My 2018 “summer vacation from blogging” is sharing one week of reposts each month… this week is my July repost week.
Today’s repost is an updated version of one I originally shared back in July of 2013 — I find it interesting that my list of “don’t-dos” has remained almost exactly the same, even 5 years and 3 kids later!
There is always a lot of discussing on the topic of “having it all” in regards to a successful life. In one sense, I personally don’t think it’s possible to “have it all”, but in another sense, I feel that if we clearly define what “having it all” means for us, there’s a decent chance we can strive to have the things that are most important to us.
However, that requires allocating more of your time to the things that ARE important to you, and significantly less time to the things that AREN’T all that important to you.
This is where having a “don’t-do list” comes in handy!
Of course, what’s important for me might not be important for you and vice-versa, so everyone’s don’t-do list will look different… that’s perfectly OK. The point is not what’s on the list, but more that you actually have a thought-out list of things you don’t (or even won’t) spend time on, thus, freeing up more of your time to spend on other things that ARE more important to you.
We’re all busy and we all have only 24 hours a day. Because of this, we all need to make choices as to how we will AND will not spend those 24 hours. I’ve personally struggled with this over the years (especially after becoming a mom) but I’ve made my choices, and I feel pretty good about them.
No, I don’t literally have a “don’t-do list” written out on paper, but I do have a mental list of things that I’ve specifically chosen NOT to spend my time on at this point in my life (and yes, that list changes over time).
Personally, I feel everyone could benefit from making some sort of don’t-do list.
Here are a few of the things on MY don’t-do list.
Crafts.
I know this might be a surprise, but I really do not like crafts. I don’t like all the little parts and pieces, I don’t like storing craft items or finished craft projects, and I find the act of doing any sort of craft extremely frustrating.
I do enjoy working on larger house/yard projects, I do enjoy painting furniture, and I do enjoy sewing from time to time… but other than that, I’m not crafty. Sometimes I wish I was more crafty, but then I remind myself how much space, time, money, and frustration I save by being “craft challenged”!
I have found that I enjoy making digital photo albums — but I think that’s mainly because it requires no parts or pieces and I can do it all from my computer!
UPDATE: my kids definitely DO make time for crafts — and I’m completely fine with that. I just personally don’t want to spend my own free time working on crafts!
Here’s a look at my kids’ new craft space (it’s pretty cute!)
.
Extensive grooming.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to call this category — I even enlisted Dave’s help — and “extensive grooming” is the best we could come up with! 🙂
I come from a family of all girls, and while we were all college athletes and not afraid to get dirty, we were all quite girly too. So while I always try to look put-together, and I do enjoy getting dressed up every now and then, I’ve never been one to enjoy spending mass amounts of time or energy painting my nails, doing my hair or make-up, wearing cutesy clothing and accessories, or shopping for these items.
I take 5-minute showers, let my hair air-dry (which only takes about 10 minutes because it’s short), apply a little bronzer and mascara, and wear a handful of my mix-and-match pieces of clothing every day.
I get my hair cut every 4 weeks like clockwork and I do it basically the same way every day (here’s a video of how I style it). I’ve never had a manicure or pedicure, I’ve never had a facial, I’ve never had a massage, I’m way too claustrophobic for tanning booths, I wear the same 2 pairs of earrings all the time, I hate shopping, and I usually won’t wear something unless it’s really comfortable.
If I had to, I could easily be out the door 15 minutes after waking up (provided I didn’t need to get children ready or eat breakfast).
.
Date nights.
OK, so before you start thinking I’m the most horrible wife, just let me remind you that Dave is a teacher and I work from home — so we are together ALL summer long, ALL Christmas break, ALL spring break, ALL weekend, ALL evening after 3:30pm, etc. etc.
We see a lot of each other and we do a lot of fun things together, but we honestly don’t go on many dates.
Besides a very rare birthday outing, we don’t do dates.
This is partially because our kids go to bed super early so we can just enjoy being home in the peace and quiet, but also because we don’t really like doing “date things”. We don’t like going to movies, we don’t like expensive restaurants, we’re not big fans of plays or shows, we don’t want to go “downtown” or to the beach, and we’ve never gone on vacation alone since our honeymoon.
We like doing house projects, soaking in the peace and quiet, having adult conversations, and eating brownie sundaes after the kids go to bed at night.
