Life gets simpler when we stop focusing only on what we need to do and start thinking about what we can intentionally stop doing. A “Don’t-Do List” helps you let go of obligations, expectations, and habits that add stress instead of value. This might just be the fastest way to create more peace, margin, and joy for you and your family.
Most of us are familiar with to-do lists… right?
We have grocery lists, chore lists, meal plans, errands, appointments, projects, and reminders filling our planners, calendars, and phones. If we’re not careful, life can often feel like one never-ending list of things that need our attention.
But what if one of the most freeing lists you ever made wasn’t another to-do list?
What if it was a Don’t-Do List?
A Don’t-Do List is exactly what it sounds like: a collection of things you’ve intentionally decided not to do.
These aren’t things you can’t do — they’re things you’ve thoughtfully chosen to stop doing because they no longer serve your priorities, your family, or your peace of mind in this season of life.
It may sound overly simple, but creating a Don’t-Do List can be one of the fastest, easiest, and cheapest ways to simplify your life.
Why You Need a Don’t-Do List
Many of us spend so much time figuring out what we should add to our lives that we rarely stop to ask what we should remove.
But remember, every “yes” requires time, energy, money, and/or mental space.
By intentionally deciding what you won’t do, you create room for the things that matter most to you.
Your Don’t-Do List gives you permission to stop chasing impossible standards and start living with more intention.
Related Reading: How to Evaluate The True Cost of Our Stuff
Ideas For Your Don’t-Do List
Everyone’s list will be different, and that’s exactly how it should be.
Also, keep in mind that a Don’t-Do List you make today will likely be very different than a Don’t-Do List you make next month or next year. Putting something on your Don’t-Do List for now does not mean you can’t ever do that thing again in the future. Nothing is permanent… so don’t stress about the future, and simply consider your current season of life when making your list.
Here are a few Don’t-Do List ideas to get you thinking:
- I don’t compare my home to homes on social media.
- I don’t apologize because my house looks lived in.
- I don’t feel obligated to attend every event I’m invited to.
- I don’t buy something simply because it’s on sale.
- I don’t overschedule our family calendar.
- I don’t answer every text immediately.
- I don’t keep my email open all day.
- I don’t keep clothes that don’t fit or that I never wear.
- I don’t cook elaborate meals every night.
- I don’t volunteer for everything.
- I don’t save every piece of children’s artwork.
- I don’t feel guilty for saying no.
- I don’t chase every decorating trend.
- I don’t expect perfection from myself or my family.
- I don’t spend more than I have available in cash.
- I don’t spend hours trying to organize things I really should declutter instead.
- I don’t let a few dirty dishes ruin my mood.
- I don’t believe every season of life has to look the same.
Notice that many of these aren’t about productivity at all — they’re about protecting your peace and sanity.
Start With What Stresses You Most
If you’re not sure where to begin, ask yourself a few simple questions.
- What consistently leaves you feeling exhausted?
- What do you dread doing?
- What obligations have you taken on simply because you’ve always done them or because you feel guilted into them?
- What expectations are you trying to meet that no one else is actually asking of you?
Certainly, there are some dreaded activities (laundry) that you will need to stick with for your home and life to function well, but many of your other answers to these questions may reveal things that belong on your Don’t-Do List.
Note: If laundry or other household chores are a huge stresser for you, consider these options to alleviate that stress.
Make It Personal
The goal isn’t to copy someone else’s lifestyle.
Maybe another mom loves decorating for every holiday, making homemade birthday cakes, hosting neighborhood gatherings, or coaching every one of her children’s sports teams.
That’s wonderful…for her.
But if those things leave you feeling overwhelmed instead of fulfilled, it’s perfectly okay to decide they aren’t priorities in your life right now.
Simplifying isn’t about doing less than everyone else.
It’s about doing what matters most to you.
Your List Will Change
As I mentioned before, your Don’t Do List is not permanently set in stone.
During the years when your children are young, you might decide not to host large family gatherings. Later, when they’re older, you may actually enjoy entertaining again.
When you’re caring for aging parents, working full time, welcoming grandchildren, or navigating health challenges, your list may look completely different than it did five years ago.
Or maybe (like our family) your summer season looks very different than your Fall, Winter, and Spring seasons due to sports, extracurricular activities, church functions, etc.
That’s not failure.
That’s wisdom.
Different seasons require different priorities.
Give yourself permission to adjust your list whenever life changes (even if this is every month).
Write It Down
Although you can certainly keep your list in your head, there’s something powerful about writing it down (you know I love a good paper list!)
Keep it in your planner.
Tape it inside a kitchen cabinet.
Save it as a note on your phone.
Put it on your bathroom mirror, so you see it first thing every morning.
When new opportunities, obligations, or purchases come your way, glance at your list before saying yes.
