy to spend a lot of time at home with our kids. I hear a lot/get questions about if we are signing up for dance..summer camp..gymnastics..art class..and sometimes start to feel like I am doing something wrong since we say no to many of those things. When we have been away from our house more often than usual, our kids seem overtired/cranky and our house is weirdly messier. Thank you again for the kind encouragement to do what works for your family!
Andrea says
yes, I don’t often think about all these “extra” things we could be doing either. It’s usually not until I realize how much stuff other people’s children do that I wonder if we should be doing more. But judging by some of our friend’s SUPER stressful and SUPER busy lifestyles, I’d say we’re doing OK just hanging out at home with our kids.
Jen says
I’m sure it won’t surprise you at all to know that I score EXACTLY the same on the Meyers-Briggs. HAHA (I’m right on borderline between ESTJ/ISTJ too!) And I was exactly the same way when our kids were little, except that I was one of those “freaky” moms, who had all my babies on a strict schedule (worked for me and my kids-not saying it’s for everyone) so that made staying home even more important. We said no to a lot to preserve our sanity and I don’t regret it at all.
The important thing (as I know you know) is realizing what works for you and understanding it doesn’t have to work for anyone else. It never mattered to me what other people did but, boy, did I get a lot of criticism for the way my kids were on a schedule, making sure they had naps in their own beds, etc. One of my least favorite quotes is that one that says “my house is messy but my kids are loved” or something to that effect. I have four beautiful, much-loved, well-adjusted children (ages 24, 21, 19, and 17) and somehow they all managed to survive their neat and organized home, planned meals, and infant feeding schedules. HAHA As my daughter would say “You do YOU and don’t worry about everyone else!” Happy Thursday!
Andrea says
nope, no surprises at all there 🙂
Also, it makes me very happy to know you don’t have regrets — even though you are 18-ish years ahead of me in this parenting gig! I sometimes wondering if I’ll regret being home a lot, but my kids honestly don’t seem to mind right now and being on a schedule makes our whole family happier!!
JoDi says
I don’t think you’ll regret the time at home at all! When they get older and busier with school activities, having a day at home will be a luxury so it’s nice that you’re getting to enjoy it now. When my son was little, if we had hectic weeks with lots of things we had to go out and do, he would always ask me when we were going to have a day when we didn’t have to go anywhere. I think most kids really enjoy being home if they have a variety of things to do like your kids do. My husband is the same way. We both work full-time and are both happy to hang out at home doing yardwork or projects on the weekend. We go out to do fun stuff too, but we love our home time! We are all INTJ.
Sarah Turner says
Amen!!!!
Denise says
I totally agree with you! I am a mom to 16 month old twins and we don’t go out very often! Home is a great place, with all the things we need and we have lots of family come for a visit!
Andrea says
oh wow — 16 month twins. I’d be home too!!