I know this wouldn’t work for everyone, but it works for us, and it frees up time, money, and energy for other things.
.
Cooking 100% from scratch.
If you’ve ever made any of my recipes, I hope you were pleasantly surprised by how good the foods taste, how easy they were to prepare, and how little time you had to spend in the kitchen to prepare them.
I honestly do enjoy cooking and baking, but for me, it’s more about making yummy foods in less time than it is about meticulously crafting complicated meals or cooking 100% from scratch.
Yes, I sometimes make my own bread, but I’m also not opposed to baking brownies from a box — or at least starting with a boxed mix and adding some of my own ingredients.
Yes, I preserve much of my own foods (because I enjoy doing this) but I don’t make my own ketchup or marshmallows or tortillas. Yes, I make many of our meals from scratch, but I also serve hotdogs, chicken nuggets, and macaroni on occasion.
I know lots of people who prioritize making every single thing from scratch — and that’s COMPLETELY FINE because they are willing to let other things fall through the cracks (potentially things that are more important to me). It’s all a game of give-and-take, figuring out what you’re willing to spend your time and energy on… and what you’re not willing to spend it on.
.
Vacations and other planned activities.
I know we must sound super boring by now… but I promise, we still have tons of fun (and I think my kids would agree). We just don’t do traditional vacations or planned outings in the same ways so many of our friends and family do.
Life with 4 kids is A LOT easier if we are home, and since I personally don’t like spending a ton of time, energy, or money planning extensive vacations or activities, we make our own fun at home. We are fortunate to live walking distance to so many things, and we definitely take advantage of the various free and frugal activities in our surrounding neighborhoods.
We also all love spending time outside, participating in school/church functions, having friends and family over, and just hanging out together (we can still get away with this since our kids are young!)
We’ve never been to a water park or an amusement park, we’ve never been to a museum, we’ve never been to the zoo, we’ve never done a formal “beach day” with just our family, we might never make it to Disney if Dave and I have our way, and up until this summer we’ve never put our kids in any sports or team events.
This is not to say we won’t ever do these activities or we won’t ever take our kids on vacation — just not right now!
Once they are older, I’m certain we will enjoy more planned vacations and fun outings, but for now, riding bikes to the library and stopping to have snacks at a local park are super exciting for my kids… and super easy for me to pull off, so that’s what we do!
.
Formal exercise.
Despite the fact that I played 3 sports in high school and 2 sports in college, I have absolutely zero desire to do any sort of formal exercise (at least not right now). I don’t mind getting sweaty, or dirty, or working hard, I just can’t get excited about exercising just to exercise.
I go for walks, I do yard work and house work, I chase after my kids, and I move a lot during the day, but that’s about it.
I’ve tried doing yoga or other video-related activities in my house, I’ve tried swimming, I’ve tried lifting weights, but the only thing that I actually do on a semi-regular basis is walk.
Dave is big into exercising and enjoys running, biking, basketball, etc, so I’m hoping his enthusiasm wears off on me one of these days! 🙂
.
I know that if I really wanted to, I could most definitely choose to make more time for any of the activities I listed above. However, that would then mean I had to spend less time working on house projects, growing my business, keeping our lives relatively organized, or spending time with family and friends. And at this point in my life, I’m not willing to make that trade off.
As I mentioned above, I’m not sure it’s possible to “have it all”, but I do think it can be possible to have “all of what is important to us right now” if we prioritize and set clear boundaries as to how we will (and will not) spend our time.
If that makes any sense!
I suppose that until someone figures out a way to add hours to the day or clone me, I will continue to make choices and sacrifices on a daily basis. That’s just part of life.
andrea says
I just found your blog and love this post (funnily enough, i am andrea, married to a dave….) 🙂
Our summer has been insanely overscheduled. We just agreed that next year that baseball stays but volleyball goes. Likewise, i normally make lunches, but for the past month time and energy has not allowed so I’ve decided to not feel guilty about buying them a few times a week (till life settles down in a couple weeks, anyway). i still need to minimize my schedule some more, but the decision is there and it will happen as things naturally end and i consciously choose to not replace them with ‘something else.’