It can serve as a gentle reminder of the life you’re intentionally building.
The Benefits of a Don’t-Do List
When you simplify your own life, your family and friends benefit too.
You’ll likely have more patience.
More energy.
More margin.
More flexibility.
More time for conversations, family dinners, games, walks, and the little everyday moments that often become the best memories.
Your children and grandchildren also learn an important lesson: life doesn’t have to be packed full to be meaningful.
Sometimes the best gift we can give our families isn’t doing more.
It’s showing them that it’s okay to do less.
My Current Don’t-Do List
In this season of life (with 4 teen/tweens age children), these are a few of the things I intentionally don’t do.
- Crafts — aside from our digital photo books.
- Travel — we prefer to entertain at home instead.
- Holiday Decorating — it’s just been the Christmas tree and 1 box of decor.
- Skin Care — I don’t do much outside of Vitamin E oil and my DIY facewash.
- Date Nights — we go in the hot tub most nights, but don’t regularly go out.
- Spending more than we have — we use credit cards, but pay them off every month.
- Working outside the home — if I can’t do it from home with a flexible schedule, I’m not interested.
- Making Bread — I don’t do this in the summer… I’ll get back to it in the fall.
There are others, but this hopefully gives you an idea of where I’m at right now. All of this could easily change over the next year.
Final Thoughts
Your Don’t-Do List isn’t about laziness or lowering your standards.
It’s about making thoughtful decisions before life makes them for you.
Instead of asking, “What else do I need to add to my to-do list?”
Try asking: “What have I finally decided I don’t need to do for now?”
That answer might be the beginning of a simpler, calmer, and more joyful season!
What will you add to your Don’t-Do List?
Debbie says
One thing that would definitely be on my Don’t Do List is to do crafts. Although I have an artistic side I don’t think I really got into crafting. I do a little bit of calligraphy here and there, made wreaths various times in the past for gifts and for decorating our home but that’s about it. Sewing is something I do because of necessity and not necessarily as a hobby. Making digital photo albums and still a struggle for me. I’ve made them but I can’t keep up to get a yearly album. I’ve gone to an album with 2 years worth of pictures, but still struggle. It definitely needs a block of my time for me to do it and not just squeezing in a few minutes here and there.
Melissa Koeppel says
It made me smile to read this – this was my first entry I ever read from your blog. Ah, the memories…
Andrea says
aww… yes, I definitley remember writing it so it was fun to go back and update it a bit last week!
Georgia says
I agree with you on so many of your choices. I have a very basic wardrobe so I never have to worry what I will wear. I do not fuss with tons of makeup and I also wear short hair for that matter it seems to be getting shorter all the time. I hate shopping so looking for clothes, makeup and such things is not on my to-do-list. Hubby and I have been married 51 years and never been on a real vacation. We have gone to business conventions and religious conventions in other locations so it is not like we have never gone anywhere. It is just not planned vacations. Food wise we do have to do more from scratch because of health issues. Crafts, yes I love to quilt and yes the tools and such can add up and be a pain sometimes but I would not give up my quilting. I hate formal exercise and that is bad for me because I am more of a low key person, reading, sewing and things of this sort, not much movement. It is nice to see that there are others that feel the way I do on some issues. Wishing you and your family a great day.
Andrea says
Thanks so much Georgia! I loved reading through your list!
Mary in Maryland says
I don’t do makeup. I don’t bake. I don’t watch television or go to movies. I don’t go to sales parties. We only eat out once a month or so, although we do have company for several meals a month. This last is tongue in cheek–we didn’t have children–but it’s an immense time-saver.
Andrea says
haha — yes, I suppose not having children would save you LOTS of time, money, energy, etc. !
Jody says
As a single person with no kids, I prefer to be home. After working all day I like to come home and just chill. I like to read and journal. I’m a true introvert. Most of your don’t list is what would be on my list too.
Annette Silveira says
One more post that suggests knowing yourself and allowing yourself to be fully who you are. So good. I don’t feel the need for outside commitments. We take care of our granddaughter three days a week. We take her to visit extended family, to the library, to the park. Those days are fun and full. The other days I may not even leave the house but I don’t feel lonely or that I’m missing out on anything.
Andrea says
yes exactly! know yourself and don’t try to be someone you’re not!
Luc says
Oh your post rang a big bell with me! I have a lot of the same things that I don’t spend time on. Honestly, I’d rather be reading, going for a walk with my family, or something “constructive” than doing formal exercise or extensive grooming. I’m a crafting wannabe because I love paper/stationery and sewing so if I find time to fit in “crafting” it’s usually trying to construct the perfect planner or home management binder. And all the niggly bits, much like the kids Lego, are neatly stored in simple organising boxes so I can pack away out of sight in a jiffy.