Andrea says
haha — crazy! Looks like our parents both picked good names for their kids 🙂
Stefani says
Amen! I am sooooo not a crafty person. I’ll bust it out every once in a while–like Halloween or an important school project, but even then, I keep it simple. “Vacations” are only to visit family. And with three kids from 3-8, we keep any outings simple, too. No crazy summer schedule drawn up here… just sprinkles of pooltime, parktime and a science museum thrown in. But really, I am sooooo glad to hear that someone else eschews date nights. My husband is also a teacher and I stay at home with my three kids (homeschooling), so just like you, we see each other A LOT, and we carve out time at home to do things together, rather than planning date nights every week.
Lizanne says
Your idea of a ‘don’t do’ list was an eye-opener for me, and well-timed, as I found myself complaining (again) this past week about not having time for this or that, not being able to make progress with certain goals, etc.. I have a somewhat long commute to a job I don’t like, which sucks a lot of energy out of me. I often will feel overwhelmed by my everyday to-do lists, so much that I can barely think about the larger picture to-do’s. However, this refreshing idea of a ‘don’t do’ list may be helpful in clarifying my priorities. Thanks to all for your great comments, and thanks Andrea, I really look forward to your posts!
Jamie Rohrbaugh says
Lawn care. I always tried to do it until this year. My DH is allergic to grass. But I struggled and it looked awful most of the time. Then, two months ago, my DH had a seizure out of the blue and can’t drive for 6 months. That means all the stuff he did–running errands, getting groceries–I have to do too. So, lawn care went out the window. The lawn service is the best $80 a month I’ve ever spent. I hope to never go back. LOL
I don’t do much makeup either. Foundation and blush is about it. And my idea of cooking most of the time is to put beans, cheese, and sour cream in a tortilla and fry it. Nutritious, I know… but it keeps us alive. 🙂
Kathryn Bechen says
Great insight into a “don’t do” lifestyle Andrea! Wise too. I like your tips about no extensive grooming for gals. You’re so naturally
cute that you don’t need extensive grooming! I like your short haircut and the scarf adds some cute “chic.” 🙂
Sarah says
Love this post!
I have just recently began identifying my priorities, and while difficult it has been quite uplifting! Knowing what I want, and what I don’t really need, has been a life changer! I’m still in the process of working through it all, so this post came at a perfect time for me!
Thank you!
Lisa says
Oh you sound like me and my hubby we home body’s to love just being home with our family I can’t even sew love to can cook not a crafter just love my family we don’t do date nights either and Nora looks just like you she so cute!
Chris says
Your post really got me thinking about my own priorities! I realized over the last 1 or 2 years that apparently I am a HSP (highly sensitive person) who does not like loud or chaotic places or big events with hundreds of people, also I love to have some quiet time over the day or week for myself. For a long time, I felt guilty and boring about these traits but your post made me realize that this is just the way I am and that in order to be happy (and stay sane) I need to respect the way I am.
Paige says
I love this post. I love how real, and realistic, you are! You are totally relatable, and that keeps me coming back!
JoDi says
Love your “don’t do” list. I’m sure we all have one whether we’ve consciousky thought about it that way or not. My list is similar and different from yours, and it has changed through the years. One example is how I exercise. Belonging to a gym was on my don’t do list for years. I exercised at home and loved it, but now I have a gym membership and LOVE it. My interests changed and the type of exercise I love to do now is different than it used to be so gym membership is near the top of my DO list now. 😉
Dorie says
Loved this post. It was like someone was writing about me, thought there was something wrong with me that I didn’t think like most people. I am not crafty, i find i dont have the attention span for that type of thing. i abhor exercise (also have a good metabolism so far) but I don’t mind physical labor at all which feels like I’m accomplishing something whereas exercise bores me. I personally have no desire to travel, but who knows that may change as I get older. I really don’t enjoy doing hair or makeup (really aren’t we just dressing up to impress other women, men don’t notice when we change our hair or makeup). I do enjoy cooking, my family appreciated the food I prepare that is from scratch and healthy. I like to experiment to keep things from getting boring, my husband always jokes that we never eat the same thing twice. I think keeping life simple helps us to become closer, where are we focusing our energy?
Thanks I really appreciate this article!
Ginger says
Oh Andrea! Everything you said is so me. I used to say I was a crafter-wanna-be. Thought I needed some creative outlet. Turns out…I don’t. :). My last child is a senior and I have always kept a few “crafty” things in a drawer just in case of a school project and that is about to go bye-bye. I am low maintenance when it comes to appearance. Just the basics. Looove walking and hiking at our local nature preserve. I have made my life not busy by choice because my kids are about grown and I like just being home where it’s nice and quiet. We go out now and then but when we feel like it. I remember one time you said you didn’t listen to music in the car and I commented that “I didn’t either!” Peace and quiet. I am 50 and sitting in the yard having conversation with family and friends is close to perfect for me. Thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog VERY much. Even though I am older and from Ohio I still think we could be friends. 🙂
Debby says
Another great post that once again convinces me we were sisters in another life. I too am a homebody. Love working on my house and yard. Will walk anywhere, but never run there. My husband and I do like occasional date nights, but that’s because our daughters are 15 and 17 and spend lots of time with their friends these days. We do love vacations, but with two girls headed to college pretty soon, those are pretty simple getaways. I don’t love clothes (although I do spend more than $1 a year haha) One time a friend came over and I showed her our recently painted and reorganized walk in closet. She asked me when I was going to put the rest of my clothes back in. They were already there and hanging. I don’t have a don’t do list per say. Just like things simpler.
Deb says
LOVED this post. I am terrible at crafting, our “vacations’ are always to Grandmas (but we live in a beautiful place in MT where others come to vacation), I would hate someone touching my feet and the idea of a stranger giving me a massage, yuck, but I do love cooking from scratch, especially baking. Date nights are fun but as with the messy house=happy children analogy, the date nights=happy marriage analogy also falls short. The key to all of life is balance, giving up what you don’t feel is necessary to free up the budget and calendar for what is necessary and important. We all make time for what we WANT to make time for and seem to find the money for what we put a value on. LOVE your honesty.
Vickie says
Bravo! Loved this post . . . ditto on crafts, love manis and pedis, however! At least pedis for sandal weather. You are an amazing young wife and mom, and it’s a breath of fresh air to read someone who understands and is comfortable in her own skin. Blessings!
Beth says
Andrea, I think you & I would get along great together. I couldn’t believe the similarities!
Sandra says
It`s great that you guys, Nora, have your routine down!
anne says
This is a great list. I can relate to a lot of your dont’s!
Diane says
Hi Andrea, I’ll be 64 and it’s nice to see you put into words your Don’t Do list. I tried a lot of crafts and I think most of the fun of it was buying, organizing and learning to do certain things, like scrapbooking, dried flower arrangements, making gift baskets, etc. However NOW I don’t want to do those things eventhough I have more time. I can’t be bothered with the storage of all those things and you can buy the items cheaper than what you can make them for IF you count your time.
I like to do short cuts for meals as well but every once in a while I think I’m “less than” if I don’t make something from scratch if I’m taking it to a church supper or someone’s house.
I’m proud of you that you have such self knowledge at your young age.
Like you, my husband and I do not like going to expensive restaurants but we will do a fine dining experience for special occasions. We just can’t justify spending that kind of money.
I won’t do camping in a tent ever again. I won’t do camping where there is no toilet and shower in the camper. I won’t do panty hose again.
Jenny says
Andrea, lately I’ve been kinda frustrated & down about things I don’t do or never get around to ( that other people spend lots of time & effort on). Maybe this blog was for me – as I read it a light bulb kind of came on for me! So, THANK YOU!!!
Melissa says
It is interesting to see the different ways people choose to NOT spend their time. For us, the do not do list is:
TV. My husband and I don’t watch TV. For years we didn’t even have signal going to our TV but then decided we should get that working in case we need it for some reason. So now we do have signal going to the thing but never use it. We keep the tv though because we do use it to watch the occasional dvd borrowed from the library.
Gardening. My husband and I both hate yard work. We live in a condo in Phoenix so lucky for us we have a tiny backyard and what little yard we do have is nothing but rocks. Yay rocks! Don’t get me wrong. Gardens are pretty…as long as they belong to someone else. Personally, I hate digging in the dirt.
Sporting events. Neither my husband nor I are sports fans so we don’t watch sports, don’t attend games, and don’t read about them.
Swimming. The condo we live in has a community pool, but we never go. Neither of us is very keen on the chlorine or having to slather on an inch of sunscreen in order to go.
Ironing. With both of us working, we choose not to iron. I only buy clothes that don’t need it and my husband takes his dress shirts to the cleaners. We donated our iron and ironing board to Goodwill some time ago because we just don’t want to use them! Downy wrinkle releaser is the only ‘iron’ I need! 🙂
Kalyn Brooke | Creative Savings says
Like you, fashion really isn’t on my to-do list. I wear sport shorts and tees almost everyday, except when I’m going to church. I do spend time doing my own pedicures, because I have this weird thing about unpolished and ungroomed toenails. 🙂
I enjoy doing crafts, but right now, most of them are still packed away because we will be moving again soon. Nor do I really have the time to pull everything out and work on a project.
And vacations? My husband and I love getting out and exploring, so those are a must.
Loved reading through your list!
Mama Murrey says
Since I am a writer, a blog seems like it would be a neat outlet and even a viable small business. But after toying with the idea a lot, I realized I don’t WANT to blog. I don’t want to take pictures of stuff I do. I don’t want to be obligated to post something regularly. I don’t want to obsess about numbers. I don’t want to learn computer stuff and deal with ugly comments and facebook and twitter and all that other stuff.
Another don’t do–taking lots of photos. If I take pictures, I have to do something with them. I don’t want to have to do something with them.
And another–volunteering and committees. I am on all of one committee at the moment. I got burned out doing a lot of work at church–flower beds, church newsletter, library. Now I’m determined not to have that many volunteer commitments again.
Aa. says
I never would’ve thought that you don’t like make up & Co, because you always look so nice and feminine! I myself don’t do manicure, pedicure or treatments for fun. Firstly because I cook almost every day and I think that no matter how good the nail polish is, it is not healthy to cook with it on my nails!
Also, I do at home my face treatments and I do have a lot of makeup supllies, but I only put enough makeup so it will make me feel better, not to seem anyone else. From time to time we go on dates, we don’t like spending time at our house only because it is kind of small and not really good looking (it is a rental studio and we are looking forward to moving out). If it happens to go on trips, they are close to our home and something not expensive. you are right, every person has it’s own do;s and don’ts, and that is ok, we all are different!
Patty@homemakersdaily.com says
Wow, Andrea! We sound like twins. I pretty much would have the exact same list except I do one craft – quilting. But while my girlfriends were having craft parties and making things and decorating for every holiday, I passed and just worked on my quilts.
And as far as photos, I gave scrapbooking a try and hated it. I store my printed photos in photo boxes. Easy. These days I don’t even print them.
Anyway, love your list because it’s my list, too! And I love my life.
KimH says
I dont know why you think you dont have a picture perfect marriage… I personally think you do!! Just because your marriage doesnt look like some of your other friends/bloggers/people you know, means nothing. It means you arent keeping up with the Joneses.. Girl, you ARE the Joneses.. 😉 Many people would love to have what you have.. Never forget that!
I think you guys are a beautiful family & you’re doing it all the right way too!
Blessings!
Melanie says
I SO enjoyed this post! It is great to see what a balanced perspective you have, and I could totally relate to everything except #1. (I love crafts, but I do have a lot of clutter from them and not enough time to do it!) You said it better than I could have put my point of view into words!
Thank you for reinforcing that it’s okay to be okay with not spending a ton of time and money in areas (dates, family outings, our appearance, etc.) that society says we should, and reminding me that it’s possible to ‘date my husband’ without necessarily going ‘on a date.’
Hmm, my don’t do list…that’s something interesting to think about!
Linda B says
I had quite a few Don’t-Dos while homeschooling our 4 children, and now that I’ve entered a new season of life, I’m able to rediscover some of those activities. And now I have a new list of Get-to-Dos for this new stage.
Don’t Dos for Me while I was Homeschooling/Raising 4 Children: Crafts, Shopping, Jewelry, more than the minimum of house-cleaning, volunteer work outside the home (including much at church) unless it was with the kids, home decorating, excessive grooming, socializing outside of anything that involved the kids or their activities. We also mostly had sports as Don’t Dos, with some exceptions, so that we could do a lot of music activities and strong academics for our children.
Empty-nester What I Get to Dos for Me: nap when I need it, eat better quality food, occasional dinner out with husband, hair cut and highlighted sometimes, read books of my choosing, occasional lunches out with a friend, volunteer work in the community and church, keep the house cleaner/more organized.
Andrea says
This made me smile because I bet my mom could have written this exact comment! You sound like you are “getting to do” many of the things she is “getting to do” now that all her kids are out of the house and she has a little time to herself (after 28 years). My parents are currently on an Alaskan Cruise… something they never would have done with the kids all at home!
Enjoy all your “get to dos” Linda!
Heather says
I literally laughed out loud at number 1! Thank you for posting this! I was just having a discussion with my mother about how much I used to love crafting – and then life happened & I have absolutely no interest in it anymore. It does take up a lot of space, time, and energy, and I’m with you – at this point in my life I’d rather be doing something else! She feels I should have a
“hobby.” It got me thinking – I honestly don’t have many, or even any, hobbies anymore – I guess I’d say that my time with pets, family, and fixing up our house are my hobbies.
I also really agree with you about cooking from scratch – at this point, after work & the commute it’s all I can do to get something quick & reasonably healthy on the table, and not liking cooking so much, I don’t see that “don’t do” changing possibly ever!
We do make time for vacations – both my husband & I have high stress jobs, so we treat ourselves once a year to a special trip – but that’s just our priority, along with my occasional pedicures with the girlfriends & stress-relief massages. It’s so interesting how other people live! Makes the world such a great place to be in 🙂
Great site Andrea – you really have motivated me so much to get my life & home in order like I never thought it could be! Thank you!
Andrea says
Thanks Heather! And I definitely think “fixing up your house” is a hobby. If not, then Dave and I don’t really have hobbies either 🙂
Olga's Flavor Factory says
I really enjoyed reading this post, Andrea.
You’re absolutely right, we all have 24 hours a day, and our lives are structures around our priorities. We have to choose what is most important to us and what we will spend time on and what we can do without.
I can relate to you on many of the things that you wrote about, especially the “extensive grooming”. (By the way, LOVE the way you called it.) Ha ha. I also don’t like shopping and I lose patience if I have to spend more than 10 minutes doing my hair and makeup.
Also, I don’t go to the gym. I love biking, swimming and walking, but only for fun. I always feel like the gym is too stuffy and boring. I’d rather run on a road with some scenery than on a treadmill.
Melissa says
Loved this! While I do enjoy pedicures, I am not one for makeup, a complicated hairstyle etc….and I too own 5 identicial shirts (and several pair of identical jeans and capris) that I wear ALL the time! We did not do date nights either…until the kids got older and it became impossible to talk without little ears picking up on every little detail. Thankfully we live close to my sister and her family and we are able to trade off date nights/babysitting each week. I am going to use this blog/list as permission to ditch those things (like crafts, cooking from scratch etc) that are causing me extreme stress and frustration in this season of raising our family! Thank you for posting, love your honesty!
Melissa says
I’m with you on Crafts – gah, I am awful at this. I can set the girls up to paint some things or do simple art projects, but I just do not have crafty skills. And my attempts at it just remind me of that. Date Nights – I think we used to feel the way you did. With small kids it just didn’t make sense to us to disrupt everyone’s schedule for a night out. Now that they’re older (10 and 5), we love dropping them with the grandparents so we can go on a motorcycle ride or out to quick dinner or even Christmas shopping without the kids. I think this one is sort of related to the stage your kids are in..although we don’t generally do movies or fancy dinners either, we use our “date nights” as a way to accomplish household things without the kids, which makes it go smoother. 🙂
Kathy says
I am so glad that God made us all different! I don’t like to exercise either but I have to do it because the older I get the things that use to work do not work any more, and even than it does not work all the time! I love doing crafts !
Lori says
I hear you, we all have to choose our time wisely (and I have 3 little kids, so my time is mostly kids and breast feeding), I just didn’t realize there were people who actually had “Don’t Do” lists and the things that were on them were things that I’ve always considered some of the most fun things in life (going to movies, planning a fun day at the zoo with our kids, dinner at a restaurant with my husband, dreaming as a family about a vacation we’d like to take, etc.). This was very eye-opening for me about how different people spend their time and what they prioritize for fun. We love to be at home, working on our home too, but I find we appreciate it even more after being out exploring the world a little. Very interesting and thanks for sharing your perspective!
Lori says
Sorry! One more thing…I don’t know that I’ve actually ever thought about the “Don’t Do’s” of our family, so I’ll have to be more conscious of the things that as a family we specifically choose not to put our time, money and energy towards. Obviously it would look quite different from the one above and both are super OK. 🙂
Andrea says
Thanks Lori! I do think you and your family will benefit from having some sort of “dont-do list” (and no, it doesn’t actually have to be written down)! It’s impossible to do it all all the time, so if you have your mental list of things you’re not willing to spend time, money, energy, and resources on, life is just simpler!
Lori says
This is so incredibly different from me…I enjoy crafting (and I don’t think of it as taking up space in my home because it’s something I enjoy and feeds my creativity), date nights with my husband are my most favorite thing of all (I absolutely love sitting down with my husband at a restaurant and talking without distractions or interruptions over a margarita. It’s FUN.), and over the course of my lifetime I’ve had many manicures, pedicures and massages (I like to feel fresh, polished and pretty). Additionally my job is helping people with their vacation planning, so that’s also a priority in our home as it’s the only way for my husband to get away from his job, etc. I honestly didn’t realize that people made “don’t do” lists that included things like NOT dating their husband, taking vacations or doing planned activities.
Andrea says
It does sound like we are quite different Lori, and that’s OK. I’m guessing your “don’t do” list would include many items that I do enjoy doing 🙂
Oh, and just to clarify, while I don’t make time for “Date Nights”, I DO make time to “date my husband”. During the summer, Dave and I are literally together 24/7 and we do tons of fun things together — we just don’t feel that we need to go out on traditional dates to do that.
Please don’t be offended by my list — it’s my list and it’s OK if yours would be different. The point is just that we all need to decide what things we will and will not spend time on otherwise we’ll go crazy trying to do everything in such a limited amount of time.
Lisa the Farm Lady says
Thank you for this post! I am pretty much the same way. Hubby & I love just hanging out here at home, usually with our teenage youngest son, and sometimes our two young adult kids come out to our place to hang. We always have a good time!
Just like you and Dave, we’re also happiest doing house stuff, puttering, and we rarely travel since I find that kind of stuff soooo exhausting!
I agree with you too about the extensive grooming (great way to phrase that, by the way!). One can be feminine without having to spend two hours a day in the bathroom to get gussied up…lol
So thank you again for this post; this Don’t-Do List hits the mark 100%!
claire says
Couldn’t agree more. Gardening and walking are free. People waste money on things that they could get and do for free. Love your blog and your practical approach to life.
Paulette says
Well, finally I find someone who has likes and dislikes similar to my own! How refreshing. Don’t like spending time or money on manicures/pedicures, shopping for clothes, don’t wear much jewelry, hate crafts, do enjoy staying home. Andrea, thank you so much for your honesty and being comfortable in your own skin!
Julie Spady says
Great post. My husband and i never did date nights either and we have been married 40 years. We just preferred taking our 2 daughters with us everywhere we went. It was a choice we made happily! Not everyone understood or agreed with us! I love your blog and the peeks you give us into your life!
Jennifer says
I think your’e so right about this! I usually think about these things in terms of living within limits, i.e. that there will always be finite amounts of time, energy, money, space and attention and that will almost always preclude SOMETHING that we might otherwise do.
While I was doing my masters degree, one thing on my ‘don’t do’ list was travelling. I did go visit my family and might club together with friends to drive somewhere for a day, but otherwise I didn’t (like my friends) go spend a week somewhere or take a full-blown vacation. I simply couldn’t afford it. My honeymoon four years later was about the first ‘vacation’ I had after that!
I also don’t always cook 100% from scratch and don’t go to extreme measures to find local produce. I know lots of people make their own granola, yogurt, bake bread, and buy from farmers’ markets – and I would actually love to do those things, but I simply don’t have the time or the resources to do it right now.
In general I’ve often foregone certain hobbies and weekly commitments because of the time I spent at church – several hours a week if you think about it. At a point I realised that I couldn’t do as many weekly dance classes, musical groups, or walking groups as my friends might, because I spent an equal number of hours doing church-related activities.
But, actually, making these ‘don’t do’ decisions, really makes life easier and less angst-ridden, because it’s much easier to say ‘I don’t do ___’ and have it as a blanket policy, rather than always having to decide between things or wonder ‘Should I?’
This changes in different phases of life, too. When things change, I find it helpful to sit down and reassess, not only what my priorities are, but also what my priorities aren’t!